The 3 Emotional Skills That Make You Successful In Life
In this episode of The School of Greatness, Gary Vee discusses three key emotional skills that contribute to success: emotional intelligence, gratitude, and accountability. Through his conversation with Lewis Howes, Vee shares insights about the importance of receiving honest feedback from close contacts and maintaining self-awareness while developing personal strengths.
The discussion explores how gratitude can help combat negative thinking patterns and the value of surrounding oneself with positive influences. Vee draws from his experiences to explain the role of healthy competition in personal growth, while addressing how personal insecurities often fuel judgment of others. He emphasizes that understanding the universal nature of personal challenges can foster both individual development and community well-being.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Jun 27, 2025 episode of the The School of Greatness
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1-Page Summary
Personal Development and Emotional Intelligence
Gary Vee explores the critical role of emotional intelligence in personal development, emphasizing the importance of honest feedback and self-awareness. He suggests organizing gatherings with close family and colleagues to receive candid feedback about personal strengths and weaknesses. While acknowledging his own struggles with candor in professional situations, Vee stresses the importance of leveraging natural talents while working on areas of weakness.
Gratitude, Positivity, and Avoiding Negativity
In conversation with Lewis Howes, Gary Vee discusses the transformative power of gratitude in combating negativity. He emphasizes finding appreciation in life's simple aspects, such as the well-being of loved ones and the gift of waking up each morning. Vee advises reframing perspective by considering others' hardships and surrounding oneself with positive influences who provide accountability rather than enabling negative behaviors.
Accountability, Responsibility, and the Role of Competition
Gary Vee advocates for personal responsibility as a cornerstone of success, drawing from his early experiences of learning accountability. He discusses the positive aspects of healthy competition, cautioning against demonizing competitive traits, particularly in children. Vee observes that judgment of others often stems from personal insecurities, encouraging instead a mindset of lifting others up and practicing empathy. He emphasizes that successful individuals, despite their achievements, also face challenges and flaws, making the case for compassion over negativity in fostering personal growth and community well-being.
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Counterarguments
- While emotional intelligence is important, it is not the only factor in personal development; cognitive abilities, technical skills, and other forms of intelligence also play significant roles.
- Honest feedback is valuable, but it must be balanced with tact and consideration for the individual's feelings to avoid causing unnecessary hurt or resentment.
- Organizing gatherings for feedback can be beneficial, but it may not always provide objective insights due to biases from family and colleagues.
- Leveraging natural talents is advantageous, but overemphasis on strengths without addressing weaknesses can lead to a lack of well-roundedness.
- Gratitude is powerful, but it is not a panacea for all forms of negativity, which can stem from complex psychological or situational factors.
- Reframing perspective by considering others' hardships can be helpful, but it might also lead to the minimization of one's own valid struggles.
- Surrounding oneself with positive influences is generally good advice, but it is also important to learn how to deal with negativity independently, as it is an inevitable part of life.
- Personal responsibility is crucial, but it is also necessary to acknowledge systemic issues and external factors that can impact an individual's ability to succeed.
- Competition can be healthy, but it is not universally beneficial and can sometimes lead to stress, anxiety, and a win-at-all-costs mentality that is harmful.
- Encouraging empathy and lifting others up is important, but there should also be room for constructive criticism and accountability to ensure personal and professional growth.
- Advocating for compassion over negativity is noble, but there are situations where strong negative emotions like anger can be justified and can lead to positive change when channeled appropriately.
Actionables
- You can enhance your emotional intelligence by keeping a daily journal where you record and analyze your emotional responses to different situations. This practice will help you become more self-aware and understand your emotional triggers, which is essential for personal development. For example, if you felt frustrated during a work meeting, write down what specifically triggered that emotion and consider healthier ways to respond in the future.
- Create a 'feedback box' at home or work where family members or colleagues can anonymously drop notes about your strengths and areas for improvement. This method provides a continuous stream of feedback without the pressure of face-to-face conversations. You might find patterns in the feedback that you can use to focus on specific personal or professional growth areas.
- Start a 'gratitude chain' with friends or colleagues where you send a daily message highlighting something simple you're grateful for. This could be as simple as enjoying a good cup of coffee or having a smooth commute. Encouraging others to participate creates a positive feedback loop, and by focusing on life's simple pleasures, you collectively shift your perspectives away from negativity.
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Personal Development and Emotional Intelligence
Gary Vee offers insights on emotional intelligence, discussing how honesty and self-awareness are vital for personal growth and fulfillment.
