7 Pieces of Popular Life Advice That Keep 99% of People Miserable, & How You Can Avoid Them
In this episode of The School of Greatness, Lewis Howes examines common life advice that may contribute to people's unhappiness. He challenges popular wisdom about following your passions, suggesting instead that career satisfaction comes from finding the intersection of personal skill, societal need, and income potential. He also addresses the drawbacks of forced positivity and explains why acknowledging emotions authentically leads to better personal growth.
Drawing from his own experiences and insights from others like Dr. Susan David and Jim Carrey, Howes explores the relationship between persistence and knowing when to change direction. He discusses how external success doesn't guarantee happiness and explains why living according to personal values, maintaining meaningful relationships, and allowing for authentic emotional expression create a more fulfilling life than blindly following conventional wisdom.
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1-Page Summary
Finding Purpose and Meaning in Work/Career
Lewis Howes challenges the common advice to "follow your passion," warning that turning passions into careers can lead to burnout and financial instability. Instead, he suggests finding activities that combine three elements: personal skill, societal need, and income potential. Patrick Lencioni supports this approach with his assessment tool designed to help people identify work that energizes rather than drains them.
Advice About Managing Emotions and Mindset
Howes emphasizes the importance of emotional authenticity over forced positivity. Drawing from Dr. Susan David's work on emotional agility, he explains that suppressing emotions can block genuine growth and healing. Rather than maintaining a facade of unwavering strength, Howes advocates for acknowledging and processing emotions healthily. He also cautions against dismissing struggles with platitudes like "everything happens for a reason," suggesting that empathy and presence are more helpful responses to pain.
Guidance on Persistence, Resilience, and When to Pivot
While persistence is often praised, Howes notes that blindly persisting on the wrong path can waste valuable resources. He shares Robin Sharma's wisdom about finding lessons in challenging moments and emphasizes the importance of recognizing when to step back. Rather than passively waiting for opportunities, Howes advocates for combining patience with proactive steps toward goals, suggesting that consistent effort without results may signal the need for a change in direction.
Advice About Defining and Achieving Success
Drawing from Jim Carrey's insights, Howes explains that success alone doesn't guarantee happiness. He emphasizes that while achievements may look impressive externally, true fulfillment comes from living authentically and aligning with personal values. Using his own experience of feeling empty despite significant achievements, Howes illustrates the importance of balancing professional success with personal growth and meaningful relationships. He suggests that genuine success comes from consistently living in accordance with one's values and engaging meaningfully with others.
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Counterarguments
- While combining personal skill, societal need, and income potential is practical, it may not always lead to fulfillment if one's passions are ignored entirely.
- Identifying work that energizes rather than drains might be a privilege not accessible to everyone, especially those in financial hardship who must prioritize income over personal satisfaction.
- Emotional authenticity is important, but there may be situations where maintaining a positive front can be beneficial, such as in leadership roles where morale is critical.
- While acknowledging and processing emotions is healthy, some individuals may require professional support to do so effectively, which the text does not explicitly mention.
- The idea that "everything happens for a reason" can be comforting to some people, and dismissing it entirely may not acknowledge the complex ways individuals find meaning in their experiences.
- Persistence is often a key factor in success, and the ability to endure through challenges should not be undervalued even if the path requires adjustment.
- Proactive steps toward goals are important, but the text may underestimate the value of timing and the role of external factors in achieving success.
- The definition of success is highly subjective, and for some, external achievements may indeed correlate strongly with personal happiness and fulfillment.
- Balancing professional success with personal growth and relationships is ideal, but the text may not fully address the challenges and sacrifices involved in achieving such balance.
- Living in accordance with one's values is important, but the text does not address potential conflicts between personal values and societal norms or expectations.
Actionables
- You can create a "Fulfillment Venn Diagram" by drawing three overlapping circles labeled "Skills," "Needs," and "Income," then list out elements in each category to visually find the intersection where your passion meets practicality. For example, if you're skilled in writing, notice a need for clear communication in your industry, and know that content creation can be monetized, aim to develop a career in content marketing.
- Start a "Joy Journal" where you note down tasks that energize you and those that drain you over a two-week period, then analyze the patterns to steer your career or daily activities towards the energizing tasks. For instance, if you find joy in problem-solving but feel drained by repetitive tasks, seek roles or projects that require creative thinking and minimize routine work.
- Implement a "Values Check-in" by listing your top five personal values and reviewing your weekly activities to ensure they align with these values, adjusting as necessary to live authentically. If one of your values is community, but you find most of your week is spent in solitary activities, you might want to volunteer or join a local group to better align your actions with your values.
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Finding Purpose and Meaning in Work/Career
Understanding how to nurture a fulfilling career involves more than chasing passions; there's a critical balance between passion, competence, and market demand that must be struck.
Avoid Solely Chasing Passions to Prevent Burnout and Financial Instability
The consensus gathered from experts like Scott Galloway and Lewis Howes is that "follow your passion" can be problematic advice, potentially leading to burnout and financial instability.
