How to Become a Better Human: Lessons on Kindness, Love, and Happiness (From a 10-Year-Old)
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, host Mel Robbins speaks with young guest Elton about his insights on emotional well-being, personal growth, relationships, and navigating life's challenges. Elton advocates for seeking support through therapy and openly expressing emotions. He shares his experience overcoming dysgraphia and the importance of a "trying" mindset focused on sustainable improvement.
The episode also delves into fostering kindness, empowering children's choices, and practicing consideration for others. Elton offers unique perspectives on coping with unfairness, maintaining a positive attitude when facing adversity, and exploring passions. His wisdom serves as a reminder that valuable life lessons can come from unexpected sources.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Sep 19, 2024 episode of the The Mel Robbins Podcast
Sign up for Shortform to access the whole episode summary along with additional materials like counterarguments and context.
1-Page Summary
Emotional well-being and mental health
Seeking support through therapy, as Elton did, can significantly improve one's emotional state and self-understanding. His therapy sessions helped him process his feelings and become happier.
Elton emphasizes the importance of openly communicating emotions, rather than bottling them up. He shares an analogy likening emotional suppression to overeating grapes, leading to discomfort. Mel Robbins notes that hiding feelings can increase stress and loneliness.
Elton's experience with dysgraphia highlights how seeking help for learning differences can greatly improve one's life. Once diagnosed, he received accommodations that transformed his academic performance and teacher understanding.
Personal growth and development
Elton believes in maintaining a "trying" mindset, where one is always willing to put in effort to improve, even if not achieving perfection.
He advises finding the right level of aspiration - aiming for "good enough" rather than perfection - to prevent burnout and promote sustainable progress.
Elton notes that discovering one's true passion may take time and exploration, sharing how his father found his passion later in life.
Relationships and interpersonal dynamics
Elton stresses the power of practicing kindness and consideration for others in creating a better world and fostering inclusion.
He shares the "pizza strategy" as a tactful way to navigate social challenges like gossiping.
Elton advises parents to empower children to make their own choices and find their own paths to happiness, rather than dictating careers.
Coping with life's challenges and unfairness
Elton acknowledges life's inherent unfairness but recommends focusing on what you can control and applying yourself fully to what matters most.
He emphasizes maintaining a positive, solution-focused attitude when facing adversity, as this can lead to growth and resilience.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While therapy can be beneficial, it may not be accessible or affordable for everyone, and some individuals may not respond to traditional therapy methods.
- Open communication about emotions is generally positive, but not all environments or relationships are safe for such vulnerability, and some cultures may stigmatize emotional expression.
- Seeking help for learning differences is important, but the effectiveness of accommodations can vary, and there may be systemic barriers to obtaining a diagnosis or support.
- A growth mindset is valuable, but constant striving can also lead to pressure and stress if not balanced with self-compassion and rest.
- Aiming for "good enough" can reduce stress, but it might also lead to complacency or a lack of motivation in some individuals who thrive on high aspirations.
- While exploring to find one's passion is a worthwhile endeavor, not everyone may have the luxury of time or resources to do so, and some may find fulfillment in stability rather than passion.
- Kindness and consideration are important, but they may not always be reciprocated, and excessive altruism can sometimes lead to neglect of one's own needs.
- Empowering children to make their own choices is beneficial, but they also need guidance and structure to make informed decisions, especially in their formative years.
- Focusing on what one can control is a practical approach to life's unfairness, but it can also overlook the need for systemic change in situations where individual effort is insufficient.
- Maintaining a positive attitude is helpful, but it's also important to acknowledge and validate feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration as part of a healthy response to adversity.
Actionables
- Create a "Feelings Journal" to enhance emotional literacy by writing down your emotions daily and the context in which they occur, helping you to communicate them more effectively.
- Keeping a journal dedicated to your emotions can serve as a personal tool to track patterns in your emotional responses and improve your ability to express them. For example, if you notice you often feel anxious on Sunday evenings, you might explore ways to prepare for the week that reduce this anxiety.
- Develop a "Skill-Building Bucket List" where you list skills you want to improve or learn, such as time management or public speaking, and then actively seek resources like online courses or local workshops to address learning differences.
- This proactive approach allows you to tailor your educational journey to your specific needs and pace. For instance, if you struggle with math, you could add "Master basic algebra" to your list and find a math tutor or use educational apps to practice.
- Start a "Good Enough" project where you set a goal that's achievable without aiming for perfection, like painting a room or organizing a small event, to practice setting realistic standards and avoiding burnout.
- By intentionally setting a goal where "good enough" is the success criterion, you train yourself to recognize when to stop striving for perfection. If you're painting a room, for example, you might decide that a couple of imperfections in less visible corners are acceptable.