Developing Self-Awareness Is Critical for Growth and Fulfillment
Get Honest Feedback On Your Strengths and Weaknesses From Friends and Family
Gary Vee underscores the importance of emotional intelligence and creating a communication-rich environment where one’s inner circle feels safe to provide truthful feedback. He suggests organizing a dinner with close family members and a significant colleague to openly ask for honest feedback about one’s strengths and weaknesses.
Know Your Nature: Leverage Talents, Improve Weaknesses
Vee points out the importance of knowing and accepting one’s own traits to foster self-love. Instead of fixating on what we lack, he stresses leveraging what we are good at and improving our weaknesses.
Candor and Honesty Are Essential for Growth
Struggle With Candor Due to Desire For Likability and Conflict Avoidance
Although Gary Vee can be candid as his public persona, he acknowledges a struggle with honesty in his personal capacity, especially in sensitive professional situations with employees.
Candor Hinders His Decision-Making and Feedback Skills
Vaynerchuk admits that his aversion to candor, driven by a fear of being disliked or causing conflict, has had negative consequences on his decision-making a ...
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Personal Development and Emotional Intelligence
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Counterarguments
- Self-awareness, while critical, is not the only factor in personal growth; external circumstances and opportunities also play significant roles.
- Honest feedback is valuable, but it must be balanced with self-compassion to prevent negative self-perception.
- Accepting one's traits is important, but it should not lead to complacency or an excuse to avoid necessary change.
- Leveraging talents is beneficial, but over-reliance on strengths without addressing weaknesses can lead to a lack of versatility.
- Candor and honesty are important, but they must be tempered with tact and empathy to avoid unnecessary harm to relationships.
- The desire for likability and conflict avoidance, while potentially hindering candor, can also be adaptive traits that facilitate social cohesion and diplomacy.
- Decision-making and feedback skills can be improved through methods other than candor, such as structured decision-making processes and constructive feedback traini ...
Actionables
- Create a "Feedback Fishbowl" at home or work where friends, family, or colleagues can anonymously drop notes about your strengths and areas for improvement. This can help you gain insights into how others perceive you, which is crucial for self-awareness. For example, you might find notes that highlight a strength in problem-solving but suggest you could be more patient in group settings.
- Start a "Talent Swap" initiative with peers where you offer to teach something you're good at in exchange for learning from someone else's strengths. This encourages you to leverage your talents while working on your weaknesses. If you're great at public speaking but poor at graphic design, you could offer speaking coaching in exchange for design lessons.
- Develop a "Candor Journal" where you record instances where you struggled to be honest due to a desire for lik ...
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Gratitude, Positivity, and Avoiding Negativity
Gary Vee and Lewis Howes engage in a conversation that revolves around the theme of sustaining positivity through gratitude and distancing oneself from negativity and enablers. They delve into the power of reframing one's mindset and developing self-awareness to build a more grateful and accountable life.
Gratitude Is an Antidote to Negativity and Unhappiness
The discussions with Gary Vee suggest that gratitude can be a powerful antidote to countering the cycle of negativity and unhappiness.
Appreciate the Simple Things
Gary Vee emphasizes the importance of appreciating the simple, everyday aspects of life. He finds solace in the fact that having everyone he loves be okay is enough to declare a day as good. He also finds gratitude in waking up each morning, considering how many people each day do not have the same privilege.
Reframe By Asking Who You Have It Better Than
Gary Vee encourages reframing one’s perspective by considering the hardships others face, such as the lack of access to clean water, or those with terminal cancer diagnoses. This form of comparison isn't to dismiss personal difficulties but rather to find a place of gratitude in the grander scheme of things.
Surrounding Yourself With Positivity and Accountability Is Crucial
Remove "Enablers" Who Reinforce Negative Behaviors
Gary Vee talks about the significance of recognizing enablers within one’s circle who reinforce negative behaviors because they lack honest communication and the willingness to challenge someone. He advises paying attention to one’s circle and ensuring it's filled with people who will hold one accountable rather than enable negative behaviors.
Find Mentors and Peers to Challenge and Hold You Accountable
He also suggests the value of finding mentors and peers who can share wisdom and challenge you to grow. Gary reflects on his own attraction to the wisdom of older generations and the appreciation for the insights they provide, indicating the benefits of mentorship and a supportive peer group.
Maintaining a Constructive, Solution-Oriented Mindset Is Key
Bla ...
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Gratitude, Positivity, and Avoiding Negativity
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Counterarguments
- Gratitude as a sole antidote to negativity may not address deeper psychological issues that require professional intervention.
