3 Questions to Ask Yourself to Figure Out What You Really Want
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Robbins addresses how to evaluate your life's current trajectory and explore alternative paths. She presents a framework for examining where your present choices might lead in five years, and explains how to identify whether your current path aligns with your authentic desires. Through personal examples, from fitness habits to creative aspirations, Robbins illustrates how present actions shape future outcomes.
The episode introduces practical tools for self-reflection, including the Odyssey Plan developed by Stanford professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. Robbins explains how to use small, experimental steps to explore new possibilities without making dramatic life changes. She shares examples of successful pivots, from corporate transitions to pursuing creative endeavors, demonstrating how people can expand their options beyond their current circumstances.
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1-Page Summary
Self-Reflection on Current Life Path and Trajectory
Robbins challenges listeners to honestly evaluate where their current life path will lead in five years if nothing changes. She emphasizes that staying on an unfulfilling path might not just maintain the status quo—it could lead to unintended commitments and a future that doesn't align with one's true desires. Through personal examples, like her focus on protein intake and resistance training, Robbins demonstrates how current practices shape future outcomes.
Considering Alternative Possibilities and "Plan B" Options
When discussing alternative life paths, Robbins encourages exploring diverse options if current paths become unavailable. She shares examples of successful pivots, from corporate jobs to consulting businesses, and suggests various alternatives like freelancing, starting a business, or pursuing new skills. Robbins emphasizes that feeling "stuck" is often self-imposed, and there are usually more options available than we perceive.
Uncovering and Unleashing Inner Dreams and Aspirations
Robbins guides listeners through imagining a future unconstrained by limitations or obligations. She advocates for using daydreaming as a tool to uncover desires and "unfinished business" buried beneath daily demands. Sharing her own aspiration to write a fantasy trilogy, Robbins demonstrates how acknowledging these buried desires can lead to exploring new life directions.
Odyssey Plan to Facilitate Process
Drawing from Stanford professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans's work, Robbins introduces the Odyssey Plan—a self-reflection tool designed to expand mindsets and reveal new possibilities. She explains how this approach encourages low-stakes experiments and prototyping, citing her husband's successful implementation of a daily writing habit as an example of how small changes can lead to significant life shifts.
Steps to Prototype and Experiment With Ideas
Robbins advocates for pursuing aspirations through small, iterative experiments rather than dramatic changes. She shares personal experiences, including testing her dream of owning a bakery by working in one first. This approach, she explains, allows for exploration and understanding of what truly energizes someone while maintaining an experimental, curious mindset.
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Counterarguments
- Realistically evaluating one's life path may not always lead to clear insights due to cognitive biases and emotional attachments.
- Some individuals may find that staying on a seemingly unfulfilling path is necessary due to practical considerations like financial stability or family obligations.
- The idea that current practices shape future outcomes doesn't account for unforeseen life events that can drastically alter one's trajectory.
- Exploring diverse options is beneficial, but it can also lead to analysis paralysis where an individual becomes overwhelmed by choices and fails to take action.
- The notion that feeling "stuck" is self-imposed may overlook systemic barriers that limit an individual's ability to change their circumstances.
- While there may be more options available than perceived, not all options are viable or accessible to everyone due to various constraints.
- Imagining a future unconstrained by limitations can be inspiring, but it may also set unrealistic expectations that lead to disappointment.
- Daydreaming about desires and aspirations is valuable, but without actionable steps, it may not lead to tangible change.
- The Odyssey Plan, while a useful tool, may not be suitable for everyone, and some may find it too structured or prescriptive.
- Low-stakes experiments and prototyping assume that individuals have the resources and time to invest in such activities, which may not be the case for everyone.
- Small changes leading to significant life shifts may not account for the complexity and resistance to change inherent in many life situations.
- Pursuing aspirations through small, iterative experiments can be effective, but it may also be slow and not suitable for time-sensitive goals.
- Testing aspirations through small experiments can provide insight, but it may also be an oversimplification of the process required to achieve certain complex or large-scale dreams.
Actionables
- You can use a "future resume" to visualize where you want to be in five years, detailing the skills, experiences, and achievements you aspire to have by then. This exercise flips the script on the traditional resume, which looks backward, and instead, it encourages you to think forward, aligning your current actions with your future goals. For example, if you envision yourself as a community leader, you might start volunteering locally to gain relevant experience.
