Michelle Obama Opens Up: Her Struggle To Feel Like She's “Enough,” Mental Health in the White House & Lessons from Childhood w/ Craig Robinson
In this episode of The School of Greatness, Michelle Obama and her brother Craig Robinson share insights about their childhood in Chicago, where their parents created an environment that emphasized learning, effort, and family bonds over material success. They discuss how this foundation shaped their approach to challenges and helped them maintain perspective during their time in the public eye.
The conversation explores Obama's experience balancing high-profile responsibilities with personal well-being, including her methods for handling public scrutiny and maintaining emotional stability. She and Robinson also detail their philosophies on parenting, describing how they work to foster independence and self-confidence in their children while keeping family traditions intact, even amid extraordinary circumstances like life in the White House.
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Upbringing and the Development of Self-Belief
Lewis Howes introduces Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson's upbringing in a small Chicago apartment, where their parents fostered unwavering confidence from an early age. Their parents created an environment where intelligence and curiosity were actively encouraged, preparing them for a world that might try to diminish their expectations. Despite modest living conditions, their home emphasized family closeness over material possessions, with their parents focusing on effort and learning rather than grades or external validation.
Navigating Success, Prominence, and High-Pressure Roles
Michelle Obama discusses her strategy of staying "unplussed" in high-profile situations, maintaining emotional balance whether meeting world leaders or consoling grieving families. She emphasizes the importance of filtering feedback through trusted advisors and relying on her internal compass rather than media perceptions. Craig Robinson provided stability during the White House years, bringing normalcy and joy through family visits. Post-White House, Michelle describes engaging in self-discovery and healing, working with her therapist to process her decade in the public eye.
Parenting Strategies For Raising Confident, Grounded Children
Michelle Obama shares how her parenting style evolved from setting firm boundaries to taking on an advisory role, gradually offering her children more independence. She and Craig emphasize prioritizing effort and character over results, allowing their children to learn from mistakes. Despite the unique setting of the White House, the Obamas maintained traditional parenting roles, with Barack Obama coaching Sasha's basketball team and the family hosting normal activities like sleepovers. They consistently worked to treat their daughters as individuals rather than just "the President's kids," maintaining family traditions even amid extraordinary circumstances.
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Actionables
- You can foster a growth-oriented environment at home by creating a "Family Learning Wall" where each member, including parents, posts something new they've learned or a skill they're working on each week. This emphasizes the value of continuous learning and effort over performance and can be a fun, interactive way for the family to share their curiosities and support each other's growth.
- Establish a "Feedback Filter Circle" with close friends or family members where you can share experiences and receive constructive feedback. This circle should consist of people you trust to provide honest, balanced perspectives to help you maintain emotional equilibrium during challenging times, similar to how trusted advisors filter feedback.
- Initiate a tradition of "Individual Appreciation Nights" in your family or among friends, where you celebrate each person's unique qualities and achievements. This can be a monthly event where one person is highlighted, and everyone shares what they admire about them, reinforcing the idea of treating each person as an individual and maintaining personal traditions that strengthen relationships.
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Upbringing and the Development of Self-Belief
The origins of confidence and capability in Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson can be rooted in their formative years at home under the guidance of nurturing parents.
Michelle and Craig Gained Confidence and Capability From Their Parents Young
Lewis Howes introduces Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson, who were raised in a small Chicago apartment, crediting their parents with instilling unwavering confidence in them from an early age.
Parents Nurtured Self-Belief, Affirming Intelligence, Humor, Value
On the sidelines of her brother's basketball games, Michelle Obama gained an understanding of sports culture which consequently offered insights into character, particularly among men. This familial involvement in sports reflected a broader dynamic where qualities like intelligence and humor were supported and affirmed. At their family’s kitchen table, Michelle and Craig began to feel self-confident as their parents truly believed in their intelligence and interest, eager to hear their thoughts and opinions. Their parents aimed to prepare them for a world that might try to lower their expectations, fortifying them with a sense of determination and possibility.