- Appreciating simple things is important, but it should not invalidate or minimize one's own struggles or emotions.
- Reframing by comparing oneself to those in worse situations can sometimes lead to guilt or a dismissal of one's own valid problems.
- While positivity is beneficial, it is also important to acknowledge and process negative emotions rather than suppress them.
- Removing negative enablers is a step forward, but it is also essential to understand the root causes of one's negative behaviors.
- Mentorship is valuable, but it is also important to cultivate one's own judgment and decision-making skills.
- A solution-oriented mindset is helpful, but it is also necessary to recognize situations where systemic issues are at p ...
Actionables
- You can create a "gratitude map" by drawing a simple map of your daily routine and marking spots where you can pause to appreciate your surroundings or interactions. For example, add a reminder on your bathroom mirror to be thankful for clean water, or a note on your fridge to appreciate having food.
- Start a "positivity partnership" with a friend where you both send a daily text with one positive action you've taken or witnessed. This could be as simple as helping a neighbor carry groceries or sharing a compliment someone gave you at work.
- Develop a "solution jar" where you write down potential solutions to problems on slips of paper and draw ...
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Accountability, Responsibility, and the Role of Competition
Gary Vee delivers a compelling message about the importance of personal responsibility, the role of competition in growth, and the reflection of one's insecurities in the act of judging others.
Empowerment Through Accountability
Gary Vee encourages listeners to embrace responsibility for their actions and circumstances, driving home the idea that one's life outcomes are within their control.
Refuse to Blame Others For Your Challenges
Vee implores people to stop the cycle of blame and take swift action to address their challenges. He shares how, from a young age, he was taught to be responsible, which meant not blaming others for his responsibilities, such as caring for his sister. This internalization of personal accountability laid the foundation for his mindset regarding self-sufficiency.
You Are Responsible for Your Life's Outcomes
Gary Vee illustrates the significance of accountability, mentioning his own readiness to accept losses in business without pointing fingers. He talks about taking responsibility for his ventures, successful or otherwise, and emphasizes the necessity for individuals to "man and woman up," regardless of one's background. He also points out the accountability a company must maintain, as financial failure is not an option when it comes to sustaining operations and employees.
Gary Vee tells underperforming former employees and children of successful parents that recognizing one's part in challenges and choosing hard work over reliance on others are essential to personal growth and true success.
Embracing Competition Is Essential for Growth and Achievement
Gary Vee asserts that competition is not to be demonized but should be recognized as a positive force that, when balanced, can fuel progress.
Demonizing Competitiveness and Alpha Traits Can Cause Child Disengagement
He argues against stifling a child's competitive spirit, suggesting that doing so can diminish their future drive and ambition. Conversely, recognizing and encouraging healthy competition can set them on a path to achievement and fulfillment.
Healthy Competition Drives Progress but Must Be Balanced
Gary Vee reflects on competitive moments with a character like Lewis as motivational experiences and observes motivated Gen Z employees as evidence of beneficial competition. However, he also a ...
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Accountability, Responsibility, and the Role of Competition
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Counterarguments
- Personal responsibility is crucial, but systemic issues and external factors can also significantly impact one's life outcomes, and these should not be overlooked.
- While blaming others is unproductive, understanding the role of external influences can be important for developing effective strategies to overcome challenges.
- The idea that everyone controls their life outcomes can be overly simplistic and may not account for the complexities of privilege, socioeconomic status, and unforeseen life events.
- Encouraging hard work is important, but it's also necessary to recognize the value of community support, mentorship, and collaboration in achieving success.
- Accountability in business is essential, but it should also be balanced with an understanding of the unpredictable nature of markets and economic forces that can affect business outcomes.
- Competition can drive growth, but an overemphasis on competition can lead to stress, burnout, and a toxic work environment.
- While healthy competition can be beneficial for children, it's also important to teach cooperation, teamwork, and the value of non-co ...
Actionables
- You can start a personal accountability journal where each day you write down one action you took full responsibility for and the outcome it led to. This practice encourages you to actively reflect on your actions and their consequences, reinforcing the habit of personal responsibility. For example, if you decided to tackle a difficult work project head-on, note the decision, the steps you took, and the result, whether it was a success or a learning experience.
- Create a 'competition with self' chart to track your progress in various aspects of your life, such as fitness, learning a new skill, or productivity. Set benchmarks and celebrate when you surpass your previous achievements. This turns the concept of competition inward, fostering growth without comparing yourself to others. For instance, if you're learning to play the guitar, chart how many chords you can play each week and aim to increase that number steadily.
- Devel ...
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