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Finally Feel Good in Your Body: 4 Expert Steps to Feeling More Confident Today

By Stitcher

In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel Robbins and several experts explore how modern technology affects our self-perception and body image. Dr. Judith Joseph explains that humans weren't evolutionarily designed for the frequent self-observation that modern technology enables, while other guests discuss how social media and digital platforms can intensify self-criticism and anxiety.

The conversation examines how childhood experiences shape lifelong self-image and how early negative comments about appearance can create lasting beliefs. The experts share practical approaches to developing self-acceptance, including cognitive restructuring techniques and personalized affirmations. They emphasize focusing on self-compassion rather than waiting for physical changes to feel worthy of happiness.

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Finally Feel Good in Your Body: 4 Expert Steps to Feeling More Confident Today

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Finally Feel Good in Your Body: 4 Expert Steps to Feeling More Confident Today

1-Page Summary

Impact of Modern Technology on Body Image and Self-Perception

Mel Robbins and Dr. Judith Joseph explore how modern technology affects our self-perception and body image. They discuss the autoscopic phenomenon, which suggests that humans weren't evolutionarily designed to see themselves as frequently as modern technology now enables. Dr. Joseph explains that this constant self-observation, historically associated with certain mental health conditions, is now a common experience that can intensify self-criticism and anxiety.

Social Media's Role in Self-Image

The rise of digital media, particularly during the pandemic, has amplified body image concerns. Robbins emphasizes how constant exposure to ourselves through Zoom, selfies, and social media creates persistent self-scrutiny. Dr. Joseph notes that negative body image often stems from the mismatch between one's real self and their idealized self, a disparity heightened by exposure to filtered and edited social media content.

Early Experiences and Trauma

Jake Shane, Mel Robbins, and Ashwini Nadkarni discuss how childhood experiences significantly impact lifelong self-image. Through personal stories, they illustrate how early negative comments about appearance can create lasting negative beliefs. Nadkarni explains that during adolescence, the brain is particularly vulnerable to rejection, processing it similarly to physical pain. She also notes that while individuals often focus on fixing perceived physical flaws, the real issues usually stem from unresolved internal trauma.

Strategies for Self-Acceptance

The discussion turns to practical solutions for developing self-acceptance. Robbins introduces cognitive restructuring as a method to challenge negative core beliefs, while Dr. Ash, drawing from her Harvard Medical School experience, advocates for personalized, believable affirmations. They emphasize the importance of daily self-compassion practices and finding joy in the present moment, rather than waiting for physical changes to feel worthy of happiness.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • The autoscopic phenomenon involves individuals perceiving their surroundings from a perspective outside their own body. It is a type of experience where a person sees themselves as if observing from a different vantage point. This phenomenon has been studied in various contexts, including folklore, mythology, and modern psychiatric practice. Autoscopic experiences can manifest as hallucinations and may include different typologies such as out-of-body experiences and feelings of a presence.
  • The mismatch between one's real self and idealized self refers to the difference between how a person perceives themselves in reality and how they aspire to be. This contrast can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, inadequacy, and self-criticism. Social media often exacerbates this divide by showcasing unrealistic standards and filtered representations, intensifying the discrepancy between perception and aspiration. This discordance can contribute to negative body image and self-esteem issues as individuals strive to meet unattainable ideals.
  • Cognitive restructuring is a therapeutic technique that helps individuals identify and challenge negative or irrational thoughts. It involves recognizing distorted thought patterns, questioning their validity, and replacing them with more rational and balanced perspectives. This process is commonly used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and other forms of psychotherapy to address various mental health issues by changing how individuals interpret and respond to their thoughts. Cognitive restructuring aims to improve emotional well-being and behavior by modifying unhelpful cognitive patterns.
  • Dr. Ash's Harvard Medical School experience signifies her background and training at one of the leading medical institutions in the world. This experience lends credibility to her insights and recommendations in the context of self-acceptance strategies. The mention of Harvard Medical School highlights her expertise and knowledge in the field of mental health and well-being.

Counterarguments

  • While modern technology can lead to increased self-observation, it also provides platforms for diverse body-positive movements and communities that promote self-acceptance and challenge traditional beauty standards.
  • The impact of social media on self-scrutiny can vary greatly among individuals, with some people using these platforms as tools for self-expression and empowerment rather than self-criticism.
  • The relationship between real and idealized selves is complex, and not everyone experiences a negative body image due to this disparity; some individuals maintain a healthy self-image despite the prevalence of filtered content.
  • Childhood experiences are influential, but they do not determine lifelong self-image for everyone; individuals can and do overcome early negative experiences through various forms of personal growth and support.
  • While early rejection can be painful, not all adolescents process rejection as intensely, and some may have resilience factors that mitigate its impact on their self-image.
  • Focusing on perceived physical flaws is not always a manifestation of unresolved internal trauma; for some, it may be a way to gain control over their environment or express personal style and identity.
  • Cognitive restructuring is one of many psychological strategies, and its effectiveness can vary; some individuals may benefit more from other therapeutic approaches or a combination of methods.
  • Personalized affirmations and self-compassion practices are helpful, but they may not be sufficient for everyone; some individuals may require more structured psychological interventions to achieve self-acceptance.
  • The concept of finding joy in the present moment is valuable, but it's important to acknowledge that for some, the pursuit of physical changes is a legitimate and meaningful aspect of their journey towards happiness and self-fulfillment.