- Create a "week of living differently" plan where each day you adopt a new habit or explore a new interest that's outside your usual routine. This could be as simple as taking a different route to work, trying a new cuisine, or dedicating an evening to a hobby you've always been curious about. The aim is to break the cycle of feeling stuck by actively injecting variety into your life, which can reveal hidden passions or interests.
- Start a "possibility journal" where you jot down all the career paths or life choices you've ever considered, no matter how impractical they seem. Each week, pick one possibility and spend an hour researching what it would take to pursue it, such as the necessary education, the lifestyle it entails, and the first steps to get started. This strategy helps to demystify alternative paths and can make them feel more attainable, potentially leading to a more fulfilling direction.
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Self-Reflection on one's Current Life Path and Trajectory
In today's session on self-reflection, Robbins encourages listeners to deeply analyze their current life path and where it might lead if changes aren't made.
Evaluating Current Life Path and Unchanged Future Projection
Robbins challenges listeners to think critically about where they will be in five years if nothing changes. She emphasizes the need for brutal honesty when visualizing the future trajectory if one sticks to their current path. Robbins points out that not only might things stay the same on an unfulfilling path, but they could also worsen over time.
Considering Consequences and Implications Of Staying On Current Path
She delves into the implications of remaining stationary in one's current life path, such as staying in a relationship with someone who is good but not the right partner. This may lead to unintentional commitments, like moving in together or getting engaged, simply because that's the trajectory already set, not because it's an actively chosen path. Robbins pushes for introspection: Are you truly on the path you desire, with the friends you want? Is the career you're in right for you? If you routinely wake up wishing for change, yet remain inactive due to the daily grind, Robbins highlights that this complacency can lead to a future you're not aiming for.
Recognizing Growth Opportunities By Proactively Assessing one's Trajectory
Robbins reflects on her own life path, where she focuses on getting enough protein, engages in resistance training, and maintains frequent contact with friends. This leads her to anticipate a fulfilling future.
By looking ahead based on current practices, Robbins implies that listener ...
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Self-Reflection on one's Current Life Path and Trajectory
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- Robbins' approach assumes that individuals have a high degree of control over their life trajectory, which may not account for systemic issues or unforeseen life events that can significantly impact one's path.
- The idea of brutal honesty might not be constructive for everyone; some individuals may benefit more from a compassionate or gradual approach to self-reflection.
- The emphasis on envisioning where one will be in five years if nothing changes could induce unnecessary anxiety or pressure for some individuals who are content with the present or who value living in the moment.
- Robbins' personal example of a fulfilling life path may not resonate with everyone, as fulfillment is subjective and can be achieved through various lifestyles and values.
- The concept of unfinished business might not be applicable to all listeners, as some may believe in leaving certain things in the past or may not view unresolved issues as detrimental to their future.
- The suggestion that things could potentially degrade before they improve if no changes are made might be overly pessimistic and not consider the possibility that ...
Actionables
- Create a "5-Year Future Resume" to visualize where you want to be professionally and personally. Draft a resume as if you're applying for your dream job or life situation in five years, including the skills, experiences, and achievements you hope to have by then. This can help you identify gaps between your current trajectory and your desired future, and set concrete goals to bridge those gaps.
- Develop a "Relationship and Career Map" to assess the alignment of your current connections and job with your aspirations. On a large piece of paper, draw a map with two paths: one for relationships (friends, family, mentors) and one for your career. Plot out the people and job roles that currently populate these paths. Use different colored markers to highlight which ones support your growth and which might be holding you back. This visual representation can make it easier to decide where ...
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Considering Alternative Possibilities and "Plan B" Options
Discussing the importance and feasibility of alternative life plans, Mel Robbins delves into the potential shifts that can occur when one's current path becomes unavailable.
Exploring a Change in Direction if the Path Disappears
Robbins challenges individuals to consider what direction they would take if aspects of their current life, including career and relational paths, suddenly vanished.
