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This Life-Changing Conversation Will Help You Make Peace With Who You Are

By Stitcher

In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, guest Mon Rovîa shares his experiences of surviving the Liberian Civil War, being rescued by missionaries, and adapting to life in the United States. As a child who witnessed the impacts of war and was separated from his siblings, Mon describes his journey of processing survivor's guilt, depression, and questions about his identity while growing up in a new environment.

The conversation explores how Mon found healing through music, developing his unique "Afro-Appalachian" style that combines his West African heritage with Appalachian influences. Mon discusses how journaling and songwriting helped him work through complex emotions, and how his music has become a platform for building community and encouraging others to embrace their own experiences and talents.

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This Life-Changing Conversation Will Help You Make Peace With Who You Are

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This Life-Changing Conversation Will Help You Make Peace With Who You Are

1-Page Summary

Mon Rovîa's Journey from War-Torn Liberia to Musical Healing

Mon Rovîa's story begins in the chaos of the Liberian Civil War, where he witnessed his brothers being forced into child soldiering between ages five and ten. The experience left him with deep emotional scars, including questions about whether he was conceived during wartime violence.

Finding a New Home and Wrestling with Identity

Rescued by missionaries and brought to the United States, Mon faced the challenge of adapting to a completely new environment. The transition left him silent for an extended period, as he struggled with questions of identity and belonging in his adopted white family. Despite these challenges, Mon eventually came to accept his rescue as a destined opportunity.

Survivor's Guilt and Personal Struggles

In his new American life, Mon describes himself as watchful and quiet, constantly trying to understand how to fit into his middle-class private school environment. He grappled with intense survivor's guilt, questioning why he was rescued while his siblings remained in the war zone. This internal conflict led to severe depression during his college years, as he felt unworthy of his opportunities and avoided confronting his background.

The Healing Power of Music

Mon discovered solace in journaling and songwriting, which became crucial outlets for processing his complex emotions. Though initially hesitant to pursue music due to self-doubt, support from friends and mentors, particularly his manager Eric, helped Mon embrace his musical gifts and share them more widely.

Creating Community Through "Afro-Appalachian" Sound

Mon's unique "Afro-Appalachian" style blends his West African heritage with Appalachian influences, creating peaceful spaces for listeners to reflect on life and identity. His music has evolved into a platform for healing and community building, with listeners incorporating his songs into their daily routines. Mon emphasizes the importance of supportive communities and uses his music to highlight his people's history while encouraging others to discover and share their own gifts.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Actionables

- You can explore your own heritage through creative expression by starting a simple project like a family recipe book or a photo collage that combines elements from different cultures in your background. This allows you to celebrate your identity and share it with others, similar to how Mon blended musical influences to create a unique style.

  • Create a peaceful reflection space in your home using elements that resonate with your personal history or cultural background, such as traditional fabrics, artwork, or music. This space can serve as a personal sanctuary for contemplation, mirroring the peaceful environments Mon's music aims to provide.
  • Reach out to a local community center or online forum to find a mentor or support group that aligns with your interests or challenges. Regular meetings or check-ins can provide the same type of support and guidance that Mon received, helping you navigate personal struggles or develop your talents.

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This Life-Changing Conversation Will Help You Make Peace With Who You Are

Mon Rovîa's Life and Experiences in Liberia

The article details Mon Rovîa's traumatic early life amid the Liberian civil war and the subsequent challenges he faced as a refugee in the United States.

Mon's Violent Childhood During Liberian Civil War

Mon Saw His Brothers Forced Into Child Soldiering, Facing Violence and Chaos

Mon Rovîa was born into the violence and chaos of the Liberian Civil War. He witnessed unfathomable brutality at a young age, including his own siblings’ involvement in the conflict. His brothers, Saturday and Emmanuel, were forced into child soldiering between the ages of five and ten. Liberia was torn apart by a dictator’s coup, which recruited child soldiers and led to complete lawlessness, with armed children dominating adults.

Mon also harbored deep emotional scars, pondering from a young age whether he was conceived from sexual violence during the war, a harrowing possibility that hung over him.

