5 Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself Right Now
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Robbins explores five key questions for self-reflection and personal growth. She discusses the value of checking in with your emotions instead of defaulting to "I'm fine," and shares research from Harvard's Study of Adult Development about the connection between relationships and happiness. She also explains how small, postponed tasks can become significant energy drains, using real examples from her own life.
The episode covers practical approaches to incorporating more joy into daily life, from simple activities like walking dogs to playing board games with family. Robbins examines the benefits of trying new experiences during the workweek, citing Oxford University research on how learning new skills affects brain structure. Throughout the episode, she emphasizes the importance of moving away from autopilot mode and taking initiative in both personal growth and relationships.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Aug 14, 2025 episode of the The Mel Robbins Podcast
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1-Page Summary
Self-Reflection and Emotional Awareness
Mel Robbins emphasizes the importance of slowing down for introspection to avoid living life on autopilot. She encourages listeners to regularly ask themselves "how are you doing right now?" as a way to reconnect with their inner truth. Robbins explains that expressing unresolved feelings aloud can provide significant relief and enhance self-understanding. Rather than defaulting to "I'm fine," she suggests taking time to recognize and name emotions, whether they're anxiety, excitement, or peace.
Prioritizing Relationships and Connections
Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, reveals that the quality of our relationships is the strongest predictor of happiness and health. Building on this insight, Robbins discusses how relationships often fall into autopilot and emphasizes the importance of taking initiative rather than waiting for others to reach out. She shares personal examples, like planning a simple visit with her brother, to demonstrate how meaningful connections don't require elaborate plans.
Cultivating Joy and Fulfillment
Robbins advocates for intentionally incorporating joyful activities into daily life. She shares personal examples, such as gardening, playing Harry Potter Monopoly with family, and taking daily walks with her dogs. For those struggling to identify sources of joy, Robbins suggests reviewing phone photos to rediscover past joyful moments. She references Dr. Judith Joseph's research on how small moments of joy can positively impact depression.
Overcoming Procrastination and Energy Drains
Small, postponed tasks can become significant energy drains, according to Robbins. She explains that these dreaded tasks often take less time than anticipated, using her example of a kitchen drawer that took just 10 minutes to organize after four years of procrastination. Robbins recommends timing tasks to create accountability and demonstrate how quickly they can actually be completed.
Embracing New Experiences and Growth
Robbins encourages trying new activities during the workweek rather than waiting for weekends. She cites Oxford University research showing that learning new skills, like juggling, can lead to measurable changes in brain structure, particularly in areas related to visual and spatial awareness. These findings suggest that embracing new experiences not only diversifies life experiences but also contributes to cognitive health and better aging.
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Counterarguments
- While introspection is valuable, excessive self-reflection can sometimes lead to rumination and worsen mental health conditions like depression or anxiety.
- Constantly asking oneself "how are you doing right now?" might not be helpful for everyone; some individuals may benefit more from distraction or focusing on tasks at hand.
- Expressing feelings aloud is not always practical or safe for everyone, depending on their environment or personal circumstances.
- Naming emotions is a skill that requires practice, and some people may struggle with emotional vocabulary or have conditions like alexithymia that make it challenging.
- The quality of relationships being the strongest predictor of happiness and health might not account for individual differences in needs for solitude or the value some place on achievements or personal projects.
- Taking initiative in relationships is important, but it's also necessary to maintain boundaries and ensure that the effort is reciprocal.
- Joyful activities are subjective, and what brings joy to one person may not be the same for another; some individuals may find joy in productivity or solitude rather than social activities.
- The suggestion to review phone photos to rediscover past joyful moments assumes that individuals regularly capture these moments and that revisiting them will elicit positive emotions, which might not be the case for everyone.
- Timing tasks to create accountability assumes that procrastination is a matter of time management rather than a complex interplay of emotional regulation, motivation, and other psychological factors.
- Trying new activities during the workweek may not be feasible for everyone due to varying work schedules, responsibilities, or energy levels.