Exploring Diverse Career, Lifestyle, and Personal Growth Options
She uses examples of people who had to pivot from their original paths to new ventures—like a woman who shifted from a corporate marketing job to running her own consulting business, or a dancer who, due to injury, began teaching dance to children. Robbins urges exploration of new avenues such as freelancing, starting a business, or learning new skills in fields like AI or technology.
She poses the question of pivoting into entirely different fields and advocates for the consideration of options like becoming an EMT, re-entering the restaurant community, going to law school, or even joining the military. Robbins herself mentions a personal example of continued personal growth: her husband's pursuit of a spiritual psychology master's degree, taken one class at a time.
Robbins discusses the idea of initiating one small change towards a new interest, such as dedicating daily time to an emerging passion. This could manifest as exploring different career options or personal growth opportunities like nursing, ski patrol, or travel blogging.
Fear and Inertia Blind Us to Our Options
Challenging the Belief Of Being "Stuck"
Addressing those who feel uncertain, immobile, or lost, Robbins introduces three questions to shift mindsets and uncover new possibilities. She highlights the importance of assessing whether one is following a personally satisfying path or simply continuing on unfulfilling trajectories in career or education due to previous commitments or societal expectations.
Robbins emphasizes that recognizing dissatisfaction with one's current life direction is the first step towards change. She asserts that when people consider they are stuck, they are often overlooking their existing array of choices, as ...
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Considering Alternative Possibilities and "Plan B" Options
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While Robbins promotes the idea of considering alternative life plans, some might argue that constant consideration of alternatives can lead to decision paralysis and a lack of commitment to one's current path.
- The suggestion to pivot into entirely different fields may not be feasible for everyone, especially those with financial constraints or family obligations that limit their ability to take risks or return to school.
- Robbins's encouragement to make small changes towards new interests assumes that individuals have the luxury of time and resources to explore these passions, which might not be the case for everyone.
- The concept of feeling "stuck" being a self-imposed barrier may not acknowledge external systemic issues that can limit an individual's ability to change their circumstances, such as economic downturns, discrimination, or lack of access to education.
- The idea of using th ...
Actionables
- You can create a "Life Swap" journal where you document a day in the life of your alternative self. Start by choosing a different career or lifestyle you're curious about. Then, research and write a detailed account of what a typical day might look like, including the tasks you'd do, the people you'd meet, and the challenges you might face. This exercise can help you visualize and emotionally connect with potential paths.
- Develop a "Skill Swap" challenge with friends or colleagues to learn and teach each other new skills. Each participant chooses a skill they're proficient in and one they want to learn. Over a set period, you exchange knowledge through workshops, online meetings, or practice sessions. This can be a fun and social way to explore new interests and consider how they might fit into your life.
- Initiate a "Barrier Breakdown" brainstorm where you list perceived obst ...
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Uncovering and Unleashing Inner Dreams and Aspirations
Mel Robbins explores the realm of personal dreams and how individuals, regardless of age, can uncover and connect with their true passions to lead a more fulfilling life.
Imagining a Future Unconstrained by Limitations or Obligations
Robbins encourages listeners to envision a life devoid of barriers that usually prevent them from pursuing their passions. She advises her audience to ask probing questions that facilitate the imagination of a future unburdened by limitations and obligations. Psychological research suggests that envisioning the future, even when the outlook is negative, can spur people into action and strengthen their commitment to chasing an envisioned life without barriers.
Envisioning a Life Without Barriers To Pursuing Passions
Robbins urges her listeners to ponder what course their life might take if their current path were to disappear suddenly. This exercise offers a space to dream and think beyond one's present circumstances, emphasizing the need to permit oneself to contemplate various options without waiting for drastic life changes.
Exploring Life's Potential Directions
Robbins delves into the value of daydreaming as a method of tapping into desires and "unfinished business" that lie dormant under the daily bustle of life. She affirms that daydreaming can be a powerful tool for discovering one’s true wants.
Desires and Unfinished Business Buried Under Daily Demands
Robbins implores her audience to picture how their lives would look and feel if nothing were holding them back—no financial limitations, societal expectations, or practical barriers. Reflecting on such a life helps uncover intrinsic desires, possibly rekindling passions buried since childhood. She poses contemplative questions such as "How would life look if there was nothing holding you back?" to prompt unrestricted permission to dream.