Mon Was Rescued To the United States As a Refugee Separated From His Family

Mon's Disorienting Transition to a New Country and Culture

Mon was taken from his homeland to live with a missionary family during the war, eventually moving with them to the United States. The transition was disorienting as Mon was uprooted from his land, language, and the familiar environment of his upbringing. This abrupt change rendered Mon silent for a long period, prompting his adopted family to worry about his well-being.

Mon’s Struggle With Identity and Belonging

Ripped away from his family and his country, Mon felt an enduring emotional 'weight.' Arriving in a new country, Mon didn't recognize his adopted family. The cultural differenc ...

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Mon Rovîa's Life and Experiences in Liberia

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • You can explore your own past to foster self-understanding by writing a personal history timeline, noting key events and your feelings at those times. This activity can help you identify patterns in your life and understand how past experiences have shaped your present, much like Mon's reflection on his past helped him shift his perspective.
  • Create a gratitude jar where you daily write down something you're thankful for, no matter how small. This practice can shift your focus from what's missing or negative in your life to appreciating what you have, similar to Mon's transformational moment of gratitude.
  • Engage in role-reversa ...

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This Life-Changing Conversation Will Help You Make Peace With Who You Are

Mon's Struggle With Identity, Belonging, and Guilt After Moving To Us

Mon Rovîa shares an intimate reflection on his experience of moving to the US as a child, grappling with feelings of alienation, survivors' guilt, and the internal conflict of finding a place in a world where he felt he didn't entirely belong.

Mon Struggled to Fit Into His American Family and Community

Shy, Watchful Mon Adapted To His New Environment

Mon Rovîa describes himself as a shy and quiet person, particularly during his early years in America. Through his youth, having experienced much at a young age, he was "watchful," constantly trying to understand his new environment, figure out how to fit in, and integrate into his white household and the middle-class space of a private school.

Mon Grappled With Survivor's Guilt, Questioning His Rescue While Siblings Remained In the War Zone

Mon reveals the deep survivor's guilt that tormented him, as he questioned why he was the one rescued while his siblings remained in the war zone. He internalized his suffering, feeling undeserving of his opportunities in America, and thought that perhaps his siblings would have utilized them better. Their absence also led him to ponder about the family traits he may have inherited but never had the chance to recognize in himself.

Mon Rovîa struggled with the truth of his feelings regarding his mother and the heritage he carries. This self-imposed guilt led him to downplay the importance of his own life, hoping to separate himself from his past in Liberia and to just be American. In college, this struggle culminated in a severe depression where he felt directionless and unworthy, especially considering the lives lost in his homeland.

He felt responsible for the plight of his siblings, who stayed behind, consumed by the idea that they might have accomplished more significant things than him had they been given the same chance. He avoided pondering his background and the circumstances around his birth because it stirred ...

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Mon's Struggle With Identity, Belonging, and Guilt After Moving To Us

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • You can start a reflective journal to process complex emotions, writing down your thoughts and feelings about your own challenges and how you've overcome them. This practice can help you recognize your resilience and growth, similar to how Mon reframed his survivor's guilt. For example, if you've experienced a tough transition, write about the skills you've gained and how you can use them to help others.
  • Create a "gratitude map" by listing out the opportunities you've been given and the people who have supported you along the way. This can shift your focus from what you feel you lack to the abundance in your life, which can be a powerful counter to feelings of guilt or unworthiness. For instance, if you've received an education, consider how you can leverage that to contribute to your community or support a cause you care about.
  • Volunteer for a cause that resonates with your personal experiences to g ...

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This Life-Changing Conversation Will Help You Make Peace With Who You Are

Mon's Journey of Healing and Purpose Through Music

Mon Rovîa articulates a personal journey of healing and self-discovery through the transformative power of music and songwriting.

Music Helped Mon Process Emotions

Discovering music as a means to channel his emotions, Mon Rovîa speaks to the potency of journaling and songwriting in his quest for self-expression.