Passions May Evolve and Careers Can Diminish Joy
Lewis Howes asserts that while it's enjoyable to live a passionate life, transforming passions into careers can threaten financial stability and lead to burnout, ultimately causing a person to resent the activity they used to love. Howes advises that passions often evolve and warns of the risk of losing joy in a passion when it becomes a career, burdened by market pressures and business demands like constant social media promotion, dealing with customers, and other stresses.
Identify Activities You're Good At, the World Needs, and Are Paid For
Howes suggests that rather than chasing passions blindly, individuals should seek to find activities that they are good at, that the world needs, and that they can be paid for. This approach aims to create sustainable and exciting work. Patrick Lencioni has contributed to this field with a new assessment designed to help individuals identify the type of work that energizes them versus work that drains their energy, with the goal of transforming how people experience their careers.
Create Meaningful Work That Adds Value To Others
Creating work that is both meaningful and adds value to others can help align passion with purpose and income.
Fulfillment Is Aligning Passion, Purpose, and ...
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Finding Purpose and Meaning in Work/Career
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Actionables
- You can start a "Passion Journal" to track how your interests evolve over time. Each week, jot down activities that excited you, those that felt draining, and any new interests that emerged. This will help you notice patterns and shifts in your passions, allowing you to make informed decisions about which ones might be sustainable if turned into a career.
- Develop a "Skill-Share Swap" with friends or community members where you exchange tasks that play to each other's strengths. For example, if you're good at graphic design but dislike accounting, find someone who enjoys numbers but needs design help. This exchange can help you focus on energizing work and outsource draining tasks without financial cost.
- Create a "Value Impact Project" whe ...
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Advice About Managing Emotions and Mindset
Lewis Howes offers insight into the often overlooked aspect of emotions in personal development, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and processing emotions for genuine growth and healing.
Validate all Emotions, Not Just Stay Positive
Howes challenges the notion of clinging to positivity at the expense of repressing true emotions.
Suppressing Emotions Can Block Healing and Genuine Growth
According to Howes, societal conditioning, especially for men, often discourages showing emotions, which can result in emotional wounds. He explains that peace can only be achieved when emotions are processed healthily, implying that suppression is detrimental. Howes stresses that outward positivity and the pretense of unwavering strength can prevent genuine emotional health.
Develop Emotional Agility to Navigate the Inner World
Living with imposter syndrome—feeling unprepared but acting ready and confident—creates misalignment and doesn't support genuine growth. Instead, Howes discusses emotional agility, referencing Dr. Susan David. He critiques the compulsion to stay positive as potentially toxic and argues for acknowledging and working through emotions to improve one's quality of life. This involves growing stronger, developing new skills, and expanding the ability to handle more emotional weight effortlessly. By facing reality and recognizing knowledge gaps, one can align with the moment's authenticity.
Don't Dismiss Struggles By Saying "Everything Happens For a Reason"
Empathy and Presence Ease Pain
Howes argues against the dismissive advice that "eve ...
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Advice About Managing Emotions and Mindset
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Counterarguments
- While acknowledging emotions is important, not all emotions need to be deeply analyzed or processed; sometimes, it's healthy to let go of minor negative emotions without dwelling on them.
- Positivity can be a useful tool for resilience; maintaining a positive outlook in the face of adversity is a proven strategy for some people to cope with challenges.
- Emotional suppression isn't always detrimental; in certain situations, it can be adaptive to control one's emotional expressions for the sake of professionalism or social harmony.
- The concept of emotional agility is valuable, but it's also important to recognize that some individuals may require professional help to develop this skill, and self-help advice alone may not be sufficient.
- The idea that imposter syndrome always hinders growth is an oversimplification; some people find that it drives them to work harder and achieve more.
- The statement that "everything happens for a reason" can be comforting to some individuals, providing them with a sense of order and predictability in a chaotic world.
- Finding personal meaning in painful events is a subjective process, and it's important to acknowledge that some ind ...
Actionables
- Start a "feelings journal" to track your emotional landscape daily. Write down your emotions as they arise, without judgment or an immediate search for positivity. This practice helps you become more aware of your emotions and their impact on your life. For example, if you feel anxious about a work presentation, note the feeling and any physical sensations or thoughts that accompany it.
- Create a "future hindsight" vision board to visualize how current challenges could lead to growth. Use images and words to represent how you might look back on today's difficulties with gratitude for the lessons they taught you. For instance, if you're dealing with a breakup, you might include images that symbolize personal strength, new beginnings, or self-discovery.
- Engage in " ...
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Guidance on Persistence, Resilience, and When to Pivot
Lewis Howes shares his insights on finding meaning in adversity, recognizing harmful persistence, and understanding the importance of timing in our personal and professional lives.
Persistence Is Key, but a Harmful Path Wastes Resources
Howes questions the traditional advice about unwavering persistence, drawing attention to the pitfalls of following a detrimental path.
