How to Design Your Life (A Full Step-by-Step Process)
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, designer Debbie Millman discusses how people can use design principles to create a life that aligns with their vision and values. She shares a three-step process for envisioning and designing one's future, which includes imagining life ten years ahead and responding to specific prompts about various aspects of life, from relationships to career goals.
Millman and Robbins explore how detailed visualization of future scenarios can reshape current perspectives and actions. They address common obstacles like self-doubt and fear of failure that often prevent people from pursuing their dreams, and explain the difference between authentic engagement with aspirations versus magical thinking. The discussion includes practical strategies for moving past these mental barriers and taking concrete steps toward designing one's ideal future.
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1-Page Summary
Core Principles and Approach Of "Designing Your Life"
Debbie Millman introduces the concept that life can be intentionally designed rather than simply reacted to. She emphasizes that this process involves making conscious decisions about how you want your life to look, feel, and what values you want it to embody. The core message centers on using design principles to create a life that aligns with one's vision and values.
Debbie Millman's 3-Step Process For Designing Your Future
Millman outlines a three-step process for envisioning and designing one's future. First, she encourages individuals to imagine their life 10 years ahead, focusing on possibilities rather than probabilities. The longer time frame, she explains, allows for bigger dreams without being constrained by current circumstances.
The second step involves responding to specific prompts about various aspects of future life, including living situation, relationships, and career goals. Millman herself wrote a 12-page essay detailing her desired daily life a decade ahead.
In the final step, Millman recommends revisiting and expanding the initial vision. She suggests writing down the vision, setting it aside, and checking progress after a year. Her own experience revealed that aspects of her future plan, such as teaching and publishing books, had begun materializing within that timeframe.
Transformative Power Of Envisioning an Ideal Future
Millman and Mel Robbins discuss how envisioning your ideal future can profoundly shift your perspective. According to Millman, verbalizing aspirations helps integrate them into your intentions and subsequent actions. Robbins emphasizes that seeing others achieve their goals can inspire us to dream bigger and expect more from life. Both suggest that detailed visualization of future scenarios, including everyday details, can reshape our current perspective and foster contentment.
Overcoming Mental Barriers and Self-Limiting Beliefs
Millman and Robbins address how self-doubt and fear of failure often prevent people from pursuing their dreams. They note that individuals, even young students, frequently decide certain possibilities aren't achievable before trying. Millman advocates for dreaming without restrictions and emphasizes that uncertainty shouldn't prevent intentional life design. She distinguishes between authentic engagement with aspirations and mere magical thinking, promoting the principle of "make it until you make it" rather than "fake it until you make it."
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Counterarguments
- While designing life intentionally is a positive approach, it may not account for the unpredictable nature of life and external factors beyond one's control.
- The assumption that life can be designed like a product or service may not fully appreciate the complexity and unpredictability of human existence.
- The focus on a 10-year vision might lead to disappointment if unforeseen life changes occur, suggesting that flexibility and adaptability are also important life skills.
- The process of responding to prompts about future life aspects may not be suitable for everyone, as some individuals may find this approach too structured or limiting.
- The idea of revisiting and expanding the initial vision assumes that one's desires and goals remain static, which may not be the case as people grow and change over time.
- Verbalizing aspirations might not always lead to integration into intentions and actions, especially if there are significant barriers to achieving those aspirations.
- The notion that seeing others achieve their goals will always inspire bigger dreams may not hold true for everyone, as it can sometimes lead to feelings of inadequacy or jealousy.
- Detailed visualization of future scenarios could potentially lead to a fixation on specific outcomes, which might result in frustration if those outcomes are not achieved.
- The concept of dreaming without restrictions might not be practical for individuals facing significant socioeconomic or personal constraints.
- The principle of "make it until you make it" may not be applicable in all situations, particularly in fields that require specific qualifications or expertise that cannot be improvised.
- Authentic engagement with aspirations is important, but there should also be a balance with realistic planning and consideration of potential obstacles.