- The idea that learning new skills leads to measurable changes in brain structure may oversimplify the complexity of neuroplasticity and the factors that contribute to cognitive health.
- Embracing new experiences is generally positive, but for some, stability and routine are more conducive to their well-being and mental health.
Actionables
- Create a "How am I?" alarm that goes off at random times during the day to prompt a quick self-check-in. Set several alarms with the label "How am I?" on your phone to go off at unexpected times. When the alarm rings, take a moment to assess your feelings and thoughts, jotting them down in a note app or journal. This random timing prevents the routine from becoming just another autopilot action and encourages genuine introspection.
- Start a "Joy Jar" where you write down one thing that made you happy each day and drop it in. Find a jar and some colorful paper. Every day, write down a simple activity that brought you joy, fold the paper, and place it in the jar. On days when you're feeling low or disconnected, pull out a few notes to remind yourself of the small joys and consider integrating similar activities into your week.
- Turn mundane tasks into micro-challenges with a friend or family member to tackle procrastination. Partner up with someone and share a list of small tasks you've both been putting off. Set a time to complete these tasks, perhaps turning it into a friendly competition. For example, see who can organize their desk the fastest or who can get through their email inbox quicker. This adds a social element and accountability to what might otherwise be a draining chore.
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Self-Reflection and Emotional Awareness
Importance Of Pausing To Self-Reflect and Acknowledge Feelings
Mel Robbins emphasizes the necessity of introspection and emotional awareness for overall well-being.
Slowing Down For Introspection Avoids Autopilot and Disconnection From Inner Truth
Robbins discusses the importance of slowing down and asking oneself powerful questions as a way to cut through life's noise and reconnect with what genuinely matters. She stresses that without pausing to check in with oneself, people risk living on autopilot, feeling perpetually stressed, and becoming disconnected from their deeper truths. Robbins shares her own experience about feeling content, realizing that by being home more, she has managed to connect with her feeling of contentment.
Mel Robbins asks the listener to consider "how are you doing right now?" as one of five powerful questions that foster joy, happiness, and clarity. The practice of answering this question helps navigate away from the autopilot of day-to-day life and reconnect with inner truths.
Sharing Unresolved Feelings Can Provide Relief and Comfort
Robbins discusses the immense relief that can come from expressing how one truly feels. Psychologists often say that problems feel better when they're on the outside rather than on the inside. Acknowledging that it's not necessary to manage others' reactions to your boundaries, Robbins explains that expressing unresolved feelings aloud can significantly alleviate discomfort.
Power Of Verbally Expressing One's Emotional State
Mel Robbins explores the benefits of giving voice to emotions, both for personal relief and for enhancing self-knowledge.
Recognizing and Naming Emotions Increases Self-Understanding and Clarity
Robbins insists that recognizing and e ...
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Self-Reflection and Emotional Awareness
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Counterarguments
- While introspection is valuable, excessive self-reflection can lead to rumination, which may exacerbate mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
- The idea of always connecting with one's inner truth assumes a level of self-awareness that some individuals may not possess, and it may require professional guidance to achieve.
- The concept of living on autopilot is sometimes unfairly maligned; routines and habits can free up mental energy for more important decisions and can be a form of efficient mental functioning.
- Asking oneself "how are you doing right now?" can sometimes lead to over-focusing on one's current state, which might not always be productive or reflective of one's overall well-being.
- Sharing unresolved feelings isn't always beneficial; it can sometimes lead to oversharing or burdening others with one's emotional state, especially if the listener is not equipped to help.
- Expressing true feelings aloud is not always possible or appropriate in every context, such as professional environments where emotional restraint is often valued.
- The advice to not default to saying "I'm fine" may not consider cultural or social norms where expressing one's true feelings isn't always welcomed or can be seen as a sign of weakness.
- The encouragement to name emotions as a way t ...