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Finally Feel Good in Your Body: 4 Expert Steps to Feeling More Confident Today

Impact of Modern Technology on Body Image and Self-Perception

The impact of modern technology is profound when it comes to body image and self-perception. With the autoscopic phenomenon and the proliferation of digital media, individuals increasingly face challenges related to how they see themselves.

Autoscopic Phenomenon: Why Our Brain Isn't Wired to Always See Ourselves

Eyes and Brain Evolved to Observe Others, Not Ourselves, Making Self-Observation Unnatural and Anxiety-Provoking

Mel Robbins, referencing a TikTok user named Avie, introduces the concept of the mirror fallacy, suggesting that humans were never meant to see themselves as much as they do in the modern era of Zoom and smartphones. Dr. Judith Joseph elaborates on the autoscopic phenomenon, which posits that it's harder for people to shake off self-criticism and issues with body image because of this phenomenon.

Traditionally, eyes and brains were designed to observe others for survival and social connection, not to scrutinize our own reflections. Robbins explains that our ancestors did not have the means to constantly look at themselves, unlike today's unprecedented exposure to our own images on digital media. Dr. Joseph also mentions that historically, the autoscopic phenomenon was a symptom of disorders like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, causing anxiety when patients saw themselves from an outside perspective.

With the surge in self-observation brought by modern technology, individuals now scrutinize their appearance, leading to self-judgment and anxiety. This unnatural state of constant self-observation is contributing to various mental health issues.

Social Media, Technology, and Self-Criticism in Body Image

Idealized Images on Social Media Fuel Negative Social Comparison and Unattainable Appearance Standards

Robbins emphasizes the negative impact of seeing oneself continually, especially through Zoom, selfies, and curated social media lives. This self-visibility leads to persistent self-scrutiny and mental health concerns. She mentions a story about David, a video director/editor, who became self-conscious about his appearance when he saw his reflection. This example illustrates how modern reflections and digital images can provoke a critical view of our bodies.

She further tells listeners to audit whom they follow on social media because photoshopped images of models and influencers contribute to a negative self-image. The disparity between one’s real self and the idealized version ...

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Impact of Modern Technology on Body Image and Self-Perception

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • The autoscopic phenomenon involves perceiving oneself from an external viewpoint, which can lead to increased self-criticism and body image issues due to the unnatural nature of self-observation. This experience contrasts with the traditional function of our eyes and brains, which evolved to observe others for survival and social connection. Modern technology, such as digital media and social platforms, has amplified this phenomenon, contributing to heightened self-judgment and mental health challenges.
  • Highlight reels are curated collections of the best or most exciting moments from a person's or a team's performance, typically showcased in a condensed video format. They often emphasize achievements, skills, or memorable events to provide ...

Counterarguments

  • While eyes and brains may not have evolved for self-observation, humans have adapted to use tools like mirrors for centuries, suggesting that self-observation is not entirely unnatural.
  • The autoscopic phenomenon is not universally experienced, and not everyone who observes themselves frequently develops self-criticism or body image issues.
  • Modern technology also offers tools for positive self-expression and body positivity, which can counteract self-judgment and anxiety.
  • The impact of technology on mental health is complex and can also include benefits such as increased access to support and information.
  • Not all social media content promotes idealized images; there is a growing movement of users promoting realistic and diverse body types.
  • Some individuals may find that viewing photoshopped images of models and influencers motivates them positively rather than contributing to a negative self-image.
  • The disparity between the real self and the idealized self is a cognitive process that can be influenced by factors other than social media, such as personal beliefs and cultural standard ...

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Finally Feel Good in Your Body: 4 Expert Steps to Feeling More Confident Today

Early Experiences and Trauma In Shaping Self-Image

Jake Shane, Mel Robbins, and Ashwini Nadkarni weigh in on the deep effects that childhood experiences can have on one’s body image and self-worth throughout their life.

Bullying, Criticism, and Rejection Can Wound Self-Worth

Jake Shane recounts feeling ugly and obsessing negatively about his body, particularly distressed about being short. Shaped by painful memories, Shane shared how a comment from fourth or fifth grade, calling him "fat," severely affected his self-image. Mel Robbins corroborates this, stating that early negative remarks, such as those about weight from family members or bullying at school, often initiate a pattern of negative self-talk.