Actionables
- Create a "Life Blueprint" board game to play with friends or family, where each player designs their ideal life through various stages. As you roll the dice and move through the board, you'll encounter different prompts that ask you to make decisions about your future self, career, relationships, and personal growth. This game can be a fun way to explore different life paths and discuss them with others, which can lead to new insights and a clearer vision of what you want.
- Start a "Future Letter" exchange with a trusted friend where you write letters to each other from your future selves, describing your lives in 10 years. This activity encourages you to articulate your dreams and aspirations in detail, and receiving a letter from your friend can provide new perspectives and inspiration. It's a unique way to hold each other accountable and support each other's visions.
- Develop a "Dream Amplifier" journal routine where each week you focus on one aspect of your life and write down the most audacious version of your dream for it, no matter how unrealistic it may seem. At the end of the week, review what you've written and identify one small step you can take to move towards that dream. This practice helps to combat self-doubt by gradually building a habit of thinking big while also taking actionable steps toward your goals.
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Core Principles and Approach Of "Designing Your Life"
"Designing Your Life" addresses the influential role of personal intention and foresight in crafting one's future path, rather than being a mere responder to the present.
Designing Life Means Shaping Your Future, Not Just Reacting To the Present
Designing Your Life Involves Decisions About how Your Life Looks, Feels, and Embodies Your Values
Debbie Millman stresses on the concept of designing your life by making intentional decisions about its direction. She articulates that this process is about deciding how you want your life to look, feel, and what values you want it to embody. Millman underscores the significance of crafting a thoughtful and actionable plan to turn these aspirations into reality.
Design Principles Can Shape Your Life's Vision
Design Is About Intentional Decis ...
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Core Principles and Approach Of "Designing Your Life"
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Counterarguments
- While personal intention and foresight are important, one must also acknowledge the role of chance and external factors that can significantly influence life outcomes.
- Intentional decisions are valuable, but over-planning can lead to inflexibility and may not account for the dynamic nature of life.
- The concept of designing one's life may not fully consider socioeconomic barriers that can limit an individual's ability to make certain life choices.
- Crafting a plan is useful, but excessive focus on planning can detract from living in the present and appreciating spontaneous experiences.
- Design principles are helpful, but applying them to life may not always be straightforward due to the complexity and unpredictability of human experiences.
- The idea o ...
Actionables
- Create a vision board that reflects your future aspirations to visually anchor your intentions. Start by gathering images, quotes, and items that resonate with your desired future. Arrange them on a board or digital platform, placing it somewhere you'll see daily. This visual representation serves as a constant reminder and motivator for the intentional decisions you'll make towards crafting your life.
- Develop a "Life Blueprint" document to outline the design of your life. Similar to architectural blueprints, this document will detail the aspects of your life you wish to design or redesign, such as career, relationships, and personal growth. Update it regularly as your vision and values evolve, ensuring your decisions stay aligned with your intended direction.
- Implement a weekly "Design Your Week" sess ...
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Debbie Millman's 3-Step Process For Designing Your Future
Influential designer and educator Debbie Millman shares an insightful exercise derived from her experiences with Milton Glaser for envisioning and designing one's future.
Imagine Your Life 10 Years In the Future
Debbie Millman advises starting with a 10-year vision for one's life, emphasizing not the likelihood of the outcomes but the vastness of possibilities.
Time Frame Allows Dreaming Bigger and Focusing On Possibilities Over Probabilities
Millman underscores that a longer time frame allows individuals to dream bigger and focus on what they want rather than how they will achieve it. Through this lens, one can envisage an ideal living situation, relationships, and day-to-day activities without being restrained by current probabilities.
Process Involves Defining Aspects of Your Future Life Through Prompts
The process involves responding to prompts that cover a broad range of future life aspects—from where you live and your relationships to your career goals and personal well-being.
Questions Address Your Living Situation, Relationships, Activities, Goals, Etc
Millman encourages considering every possible detail of the future self, and Mel Robbins echoes this sentiment, valuing the imaginative aspect of the process. Millman's own 12-page essay outlined her desired daily life a decade ahead. Her prompts also include reflective questions, such as the definition of happiness and overcoming self-imposed limits.
