How to Stop Doubting Yourself & Get Anything You Want in Life
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, film producer Will Packer shares his approach to building self-belief and achieving goals through what he calls the "Who Better Than Me" philosophy and "Healthy Arrogance." Drawing from his experiences in the film industry, Packer explains how daily self-affirmation practices and a shift in perspective about rejection can help develop unshakeable confidence.
The conversation explores practical strategies for moving past self-doubt and taking action. Packer discusses how he handles setbacks, from declined roles to project rejections, by viewing them as opportunities for improvement rather than failures. He also shares insights on avoiding "preparation paralysis" and emphasizes the role of consistent, behind-the-scenes work in creating success, using examples from his experience producing films and the Academy Awards.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Jul 17, 2025 episode of the The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Cultivating an Unshakable Self-Belief and Confidence
Will Packer shares insights on building unstoppable self-belief and confidence through his "Who Better Than Me" philosophy. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's own worth and potential, arguing that this mindset is crucial for pursuing ambitious goals. To demonstrate this approach, Packer shares how he organized a black-tie movie premiere as a college student, driven more by the possibility of success than fear of failure.
Packer introduces the concept of "Healthy Arrogance," describing it as a necessary confident attitude for achieving dreams. He recommends daily self-affirmation practices, including his personal routine of using mirror pep talks to start each day with positive reinforcement.
Developing Resilience and Adaptability in Adversity
When facing rejection, Packer advises viewing it as valuable data rather than personal failure. He shares his experience with the movie "Stomp the Yard," where he used rejection feedback to improve his pitch and project. Similarly, when Beyonce declined a role in "Obsessed," Packer used her feedback constructively rather than seeing it as a setback.
Packer emphasizes the importance of being adaptable, suggesting that dissatisfaction with the present indicates room for growth. He demonstrates this through his creative approach to pitching "Stomp the Yard," where he reframed the project to align with studio interests.
The Importance of Consistent, Strategic Action and Execution
Mel Robbins and Will Packer stress the critical importance of taking action over endless planning. Packer warns against "preparation paralysis," advocating for taking imperfect action rather than waiting for perfect conditions. He illustrates this by sharing how he set firm deadlines for his film projects, committing to move forward with whatever resources were available rather than waiting for ideal circumstances.
The discussion emphasizes the value of unseen, disciplined effort in achieving success. Packer demonstrates this through his year-long preparation for producing the Oscars and his approach to movie marketing, showing how consistent behind-the-scenes work creates a foundation for handling challenges effectively.
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Counterarguments
- While recognizing one's worth is important, overconfidence can sometimes lead to underestimating challenges or overlooking the need for collaboration and feedback.
- The concept of "Healthy Arrogance" might not be universally beneficial, as it could potentially alienate others or hinder the development of humility and empathy.
- Daily self-affirmation practices are helpful for some, but they may not be effective for everyone; some individuals might find more value in other techniques such as mindfulness or goal-setting.
- Viewing rejection as valuable data is constructive, but it's also important to acknowledge and process the emotional impact of rejection to maintain mental health.
- Adaptability is key, but there should also be a balance between adapting to external demands and staying true to one's vision and values.
- Taking action is crucial, but so is proper planning; finding a balance between the two is often more effective than prioritizing one over the other.
- Setting firm deadlines can drive progress, but inflexible timelines might also compromise the quality of work or lead to burnout.
- Unseen, disciplined effort is important, but recognizing the role of external factors such as luck, timing, and support systems is also crucial for a balanced view of success.
Actionables
- You can create a "rejection portfolio" where you document each rejection you face, noting what you learned and how you can improve. For instance, if you're a writer and your manuscript gets turned down, write down the reasons given and brainstorm ways to enhance your writing or storytelling skills.
- Develop a "flexibility journal" to track how you adapt to feedback and changing circumstances. This could involve writing down a weekly instance where you changed your approach based on new information, like altering a business proposal to better meet potential client needs.
- Set up a "progress party" with friends or colleagues where you share and celebrate the unseen, disciplined efforts you've made toward your goals. This could be a monthly gathering where each person discusses the behind-the-scenes work they've done, such as learning a new skill or building a network, and receives support and recognition from the group.
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Cultivating an Unshakable Self-Belief and Confidence
An episode featuring insights from Will Packer reveals how to build a mindset for unstoppable self-belief and confidence.
