If You’re Feeling Uncertain & Anxious, You Need to Hear This

Mel Robbins and Dr. Julie Smith discuss the importance of recognizing emotional challenges as a normal part of life, rather than personal failings.

Emotional Challenges Are Normal, Not Personal Failings

Explaining the "Rice" Analogy: Emotional Struggles Are Common, Not Isolating

Dr. Julie Smith uses the "rice" analogy to demonstrate how common emotional struggles are. White rice represents the entire population, and wild rice signifies the one in four who will experience a mental health issue within a year. When mixed, it's seen that those struggling are a significant, yet often invisible, part of the population. This analogy is used to convey that many people are struggling in silence and to highlight the need for kindness, as anyone could be interacting with someone who is struggling.

Mel Robbins states that everyone will struggle because life is inherently difficult. She reminds people that they are stronger than they think and that hardships are a universal aspect of the human experience.

Julie Smith affirms that emotional overloads, such as self-doubt or regret, are scenarios "we all face at some point." This universality underscores that emotional difficulties are not exclusive or isolating.

Embracing the Temporariness of Emotions

Adopting Curiosity and Compassion Towards One's Emotional Experiences

Smith moves the educational aspect out of the therapy room by acknowledging that therapy skills are actually life skills. She stresses that whether an individual's problems are large or small, the tools used in clinical practice are useful for navigating life.

Dr. Smith emphasizes that dark moments are a human experience, not a personal failure. Looking back and recognizing one’s own self-criticism is a sign of progress, as is feeling embarrassed by earlier work which shows learning and growth. She encourages treating oneself as a coach would—with kindness, compassion, and forward thinking.

Julie Smith ...

Julie Smith provides insights and practical advice for handling challenging emotions and thoughts through strategies such as emotion regulation, attention control, and action guided by values.

Practicing Emotion Regulation to Navigate Negative Emotions Healthily

Allowing Emotions Without Judgment, Using Them as Need Information

Smith explains that emotions are a normal part of the human experience. They are not an indication that something is inherently wrong but provide valuable information about one's needs or what is happening around them. She advises individuals to allow themselves to feel emotions such as overwhelm without judgment, recognizing that these emotions will naturally pass if not actively resisted.

Smith talks about approaching emotions with curiosity instead of criticism and listening to what emotions communicate. For example, when she felt overwhelmed, Smith recognized that the emotions reflected her fears and uncertainties about her children's future and her own health. This allowed her to understand the actions she needed to take.

Cultivating Attention Control to Redirect Unhelpful Thoughts

Using the "Spotlight" to Highlight Constructive Perspectives

Smith advocates for thought diffusion as a technique to achieve a broader perspective of one's thoughts. She likens the process to directing a spotlight, focusing attention on the most constructive thoughts while acknowledging the existence of others without giving them the center stage.

Smith shares that she had to coach herself to face her fear of public speaking, treating herself with encouragement rather than self-criticism. By focusing attention away from internal concerns—like how others might perceive her—and onto something external like another person's discourse, she managed to control her feelings and make them more manageable.

Guiding Actions Through Values, Not Comfort

Reflect On Values to Infor ...

Smith and Robbins delve into the idea that a fulfilling life involves facing challenges and stepping outside of one’s comfort zone.

Avoiding Challenges Shrinks Life and Opportunities

Smith highlights the detrimental effect of shying away from the stresses and uncertainties of life. She cautions that avoiding discomfort leads to a diminished life, as it hinders meaningful engagement with life’s important facets.

"Avoidance Compounds Over Time: Illustrated by 'Rainbow'"

Using the metaphor of a rainbow, Smith illustrates how avoidance behavior limits one's life. She explains that by removing anxiety-inducing activities from one’s life, the scope of one's comfort zone becomes increasingly narrow. Each act of avoidance, while momentarily relieving, progressively restricts one's life, causing meaningful and valuable experiences to be missed and making it harder to live according to one's values.

Mel Robbins echoes this sentiment by observing that life becomes very small when one consistently avoids difficult experiences out of anxiety. She explains that the process is gradual, and one may not even notice until they find themselves leading a "really small life."

Adopt a "Predator" Mindset Over a "Prey" Mindset

Smith shares her personal experience of not wanting to feel like prey, particularly after being diagnosed with cancer. She decided to take a predator-like approach, aiming for proactive engagement with her situation rather than feeling like she was merely reacting to threats.

Reframe Challenges As Opportunities For Growth, Not Threats

Smith advises reframing challenges as opportunities for growth rather than viewing them as threats. She encourages the use of powerful language to shift one’s mindset to face challenges with a goal-oriented attitude. Smith also suggests that feelings of resentment should serve as cues to look inward at one’s own actions, such as a lack of healthy boundaries, rather than placing blame on others.

Mel Robbins supports Smith’s philosophy, emphasizing that adopting a "predator" mindset means actively pursuing challenges as opportunities.

Gradual, Step-By-step Approach To Expanding Comfort Zone

Small Steps to Build Resilience and Confidence

Smith maintains that confidence is derived from consistently facing challenges and gathering experiences of navigating tough situations. She advises spending time doing uncomfortable tasks to grow in confidence. This involves sitting with discomfort, being open to the experience of being a beginner, and persevering with challenging tasks.

Smith suggests ...

Relationships have a profound effect on our emotional health, offering support but also presenting challenges that require careful navigation.

Acknowledging Relationships Can Support and Challenge Emotional Regulation

Healthy Relationships Navigate Differences and Emotions Together

Smith discusses that relationship struggles often arise from dealing with one's own emotions and the emotions of others within the relationship. She talks about how strong relationships often endure many challenges, which can bring people closer and provide a sense of safety. These shared experiences through challenges contribute to the emotional strength of the relationship. Smith also emphasizes the importance of learning about each other and forgiving one another when we bring out the worst in each other.

Importance of Communication and Understanding in Relationships

Valuable Relationships Need Not Be Perfect

Smith implies that a lack of a perfect relationship does not necessarily mean it should be given up on, criticizing the idea that individuals need to be completely healed before entering a relationship. She asserts that expecting a fairytale and perfection is unrealistic, as relationships inherently involve stress and emotions. She further asserts that building strength in relationships can happen without being overwhelmed by the realization that one is not always their best self within the relationship. People don't have to be highly insightful or psychologically minded for a relationship to work well, highlighting the acceptance of each other's different strengths within a relationship.

Leaning On Trusted Loved Ones in Difficult Times

Accepting Imperfection In Being Supportive

Smith reflects on the support she receives from her husband, who knows how to help her shift focus during difficult moments, and she further discusses the importance of reaching out to a trusted human for connection to help re ...