Podcasts > U Up? > When To Walk Away From The Person You’re Dating

When To Walk Away From The Person You’re Dating

By Betches

On this episode of the U Up? podcast, Jordana and Jared wade into the complex territory of knowing when to walk away from a dating partner. They unpack a challenging situation where, after five months together, a woman seeks commitment from her boyfriend who is hesitant due to past relationship trauma. The hosts offer insights on navigating emotional unavailability and avoiding settling when needs go unmet.

Jordana shares a humorous story involving a memorable run-in with a tree before a date that left her sporting a sizable bruise. The hosts also recap their successful Valentine's mixer, dishing advice through games dissecting dating red flags and dealbreakers like a husband plagiarizing a Valentine's card. With a lighthearted yet empathetic approach, this episode provides thought-provoking guidance for modern dating dilemmas.

When To Walk Away From The Person You’re Dating

This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Feb 28, 2024 episode of the U Up?

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When To Walk Away From The Person You’re Dating

1-Page Summary

An update on asking a guy to be official

After five months of dating, a woman seeks commitment from her partner, leading to a heartfelt and vulnerable conversation. He is happy, rating his contentment at nine out of ten, but is haunted by the fear of making a wrong commitment choice as in the past, hence his hesitation to express affection even on Valentine's Day. Faced with his uncertainty, she states her need for a committed relationship and her readiness to move on if he cannot provide that. Jordana and Jared from the podcast discuss that his reluctance could stem from societal expectations or a lack of strong feelings. Despite an emotional dialogue, the woman feels closure, acknowledging the slim chance of the relationship progressing.

Jordana's story of walking into a tree before a date

Jordana recounts how, at approximately 25 years old, she collided with a tree while texting and not paying attention to her path in New York City. The mishap resulted in her falling and a bystander coming to her aid. She suffered a significant bruise on her forehead but proceeded to cover it with makeup for her date. Jordana jokes about the memorable size of the bruise which still has a place in her favorite pictures, with Jared's reaction affirming the extent of the memorable collision.

Recap of the You Up Valentine's mixer

Jared and Jordana review the Valentine's mixer that turned out to be a great success, with Coopers Craft and Kitchen providing an ideal setting. The venue offered a comfortable atmosphere conducive to mingling, with attendees enjoying the unique icebreakers provided through their name tags. Although the event was enjoyed, more male attendees were desired for a balanced mix. Subscribers had first access, suggesting a community feel among fans, and the potential for future events appears promising.

Advice for a woman dating a man who is emotionally unavailable

Jordana and Jared offer insights on dating an emotionally unavailable man with commitment fears due to past failures. The woman has communicated the need for a relationship and stands ready to focus elsewhere if her partner's hesitancy persists. The podcast hosts suggest that while the man may need individual growth to overcome his block, the woman must avoid succumbing to pressure or neglecting her needs in the process.

Games discussing dealbreakers and red flags

The host's segment "Red Flag or Dealbreaker?" tackles listener scenarios. A guy with an unexplained black eye from a drunken accident is deemed a red flag, potentially escalating to a dealbreaker if left unaddressed. In another scenario, a husband plagiarizes a Valentine's Day card text, which is seen as a red flag for the lack of effort and personalization, touching upon the importance of making gestures feel unique in a relationship.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Jordana and Jared are hosts of a podcast where they discuss various topics related to dating, relationships, and personal experiences. They provide insights, advice, and engage in conversations with each other and sometimes with guests to explore different aspects of modern dating culture and relationship dynamics. Their discussions often involve sharing anecdotes, giving perspectives on common relationship challenges, and offering practical tips for navigating the complexities of romantic relationships. The podcast serves as a platform for open dialogue, humor, and reflection on the ups and downs of dating in today's world.
  • Coopers Craft and Kitchen is a venue that hosted a Valentine's mixer event discussed in the text. It provided a comfortable setting for the event, allowing attendees to mingle and enjoy unique icebreakers. The venue contributed to the success of the event, creating a community feel among fans. More male attendees were desired for a balanced mix at the event.
  • The You Up Valentine's mixer was an event organized by the hosts of the podcast, providing a social gathering for their listeners. It aimed to create a space for fans to meet and interact in a relaxed setting. The event featured activities and icebreakers to facilitate connections among attendees. The success of the mixer hinted at the potential for future similar events.
  • The segment "Red Flag or Dealbreaker?" on the podcast involves discussing various scenarios to determine if certain behaviors or situations are warning signs (red flags) or reasons to end a relationship (dealbreakers). The hosts analyze these scenarios to provide insights into relationship dynamics and boundaries. They evaluate actions or events that could indicate potential issues in a relationship, helping listeners navigate their own dating experiences.