Robbins elaborates that such critical self-perceptions keep people from love and life, suggesting that these beliefs can significantly limit someone's social and romantic life. Further illuminating this, a producer named Cameron recalls a childhood comment about a birthmark on her face, which resulted in lasting self-consciousness.

Ashwini Nadkarni speaks to the vulnerability of the adolescent brain, noting that during the identity-forming years of adolescence, social acceptance is crucial. Negative comments during this time wound self-worth deeply, as the adolescent brain interprets rejection in the same way as physical pain, highlighting the visceral impact of emotional distress during these formative years.

Childhood Trauma and Shame Underlie Adult Body Image Struggles

Individuals Project Inner Wounds Onto Physical Flaws, Seeking Surface Solutions

Nadkarni discusses how one's self-image struggles often stem from early trauma, with internalized shame and low self-worth manifesting as a fixation on physical flaws. While people may attempt to correct what they see as physical imperfections, the unresolved internal wounds are often the real issue at hand. Nadkarni explains that individuals tend to focus on concrete body parts they ...

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Early Experiences and Trauma In Shaping Self-Image

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • You can start a self-compassion journal to reframe negative thoughts about your body by writing down one thing you appreciate about your body each day. This practice encourages a shift from focusing on perceived flaws to recognizing your body's value and functionality, such as "Today, I'm grateful for my legs that allow me to walk my dog in the park."
  • Create a 'rejection scrapbook' where you document instances of rejection or criticism and then write a positive outcome or lesson learned from each experience. This can help you see rejection as a part of growth rather than a reflection of self-worth, for example, noting how being turned down for a date led you to meet new people and try new activities.
  • Engage in a 'mirror exercise' by standing in f ...

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Finally Feel Good in Your Body: 4 Expert Steps to Feeling More Confident Today

Strategies For Developing Self-Acceptance, Self-Compassion, and Confidence

The episode aims to help listeners heal from negative self-talk and comparison, focusing on changing how they think about their appearance and self-dialogue.

Challenging Core Negative Beliefs Through Cognitive Restructuring

Identifying Distorted Thoughts and Replacing With Realistic Alternatives

Robbins introduces the concept of the autoscopic phenomenon, affecting comparison, shame, self-worth, and the tendency to hide oneself when dissatisfied with body image. Cognitive restructuring is introduced as a method of challenging negative core beliefs, which are deeply ingrained and give rise to other negative self-talk and thoughts. This method requires questioning the legitimacy of these beliefs or underlying thoughts, essentially questioning the inner self-critic. The goal is to trace self-criticism to its origins in early critical experiences and to replace those thoughts with a belief system based on self-compassion and self-acceptance.

Incorporating Daily Self-Affirming Mantras and Practices

Believable, Relieving Personalized Affirmations Habit

Dr. Ash, with over 20 years of clinical practice at Harvard Medical School, encourages building self-compassion by deleting the shame associated with self-critical thoughts. Affirmations, alternative thoughts to counter negative core beliefs, should be believable and personalized for the individual. It's necessary to create and practice a meaningful mantra that is something you believe right now and that gives you relief. Examples include, "I'm getting better every day," and "I deserve to feel good about myself." This habit of using mantras daily aims to progressively lift oneself up.

Embracing Self-Acceptance and Living In the Present

Embracing Joy and Engagement In the Present Moment

Robbins addresses the internal struggle not with appearance but with the belief that one is not worthy of love until they become better-looking. The act of vocalizing insecurities is identified as a step toward overcoming them and moving ...

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Strategies For Developing Self-Acceptance, Self-Compassion, and Confidence

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Counterarguments

  • Cognitive restructuring, while effective for many, may not be sufficient for individuals with deep-seated psychological issues or trauma, who may require more intensive therapy.
  • Personalized affirmations can sometimes lead to frustration if individuals do not see immediate changes in their beliefs or emotional states, potentially exacerbating feelings of failure.
  • The concept of embracing joy and engagement in the present moment may overlook the complexities of mental health conditions like depression or anxiety, where such engagement can be significantly challenging.
  • Vocalizing insecurities might not always be beneficial; in some contexts, it could lead to vulnerability or exposure to further criticism from unsupportive peers or environments.
  • Understanding the reasons behind one's feelings is important, but it may not always lead to self-acceptance without additional support or coping strategies.
  • The advice to find daily points of joy and reduce stress may not ackn ...

Actionables

  • Create a "joy journal" where you jot down three unique things that made you happy each day, focusing on new discoveries or moments that sparked a sense of wonder. This practice can help you become more aware of the present and cultivate a habit of seeking out and appreciating daily joys, leading to a more fulfilling life.
  • Develop a "self-talk soundtrack" by recording your own voice saying positive affirmations and play it during your daily routine, like while commuting or cooking. Hearing your own voice can reinforce self-compassion and make the affirmations feel more personal and believable.
  • Start a "vulnerability vlog" where you record ...

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