Adopt a "Who Better Than Me" Mindset to Realize Potential
Mel Robbins introduces Will Packer, who advocates for a self-belief mindset through his book "Who Better Than You?". Packer speaks about the importance of asking oneself, "Who better than me?" He believes this question is key to unlocking potential beyond one's current situation. This mindset prompts individuals to recognize their own worth and potential, empowering them to pursue their goals.
Will Packer shares how he was always driven more by the possibility of success than by the fear of failure, regardless of how improbable success seemed in his life. He talks about the audacity he had as a college student to throw a significant black-tie movie premiere for a film he made, which demonstrates the "Who Better Than Me" mentality.
Mel Robbins supports this by discussing the importance of staying focused on what's important. Packer challenges listeners to name someone who deserves success more than they do, emphasizing that realizing their deserving nature is crucial.
Develop an Internal "Healthy Arrogance" to Exude Self-Assurance
Will Packer discusses the concept of "Healthy Arrogance," a confident and self-assured attitude that he believes is necessary for achieving dreams. By acknowledging that "you are the key," individuals can develop a deep sense of confidence.
Mel Robbins mentions Packer's student film "Chocolate City" and his confidence to invite Ho ...
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Cultivating an Unshakable Self-Belief and Confidence
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- The "Who Better Than Me" mindset might lead to overconfidence, which can result in underestimating challenges and overestimating one's abilities.
- Focusing solely on success and dismissing the fear of failure may prevent individuals from learning from their mistakes and preparing adequately for potential setbacks.
- "Healthy Arrogance" could potentially alienate peers and colleagues if it crosses the line into hubris or diminishes the value of humility and collaboration.
- Self-affirmation, while beneficial, may not always translate into real-world success ...
Actionables
- Create a "Who Better Than Me" vision board to visually affirm your unique strengths and aspirations. Gather images, quotes, and symbols that represent your goals and the qualities that make you the best person to achieve them. Place this board somewhere you'll see it daily to remind yourself of your potential and to maintain a mindset focused on success.
- Start a "Healthy Arrogance" journal where you document daily achievements, no matter how small. This practice will help you build a habit of recognizing and celebrating your successes, which in turn bolsters your confidence. For example, if you managed to speak up in a meeting or finish a task more efficiently than usual, write it down and reflect on what it says about your capabilities.
- Implement a "Success Rehearsal" routine where you spend a few minutes each ...
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Developing Resilience and Adaptability in Adversity
Will Packer and Mel Robbins discuss strategies for dealing with rejection and failure and turning them into opportunities for personal and professional growth.
View Rejection and Failure as Data, Not Personal Shortcomings
Will Packer recalls pitching his movie "Stomp the Yard" to studios and facing rejection. He emphasizes that each "no" has value, as it provides insights to improve the approach and product. Packer succeeded by understanding what the studios were looking for. He recounts being rejected by Beyonce for the female lead in "Obsessed," using her feedback to refine his project rather than seeing it as personal failure. After each rejection, Packer employed the feedback to improve the movie, ultimately leading to a better project. He also talks about doing a cost-benefit analysis to determine the worthiness of changes suggested by feedback.
Embrace the Pivot to Turn Setbacks Into Opportunities
Packer promotes the idea of embracing the pivot, suggesting that dissatisfaction with the present is a sign that the journey isn't over yet. To get "Stomp the Yard" produced, he cleverly pitched it as a sequel to a successful dance movie to shift the studio's perspective from rejection to interest. Packer stresses the importance of being malleable and adapting strategies to turn rejections into opportunities.
Mel Robbins supports the idea of also using feedback, including negative feedback, to make necessary improvements and to emphasize the project's significance to others. Packer's example demonstrates how consistent adaptation and the effective conveyance of a project's value can eventually persuade others to invest or become involved.
See Each "Act" of Life as a Chance to Favor Your Narrative
Packer uses the metaphor of a movie ...
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Developing Resilience and Adaptability in Adversity
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Counterarguments
- Viewing rejection and failure as data may not address the emotional impact these experiences can have, which can be significant and require more than a shift in perspective.
- Embracing the pivot might not always be feasible, especially in situations where resources are limited or the cost of pivoting is too high.
- Using negative feedback constructively assumes that all feedback is valid and useful, which may not always be the case; some feedback could be misguided or irrelevant.
- Seeing each "act" of life as a chance to favor your narrative might lead to an overly deterministic view that underestimates the role of chance and uncontrollable external factors.