Journaling and Songwriting Helped Mon Express Himself Better Than Verbally

For Mon, music became an indispensable outlet for his emotions—a journal where he could be candid. He describes how journaling was his initial safe space, where it could be just him and his thoughts. Over time, journaling transformed into songwriting, where his reflective thoughts and personal musings found a melodic flow, morphing into the lyrics of songs that spoke of identity, history, and truth in ways that verbal communication could not.

Mon Hesitated to Pursue Music, Doubting His Abilities and Worth

Despite recognizing his talent in writing and music, Mon grappled with self-doubt and a hesitation to step into the spotlight, unsure if his contributions would be accepted, particularly in genres that he felt might not welcome him due to his race.

Support From Friends and Mentors Helped Mon Embrace His Musical Gifts

Mon credits the support of friends and mentors for helping him embrace his gif ...

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Mon's Journey of Healing and Purpose Through Music

Additional Materials

Actionables

- Create a personal emotion-themed playlist to explore and process your feelings through music, selecting songs that resonate with different emotions you experience throughout the week and reflecting on why they strike a chord with you.

  • By curating a playlist that aligns with your emotional states, you can engage with music as a tool for self-discovery, similar to how Mon used music for healing. For example, if you feel anxious, you might add a song that encapsulates that feeling, and later, you can reflect on the lyrics or melodies that mirror your inner state.
  • Start a 'musical diary' by writing down your thoughts and feelings and then pairing them with instrumental tracks that match the mood of your entries.
  • This strategy combines journaling with music, allowing you to express yourself in a new, creative way. For instance, if you write about a challenging day, you might find a somber piano piece to accompany your words, enhancing the emotional release and self-expression.
  • Organize a small, informal music sharing session with friends where each person brings a song that's meaning ...

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This Life-Changing Conversation Will Help You Make Peace With Who You Are

Healing, Peace, and Community in Mon's Music and Message

Mon Rovîa embodies the essence of peace and healing through his music, providing a reflective space for his listeners, fostering community, and affirming self-worth.

Mon's Music Offers a Peaceful, Grounding Space For Reflection on Life and Identity

Mon Rovîa aims for his music to alleviate anxiety, allowing listeners to reflect on their importance and sink into self-contemplation. He hopes his peaceful tunes provide a space for quiet and intimacy, in a world he describes as fast-moving and loud. Mon shares that people have integrated his music into their daily life, listening while at work or during their morning routines, and the community around his music has grown from there. His melodies connect on an emotional level, resonating with experiences of sadness, pain, love, and loss.

Mon's Mission: Using Music to Heal, Foster Belonging, and Affirm Worth

Mon's "Afro-Appalachian" Sound Blends Diverse Cultural Influences Soothingly

Mon Rovîa's music, described as "Afro-Appalachian," merges his West African heritage from Liberia with Appalachian culture. This unique sound is central to his identity, contributing to his mission to keep himself and his listeners grounded. It honors his roots and offers a diverse soundscape that provides a backdrop for an exploration of life and identity.

Mon Highlights the Value of a Supportive Community and People Who Believe In You

Music is a healing force for Mon, as it helps him reconcile feelings about his mother and his origins. He encourages listeners to make choices that lead toward happiness, underscored in his song "Crook of the Road," which emphasizes accepting help. Mel Robbins, mentioning Mon Rovîa's music, suggests that his presence, such as at Boston Calling, signifies a gathering space for all, indicating a sense of community evoked by his art.

Mon underscores the importance of healing together, as many suffer in isolation—even when surrounded by people. He values the creation of a community through his music, acknowledging the importance of having a support system to continue doing good work. He believes that those who adopt should not let children grow without understanding their roots, implying a strong sense of ide ...

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Healing, Peace, and Community in Mon's Music and Message

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • Create a personal playlist that mirrors your emotional journey, including songs from diverse cultures that speak to your experiences of joy, sorrow, and healing. As you listen, reflect on the emotions each song evokes and journal your thoughts to deepen self-awareness and understanding of your identity.
  • Start a 'talent ripple' chain by sharing a skill or talent with someone and encouraging them to pass on their own skills to others. This could be as simple as teaching a friend how to cook a family recipe or showing a neighbor how to garden, creating a community-wide exchange of knowledge and inspiration.
  • Ded ...

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