Actionables
- You can create an "Emotion Wheel" to visually map out your feelings throughout the day. Draw a circle divided into segments like a pie chart, label each segment with different emotions, and color in the segment that corresponds to how you feel at various points in the day. This visual aid can help you track emotional patterns and triggers, leading to greater self-awareness.
- Start a "Five Senses Journal" to ground yourself in the present moment and enhance emotional clarity. Each day, write down something you experienced with each of your five senses. For example, note the sound of rain against the window, the taste of your morning coffee, or the sight of a colorful sunset. This practice can help you slow down and reconnect with the immediate world around you, fostering mindfulness and emotional presence.
- Implement a "Feelings Forecast" routine where, similar to checking the w ...
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Prioritizing Relationships and Connections
In a world of hustle and routines, Mel Robbins and Dr. Robert Waldinger remind us of the pivotal role relationships play in our overall well-being.
Quality Relationships: Strongest Predictor of Happiness and Health
Dr. Robert Waldinger, the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, discovered that the quality of our relationships is the strongest predictor of happiness and health, surpassing wealth, success, or status.
Avoiding Relationships Falling Into Autopilot
Robbins discusses the tendency of relationships to fall into autopilot, a pattern that can lead to loneliness or unhappiness. She stresses that actively maintaining and nurturing relationships is vital for contentment, as it ensures that our connections do not become neglected. Making a conscious effort to stay connected with friends and family can uplift every aspect of life.
Prioritizing Loved Ones Despite Effort
Robbins highlights the importance of taking initiative in our relationships rather than waiting passively for others to reach out to us.
Initiating Rather Than Waiting For Invitations
She encourages listeners to take the first step and reach out to those they care about. Reflecting on her own experiences, Robbins provides a personal example: she and her brother planned a visit by deciding to use a company week off to meet up. Instead of waiting for an invitation, they took the initiative. Robbins suggests that if you miss someone, pick up the phone and make a plan to visit.
Embracing Simple, Meaningful Connections Over Grand Plans
Robbins shares a story of her brother driving 15 hours j ...
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Prioritizing Relationships and Connections
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While quality relationships are important, individual temperament and genetics also play significant roles in determining happiness and health.
- Some individuals may find solitude or less social interaction more conducive to their happiness, challenging the idea that relationships are the strongest predictor for everyone.
- Autonomy and self-sufficiency can also contribute to contentment, suggesting that relationships are not the only vital aspect.
- The initiative in relationships is important, but it should be balanced with personal boundaries and self-care to avoid overextending oneself.
- Cultural differences might influence how people prioritize and initiate contact in relationships, with some cultures placing less emphasis on direct initiation.
- Grand plans and special occasions can also be important in maintaining relationships, offering unique experiences and memories that simple gestures cannot always replace.
- Digital communication can also play a significant role in maintaining relationships, which ...
Actionables
- Create a "relationship advent calendar" where each day you perform a small act of connection, like sending a thoughtful text or sharing a memory with someone you care about. This turns the concept of nurturing relationships into a daily practice, making it more likely to become a habit.
- Start a "connection journal" to track your interactions and feelings associated with them. Note down who you reached out to, the method (call, visit, message), and the outcome. This can help you become more aware of the quality of your interactions and inspire you to initiate more meaningful connections.
- Implement a "five-minute favor" rule where you offer a small act ...
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Cultivating Joy and Fulfillment
Mel Robbins encourages listeners to intentionally engage in activities that bring them joy, and to create an environment that fosters joy in daily life.
Identifying Joyful Activities and Hobbies
Robbins uses five powerful questions designed to help listeners clear the noise in their lives and get clarity on what brings them joy. She speaks about her own experiences, such as her staycation, and the simple pleasure of being outside, working out in the yard, taking daily walks with her dogs, and gardening. Robbins is particularly fond of deadheading flowers, which she finds meditative. She could spend hours on it, describing it as an activity that brings her a lot of joy.
