Life Lessons From 100-Year-Olds You Didn’t Know You Needed

Experts and ordinary individuals alike share insights on choosing happiness and the profound impact of living intentionally, regardless of one's circumstances.

Choose Happiness Despite Circumstances, Not Waiting For Perfection

Karl Pillemer relays that older individuals often remark on the brevity of life and urge others not to waste time living unfulfillingly. Instead, focus on what matters most, as time is limited. June Driscoll, living in a nursing home, chooses to be happy, well cared for, and feels great, displaying that happiness is a choice.

Pillemer underscores this point by advising not to do things just to impress others but to focus on one's true desires. Likewise, Pillemer conveys a successful entrepreneur's advice to say "yes" to opportunities rather than waiting for conditions to be perfect. Pillemer also suggests prioritizing enriching experiences over material possessions, citing the limited time we have in life.

Life Is Short; Time For Happiness and Fulfillment Is Limited

The "happy in spite of" attitude acknowledges life's challenges while choosing resilience. Studies find that individuals over 70, despite experiencing chronic diseases and loss, tend to be happier on average than younger people. This suggests that happiness can be attained despite less-than-ideal circumstances.

Mel Robbins emphasizes the rapid passing of life and the necessity of living more intentionally and choosing happiness in the moment, rather than waiting for perfect conditions.

Focus On What Works In Your Life, Not On the Negatives or What You Wish Were Different

June Driscoll looks back at her past poverty with gratitude for her current care, choosing to focus on what she has instead of what she lacks. Mel Robbins encourages self-honesty about happiness and the importance of acknowledging what is working well in one's life. Older individuals consciously focus on the positives in their lives, choosing contentment despite any negativity, showing ...

Choose a Partner Wisely, Ensuring Compatibility and Shared Values

Heed Loved Ones' Views on a Potential Partner

Dr. Carl Pilimer highlights the importance of choosing a mate with extreme care, echoing the sentiments of elders who advise listening to the impressions of friends and family about a future mate. Both Pilimer and Mel Robbins underscore that if none of your friends or family like your prospective partner, it's worth taking their concerns seriously. They acknowledge that friends and family may notice changes in your behavior that signal you're not yourself, and that the partner may not be bringing out the best in you. Pilimer advises that if everyone close to you consistently says your partner is not right for you, it's a major life regret for those who choose not to listen.

Focus On Similarities, Not Opposites Attracting

Pilimer goes on to explain that older people recommend choosing someone similar to oneself, specifically in terms of values. He highlights the tendency of people to gravitate toward partners who share their views and lifestyles, suggesting that deep attraction should be rooted in more than just superficial chemistry.

Nurture Relationships, Express Love and Gratitude

Resolve Conflicts; Mend Ties and Reconnect

Conflict resolution and the mending of family ties are crucial aspects of maintaining healthy relationships. Pilimer conveys the deep regrets of those who did not resolve family estrangements, especially since such estrangements can lead to ongoing pain and a profound sense of loss. He encourages the use of anticipatory regret as a motivational tool to mend relationships. Additionally, Pilimer recommends addressing if a heated argument stems from simple issues such as hunger, as resolving basic needs can defuse tensions. The elders advise against going to bed angry and tackling grudges swiftly to prevent deeper issues from festering.

Prioritize Quality Time Ov ...

Karl Pillemer and Mel Robbins discuss the critical aspects of communication and emotional expression and the importance of not allowing procrastination or worry to hinder fulfilling relationships and mental well-being.

Express Feelings and Appreciation Often

Communication of positive emotions and the resolution of conflicts should not be delayed, as time is not always on one's side.

Express Love, Forgiveness, or Gratitude Now

Pillemer's book emphasizes the urgency of expressing feelings such as love, forgiveness, or gratitude without delay. Pillemer notes that people often regret not taking the opportunity to express these emotions sooner, highlighting that once the chance is gone, it may be too late. He urges individuals to actively consider whether there is something important they should express to others, such as love, care, pride, or gratitude, and not to assume others already know how much they are valued.