- Focusing solely on the main goal and ensuring completion might sometimes lead to overlooking important details or failing to adapt to changing circumstances.
- Viewing disasters simply as part of the process could minimize the real harm and setbacks they can cause, potentially leading to under-preparation for future risks.
- A cost-benefit a ...
Actionables
- You can track your reactions to rejection by keeping a "Rejection Reflection" journal where you note down each instance of rejection, your initial feelings, and the objective facts of the situation. Over time, this will help you distinguish between emotional responses and the actual data you can use for improvement. For example, if you applied for a job and didn't get it, write down the qualifications you had versus what the job ad requested, and any feedback you received, to see where you can grow.
- Start a "Pivot Project" where you take a recent setback and actively brainstorm ways to turn it into an opportunity. Write down the setback, list out all the possible directions you could go from there, and choose one to act on. For instance, if a business venture fails, use that experience to consult for others on what not to do, or pivot to a related but more promising market niche.
- Create a "Feedback Action Plan" ...
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The Importance of Consistent, Strategic Action and Execution
Mel Robbins and Will Packer emphasize the critical nature of taking action and the trap of getting stuck in endless planning without execution.
Prioritize Doing Over Just Planning and Preparing
Robbins and Packer stress the need to prioritize doing over merely talking and planning. Robbins underlines the vitality of believing in your worth before the world offers applause, while Packer articulates the significance of taking the steps others aren't to achieve uncommon success. Packer prescribes fabricating momentum—asserting one's progress towards goals to maintain forward motion. He suggests starting with small, tangible actions, such as purchasing climbing shoes when aspiring to climb a mountain, instead of getting overwhelmed by the lofty goal.
Avoid "Preparation Paralysis" By Taking Imperfect Action
Packer discusses the danger of "preparation paralysis," where waiting to be fully prepared can hinder starting at all. He argues for taking risks and launching initiatives before they seem perfect. Packer's approach of taking his movie directly to audiences, rather than waiting for a big break, exemplifies taking imperfect action to create traction for his work. Packer encourages listeners to tackle their endeavors with a "healthy arrogance," advising that one take leaps even without having every element in place, overcoming the fixation on creating something perfect.
Launch Unfinished Initiatives Rather Than Never Start
The episode encourages listeners to avoid getting caught in preparation and to launch initiatives even if they are not entirely ready. Instead of focusing on goals that seem unattainable, like having abundant resources, Packer set a date by which he would use whatever he had at his disposal to create a film—preventing himself from getting stuck in the planning phase. By moving forward with what might seem like a "little tiny movie," Packer demonstrates a commitment to progress over perfection.
Deliver Quality Work Unseen to Lay Groundwork For Success
Packer and Robbins propose that unseen, disciplined effort often enables major successes. While a large part of Packer's advice centers ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The Importance of Consistent, Strategic Action and Execution
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While prioritizing action is important, planning should not be undervalued as it provides a roadmap and can prevent costly mistakes.
- Believing in one's worth is crucial, but seeking external validation can also provide important feedback and motivation.
- Taking unconventional steps can lead to success, but following proven methods shouldn't be dismissed as they offer a level of security and predictability.
- Starting with small actions is beneficial, but sometimes larger, more significant initial steps are necessary to make a substantial impact.
- Taking imperfect action can lead to progress, but it can also result in subpar outcomes that might damage one's reputation or lead to failure.
- Launching unfinished initiatives can demonstrate progress, but releasing a product or service before it's ready can lead to customer dissatisfaction and loss of trust.
- A "healthy arrogance" can be mistaken for overconfidence, which can lead to underestimating challenges and overestimating one's abilities.
- Unseen, disciplined effort is valuable, b ...
Actionables
- You can set a "5-Minute Action Rule" where you commit to spending at least five minutes immediately working on a new idea or task. This helps overcome the inertia of starting and can lead to longer, more productive sessions. For example, if you have an idea for a blog post, spend five minutes writing an outline or brainstorming key points as soon as the idea strikes.
- Create a "Worth Ledger" by writing down daily affirmations of your value and accomplishments, no matter how small. This personal ledger serves as a reminder of your intrinsic worth, separate from external validation. If you completed a difficult task at work, jot it down and reflect on the skills and effort it took, reinforcing your belief in your capabilities.
- Implement a "One Step Further" practice ...
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