Counterarguments

  • The man's hesitation to commit may not solely be due to fear of making the wrong choice or societal expectations; it could also be a matter of personal readiness or compatibility issues.
  • The woman's readiness to move on if commitment isn't provided could be seen as an ultimatum that may not foster genuine commitment but rather forced decision-making.
  • While societal expectations may play a role, it's also possible that the man's reluctance is a personal boundary or a reflection of his individual values and should be respected as such.
  • Jordana's collision with a tree could be used as a cautionary tale about the dangers of distracted walking, rather than just a humorous anecdote.
  • The success of the You Up Valentine's mixer might not be fully measured by the number of attendees or the gender balance but by the quality of interactions and connections made.
  • The advice given on dating an emotionally unavailable man could be expanded to include the importance of understanding the root causes of emotional unavailability and whether it's a temporary state or a more permanent trait.
  • The segment "Red Flag or Dealbreaker?" might oversimplify complex relationship issues by categorizing behaviors without considering context or the individuals' perspectives.
  • The criticism of plagiarizing a Valentine's Day card text could be balanced with the understanding that not everyone expresses affection or creativity in the same way, and the act might not reflect the overall health of the relationship.

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When To Walk Away From The Person You’re Dating

An update on asking a guy to be official

A woman, after dating a guy for five months, confronts him about his feelings and desire for commitment, leading to an emotional discussion about their future.

The author asked the guy about his feelings after 5 months

The conversation took place in an atmosphere filled with vulnerability and emotion.

He claimed to be very happy with her but was worried about commitment

The guy professed to be very content with their interactions, rating his happiness at nine out of ten. However, he shared his anxiety about making a commitment due to fear of choosing "the wrong one" again. His apprehensions were illuminated when he revealed that his hesitance to demonstrate affection on Valentine's Day stemmed from a worry that it might suggest he was ready for a deeper commitment than he actually was.

When pushed for clarity on where they stood, the woman asserted her need for a relationship and expressed that she must realign her focus towards those who share her aspirations if he cannot fulfill her desire for an official commitment. This ultimatum led to an extended conversation where they exchanged emotions and worries until the early morning, trying to find common ground.

The hosts, Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid, weigh in on the situation discussing the possibility that the man’s reluctance is not solely based ...

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An update on asking a guy to be official

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid are hosts of a popular dating and relationship podcast called "U Up?" where they discuss modern dating dilemmas and offer advice to listeners. They often provide insights and perspectives on various relationship issues, offering a mix of humor and practical advice. Their commentary is known for being candid, relatable, and sometimes controversial, making them popular figures in the ...

Counterarguments

  • The guy's happiness rating of nine out of ten could be genuine, but it might also be a way to soften the blow of his commitment fears.
  • Expressing worries about commitment after five months might be a reasonable timeframe for some, but for others, it could be seen as an ample amount of time to decide on whether to commit.
  • The guy's hesitation to show affection on Valentine's Day could be interpreted as a lack of romantic interest or an overthinking of the implications of his actions.
  • The woman's ultimatum for an official commitment could be seen as assertive and clear communication of her needs, but it could also be perceived as pressuring or an inflexible approach to the relationship's progression.
  • The emotional and vulnerable nature of the conversation is commendable, but it could also be argued that such intense discussions might not always lead to clear decision-making.
  • The lengthy discussion until the early morning could be seen as a thorough attempt to resolve issues, but it could also be argued that fatigue and emotional strain might have affected the quality ...

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When To Walk Away From The Person You’re Dating

Jordana's story of walking into a tree before a date

She was texting and not paying attention while walking, and crashed into a tree

Jordana shares an amusing yet unfortunate incident that occurred to her around the age of 25, involving a tree on the famously tree-sparse streets of New York City. She was walking and texting with loud music in her ears, leading her to collide with one of the few trees lining the sidewalk. The impact was so intense that Jordana ended up falling to the ground, prompting a concerned bystander to check on her well-being.

Jordana admits to not being the most vigilant when it comes to her surroundings, often distracted and having once carried poor street smarts with a tendency to lose her way when coming out of subway stations.

She got a bruise the size of a continent on her forehead

The incident resulted in Jordana receiving a bruise on her forehead, so large that she described it as being shaped like a continent. Despite this, she attempted to cover it with a significant amount of makeup before proceeding to her ...