Mel Robbins also stresses the importance of immediate expression, arguing that not waiting for the "right time" can liberate one from the emotional burden of postponed conversations. She believes that saying what needs to be said can free oneself from carrying the weight of unspoken feelings.

Have Difficult Conversations and Address Conflicts Head-On

Addressing conflicts promptly prevents resentment from eroding relationships over time. Pillemer advises dealing with conflicts directly rather than letting them fester. Similarly, Robbins encourages openness about deeper feelings within relationships, suggesting that confronting issues head-on and discussing what happened can offer solutions and benefits. She also advises setting a deadline, like resolving conflicts before bedtime, which can lead to faster resolution and enhanced mutual understanding.

Avoid Worry About the Uncontrollable

Worrying excessively about issues beyond one's control is unproductive and often leads to undue stress and regret.

Challenge the Urge to Obsessively Worry About Problems

Research supports the idea of actively deciding to set aside mindless worries, as fixating on uncontrollable factors accomplishes nothing. Upon reflection, many regret the time spent on concerns about events that never materialized, weren' ...

Learning to embrace imperfection and forgive oneself is a crucial step towards contentment, as discussed by experts like Karl Pillemer, June Driscoll, and Mel Robbins. They stress the importance of focusing on lessons rather than regrets and taking a long-term view of life's challenges and setbacks.

Embrace Imperfection and Forgive Yourself

Accepting oneself and moving on from past decisions are key themes in the lives of those who have come to terms with their history.

Avoid Endlessly Second-Guessing Past Decisions or Mistakes

People often regret wasting time worrying about things that were out of their control instead of accepting situations and forgiving themselves for any perceived missteps. Pillemer observes that many people with permanent estrangements in their family wish they had not allowed these rifts to occur, highlighting the pain associated with unresolved conflicts.

The discussion emphasizes the importance of moving forward without constantly looking back or second-guessing decisions. Comparing oneself with hypothetical better decisions can be damaging; instead, it is advised to let go of things beyond one's control and analyze if the second-guessing serves any purpose.

Focus On Lessons Rather Than Regrets

Learning from disagreements and not holding onto grudges is advised, focusing on what can be learned from missed opportunities or mistakes rather than how one messed up. By assessing actions with honesty and integrity and preventing future regret, individuals can create a narrative of their lives that focuses on growth rather than dwelling on past faults.

Focus On the Long-Term; Don't Let Setbacks Consume You

A long-term perspective can help mitigate the impact of life's setbacks and inform decisions that will stand the test of time.

Consider if This Issue Will Matter When You're 80 or 90

Karl Pillemer encourages individuals to address conflicts early and to consider the long-term relevance of current issues. An older person values time differently, and in the context of a life viewed in hindsight, what may seem crucial now may not matte ...

Holistic health and wellness encompass more than just the absence of disease—it's about fostering a state of physical, mental, and social well-being throughout one's life.

Prioritize Midlife Health to Avoid Later Chronic Illnesses

It's crucial that individuals recognize the significance of their behaviors in midlife to prevent chronic conditions in their later years.

Adopt Healthy Habits: Exercise, Nutrition, Stress Management

While young people often indulge in unhealthy behaviors like smoking, eating poorly, and avoiding exercise, it's important to look beyond the immediate gratification of these habits. Proactive steps taken during one’s 30s, 40s, and 50s play a critical role in determining long-term health outcomes. Adopting healthy habits like regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and effective stress management can drastically improve quality of life in the future.

Don't Underestimate the Long-Term Consequences of Unhealthy Behaviors

Elders often express regret over not addressing unhealthy habits earlier in life, having suffered from chronic diseases for years as a result. The concern should not be dying prematurely but rather the possibility of enduring decades of chronic illness, with life prolonged by medical interventions. What you do in your midlife can significantly affect your health later on, underscoring the importance of making healthful choices sooner rather than later.

Happiness and Fulfillment Aren't Dependent on Perfect Health

Maintaining well-being is not solely contingent on perfect physical health; it also relies on one's mindset and ability to adapt to life's changes.

Maintain a Resilient Mindset in Physical Challenges

Even when face ...