Incorporating Joy Into Daily Life
She shares that playing games like the Harry Potter version of Monopoly has brought her and her family joy, enhancing the fun by challenging each other to read the cards in their best Harry Potter character voices. Robbins asks listeners to reflect on what has recently brought them joy, and to consider how to do more of those things by building them into their regular schedule. She describes her morning routine, including walks with her dogs and checking on her plants, as a way to incorporate joy into her everyday life.
Robbins suggests keeping games or puzzles easily accessible as one way to make joy occur intentionally. She emphasizes the significance of intentional joy, especially during times of burnout or depression, and mentions Dr. Judith Joseph's research on the positive impact of small moments of joy on depression. For those struggling to remember what brings them joy, Robbins recommends looking through one's camera roll to identify past joyful moments and considering reintroducing them into current life.
Learning Skills to Boost Mood and Cognition
Robbins reflects on past activities that brought her joy, such as running road races with friends, being in a book club, singing in the church choir, meditating, seeing family more often, cooking, and scrapbooking. She discusses the importance of reconnecting with friends, volunteering, and engaging in creative activities as ways to incorporate joy into daily life. Attending concerts and learning new activities like shuffle dancing also come up as recommendations for infusing life with joy.
Stepping Outside Comfort Zone Leads To Personal Gro ...
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Cultivating Joy and Fulfillment
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Counterarguments
- While Robbins emphasizes the importance of intentional joy, some might argue that joy can also be a spontaneous experience that doesn't always require intentional planning or activities.
- The idea of looking through one's camera roll to find joy might not be applicable to everyone, as it assumes that people document their joyful moments and that revisiting these moments will elicit joy rather than nostalgia or even sadness.
- Robbins' suggestions for incorporating joy might not be feasible for everyone due to varying life circumstances, such as financial constraints, health issues, or caregiving responsibilities that limit time and resources.
- The concept of stepping outside one's comfort zone to find joy and personal growth may not resonate with individuals who find joy and fulfillment in routine and familiarity.
- The effectiveness of engaging in new hobbies and social activities to improve mood and cognition might vary greatly among individuals, and for some, these activities could be a source of stress rather than joy.
- The "Seek Beyond" philosophy's emphasis on choice and intention might overlook the role of external factors that can limit an individual's abili ...
Actionables
- Designate a "joy drawer" in your home where you keep small items that instantly uplift you, like a favorite comic book, scented candles, or a handheld puzzle. This creates a go-to spot for when you need a quick mood boost, ensuring that joy is always within arm's reach and not dependent on large blocks of time or elaborate planning.
- Start a "joy journal" where you jot down one thing daily that brought you a smile or a moment of happiness, no matter how small. This practice not only helps you become more aware of joy in your daily life but also serves as a repository of ideas for activities that you can revisit when you need to lift your spirits.
- Initiate a monthly "sk ...
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Overcoming Procrastination and Energy Drains
Mel Robbins provides insights into why we procrastinate on seemingly small tasks and how to reclaim energy by tackling such tasks.
Recognizing and Addressing Energy-Draining Tasks
According to Robbins, small and insignificant tasks can weigh on the mind, largely because they are continually postponed. She argues that the culture's obsession with perfection is part of what makes these tasks draining. For instance, Mel Robbins describes her own energy-draining task—organizing a kitchen drawer that she has put off for four years, even though it would likely take about 10 minutes to tidy up.
Dreaded Tasks Often Take Less Time Than Anticipated
Robbins points out that completed tasks, such as booking a medical appointment or organizing a drawer, often take less time than anticipated. By avoiding these tasks, one undergoes an energy drain, and when finally completed, they release mental energy and provide relief.
Focus On Resolving one Issue To Free Bandwidth
Robbins suggests that instead of continuing to procrastinate, addressing a single task can release mental energy, essentially freeing up bandwidth for other activities. She explains that saying no more often in life is crucial, as it protects one's time and energy, preventing overextension and the man ...