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Jordana's story of walking into a tree before a date

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Jordana shared a humorous incident where she walked into a tree while distracted in New York City. She ended up with a significant bruise on her forehead, which she humorously described as being the size of a continent. Despite the mishap, she proceeded with her plans for the day, including a date. The story highlights Jordana's tendency to be distracted and her ability to find humor in embarrassing situations.
  • Jared Freid is a comedian and podcaster known for his work in the entertainment industry. He is a co-host of the popular dating and relationship podcast "U Up?" alongside Jordana Abraham, the author of the story. In this context, Jared Freid's reaction to Jordana's bruise adds humor and emphasizes the impact of the incident, showcasing their dynamic and shared experiences on the podcast.
  • Jordana's relationship with the audience in this context is that of a storyteller sharing a personal anecdote. She engages the audience by teasing them about the scar and implying their interest in seeing it, creating a sense of shared amusement and connection through her storytelling. The audience's reaction to her story, as indicated by Jared Freid's sh ...

Counterarguments

...

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When To Walk Away From The Person You’re Dating

Recap of the You Up Valentine's mixer

The You Up Valentine's mixer was a notable success, attracting an enthusiastic crowd, creating a lively atmosphere, and taking place in a superb venue.

It went great - good venue, fun atmosphere, nice people

Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham provided a recap of their recent Valentine's mixer, which has garnered quite a positive response both from attendees and the hosts themselves. Despite Jared's initial apprehension about such events often being hit-or-miss—and more often a miss—the mixer turned out to be an undisputed hit.

The choice of venue, Coopers Craft and Kitchen, was a highlight. Jared and Jordana both praised Coopers for its great lighting which is ideal for a first date, the good vibe that's animated but not overcrowded, and its overall comfort as a place to relax with a drink.

The people at the mixer received commendations for being good looking, fun, and friendly. The unique name tags everyone wore not only displayed their name but also their celebrity crush and a topic they like to rant about. This quirky twist likely aided in breaking the ice and encouraging conversations among the attendees.

Jordana mentioned a big week that included the Valentine's mixer, with Jared inquiring if Candace takes ownership of that event to which Jordana responded affirmatively, saying, "You crushed it." The success of the event was palpable in terms of people mingling and enjoying each other's company in a physical space, which Jared equated to guests enjoying a large, personal celebration.

But most attendees were women wanting more men there

Despite the overall triumph of the mixer, one notable piece of feedback was the disproportionate number of women attendees, with many expressing a wish for more men to be present. This sentiment highlights an area of potential improvement for future mixers to ensure a m ...

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Recap of the You Up Valentine's mixer

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham are hosts of the "U Up?" podcast, where they discuss modern dating and relationships. They are known for their humorous and candid conversations about love and dating in today's world. Jared and Jordana often share personal anecdotes and provide advice to their listeners on navigating the complexities of modern romance. They have a loyal following and have built a community around their podcast, engaging with their audience through live events and social media.
  • The You Up Valentine's mixer is an event hosted by Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham, known for their podcast "U Up?" The mixer aims to bring together their audience in a social setting, providing an opportunity for attendees to meet new people and potentially make romantic connections. The ...

Counterarguments

  • While the venue was praised, some attendees might have found it less ideal due to personal preferences or accessibility issues.
  • The lighting and vibe that were seen as positives could have been perceived as too dim or loud for some, affecting their ability to interact comfortably.
  • The attendees' appearance being highlighted as "good looking" could be seen as superficial and not inclusive of all attendees' experiences.
  • The unique name tags, while helpful for some, might have made others uncomfortable sharing personal information like celebrity crushes publicly.
  • The desire for more men at the event suggests that the event may not have met everyone's expectations for a balanced dating pool.
  • Giving first access to subscribers can create exclusivity, but it might also discourage new participants who are not yet part of the "U-up universe."
  • The excitement for future ev ...

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When To Walk Away From The Person You’re Dating

Advice for a woman dating a man who is emotionally unavailable

When dating a man who is emotionally unavailable due to fear of commitment from past failures, it's important to navigate the relationship with open communication and clear boundaries.

He is likely afraid of real commitment due to past dating failures

The man's fear of making the wrong choice again with commitment may be negatively impacting the relationship. Such fears can lead to him being emotionally unavailable as he strives to avoid past mistakes.