Robbins challenges her listeners to imagine a future free from worry about finances or social judgment, where passions like coaching a soccer team, working at a pet shelter, or engaging in creative ventures are well within reach. The objective of this exercise is to encourage a sense of fre ...
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Uncovering and Unleashing Inner Dreams and Aspirations
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Clarifications
- Psychological research suggests that envisioning the future, even when the outlook is negative, can motivate people to take action and strengthen their commitment to pursuing a desired life path. This practice of mentally simulating future scenarios can help individuals overcome present obstacles and increase their determination to achieve their goals. By visualizing a future unburdened by limitations, individuals may experience a boost in motivation and a clearer sense of direction in working towards their aspirations. Envisioning a life without barriers can serve as a powerful psychological tool to inspire proactive steps towards realizing one's dreams.
- Daydreaming can help individuals access their subconscious desires and unfulfilled aspirations by allowing their minds to wander freely. It provides a space for exploring thoughts and fantasies that may be suppressed during daily routines. By engaging in daydreaming, people can uncover hidden passions and longings that have been overshadowed by practical responsibilities. This mental exercise can lead to a deeper understanding of one's true desires and motivations.
- Envisioning a life without barriers to pursuing passions involves imagining a scenario where nothing holds you back from following your dreams, such as financial constraints or societal expectations. This exercise encourages individuals to explore what their life could look like if they were free to pursue their deepest desires without any limitations. By visualizing a reality where obstacles are removed, individuals can tap into their true aspirations and ...
Counterarguments
- While envisioning a life without barriers can be inspiring, it may also set unrealistic expectations, as real-life constraints and responsibilities cannot always be ignored.
- The encouragement to daydream might lead some individuals to become dissatisfied with their current situation, potentially causing distress if their dreams are not immediately attainable.
- Robbins' approach may not account for the complexities of mental health issues that can impede a person's ability to dream or take action towards those dreams.
- The idea of pursuing passions without regard to financial stability or societal expectations might not be practical or responsible advice for everyone, especially those with dependents or financial obligations.
- The concept of "unfinished business" could lead to a sense of failure or regret for past decisions, which might not be a constructive mindset for all individuals.
- Robbins' suggestions may not be inclusive of people who find fulfillment in stability and routine, rather than constant pursuit of new aspirations.
- The advice ...
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Odyssey Plan to Facilitate Process
Engaging With Key Questions of the Odyssey Plan For Self-Reflection and Mindset Expansion
Mel Robbins introduces listeners to the Odyssey Plan, a concept developed by Stanford professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. This self-reflection tool, featured in a New York Times bestselling book, is designed to expand mindsets and reveal new life possibilities. It is part of one of Stanford's most popular courses and helps people feel like the heroes of their own lives by encouraging them to ask themselves key questions about their current path, the impact of its absence, and an unbounded vision for their future.
Robbins guides listeners through these questions, which include considering how their life will look if they continue without change, what happens if their current path disappears tomorrow, and how life might look if they were free from the opinions and expectations of others. She emphasizes the power of daydreaming about what one would do if nothing were holding them back, which is central to the course and the underlying Odyssey Plan.
Leveraging the Odyssey Plan to Design an Aligned and Fulfilling Life
Robbins moves on to discuss how the Odyssey Plan encourages low-stakes experiments and prototyping as a means to test and refine life directions. She talks about her husband, Christopher, who used the plan to realize his dream of writing a book, leading him to create a daily writing habit that effectively changed his path. She describes prototyping as engaging in new activities like taking classes or incorporating nature into one's daily routine as the first steps towards a different or more fulfilling life.
Robbins points out that this method can apply to various life goals, such as aspiring to be happily married by expanding one ...
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Odyssey Plan to Facilitate Process
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- The effectiveness of the Odyssey Plan may vary from person to person, and it might not be suitable for everyone's needs or circumstances.
- The concept of "feeling like the hero of one's own life" could be seen as overly individualistic and may not account for the importance of community and relationships in personal fulfillment.
- The idea of daydreaming about unlimited possibilities might not be practical for individuals facing significant real-world constraints and responsibilities.