Get access to the context and additional materials
Emotional well-being and mental health
Elton's journey emphasizes the significant role of therapy, open communication, and appropriate accommodations in achieving mental well-being and overcoming personal challenges.
Seeking support through therapy can significantly improve one's mental state and self-understanding
Elton likens going to a therapist to handing them a dirty shirt, which they help clean over time, illustrating how therapy has aided him in processing his issues. His therapy sessions, where he might play games like 'Guess Who' while discussing his feelings, have helped him become a happier and better person. Despite initially finding therapy sessions dull because they centered on discussing emotions, Elton persisted and acknowledges the positive impact on his life.
Openly communicating feelings, rather than bottling them up, is crucial for maintaining good mental health
Elton and Mel Robbins explore the detrimental effects of keeping emotions to oneself. Elton shares an analogy comparing the accumulation of bottled-up emotions to overeating grapes, leading to discomfort. Mel Robbins discusses how hiding one's feelings can result in increased stress, anger, sadness, and loneliness since one tackles these feelings alone. Elton suggests that on days of sadness or loneliness, engaging with trusted adults, like his parents, serves as a release for these pent-up emotions. Recognizing his therapist as a "safe person," he values the opportunity to unload his emotions with someone outside his family circle, finding comfort in open communication.
Seeking help for learning differences and other challenges can make a big difference in one's life
Elton's ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Emotional well-being and mental health
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- Therapy may not be equally effective for everyone, and some individuals might not experience the same level of improvement.
- The use of games in therapy sessions might not be a suitable approach for all clients, as some may require more traditional or different therapeutic techniques.
- Open communication about feelings, while generally beneficial, can sometimes lead to vulnerability or discomfort, especially if the person receiving the communication is not receptive or supportive.
- In certain cultural or personal contexts, openly expressing emotions may not be encouraged or may be seen as a sign of weakness.
- Trusted adults are not always available, and some individuals may not have a support system to engage with, which can make managing emotions more challenging.
- While seeking help for learning differences is important, there can be barriers such as lack of resources, stigma, or inadequate support systems that prevent effective assistance. ...
Actionables
- Create a 'mood journal' to track your emotions and identify patterns that may indicate when you're bottling up feelings. By regularly noting down your emotional state and the events that trigger various emotions, you can gain insights into what might be causing stress or unhappiness. For example, if you notice a pattern of frustration every time you're working on a specific task, it could signal a learning difference or a need for a new approach to that task.
- Develop a 'feelings deck' of cards, each with an emotion or situation written on it, to facilitate open communication with friends or family. Use these cards during dedicated 'emotional check-ins' where you and a trusted person can draw cards at random and discuss the associated feelings or experiences. This can help create a safe space for expressing emotions that might otherwise be suppressed.
- Start a peer support group focused on learning differe ...
Get access to the context and additional materials
Personal growth and development
Elton reflects on the journey of personal growth and development, emphasizing the importance of effort, realistic aspirations, and the exploratory nature of finding one's passion.
Maintaining a "trying" mindset, where one is always willing to put in effort, is key to personal improvement
Elton believes that a "trying" mindset is essential to personal improvement. He states, "to try. That's part of my lifestyle. I try my hardest and sometimes I'm not good enough and that is fine. And like maybe if I keep trying I will be better and then if I keep trying and I'm not good enough then that's just kind of like, oh well, I can't do this and that's fine." He underscores the importance of trying regardless of the difficulty, especially for things that matter significantly to him. Elton discusses the importance of trying and putting in the effort, stating, "Like I try never to not try. Like I always try to try."
Finding the right level of aspiration - aiming for "good enough" rather than perfection - can prevent burnout and promote sustainable progress
Elton addresses the idea of aiming for "good enough." He remarks, "But like right now I cannot make a three-point to save my life. And I know I'm saying I try, I try, but I've never wanted to be a three-point shooter. People are like, oh, I want to be like Steph Curry. Oh, I like I'm not aiming for the high, like the really high. I'm aiming for what's good enough. Because if people was gonna like go for the really high road, like, yes, you can do it. Yes, it will be a lot harder. But if that's a lot harder, you're more likely to give up. Oh, because like, if you keep doing it, and it's so hard, then ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Personal growth and development
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While maintaining a "trying" mindset is generally positive, it can sometimes lead to a lack of focus if not paired with clear goals or direction.
- Effort alone may not always lead to growth; sometimes, strategic planning, mentorship, and learning from failures are equally important.
- Setting realistic aspirations is sensible, but it might also limit one's potential if not balanced with occasional stretches outside of one's comfort zone.
- