What Motherhood Teaches You About Life, Love, & Chasing Approval
In this episode of The School of Greatness, Sage Robbins and Lewis Howes explore the role of discomfort and self-compassion in personal development. Drawing from her own experiences, including a two-decade journey with infertility, Robbins discusses how challenging experiences can become opportunities for growth when approached with self-compassion rather than judgment.
The conversation also covers practical aspects of building and maintaining healthy relationships, including conflict resolution techniques and family bonding rituals. Robbins shares her perspective on spirituality, describing her transition from formal religious practices to finding meaning in everyday moments, and explains how she incorporates mindfulness into daily life through breathing exercises and gratitude practices.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Aug 6, 2025 episode of the The School of Greatness
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1-Page Summary
The Journey of Inner Growth and Self-Acceptance
In a compelling discussion, Lewis Howes and Sage Robbins explore the transformative journey of personal growth, focusing on how discomfort and self-compassion contribute to inner development.
Discomfort and Pain as Catalysts for Personal Evolution
Sage Robbins describes discomfort as a valuable teacher that signals growth happening beneath the surface. She encourages leaning into uncomfortable spaces, viewing them as natural parts of human evolution. Drawing from personal experiences, including her 20-year journey with infertility, Robbins demonstrates how challenging experiences can lead to profound personal growth when approached with the right mindset.
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Robbins advocates for a shift from victimhood to self-compassion, suggesting various approaches to develop a more compassionate view of oneself and others. She emphasizes the importance of embracing authenticity rather than seeking external validation, and encourages reflecting on past experiences with appreciation instead of judgment.
Cultivating Healthy, Fulfilling Relationships
Sage Robbins shares insights about nurturing relationships, particularly focusing on her marriage with Tony Robbins. She describes their practice of "beginning again" after conflicts, which involves taking accountability and recommitting to mutual understanding. The couple maintains this renewal through practical actions like changing physiology or saying prayers together.
Their family maintains emotional intimacy through daily rituals, including a dinner routine where family members share gratitudes, creating a space where everyone feels valued and heard.
The Spiritual Dimension of Life
Robbins describes her spiritual evolution from formal religious practices to a deeper internal connection with life's essence. She now perceives the divine as present everywhere, not just in traditional religious spaces. This shift has led her to embrace life's challenges as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles.
To cultivate spirituality, Robbins practices daily moments of peace and grace through breathing exercises. She emphasizes the importance of being present and grateful, suggesting that this approach allows one to see life's beauty more clearly and feel more connected to its essence.
1-Page Summary
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Counterarguments
- Discomfort might not always signal growth; sometimes it can indicate a need for change or that something is wrong.
- Not all individuals may have the resources or support to embrace discomfort safely or constructively.
- Some challenging experiences can lead to trauma or negative outcomes without proper support and coping mechanisms.
- The shift from victimhood to self-compassion can be complex and may require professional help, such as therapy, which might not be accessible to everyone.
- Authenticity is important, but there are societal and cultural pressures that can make embracing authenticity challenging for some individuals.
- Reflecting on past experiences with appreciation may not be possible for everyone, especially if those experiences were traumatic.
- The concept of "begining again" in relationships may not address deeper systemic or personal issues that could be causing conflict.
- Daily rituals like sharing gratitudes are beneficial, but they may not be feasible for all families due to various life circumstances.
- Spiritual evolution is a personal journey, and not everyone may relate to or desire a connection with a divine essence.
- Not all life's challenges can be seen as opportunities for growth, especially in situations of extreme adversity or injustice.
- Daily moments of peace and grace may be difficult to practice consistently for individuals with demanding life situations or mental health struggles.
- Being present and grateful is valuable, but there are conditions, such as depression or anxiety, that can make this practice challenging.
Actionables
- You can create a "Growth Edge" journal where you document moments of discomfort and the lessons learned from them. Each day, write down a situation that made you uncomfortable and reflect on what it taught you about your limits, capabilities, or perspectives. This practice turns abstract growth into tangible insights.
- Develop a "Compassion Map" to shift your perspective during tough times. Draw a simple map with two paths: one for victimhood and one for self-compassion. Whenever you face a challenge, use the map to navigate from feeling like a victim to treating yourself with kindness, noting the thoughts and actions that help you make the transition.
- Initiate a "Gratitude and Growth" conversation routine with a close friend or partner. Set aside a weekly time to discuss what challenges you've each faced, how you've grown from them, and what you're grateful for. This shared ritual fosters emotional intimacy and mutual support, reinforcing the idea that challenges are opportunities for growth.
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The Journey of Inner Growth and Self-Acceptance
Lewis Howes and Sage Robbins discuss the transformative path of inner growth, emphasizing the role of discomfort, pain, and self-compassion in personal evolution.
Discomfort and Pain as Catalysts for Personal Evolution
Lewis Howes shares his own experience of confronting challenges with bravery and empathy as a necessary step toward peace and harmony. Sage Robbins echoes this notion, describing discomfort as a teacher that leads to authenticity at every stage of life, and discomfort can indicate growth occurring beneath the surface.
Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs to Embrace Growth From Uncomfortable Emotions and Experiences
Sage Robbins emphasizes the importance of leaning into uncomfortable spaces and seeing discomfort as an intrinsic part of human evolution. She advocates for self-reflection to uncover missed perspectives in challenging situations and sees value in pain as it can precipitate personal growth. Howes and Robbins reflect on their experiences, such as home invasion and abuse, and the importance of not letting these experiences steal their joy. Robbins also shares her 20-year journey with infertility, experiencing continual losses and learning surrender, and expresses gratitude for her life's timing.
Cultivating Self-Compassion By Recognizing Everyone, Even Our Younger Selves, Does Their Best
This section highlights the shift from victimhood to self-compassion.
Sage Advises Releasing Judgment and Shame, Embracing Self-Kindness and Kindness Towards Others
Sage Robbins discusses employing various modalities to derive a more compassionate view of oneself and others. She speaks about mitigating self-imposed narratives, embracing the innocence in people, and recognizing the commonalities in the human experience. Robbins encourages women to find their authenticity and self-acceptance, embracing their natural selves rather than seeking external validatio ...
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The Journey of Inner Growth and Self-Acceptance
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Counterarguments
- While discomfort and pain can be catalysts for growth, not all individuals may have the resources or support to use these experiences positively, and some may need professional help to cope.
- The idea that confronting challenges with bravery and empathy is necessary for peace and harmony may not account for situations where systemic issues or mental health conditions make such responses more complex or difficult.
- The notion that discomfort leads to authenticity and growth might not resonate with everyone, especially if their discomfort stems from trauma or adverse circumstances that require healing rather than acceptance.
- Overcoming self-limiting beliefs is important, but the process can be more complicated for individuals with deep-seated psychological issues or those living in environments that reinforce these beliefs.
- The concept of embracing discomfort as part of human evolution might not acknowledge the full spectrum of human emotions and the validity of seeking comfort and stability.
- The idea that pain can lead to personal growth may inadvertently minimize the real and lasting impact that pain can have on an individual's mental and physical well-being.
- The suggestion to not let experiences like home invasion and abuse steal joy could be seen as an oversimplification of the profound effects these traumatic events can have on a person's life.
- The narrative of infertility teaching surrender and gratitude might not resonate with everyone's experience, as some may find this perspective diminishes the pain and complexity of their journey.
- The advice to release judgment and shame, while beneficial, may not consider the difficulty of this process for individuals with deeply ingrained self-critical thoughts or those in cultures where shame is a pervasive social tool.
- The encouragement to find authenticity and self-acceptance may not address the societal pressures and structural barriers that can make this journey particularly challenging for some groups.
- The recommendation to reflect on the past with ap ...
Actionables
- You can start a "Discomfort Diary" where you jot down moments of discomfort each day and reflect on what they're teaching you. For instance, if you felt uneasy during a work presentation, write about how it might be signaling a need to improve your public speaking skills or to prepare more thoroughly next time.
- Create a "Self-Compassion Reminder" in your phone that prompts you to pause and practice self-kindness whenever you're being self-critical. This could be a simple notification that says, "Speak to yourself like you would to a friend," encouraging you to shift your internal dialogue to one of understanding and support.
- Develop a "Common Ground ...
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Cultivating Healthy, Fulfilling Relationships
Through introspection and genuine connection, Sage divulges her personal insights on nurturing the bond with her partner and strengthening family ties.
Maturing and Owning Relationship Experience
Sage On how She and Her Husband "Begin Again" After Conflicts By Taking Accountability and Recommitting To Understanding
Sage Robbins highlights the significance of maturing and owning one's emotions in a relationship. She explains that during conflicts in her marriage, she learned that many issues she ascribed to her husband were actually internal. Taking ownership and apologizing first is crucial, exemplifying her method of "beginning again" with her partner, Tony Robbins. She discusses the healing power of recognizing one's mistakes, offering an apology, and expressing gratitude for the chance to recommit to mutual understanding.
Sage and Tony Robbins ensure this renewal following a conflict by asking each other if they can reset and showing willingness to do so. She shares practical actions they take, such as changing physiology or saying a prayer, to facilitate this process. Robbins emphasizes the transformative potential of admitting when one is at fault and being the first to apologize—it disarms the partner and is crucial to conflict resolution.
Robbins values the liberation that comes from promptly resolving issues, abiding by the adage that you can never change others, only yourself. It's about inner clarity and freedom, evolving through the acknowledgment of one's own emotions and experiences, and the change in one's approach to situations that contributes to a healthier relationship dynamic.
Enhancing Emotional Intimacy Through Quality Time and Rituals
Sage On the Family Routine of Sharing Gratitudes, Grounding In Appreciat ...
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Cultivating Healthy, Fulfilling Relationships
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Counterarguments
- While taking ownership of emotions is important, it's also crucial to recognize that conflicts in relationships are often a two-way street, and both partners should be willing to take responsibility for their part in a disagreement.
