The Real Reason You’re Exhausted: How To Gain Control of Your Time & Your Life

The notion of being constantly busy has become an all-consuming state to which many have acclimatized, often at the cost of personal relationships and a fulfilling life.

Busyness has become the default state for many people, with constant activity, task-switching, and overscheduling

Mel Robbins characterizes the state of busyness as being trapped on "the treadmill of life," with people hyperventilating through their days with a never-ending to-do list. This epidemic pushes individuals to overcommit — working late and on weekends, canceling plans, and foregoing what's important. Behind this continuous flurry is an avoidance of emotions and personal issues.

Busyness is described not just as overactivity but as a perpetual anxiousness and motion that inhibits genuine intimacy in relationships. Robbins recalls her days as a law student as peak dysfunction due to busyness — a phase teeming with activities where moments to address underlying issues were non-existent. She describes a tense life, as though "on the treadmill of life," that people mistakenly believe they can hop off once the current to-do list is completed.

Despite feeling overwhelmed, Robbins expresses a yearning to slow down and achieve control over this relentless state. She recounts particularly chaotic periods, such as the end-of-year holiday rush, where the pace of life accelerates and tasks seem to pile up endlessly.

Mel Robbins shares a personal struggle, mentioning her busyness intensifying toward the end of the year with holiday preparations making her feel behind on tasks. This resembles a treadmill that has been sped up too much, causing discomfort. Additionally, Robbins realizes that her internal engine is constantly revving up, illustrating an incessant move from one task to the next. She feels left on a perpetual treadmill dealing with a growing list of responsibilities.

Both Robbins and her husband have fully packed schedules, often concluding in exhaustion and them falling asleep on the couch. She explain ...

Mel Robbins and Scott Lyons dissect the root causes of the ever-increasing "addiction to busyness," pointing out that it serves as a distraction from emotional discomfort and has become habit-forming due to the brain's reward systems.

Busyness triggers the brain's reward and pleasure systems, providing a [restricted term] "hit" that becomes habit-forming

Robbins and Lyons discuss how the brain's reward and pleasure systems are closely tied to the compulsion to remain busy. They explain that [restricted term], a neurotransmitter associated with reward, motivation, and pleasure, is released during the completion of tasks, providing a "hit" that can become habit-forming. Completing tasks and constantly seeking stimulation serve not only to fulfill the human need to feel competent but also to provide a distraction from facing bothersome thoughts and real-life issues.

Constantly seeking stimulation and activity is a way to avoid unpleasant emotions and unresolved issues

Lyons talks about how emotional and physical pain are processed similarly in the brain and that human nature naturally seeks to relieve suffering. Robbins relates to this by admitting her addiction to the adrenaline rush and the feeling of being busy, indicating that busyness can become a habit-forming activity and a way to avoid deeper issues. The constant motion and tasks become a way to elude the vulnerability that comes with relationships and self-reflection.

The inability to simply be still and present with oneself is a sign of this addiction

The hosts relay the pivotal idea that an inability to be still, quiet, or to accept less than perfection is a clear sign of a deeper problem. Robbins suggests that this disinclination to deal with what ...

The connection between childhood experiences, self-worth, and the subsequent drive toward persistent busyness is explored as Robbins and Dr. Scott Lyons discuss how early life interactions shape our need for constant activity and achievement.

Many people unconsciously link their self-worth and value to their productivity and achievements

As children, feeling loved and accepted was often tied to performance and pleasing others

Scott Lyons suggests that the way children feel loved can significantly influence their sense of worth. For example, Robbins adds that we often receive the most celebration for achievements in childhood, like winning a championship, forging an early connection between performance and receiving love. Lyons adds that if as children, individuals felt they had to prove their worth through action, they might develop a belief that they need to earn love and value through achievements, potentially leading to patterns like perfectionism and continuous cycles of doing to feel valued as adults.

This creates a deep-seated pattern of seeking validation and affirmation through constant activity and doing

Lyons explains that the deep-seated need for validation that was not fully received during childhood can lead to patterns of busyness that serve as an attempt to fill the void of missed affection or connection. Robbins describes this as a broader societal issue where the pursuit of positive attention and validation is reinforced by a culture that rewards hustle and achievement, contributing to a compulsion to remain constantly active.

Unresolved childhood wounds and lack of a sense of inherent self-worth fuel the need to stay busy and distracted

Robbins and Dr. Lyons discuss how underlying, unaddressed emotional wounds might drive the compulsion to stay busy as a coping mechanism. Dr. Lyons mentions that if love and attention from parents were conditional upon the child doing something, children mig ...

Experts Dr. Lyons and Mel Robbins explore the necessity of stepping away from the relentless busyness of modern life to find peace, self-awareness, and a healthier sense of self-worth.

Breaking the addiction to busyness requires the ability to simply be still, present, and comfortable with oneself

The discomfort of simply standing in line without the distraction of a phone is a revealing sign of modern society's addiction to busyness. Mel Robbins suggests tackling this issue through an exercise that involves standing in line without looking at your phone. She describes this experience as almost unbearable, highlighting our dependency on constant connectivity and activity. Dr. Lyons, known for developing a somatic stress release process, suggests that resolving issues of self-worth and incessant busyness involves being able to be still and present, indicating the need to disconnect from the constant engagement in activities to feel valued.

Robbins experienced a personal revelation regarding the difficulty of being present: after coming home from a business trip, instead of engaging with her partner, she automatically turned on the TV and opened her laptop. It took her partner closing her laptop for her to realize the challenge of just being with another person without doing anything else. Robbins hints at the importance of self-awareness and combating the cycle of compulsively reaching for devices or substances like alcohol as a means to relax. This feeds into the broader conversation about avoidance and the need to confront emotions rather than seeking distractions.

Bringing more self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-compassion is key to shifting away from the constant need to be productive and busy

Dr. Lyons explains that fostering a baseline of safety within oneself and rebuilding a sense of calm through somatic experiences can help address the addiction to busyness. Similarly, Robbins advocates for grounding oneself before entering a space, rather than approaching it like a "hurricane." Robbins questions how to heal from this addiction to stress and busyness, expressing a desire to move through life in a better way by taking intentional pauses.

Mel Robbins conveys a strong desire to not just be busy but to "drop in and truly enjoy" life before it's over. This entails a focus on "being" rather than "doing," as Robbins po ...