Harnessing Vulnerability: Build Courage & Resilience (How to Make it Your SUPERPOWER)

Brene Brown and Lewis Howes delve into the concept of vulnerability, examining its integral role in exemplifying true courage.

Vulnerability is essential for true courage and bravery

Brene Brown discusses the necessity of vulnerability for courage, implying that in order to be truly courageous, one must be willing to have difficult conversations and be comfortable with discomfort. She defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure, arguing that these elements are inherent to any act of courage. Brown maintains that there has never been an act of courage that did not involve vulnerability, a perspective she holds even when engaging with military personnel.

The myth that vulnerability is a sign of weakness

Brown comments on the societal misconception that suggests being vulnerable signifies weakness. She challenges this belief by stating that it is actually the inability to be vulnerable that erodes our strength. She emphasizes that vulnerability is not weakness but rather the willingness to show up and be seen when you can't control the outcome, and she describes this as our greatest measure of courage.

Brown points out that society often pressures individuals, particularly men, to hide vulnerability by deeming it a sign of weakness. Men may then resort to harmful behaviors like aggression, shutting down emotions, or failing to authentically lead. She highlights that one major shame trigger for men is being perceived as weak, due to the cultural equation of vulnerability with weakness. This creates a dilemma where people desire bravery but reject vulnerability, which Brown argues is impossible due to their intrinsic connection.

Lewis Howes shares that, for men, it’s challenging to deal with emotions because societal norms do not teach men to process emotions healthily, often leading them to hide or avoid their vulnerabilities. Brown expands ...

A dialogue with Brene Brown and insights from Lewis Howes and Shaka Senghor showcase the societal challenges men face when it comes to expressing vulnerability.

Toxic masculine culture discourages men from expressing emotions

The conversation with Brown brings to light the shame men experience over being perceived as weak. There's a pervasive cultural message that equates vulnerability with weakness, urging men to put on masks of toughness rather than showing their true feelings.

Boys are often taught to "toughen up" and not show signs of weakness or vulnerability

From an early age, boys are instructed to "toughen up" and not display signs of weakness or vulnerability. Lewis Howes reflects back on his own life, acknowledging how he would channel his pain into physical aggression in sports as a means to escape emotional suffering, hinting at a societal norm of valorizing toughness over vulnerability. This mentality doesn't vanish as boys grow into men; the same message of shame and fear of appearing weak persists well into adulthood.

This mentality extends into adulthood, with men feeling immense shame at the prospect of appearing weak

Lewis Howes and Brene Brown discuss how boys and men are conditioned to avoid appearing "soft" and instead exhibit toughness. This toxic aspect of masculinity is not limited to sports; it's a broader societal issue. Men are often ridiculed or stigmatized for showing vulnerability, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection since they're taught to conceal their emotions. The dialogue also links this suppression of vulnerability to extreme and harmful outcomes, such as mass shootings born out of "unexpressed sadness, frustration, insecurities."

Lack of models and support for men to be vulnerable

Both Senghor and Brown highlight the scarcity of societal examples where men share their struggles and emotions openly, pointing to a wider lack of openness among men.

There are few examples in society of men openly sharing their struggles and emotions

Shaka Senghor emphasizes the societal pressures young boys face to embody an image that's deemed appealing, which often translates into taking on a "bad boy" persona, therefore rejecting the show of authentic emotion. Senghor himself offers a poignant example from his book, stating "as a boy, when I couldn't cry tears, I cried bullets," underscoring the detrimental impact of not having health ...

Experts and individuals alike share insights into how unresolved trauma can result in destructive behaviors and the profound role that personal healing and transformation can play in an individual's life.

Unresolved trauma can lead to destructive behaviors

Traumatic experiences in childhood or young adulthood, if left unprocessed, can contribute to harmful decision-making and actions later in life

Inky Johnson shares his struggles with resentment toward his father, which stemmed from his parents' separation. He reflects on how, after his injury, he saw his family transform as his parents began to coexist peacefully.

Shaka Senghor discusses his entrance into selling crack cocaine at age 14 as a result of difficult life circumstances, such as a lack of basic necessities and cultural expectations of toughness. His traumatic experiences escalated, involving witnessing a friend's murder and being robbed at gunpoint. These events culminated in his shooting someone at the age of 17 and later being incarcerated for murder. He mentions that being beaten as a child was his introduction to a culture of violence, and how after being shot, he processed this trauma alone, leading to a mindset focused on self-protection through violent means.

Lewis Howes speaks about how he attempted to deal with emotional pain through aggression on the football field, highlighting that unresolved emotional trauma from personal relationships can manifest in harmful behaviors. Similarly, Senghor's phrase, "when I couldn't cry tears, I cried bullets," illustrates how the inability to express emotions can lead to violence.

The journey of personal healing and growth

Individuals discuss the profound impact of introspection, responsibility, and self-compassion on personal transformation.

Examining one's past and taking responsibility for one's actions, while also showing self-compassion, is crucial for transformation

Johnson reveals his realization that certain personal challenges, like escaping poverty, led him to make potentially harmful choices. He talks about using his injury as an opportunity for growth, learning to be grateful for what he could do with his left hand and how to find positivity in adverse situations.

Howes shares his healing journey, which began at age 30, when he addressed traumas from his past. He talks about a significant moment in therapy where he felt the pain that had resided in his chest for years finally begin to dissipate.

Senghor's transformation began with deep self-examination while in solitary confinement. Despite an initially dark incarceration filled with anger, Senghor began journaling, leading to the realization of his need for a psychological intervention. This introspection was the inception of his journey to confront the guilt and responsibility for the life he had taken.

Engaging in practices like journaling, seeking mentorship, and building a supportive community can facilitate meaningful healing

Both Senghor and Howes mention journaling as a critical part of their healing processes. For Senghor, journaling helped h ...