Craig Robinson's mother nurtured his curiosity, teaching him to read and praising his accomplishments. These moments of learning were encouraged whenever the children expressed interest, thereby fostering confidence and a sense of independence.
Small Apartment Living: Valuing Family Over Possessions
Michelle and Craig's one-bedroom apartment, shared with their parents, fostered an environment where family closeness and intimacy were valued over material possessions. Referred to as modest living conditions, the small space underscored the importance of togetherness. Their grandfather, nicknamed Southside, crafted paneling to give the siblings their own separate spaces within the common bedroom, further reflecting the ingenuity and care present in their upbringing.
Michelle and Craig: Lessons in Hard Work, Discipline, and Social Skills
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Upbringing and the Development of Self-Belief
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Counterarguments
- While the text emphasizes the positive impact of a nurturing family environment, it's important to acknowledge that self-belief and confidence can also be developed through overcoming adversity and challenges, which may not be as prevalent in a supportive home setting.
- The idea that family closeness is valued over possessions in a small apartment might overlook the fact that for some individuals, a lack of space and privacy can be stressful and may not contribute positively to their development.
- The text suggests that not pressuring children for grades can lead to better learning outcomes, but some might argue that a certain level of expectation and accountability is necessary to motivate children and prepare them for competitive environments.
- Teaching social niceties is important, but there's a risk of overemphasizing politeness at the expense of teach ...
Actionables
- Create a 'confidence jar' for daily affirmations to boost self-belief. Write down positive attributes about yourself on slips of paper, such as "I am intelligent," "I have a great sense of humor," or "I add value to my community." Each morning, pull one out to remind yourself of your strengths. This practice can help reinforce a positive self-image and encourage a mindset similar to the nurturing environment described.
- Start a 'family closeness' book club with relatives or close friends to foster connections without focusing on material possessions. Choose books that emphasize values, hard work, and social skills, and meet regularly to discuss them. This can create a shared learning experience and strengthen bonds, much like the family environment that contributed to the development of strong social competencies.
- Implement a 'process prai ...
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Navigating Success, Prominence, and High-Pressure Roles
Michelle Obama and her brother Craig Robinson open up about strategies for managing emotions while in the public eye and the journey of personal growth and healing that's followed their years in the White House.
Michelle and Craig Developed Skills to Regulate Emotions in Public Roles
Michelle Obama talks about the importance of emotional regulation, especially when facing the variances that come with a high-profile role. She learned to stay "unplussed" to navigate extreme situations—from the highs of meeting world leaders to the lows of mourning with families of victims and visiting injured soldiers. By doing this, she maintained balance, which allowed her to focus on the work and its impact, rather than the oscillating public praise or criticism.
Michelle Practiced Staying "Unplussed," Not Getting Caught Up In Praise or Criticism, Focused On the Work and Its Impact
Obama actively worked to maintain her mental and emotional stability, a resolve that was particularly crucial while raising her young children in the high-pressure environment of the White House. Obama consistently showed up, kept her discipline, and practiced remaining emotionally present, especially with kids who keep life immediate and grounded.
Craig Brought Joy and Stability To Michelle's Family During Their White House Years
Craig Robinson played a pivotal role in maintaining a sense of normalcy for the Obamas during their time in the White House. His visits, along with his family, created fun times and brought a piece of their old life in Chicago, adding a familiar and light-hearted atmosphere to what could otherwise be an overwhelmingly formal setting.
Filtered Feedback: Trust Advisors and Internal Compass
Michelle Obama emphasizes securing trusted feedback and relying on one's internal compass over external opinions. She learned to trust her own experiences over the media's projections and to only consider the opinions of those who truly know her. Her approach to feedback—filtering it through her communications director and avoiding direct media consumption—allowed her to concentrate on her duties without being swayed by public opinion.
Trusted Experiences Over Media Percepti ...
