Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds

Gabby Bernstein, a proponent of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, joins forces with Dick Schwartz, the founder of IFS, and host Lewis Howes to explain the intricacies of IFS therapy and the role of our internal "parts" in trauma healing and self-awareness.

The concept of "parts" in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy

Each person has various "parts" within them, representing different personality traits, coping mechanisms, and emotional states

Bernstein delves into the concept of "parts," outlining the varied internal aspects present within each person. These "parts" are akin to an inner family, reflecting different personality traits, coping mechanisms, and emotional states. She simplifies the concept by stating that we have "lots of little children inside us," and mentions that these parts, which can be gendered or not, assume various roles, such as controllers or anxiety generators.

How these parts develop and function

Parts often emerge as a way to protect the individual from painful experiences or emotions

Bernstein explains that parts like managers handle day-to-day emotional responses and protective measures. Meanwhile, firefighters act in extreme distress, engaging in potentially harmful activities to numb or distract from emotional pain. Parts develop as a way to shield us from trauma, with managers like anxiety acting as initial defenses. When these strategies fail, firefighters take over, employing extreme measures like addiction to protect from painful emotions.

Parts can become extreme or dysfunctional in their attempts to shield the individual

Lewis Howes shares his personal experience with parts like frustration and anger that have shown up during live events. Bernstein acknowledges that these extreme parts, while initially protective in nature, can become dysfunctional, such as addiction or overeating. They have been around for a long time, potentially never having had the opportunity to grow up, hence their extreme or dysfunctional behaviors.

Bernstein discusses the benefits of IFS therapy, noting that in times of stress, like receiving upsetting emails, a "protector" part within might react to handle the situation. However, these reactions can sometimes become extreme, such as yelling or distress. She further discusses the portrayal of parts as protectors that manage big feelings and shield fro ...

Gabby Bernstein has developed a four-step inquiry informed by Internal Family Systems (IFS) to safely work with one’s internal "parts" and manage the "extreme parts" or "managers" present in day-to-day life. This method is designed as a self-help practice to address troubling parts.

Choosing to check in with a particular part

Becoming aware of a troubling part and making the conscious decision to address it

The process begins with choosing to check in with the triggered part, first by recognizing that a part is unsettled or extreme, followed by the conscious decision to address it. Bernstein mentions the need to become aware of when a part like the "freak out" part shows up, and then consciously deciding to address it, likening it to gaining buy-in from a child. Lewis Howes also reflects on his experience of identifying and choosing to engage with wounded parts within himself.

Cultivating curiosity about the part

Exploring the thoughts, feelings, and sensations associated with the part

In the second step, Bernstein suggests becoming curious about the part. This involves exploring the thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations associated with it, asking questions to understand it better, like where it is felt in the body, and listening to any insights the part may offer.

Extending compassion to the part

Acknowledging the part's intention to protect and asking what it needs

Thirdly, Bernstein advises making a compassionate connection with the part by asking what it needs right now. The part then communicates its needs in response. This step involves acknowledging that the parts have protective intentions and requires extending compassion by asking, "What do you need?" Bernstein also gives an example of asking a part what it needed to feel warm and safe.

Accessing one's "self ...

Individuals seeking to improve their lives, whether through relationships or career development, can benefit greatly from healing their internal wounds and transcending limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs and burdens are rooted in unhealed parts

Unresolved trauma and wounds from the past can create blocks to manifestation and fulfillment

Lewis Howes speaks about the importance of embracing a mindset where challenges are seen as beneficial, suggesting that such a perspective can unfurl magic in one's life. This understanding of belief is crucial for manifesting one's dreams. Recognizing that unresolved trauma and wounds from the past can serve as obstacles to fulfillment, there's a clear acknowledgment that healing is necessary to remove these blocks.

Gabby Bernstein stresses that to manifest what we desire, we must address and heal the belief systems that restrain us. She points out that being stuck in traumatized stories hinders our capacity to manifest, regardless of our spiritual efforts or intentions, therefore healing is essential to unlock our potential.

The role of self-compassion in transforming limiting patterns

Bringing one's higher self to wounded parts allows for their healing and integration

Bernstein's method includes extending compassion to one's burdened parts, implying that self-compassion is vital in transforming limiting patterns. Healing involves bringing self-energy to the wounded parts, facilitating transformation and allowing individuals to move beyond limiting behaviors. Compassion towards all aspects of oneself is necessary to become a super attractor and co-creator of one’s reality.

Bernstein advocates for "unburdening" these parts—while they may not vanish, their extreme influence can be diminished. Through healing, a person can lessen the negative impact these wounds have on their life. Bernstein emphasizes that the more an individual tends to these aspects of themselves, whether through self-help or therapy, the freer they become, leading to a more liberated and manifest-friendly existence.

The connection between inn ...

In the context of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, self-compassion is a crucial element for healing and integrating the various "parts" of one's personality. Kaya Henderson, Lewis Howes, and Gabby Bernstein discuss the role self-compassion plays in recognizing and nurturing every aspect of the self.

Avoiding judgment and shame towards one's parts

The IFS model emphasizes the understanding that all parts have positive intentions, even those that are troubling. Bernstein illustrates this through empathy for the younger part of herself, suggesting that by approaching these parts without judgment and with compassion, one can transform the aspects of themselves that may have caused negative outcomes. Howes echoes this sentiment by reflecting on his own experience, emphasizing the significance of addressing inner parts without shame, acknowledging their protective intentions.

Throughout the discussion, there's an implied need for self-compassion and a non-judgmental approach towards the internal 'parts' seen as protectors or trauma responses. Henderson’s summary underlines that these parts, which we might want to lock away, are deserving of connection and compassion.

The power of self-led leadership

Gabby Bernstein introduces the concept of 'self-led leadership', whereby self-compassion and internal work allow individuals to lead with calmness and compassion. Leaders with this self-energy, like Michelle Obama or Oprah, can have a profound impact. They can serve more people effectively and create a positive influence on those around them. The conversation suggests that cultivating self-energy leads to embodying one’s true self, which is essential for composed and compassionate leadership.

Passing on self-help skills to the nex ...