Revisit and Expand the Initial Vision
Once ...
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Counterarguments
- While a 10-year vision can inspire big dreams, it may also be too distant and abstract for some people, making it hard to connect with immediate actions or to maintain motivation.
- Focusing solely on what one wants without considering how to achieve it might lead to unrealistic expectations or a lack of actionable steps, potentially resulting in disappointment or inaction.
- The process of responding to prompts might not suit everyone's planning style; some may find it more effective to use visual tools like vision boards or mind maps.
- The exercise assumes that individuals have a clear understanding of what they want in the future, which might not be the case for everyone, especially those who are still exploring their desires and values.
- Encouraging people to consider every possible detail of their future self could lead to over-planning, which might make it harder to adapt to unforeseen changes or oppo ...
Actionables
- Create a visual roadmap of your 10-year vision using a digital collage tool. Choose images that represent your aspirations for your living situation, relationships, and activities, then arrange them into a collage that you can set as your computer or phone wallpaper. This constant visual reminder will keep your goals at the forefront of your daily life.
- Develop a 'Future Self' journal with monthly check-in sections. Instead of just writing down your vision, create a journal with prompts for each month that ask you to reflect on steps taken towards your goals, new details you want to add to your vision, and adjustments to your long-term plan. This structured approach ensures regular engagement with your vision and helps maintain momentum.
- Host a bi-annual 'Vision Board Party' with friends o ...
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Transformative Power Of Envisioning an Ideal Future
Envisioning your ideal future holds unprecedented power to transform your current mindset. Millman and Robbins discuss the profound impact of this practice on one’s perspective and life trajectory.
Envisioning a Future Life Can Profoundly Shift Your Perspective
Aspirations Declared Aloud Integrate Into Intentions
Millman asserts that envisioning your life 10 years in the future can profoundly alter your perspective and awaken a part of you that brings you closer to that envisioned state. Expressing aspirations aloud reinforces their significance and weaves them into the very fabric of your intentions and subsequent actions. She discovered, especially through student interactions, that verbalizing fears and hopes can effect a powerful shift in mindset.
Millman encourages not to get caught up in the "how" or in judging the envisioned future for realism but to allow oneself the freedom to picture being in the desired environment.
Others' Visions Can Inspire You to Dream Bigger
Others Achieving Goals Can Inspire You to Expect More
Robbins and Millman discuss how other people's achievements and verbalized dreams can provide the spark needed to dream bigger and expect more from life. Robbins emphasizes the transformative power of possibility, encouraging individuals to dream by asking "imagine if". When we see others defining and pursuing their visions of the future effectively, it allows us to contemplate a broader horizon of possibilities for ourselves.
Mel Robbins talks about the process of detailed visualization, imagining one's life 10 years into the future, including small, everyday details and the relationships and passions that fill the day. This met ...
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Counterarguments
- Envisioning an ideal future might lead to unrealistic expectations and potential disappointment if those visions are not tempered with practical considerations.
- Expressing aspirations aloud could create a sense of accountability that some individuals may find overwhelming or stressful.
- Focusing too much on the future can sometimes lead to neglect of the present moment and current responsibilities.
- Not all individuals may find verbalizing fears and hopes beneficial; for some, it may increase anxiety or fear.
- The assumption that everyone has the freedom to envision any desired environment may not take into account systemic barriers or personal circumstances that limit one's ability to dream freely.
- Inspiration from others' achievements can sometimes lead to unhealthy comparisons and feelings of inadequacy.
- Detailed visualization techniques might not be helpful for everyone and could lead some to become fixated on specific outcomes, reducing adaptability.
- The focus on what is possible rather than wh ...
Actionables
- Create a 'Future Box' where you write down your aspirations on pieces of paper and place them in a box; revisit and update them monthly to keep your intentions fresh and aligned with your evolving mindset. This tangible approach helps solidify your dreams and makes the act of envisioning your future a recurring event, which can lead to a more profound transformation of your current mindset.
- Start a 'Dreams and Fears' voice journal by recording your aspirations and worries daily using a voice-recording app. Listening to your own voice express these thoughts can reinforce your intentions and help shift your mindset, as hearing your own vocal commitment can be a powerful motivator.