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Navigating Success, Prominence, and High-Pressure Roles
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Actionables
- Develop a "cooling-off" ritual to maintain composure during stressful situations by identifying a physical or mental activity that helps you detach and regain focus, such as deep breathing exercises, a short walk, or visualizing a calming scene. This practice can train your brain to switch from a reactive to a proactive state, allowing you to concentrate on the broader impact of your work rather than getting caught up in the moment's stress.
- Create a "joy journal" where you record daily moments that bring happiness or stability to your life, similar to how a family member's presence can be a source of comfort. This could be as simple as noting a kind gesture from a colleague or a peaceful moment during your morning routine. Over time, this can help you identify and cultivate sources of joy and stability in your own environment.
- Establish a personal advisory board co ...
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Parenting Strategies For Raising Confident, Grounded Children
The parenting styles adopted by Michelle Obama, Craig Robinson, and the former President, Barack Obama, showcase their unified approach to raising confident and well-rounded children despite their unique circumstances in the White House.
Michelle and Craig's Unconditional Support and High Expectations for Their Children
In a conversation with Lewis Howes, Michelle Obama shares how her parenting style evolved as her children grew, shifting from setting firm boundaries to taking on an advisory role. She emphasizes the importance of gradually offering her children more control over their lives each year, allowing them to make and learn from their mistakes. Michelle recounts that as her kids grew older, she felt it was crucial for them to become independent and responsible, preparing them for life without the Secret Service.
Prioritizing Effort and Character Over Results
Michelle reveals that the values she was brought up with, which included a focus on family and character over material possessions, molded her parenting principles. She stresses the significance of allowing children to manage their own lives for confidence-building experiences, similar to her and her brother's upbringing. It's clear that for her, greatness is not about individual feats but about contributing positively to society.
Encouraged Children's Independence and Responsibilities for Real-World Skill Development
Michelle believes in the importance of discipline done with love and consistency and speaks to the belief that parents today often prevent their children from failing, which can limit their learning. This approach resonates with Craig Robinson’s parenting, as he coaches his children for confidence and hard work, reassuring them that if they do their best, the results will follow. Michelle also advised her brother Craig to take his wife out on dates, implying that children should be given the opportunity to handle independence responsibly.
Preserving Traditions Amid White House Life
Despite the high-profile and unique setting of their family life in the White House, the Obamas sought to maintain traditional parenting roles and treat their children as individuals rather than just as "the President's kids."
Barack Coached Daughter's Basketball Team, Providing Routine "Dad" Role
Barack Oba ...
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Parenting Strategies For Raising Confident, Grounded Children
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Counterarguments
- While shifting from setting boundaries to offering advice is a common parenting strategy, some child development experts argue that consistent boundaries are important throughout childhood and adolescence for providing a sense of security and structure.
- Prioritizing effort and character over results is a valuable approach, but it's important to recognize that results can also provide important feedback and motivation for children, helping them to set goals and achieve personal growth.
- Encouraging children's independence is crucial, but it must be balanced with appropriate guidance and support to ensure that children are prepared for the responsibilities they take on.
- Maintaining traditional parenting roles in unique circumstances like the White House is commendable, but it's also important to adapt parenting strategies to fit the context and needs of the children, which may sometimes require non-traditional approaches.
- Coaching a child's sports team is a great way to engage in a "normal" parenting role, but it's also important to ensu ...
Actionables
- You can create a "growing responsibilities" chart for your children that evolves as they age, starting with simple chores and advancing to more complex tasks like budgeting a small allowance. This visual tool helps kids see their progress and understand the increasing trust you have in their abilities, much like a video game leveling system but for real-life skills.
- Start a family tradition of "effort celebrations" where you recognize attempts and perseverance rather than just successes, such as a monthly dinner where each family member shares something they worked hard on, regardless of the outcome. This reinforces the value of effort and character and can be as simple as praising the dedication to practicing a musical instrument or the persistence in solving a difficult puzzle. ...
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