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Overcoming Procrastination and Energy Drains
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Counterarguments
- While small tasks can indeed cause mental weight, not all individuals may experience this effect; some may find that small tasks do not significantly impact their mental state.
- The idea that the culture's obsession with perfection is a universal drain on energy may not apply to everyone; some people may find motivation and satisfaction in striving for perfection.
- It's not always true that completed tasks take less time than expected; sometimes tasks can be more complex than initially thought, leading to more time and effort being required.
- Avoiding tasks does not always lead to an energy drain for everyone; some individuals may find that postponing certain tasks allows them to better manage their energy and focus on more pressing matters.
- The assertion that completing tasks always releases mental energy and provides relief may not hold for every individual or situation; some tasks may not significantly affect one's mental energy or sense of relief.
- Addressing a single task to free up mental energy assumes that multitasking or having multiple open tasks is inherently negative, which may not be the case for everyone.
- The strategy of saying no more often to protect time and energy may ...
Actionables
- You can gamify task completion by creating a "task bingo" where each square represents a small task you've been postponing. When you complete a task, you get to mark off a square, aiming to complete a row or the entire board within a set timeframe. This turns the daunting list of tasks into a fun challenge and visually tracks your progress, providing motivation and satisfaction.
- Develop a habit of "micro-gifting" yourself for completing tasks. After finishing a task, immediately do something small that brings you joy, like stepping outside for a breath of fresh air or enjoying a piece of chocolate. This creates a positive association with task completion and can help reinforce the habit of not postponing small tasks.
- ...
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Embracing New Experiences and Growth
Robbins advocates for embracing new experiences and the personal growth that accompanies trying new things.
Prioritizing New Activities During the Workweek
People often wait until the weekend to engage in leisure activities, but Robbins urges individuals to break from that routine. She emphasizes the joy of incorporating new hobbies or activities during the week, which can create excitement and refreshment amidst daily obligations.
Pursuing Hobbies or Classes That Challenge Skills
Mel Robbins recommends that you should venture into new territories when choosing activities—an art class, a dance lesson, or even an online course—especially those areas where skills may be untested or underdeveloped. She insists that you'll learn more from trying something that initially challenges you, such as going to a hip-hop class even if you don't believe you're a good dancer. The point isn't to excel immediately but to engage in the process of learning and growth.
Recognizing the Neurological Benefits Of Learning New Skills
While detailing personal endeavors like learning to shuffle dance, Robbins points to studies exemplifying the benefits of such activities.
Brain Challenges Induce Cognitive and Physical Changes
Referencing research, including a study from Oxford University, Robbins notes that acquiring new skills can lead to cognitive and physical changes in the brain. ...
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Embracing New Experiences and Growth
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Counterarguments
- While Robbins emphasizes the importance of trying new things during the workweek, it's important to acknowledge that some individuals have demanding schedules that may not allow for this flexibility, and their need for rest and routine should not be overlooked.
- The idea of constantly engaging in new activities can be overwhelming or stressful for some people, particularly those who find comfort and joy in routine or who may be dealing with anxiety or other mental health challenges.
- Pursuing hobbies or classes that challenge skills is beneficial, but it's also important to balance this with activities that bring relaxation and don't add to the stress of learning curves, especially during a busy workweek.
- The neurological benefits of learning new skills are well-documented, but it's also true that not every new skill or hobby will suit every individual, and the pressure to constantly improve can sometimes lead to burnout.
- The suggestion to try new things to enhan ...
Actionables
- You can integrate micro-adventures into your daily routine by setting a goal to try one small new activity each day, like taking a different route to work, trying a new recipe for lunch, or even rearranging your workspace. These small changes can stimulate your brain and break the monotony without overwhelming your schedule.
- Start a 'Skill of the Month' club with friends or colleagues where each person commits to learning a new skill, such as a language, instrument, or craft, and shares their progress weekly. This creates a supportive community for growth and accountability, making the learning process more enjoyable and less daunting.
- Use a ...
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