She should communicate her needs but beware pressure from an avoidant partner

The woman has effectively communicated her desire for a committed relationship. She has set a clear boundary, indicating that if her partner cannot meet her needs, she will refocus her energy elsewhere, which is crucial in ensuring her own emotional well-being.

Jared and Jordana point out the frustration of dating someone content in the relationship yet held back by an internal block when it comes to committing. Jared suggests that this individual might need to work through their issues independently, as tackling them within the relationship could unfairly burden the partner.

Jared Freid adds that men often don't support each other in their fear of commitment, which can ...

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Advice for a woman dating a man who is emotionally unavailable

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • An avoidant partner in a relationship is someone who struggles with emotional intimacy and commitment, often due to past experiences or fears. They may have difficulty expressing their emotions and maintaining a deep connection with their partner. This behavior can lead to challenges in building a close and fulfilling ...

Counterarguments

  • Emotional unavailability may not always stem from a fear of commitment or past failures; it could be related to other personal issues or emotional traumas that are not addressed in the text.
  • While communication and boundaries are important, the text does not consider the possibility that the woman may also need to reflect on her own attachment style and how it interacts with her partner's avoidant tendencies.
  • The idea that men often don't support each other in their fear of commitment is a generalization and may not hold true for all male friendships or support networks.
  • The notion that a man's lack of commitment could be due to not having strong feelings or feeling like he hasn't 'won' anything in the relationship is speculative and may not apply to all men or situations.
  • The text implies that the man should work through his issues independently, but in some cases, couples therapy or mutual support within the r ...

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When To Walk Away From The Person You’re Dating

Games discussing dealbreakers and red flags

During a podcast discussion, Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid weighed in on various relationship scenarios that might raise red flags or signal dealbreakers.

A guy shows up for a date with an unexplained black eye (dealbreaker due to lack of shame)

In their segment "Red Flag Deal Breaker," Jordana and Jared considered a scenario submitted by a listener. This listener had been dating a guy for several months and was surprised when he turned up at a museum date with a black eye, which only became apparent under better lighting. The reason for the injury was revealed after inquiry: he got it after hitting his head on the toilet while vomiting from a work party blackout. Jordana posits that a guy showing up on a date with an unexplained black eye could initially be a red flag, especially if no explanation is offered. Jared did not weigh in on whether this situation would be a dealbreaker for him, but Jordana suggests that if the black eye remains inexplicably unaddressed, it definitely could be.

A husband plagiarizes a Valentine's Day card (red flag - lack of effort)

The discussion then moved to another scenario where a husband blatantly plagiarized the text for a Valentine’s Day card from Hallmark and casually admitted to doing so. Jared and Jordana merit that admitting to the plagiarism was ...

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Games discussing dealbreakers and red flags

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid are hosts of the popular dating and relationship podcast "U Up?" where they discuss modern dating dilemmas and offer advice. Their show often features segments where they analyze listener-submitted scenarios to provide insights on red flags and dealbreakers in relationships. Listeners appreciate their candid and humorous approach to discussing dating issues, making their podcast a go-to resource for relationship advice in a casual and relatable format.
  • A black eye can be seen as a red flag in a relationship because it may indicate potential issues like violence, recklessness, or a lack of self-control. It can raise concerns about the person's behavior, safety, and honesty. In the context of dating, an unexplained black eye could suggest underlying problems that may need addressing for the relationship to progress healthily. The lack of transparency or a reasonable explanation for such an injury can lead to doubts and mistrust.
  • Plagiarizing a Valentine's Day card in a relationship can signal a lack of effort and thoughtfulness. It may suggest a lack of personal investment in the relationship and could make the recipient feel unappreciated. Personalized gestures are often valued in relationships as they show care and consideration for the other person. In this context, the act of plagiarism can undermine the emotional significance of the occasion and the bond between the couple.
  • Jared's humorous comment about divorce in response to the plagiarized Valentine's Day card suggests exaggeration for comedic effect. It's a playful way to emphasize the seriousness of the lack of effort in relationships. The mention of ...

Counterarguments

  • A black eye could have a legitimate explanation that doesn't reflect poorly on the individual's character, and immediate judgment might be premature.
  • Someone might not feel comfortable sharing personal or embarrassing stories early in a relationship, which could explain the lack of immediate disclosure about the black eye.
  • Plagiarizing a Valentine's Day card could be seen as a lapse in judgment rather than a definitive indicator of a person's overall effort in the relationship.
  • The act of admitting to plagiarism might be an attempt at honesty and transparency, which are also valuable traits in a relationship.
  • The importance of persona ...

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