- Admitting mistakes and apologizing is powerful, but it should be balanced with open communication where both partners feel heard and understood, not just one taking all the blame.
- The idea of "beginning again" after conflicts is positive, but it's important to ensure that underlying issues are fully addressed and not just reset without resolution, which could lead to repetitive cycles of conflict.
- Changing physiology or saying a prayer may help some couples reset after a conflict, but these strategies may not work for everyone, and it's important to find personalized methods that resonate with both partners.
- The emphasis on individual change can be empowering, but it's also important to recognize the role of mutual support and cooperation in ...
Actionables
- You can create a "conflict resolution jar" with prompts for taking ownership of emotions and initiating resets in relationships. Write down phrases or actions on slips of paper that encourage ownership, such as "I feel..." statements or "Can we start fresh?" When a conflict arises, both parties can draw a slip to guide the conversation toward resolution and understanding.
- Develop a personal "gratitude map" to cultivate inner clarity and a positive focus. On a poster or digital canvas, draw branches representing different areas of your life, such as family, work, health, and hobbies. Each day, add leaves to the branches with written notes or symbols of what you're grateful for in these areas. This visual representation can serve as a daily reminder to appreciate the positives and can be a conversation starter with family or friends to share and connect on a deeper level.
- Introduce a "reset ritual" into your daily routine to practice recommi ...
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The Spiritual Dimension of Life
Sage Robbins delves into the spiritual transformation she has experienced, detailing her journey from formal religious practices to a profound internal connection with life's essence. Her reflections encompass the importance of gratitude and awareness in cultivating a deeply spiritual existence.
Sage's Shift From External Rituals to Internal Experience of "God"
Sage Robbins describes a pivotal shift in her spiritual outlook, moving away from the perception that God is only present in specific places like churches or temples. She contrasts this view with her current understanding, where God or life itself exists everywhere, dwelling within each individual. Robbins discusses the transition from seeking pleasure and attention to embracing internal grace and truths as the real beauty of human experience. Accepting that life's challenges could be invitations to focus on internal qualities rather than external achievements, she articulates an acceptance of life's bumps with the sentiment "and this too," suggesting faith in the face of adversity.
Sage Perceives the Divine as Life's Essence and Miracle, Recognizing It Within and Around Herself
Robbins regards life-altering events, such as the potential loss of her husband, as intimate and awakening, shaking individuals to their core and helping them to value life's miracles. Through her spiritual lens, she recognizes the divine within herself and the essence of life. She also experiences a childlike awe and wonder at the miracle of life manifesting within and around us, finding spirituality in the simplicity and beauty of everyday objects.
Robbins has realized that one can truly only affect the world within oneself, emphasizing an internal state's ripple effect outward. Experiencing God as life itself or love, she views this internal enlightenment as transformative and powerful. She feels that discovering love as our own nature and experiencing it internally is central to recognizing the divine orchestration of life and its finitude.
Gratitude and Reverence In Cultivating Spirituality
Sage Highlights Honoring Life's Sacredness In Each Moment
Sage Robbins emphasizes the spiritual significance of being present, mentioning a daily practice of "60 seconds of peace or 60 seconds of grace" to connect with life's miracle through breath. Gratitude toward the source of life, she suggests, enables one to see life as more beautiful and feel more connected. Robbins asserts that life, with its complexity, occurs for r ...
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The Spiritual Dimension of Life
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Counterarguments
- The shift from external rituals to an internal experience may overlook the value that structured religious practices have for many individuals in providing community, support, and a sense of tradition.
- The idea that the divine is present in everyday objects and experiences could be challenged by those who believe in a more transcendent, less immanent, concept of the divine.
- The emphasis on internal enlightenment might be seen as overly individualistic, potentially neglecting the importance of collective action and social responsibility.
- The notion that gratitude and reverence are essential in cultivating spirituality may not resonate with those who find spirituality through critical inquiry or activism.
- Daily practices like "60 seconds of peace or grace" might be criticized for potentially oversimplifying the complex nature of spiritual connection and practice.
- The focus on motherhood as a source of spiritual connection could be seen ...
Actionables
- Create a "Spiritual Snapshot" journal where you capture a moment each day that felt sacred or meaningful, describing the sensations, emotions, and thoughts associated with it. This practice helps you become more aware of the divine in everyday life and reinforces the habit of recognizing spirituality in the mundane. For example, you might write about the feeling of warmth from the sun on your skin, the laughter of a child, or the satisfaction of a well-made meal, and reflect on the deeper significance these moments hold for you.
- Develop a "Breath of Gratitude" routine by setting aside a few minutes each morning or evening to focus on your breathing while mentally expressing thanks for various aspects of life. This could range from the air you breathe to the people in your life, to the opportunities you have. By doing this, you cultivate a habit of gratitude and reverence, aligning your internal state with a positive outlook on the external world.
- Engage in a weekly "Essence Exchange" with friends or ...
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