Mel Robbins: How To Change Your Life With Two Simple Words

Mel Robbins introduces the transformative "Let Them" concept, which is centered around the idea of releasing the urge to control the uncontrollable and instead focusing on managing your own reactions and behaviors.

The "Let Them" concept involves detaching from trying to control things you cannot control, and instead focusing on the things you can control within yourself.

Robbins explains that the "Let Them" approach helps maintain a sense of peace and conserve energy by allowing things to happen without intervention. Loving someone means allowing them to be themselves—this fundamental act of love entails accepting what you can't control and focusing on controlling your own behavior and responses instead. Lewis Howes supports this with his own realizations from painful breakups, pledging to accept all parts of his partner.

Applying "Let Them" allows you to let go of frustrations and energy drains caused by trying to manage other people's behaviors or outcomes.

Robbins offers insight into this concept as a way to prevent your time and attention from being drawn into matters that don't deserve your energy or are beyond your control. It's about acknowledging that it's not your job to manage others’ feelings or behaviors. Both Robbins and Howes discuss how this mindset can lead to a more tranquil and focused life.

"Let Them" helps you focus your time and energy on what truly matters to you, rather than waste it on things beyond your control.

Through examples from Robbins’ life, like her son Oakley's prom or mundane frustrations like slow-moving lines, the hosts show how the "Let Them" theory preserves your most valuable resources: time and energy. It’s about stopping the turn of other people into an issue and channeling your energies towards your own happiness and the things that you can directly influence. Robbins insists that the "Let Them" philosophy is about allowing space for others' emotions and decisions, teaching others—including children—to regulate their own feelings, and visualizing adults as if they were children who need to learn emotional regulation on their own.

During a stressful moment involving her son’s prom plans, Robbins was advised by her daughter Kendall to "let him" handle the situation, ultimately leading Robbins to embrace the "Let Them" concept, detaching herself from the need to control her son’s prom experience and allowing him the autonomy to manage on his own.

This concept also means recognizing that you can't change other people; they only change when they want to. Therefore ...

Discussing their personal experiences, Lewis Howes and Mel Robbins highlight the negative consequences of attempting to control others—not only is it futile, but it also causes personal stress, strains relationships, and drains energy.

Trying to control others leads to stress, frustration, and a weakening of your own energy and wellbeing.

Lewis Howes shared that in his past relationships, a lack of acceptance contributed to relational challenges, suggesting that efforts to control or change each other are counterproductive. Mel Robbins echoes this sentiment, sharing her experiences of trying to make everyone happy, which paradoxically often led to her own disappointment and upset. She emphasizes that by allowing people to be themselves, this can lead to healthier relationships and helps to alleviate the tension that comes from trying to manage others' emotions.

Robbins points out that being in a constant state of rage or distress over uncontrollable things inhibits your brain's ability to think critically and impacts emotional wellbeing. Likewise, Howes explains that trying to please others can result in personal suffering, stress, and diminished energy. Robbins alludes to the same frustrations and energy drains that come from attempts to control someone else’s happiness or behaviors.

When you try to please others or manage their emotions and behaviors, you suffer, while they do not.

Chris experiences stress when Mel does not organize cardboard boxes as he has requested, exemplifying the futility and emotional cost of trying to control minor behaviors. Robbins expresses regret over being judgmental and assumptive in past relationships, highlighting that trying to control others not only creates tension but also a sense of judgment and assumption.

Moreover, Robbins reveals that her own "control freak" tendencies led to worry and stress. She acknowledges the beauty of wanting more for those you love but advises that doing so through pressure and control is unproductive.

Trying to control others creates tension and distance in your relationships, as people naturally resist being controlled.

Robbins explains that trying to control ...

An examination of the ways people try to exert control in their relationships reveals various strategies that often lead to frustration and stress. Lessons from Lewis Howes and Mel Robbins highlight the impacts and alternatives to such behaviors.

People often try to control others by managing their emotions and emotional reactions.

Mel Robbins expresses that people navigate life based on others' emotional reactions, often driving their actions through a sense of guilt or perceived responsibility for others' happiness. Trying to change plans or act out of guilt to please others can misalign with personal values, and erroneously suggests to the ones we try to please that they are incapable of handling disappointments.

Lewis Howes hints at a potential control issue in relationships when partners do not allow each other to fully live out their personal or professional lives due to insecurities or a lack of trust. Robbins suggests letting go of the need to manage others’ feelings by asking open-ended questions and removing outside pressure. This approach not only empowers them but also respects their capability to manage life's challenges.

People also try to control others by worrying excessively about what others think of them.

Robbins notes that too much concern for the opinions of others is a major block to happiness and prevents authentic expressions of self. By letting go of the worry about others' thoughts, and acknowledging that one can't control them, it frees up focus for what one can control which ultimately leads to living more authentically. The concept of "Let Them" involves focusing on personal values over others’ expectations, which is contrasted with the negative aspect of t ...