- ...
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Overcoming Mental Barriers and Self-Limiting Beliefs to Achieve Potential
Achieving one's potential is often hindered not by external factors but by internal barriers. Self-doubt, fear of failure, and restrictive beliefs frequently prevent individuals from reaching for their dreams. Debbie Millman and Mel Robbins investigate these issues and offer guidance for overcoming these mental obstacles.
Struggling With Self-Doubt, Fear of Failure, and Restrictive Beliefs
Self-doubt and fear of failure are common reasons why individuals determine goals or dreams are "impossible" before trying. Millman reveals that students, including 21-year-olds, often decide certain possibilities aren't achievable in their lives due to feelings of inadequacy. Social media and family expectations can lead to self-comparison and catering to what one thinks they should want or what their family desires, instead of pursuing their truly desired aspirations. This self-deception can engender self-doubt and cultivate a restrictive belief system.
Determine Goals or Dreams Are "Impossible" Before Trying
Mel Robbins notes the tendency to dismiss visions that don't seem realistic, a form of self-limiting belief where people deem their goals or dreams impossible without attempting them. Millman specifies that individuals often sabotage themselves with thoughts that they can't achieve certain goals, such as meeting the ideal partner, securing a dream home, or initiating a business venture. These are simply probabilities that prevent them from trying. She emphasizes the importance of creating your life intentionally despite pressures and uncertainties.
Envision the "What" and Let the Process Unfold
Robbins and Millman discuss abandoning the preoccupation with process, realism, and probability when envisioning the future. They acknowledge this as a mental barrier that restricts one from actualizing their ambitions.
Make It, Don't Fake It; Engage Authentically With Aspirations
Millman advocates dreaming without restrictions, advising people to think opposite of what they consider realistic to expand their possibilities. This strategy focuses on envisioning what could be, not necessarily what will be. She indicates that imagining a life of freedom is more about granting oneself permission than a luxury.
She points out that the uncertainty of the world can make people question their life's potential. However, she encourages adopting the mindset of designing your life intentionally. Living life by design involves making deliberate decisions about how one wants to live and who they want to love. Often self-limiting beliefs are entrenched at a young age, but Millman insists individuals can assume control and make life-impacting decisions.
Robbi ...
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Overcoming Mental Barriers and Self-Limiting Beliefs to Achieve Potential
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Counterarguments
- While self-doubt and fear of failure can be internal barriers, external factors such as socioeconomic status, discrimination, and lack of access to resources can also significantly hinder an individual's ability to reach their potential.
- The idea that individuals deem goals impossible without trying might overlook the rational assessments people make about their circumstances, resources, and the feasibility of certain goals.
- The concept of creating life intentionally may not account for the role of chance and external factors that individuals cannot control.
- Envisioning the future without considering the process and realism could lead to unrealistic expectations and potential disappointment if those visions don't align with real-world constraints.
- Dreaming without restrictions is valuable, but without a plan or realistic steps, it may not lead to actual achievement or change.
- The emphasis on individual decision-making in designing one's life might underplay the importance of community, relationships, and collaboration in personal growth and success.
- The focus on envisioning the 'what' without immediate concern for the 'how' could be seen as impractical, as understanding the means to achieve a goal is often as important as the goal itself.
- The notion of accountability to oneself without considering mood or external distractions may not fully acknowledg ...
Actionables
- You can start a "Possibility Journal" where you write down one unrestricted dream each day. This practice encourages you to think beyond your current limitations and fosters a habit of expansive thinking. For example, if you've always wanted to travel but feel it's unrealistic, jot down where you'd go and what you'd do without worrying about the logistics or costs.
- Create a "Decision Map" for one aspect of your life you want to design intentionally, such as your career or relationships. On a large sheet of paper, draw out the decisions you face and the potential outcomes they could lead to. This visual approach helps you see the choices you have and the deliberate paths you can take, making the abstract concept of "living by design" more tangible and actionable.
- Develop a "Creative Authenticity Project" w ...
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