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How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be

By Stitcher

In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Chelsea Handler shares her journey from a business-minded child who started her own ventures to a successful adult who faced and overcame personal challenges. She discusses her early entrepreneurial spirit, which manifested in creative business ideas and a drive for financial independence from a young age.

The conversation explores Handler's path of personal growth through therapy, where she addressed the impact of losing her brother in childhood and worked to process long-held grief. Handler also discusses her current work supporting and uplifting women, sharing how her own experiences and mentors shaped her approach to using comedy as a tool for connecting with audiences while encouraging them to recognize their capabilities.

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How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be

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How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be

1-Page Summary

Chelsea's Early Life and Entrepreneurial Spirit

Chelsea Handler reveals that from age 10, she had a clear vision of becoming a strong, confident woman. Her entrepreneurial spirit emerged early when she started a babysitting business by cleverly marketing her services to hotel guests, despite being underage. Through various ventures, including a lemonade stand and expanding her babysitting business, Chelsea demonstrated remarkable financial acumen. By age 13, she had saved enough to purchase her own first-class plane ticket, showcasing her early determination to achieve financial independence and care for her family.

Chelsea's Growth Journey Through Therapy

Handler opens up about the profound impact of losing her brother when she was nine, which led to delayed grief manifesting as anger and rage in her adult years. She describes how this loss affected her family dynamics and created emotional barriers that persisted into adulthood. Through therapy, Chelsea confronted these deep-seated issues, learning to process her pain and abandon defensive behaviors. Her therapeutic journey included taking a break from comedy, experimenting with new social behaviors, and adopting practices like meditation. This process helped her shed old habits and form more meaningful connections.

Chelsea's Commitment To Empowering Women

Handler discusses her mission to use her platform to empower and inspire women. She emphasizes the importance of bringing joy to her audiences through comedy while helping them recognize their inherent strength. Chelsea shares how an influential woman named Jane inspired her to strive for personal betterment and make positive impacts. She advocates for women to support each other unconditionally and to be unapologetic about their ambitions, stressing the transformative power of generosity and mutual support in women's lives.

1-Page Summary

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Actionables

  • You can start a small savings challenge to build financial discipline by setting aside a specific amount of money each week, no matter how small, to mimic the determination to achieve financial independence. For example, save the cost of one coffee every week and put it into a savings account or a piggy bank. Over time, this will grow and can be used for a meaningful purchase or experience, reinforcing the value of consistent saving.
  • Create a personal growth plan that includes trying out new social behaviors in low-stakes environments, like striking up a conversation with a stranger in a coffee shop or offering help to someone in need, to practice shedding old habits and forming more meaningful connections. This could involve setting a goal to engage in one new social interaction per week, reflecting on the experience, and adjusting your approach as needed.
  • Commit to a monthly act of generosity to experience the transformative power of mutual support, such as volunteering your time, donating to a cause you care about, or simply helping a friend or neighbor with a task. Keep a journal of these acts and note any changes in your perspective or relationships, which can provide insight into the impact of generosity on your life and the lives of others.

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How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be

Chelsea's Early Life and Entrepreneurial Spirit

Chelsea Handler's childhood ambitions and her early demonstrations of entrepreneurship show a woman who knew what she wanted and worked resourcefully to achieve it.

As a Girl, Chelsea Envisioned Becoming a Strong, Independent Woman

From a Young Age, Chelsea Aspired to Be Confident, Fierce, and a Leader

Chelsea Handler discusses her clear vision from a young age, desiring to be a strong, confident woman who stood apart from the crowd. At age 10, during her first plane ride, she walked past the first class section with a burning desire to be part of that world, despite her family's acceptance of flying coach. This yearning signifies Chelsea's ambitious spirit, which was just beginning to show itself.

Chelsea Showed Her Entrepreneurial Drive and Resourcefulness Early

Chelsea Handler displayed remarkable entrepreneurial savvy at a young age. At just 10 years old, she lied about her age to start a babysitting business, claiming she was 15. By advertising her services to hotel guests in need of babysitters, she successfully ran this business for three years.

At 13, Chelsea Used Lemonade Stand and Babysitting Earnings For First-Class Plane Ticket

Starting with a lemonade stand, Chelsea soon transitioned to babysitting for better financial returns. She showed not only ambition but also an impressive level of self-reliance, saving enough money through her babysitting business to afford a first-class plane ticket for herself at the age of 13. Chelsea had a knack for seizing opportunities, a ...

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Chelsea's Early Life and Entrepreneurial Spirit

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • You can foster independence by setting a personal challenge to achieve a specific goal without external help. For instance, if you've always wanted to learn a new language, commit to self-study using free online resources and practice with native speakers through language exchange communities, rather than enrolling in paid classes.
  • Develop leadership skills by volunteering to coordinate a community project. This could be organizing a neighborhood clean-up or a local food drive. Taking charge of such initiatives requires you to stand out and guide others, honing your ability to lead and make decisions.
  • Cultivate financial savvy by creating a personal savings plan for a high-value ...

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How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be

Chelsea's Growth Journey, Including Therapy and Addressing Struggles

Chelsea Handler shares her journey through therapy and personal growth, detailing how she confronted a tumultuous past to find stability and peace.