Quitting the Wrong Thing Finds the Right One
Lewis Howes discusses the idea that while persistence is often recommended, it's not universally beneficial. He contests the notion of persistent behavior being always admirable, suggesting instead that persisting on a harmful path can be detrimental, wasting time and energy. Howes advances the discourse on perseverance, emphasizing the importance of quitting the wrong path to liberate resources and seek out the right one. He emphasizes that quitting an unfavorable situation can be the right decision and may be the critical step in finding the correct path.
Embrace the Power of Life's Seasons
Reflecting on personal stories and discussions with his sister Kat, who paused her Iron Man training, Howes suggests learning to embrace life’s changes and recognizing the right moments to step back or quit for one's well-being. He shares how Robin Sharma’s wisdom during a podcast interview helped him understand that every challenging moment holds a lesson and contributes to one's growth.
Don't Just Wait—Take Steps to Achieve Your Goals
Howes encourages proactive actions combined with patience, rather than merely waiting passively for perfect circumstances or opportunities.
Combine Patience With Action for Effective Results
Howes challenges the advice that "good things come to those who wa ...
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Guidance on Persistence, Resilience, and When to Pivot
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Counterarguments
- Persistence is often a virtue in many success stories, and while it's important to avoid harmful paths, the challenge lies in correctly identifying which paths are truly harmful.
- The concept of quitting being beneficial is context-dependent; in some cases, perseverance through difficulty is necessary for success, and quitting too early can lead to missed opportunities.
- Embracing life's changes is important, but so is maintaining consistency and commitment in the face of adversity, which can also lead to personal growth and achievement.
- Taking proactive actions is crucial, but there are circumstances where patience and strategic waiting are more appropriate, especially in situations that require timing and opportunity to align.
- Having a clear plan and vision is important, but flexibility and adaptability can be equally important as rigid plans may not survive contact with reality.
- Communication and clarification are important when there's a misalignment, but someti ...
Actionables
- You can create a "Path Pivot Journal" to document and assess your current endeavors. Start by writing down your goals and the paths you're currently on to achieve them. Every week, review your progress and feelings associated with these paths. If you notice consistent frustration or lack of progress, mark it in your journal. Use this as a signal to consider pivoting to a new path that might align better with your goals and well-being.
- Develop a "Patience and Action Plan" for your personal projects. For each goal, outline specific, time-bound actions you'll take, and also define periods of reflection and patience where you'll assess the results of your actions without taking further steps. This balance will help you avoid burnout and give you space to make informed decisions about your next moves.
- E ...
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Advice About Defining and Achieving Success
Lewis Howes delves into the intricate relationship between success, happiness, and fulfillment, providing guidance on how to live authentically and align goals with personal values.
Success Does Not Automatically Lead To Happiness
Howes discusses the common misconception that success leads to happiness, cautioning that this belief often leaves individuals anything but peaceful. He references Jim Carrey's insight that richness and fame do not equate to happiness, suggesting that there's more to feeling fulfilled than just achieving success.
Goals Offer Highs; Alignment Brings Fulfillment
Success alone doesn't guarantee happiness; true fulfillment comes from aligning with one's values and vision. Howes emphasizes that fulfillment is more meaningful than the temporary highs of achieving goals, and that living authentically by one’s values, rather than seeking accolades, is the key to genuine happiness.
Live Authentically By Your Values, Not For Accolades
Living true to oneself, recognizing your current identity and situation rather than feigning confidence or pretending to be something you’re not for success, leads to genuine fulfillment, Howes explains. He encourages finding and living by your personal values for a meaningful mission, rather than chasing external recognition.
Avoid Confusing Achievement With Fulfillment
Howes expresses that while achievements may look good, fulfillment feels good, and they should not be confused. A person might reach career milestones yet feel empty if they've neglected important personal aspects, such as relationships or health.
Achieve While Empty Elsewhere
Howes shares his personal story of feeling miserable and depressed even after significant achievements, illustrating that accomplishment doesn't automatically ...
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Advice About Defining and Achieving Success
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Counterarguments
- Success and happiness can sometimes be directly linked; for some individuals, achieving certain goals is intrinsically tied to their happiness.
- The definition of authenticity can be subjective, and what feels authentic to one person may not align with another's values or societal norms.
- Achievement and fulfillment are not mutually exclusive; some people may find fulfillment in the process of achieving their goals.
- The pursuit of achievements can lead to personal growth and satisfaction, which can contribute to a sense of fulfillment.
- Aligning goals with personal values is important, but it's also necessary to adapt and evolve one's values and goals over time as one grows and learns.
- While engagement and inti ...
Actionables
- Create a "values vision board" to visually represent your personal values and desired achievements. Start by listing your core values and finding images or quotes that resonate with those values. Then, arrange them on a board or digital canvas. This visual reminder can help you stay aligned with what truly matters to you when setting goals or making decisions.
- Develop a "fulfillment journal" where you record daily interactions and feelings associated with them. Each evening, jot down who you interacted with, what you discussed, and how it made you feel. Over time, you'll identify which relationships and conversations contribute most to your sense of fulfillment, guiding you to invest more in those areas.
- Initiate a "goa ...
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