- Low-stakes experiments and prototyping, while beneficial, may not be feasible for individuals with limited time, resources, or those who have dependents to care for.
- The assumption that everyone has "unfinished business" in their lives may not resonate with individuals who feel content with their current situation.
- The focus on changing one's life path might inadvertently devalue the importance of stability and contentment in one's current path.
- The plan's emphasis on aligning with one's true self and personal fulfillment could be criticized for not sufficiently addressing the role of external factors such as socioeconomic status, cultural expectations, an ...
Actionables
- Create a visual roadmap of your life's "what ifs" by drawing three divergent paths on a large poster board, each representing a different scenario of your life based on the key questions about your current path, its absence, and a vision for the future. Use images, symbols, and words to make it vivid and place it somewhere you'll see daily to keep the possibilities at the forefront of your mind.
- Start a "Life Experiments" journal where you document small, weekly experiments in areas you want to improve, like relationships or hobbies. For each experiment, note your hypothesis, action steps, and reflections on the outcome. This practice encourages active engagement with new experiences and tracks your progress towards a more fulfilling life.
- Organize a monthly "Dreamers ...
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Steps to Prototype and Experiment With Ideas
Robbins encourages pursuing aspirations, interests, or unfinished projects through small, iterative experiments. This approach allows individuals to explore new possibilities and make life changes with less risk.
Interests, Passions, or Unfinished Business From the Odyssey Plan
Robbins suggests using the Odyssey Plan as a guide, beginning with small, low-risk steps to explore areas of interest. She counsels tapping into these options before life forces a change, advocating for proactive engagement with one's aspirations. Robbins shares how she explored her interest in podcasts and how her husband, Christopher, incorporated daily writing into his routine to pursue his dream of writing a book.
Small, Low-risk Steps to Explore New Possibilities Iteratively
Using low-stakes experiments, Robbins encourages listeners to explore and understand what energizes them. For example, she tried working at a bakery to validate her dream of owning one. Realizing it wasn't for her, Robbins understood the importance of testing ideas before committing.
Major Life Changes Begin With Incremental Adjustments and Experiments
Robbins emphasizes starting with incremental adjustments and maintaining an experimental mindset for significant life changes. Changing routines and trying new things, such as writing every morning or designing experiences similar to living in Spain, can guide one towards their desired direction. The ultimate goal is to experiment without feeling locked into big decisions bu ...
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Steps to Prototype and Experiment With Ideas
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- Small, iterative experiments may not always be feasible for all types of aspirations or projects, especially those requiring significant upfront investment or commitment.
- The Odyssey Plan might not be suitable for everyone, as some individuals may not have the luxury of exploring various interests due to financial or personal constraints.
- Proactive engagement with aspirations assumes that individuals have the clarity and time to identify and pursue these interests, which might not be the case for everyone.
- Low-stakes experiments can sometimes give a false sense of what pursuing a passion would truly entail, as they may not fully replicate the challenges of fully committing to a new direction.
- Incremental adjustments may not be sufficient for certain life changes that require swift and decisive action rather than a gradual approach.
- An experimental mindset can sometimes lead to indecision or a lack of commitment if not balanced with a clear set of goals and a timeline for evaluation.
- The concept of running "drills" and having a "plan B" might inadvertently lead to a lack of focus on the primary goal, diluting efforts and resources.
- While maintain ...
Actionables
- You can start a "30-Day Challenge" where each day you commit to a small action related to an aspiration, like writing a page of a book or practicing a new language for 10 minutes, to build momentum and explore interests without overwhelming commitment.
- This approach allows you to test different aspirations in a structured, time-bound way, providing a clear start and end point that can make the process less daunting. For example, if you've always wanted to learn to play the guitar, dedicate 10 minutes each day to learning a new chord, and by the end of the month, you'll have a basic understanding of guitar playing and know whether you want to pursue it further.
- You can create a "Skill Swap" with friends or community members where you exchange knowledge or skills in short, informal sessions.
- This gives you a chance to dip your toes into new waters without the need for formal education or commitment. For instance, if you're curious about photography and your friend is interested in baking, you could teach each other the basics of your respective interests. This not only broadens your skill set but also helps validate whether this interest is worth pursuing more seriously.
- You can implement a "Weekly N ...
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