Chelsea's Difficult Childhood Led To Adult Challenges

Chelsea Handler opens up about her teenage years, describing them as awful following the death of her brother when she was nine, which deeply affected her family. Her father's struggle to cope with the loss compounded the impact on her, leading to a buildup of anger and a rocky relationship with him throughout her adolescence.

Handler talks about how the loss of her brother led to a delayed grief that manifested as anger and rage during her adult years. She describes feeling betrayed by her brother’s promise to come back, interpreting his unexpected passing as abandonment and a lie.

Chelsea also reveals that her anger acted as a barrier to fend off vulnerability, tracing back to her brother's death when she was ten. This remained a significant part of her emotional makeup until her fortieth year, when therapy helped her begin to address these long-suppressed feelings.

As an adult, Chelsea experienced confusion and insecurity due to her upbringing. She questions her life choices, regarding marriage and her career, and worries about being a narcissist or unlovable.

Therapy: A Pivotal Choice in Chelsea's Growth

Handler's decision to start therapy marked a pivotal moment in her growth. The process proved uncomfortable as she learned to abandon her old self and navigate the uncertainties of who she was becoming.

Therapy Helped Chelsea Gain Self-Awareness and Process the Pain Fueling Her Anger

In therapy, Handler confronts the deep-seated hurt from not being cared for after her brother’s death. She learns to understand that her resentment is a cover for personal pain and the importance of communicating her needs.

Handler's latest bestseller book delves into her darkest times and the regrettable mistakes she made, demonstrating how those experiences helped her reinvent herself positively.

Therapy brought self-awareness to Chelsea, allowing her to let go of the need to be defensive, which she learned after an encounter with Jane Fonda at a party. She realized that being defensive signaled that something was wrong and chose, instead, mindful self-reflection.

Chelsea credits therapy with helping her deal with her brother's death and its ramifications. It helped her identify and move away from using substances to avoid emotions and taught her empathy, compassion, and discretion in expressing her opinions.

Therapy Was Uncomfortable as Chelsea Let Go Of Her Old Ways to Embrace a Grounded Self

Chelsea speaks about the uncertainty and insta ...

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Chelsea's Growth Journey, Including Therapy and Addressing Struggles

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • Create a personal timeline of significant life events to identify patterns in behavior and emotional responses. By mapping out the key moments in your life, including both positive and negative experiences, you can visually see how certain events may have shaped your current emotional landscape. For example, if you notice a trend of avoidance after a particular event, it could indicate a defense mechanism similar to what was described.
  • Start a "vulnerability journal" to practice opening up about emotions in a safe space. Write down moments when you feel vulnerable each day and how you react to these feelings. This exercise can help you become more aware of your defense mechanisms and gradually learn to embrace vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness.
  • Engage in role-reversal exercises with a ...

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How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be

Chelsea's Commitment To Empowering Women

Chelsea Handler is deeply committed to using her platform as a comedienne and public figure to empower, inspire, and bring joy to women's lives.

Chelsea Aims to Bring Joy, Inspiration, and Support to Women

Chelsea Handler understands the impact of positivity and aims to bring joy and inspiration to her audiences, especially women who may feel overlooked. She expresses gratitude for the gift of laughter she can give, creating joyous moments among strangers. She values the opportunity to uplift her audience, focusing on the positives like bringing comfort and dependability to those in need rather than the negatives, such as audience size.

Handler reflects on her purpose in life, aspiring for women to realize their strength and to use it for good. Her book and personal journey reflect her dedication to sharing insights and tools that could help women live more vibrant lives. She wishes she could infill young girls with self-assured confidence and uses her presence to exemplify womanhood and empower women.

Chelsea Unapologetically Supports Women

Handler recalls a time she experienced sisterhood's power—an act of inconvenient truth-telling that shaped the type of woman she aspired to be. She values the role women play in being honest and supporting each other. An influential woman, Jane, inspired Chelsea to strive for betterment and to make a positive environmental impact. This event highlighted the importance of using one’s public position to spread positive influences and support.

Chelsea’s aim is to help women, and sometimes men, see themselves more clearly and understand their problems. Her return to comedy includes specials intended to bring joy and a sense of empowerment to her audience, especially women. She emphasizes women's intrinsic value and their ability to add value to lives, not just as public figures but in everyday actions of kindness and generosity.

Handler believes in the transformative power of generosity, even when one is in a gloomy mood, as it can heal anger and foster self-empowerment. Her gratitude extends to every opportunity she gets to inject joy into her audience's lives, whether onstage or through one-on-one interactions.

Ha ...

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Chelsea's Commitment To Empowering Women

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • You can create a "Joy Journal" to document moments that bring happiness to your life and share entries with friends to spread positivity. Start by jotting down three things that made you smile each day, and once a week, exchange highlights with a friend. This practice not only reinforces your own positive experiences but also encourages a culture of sharing joy among your circle.
  • Start a small "Strengths Circle" with peers where each person discusses a personal strength they've observed in another member. Meet monthly over coffee or a video call to highlight and celebrate each other's abilities. This fosters a supportive environment that emphasizes individual value and encourages women to recognize and utilize their strengths collaboratively.
  • Volunteer for a mentorship program or create ...

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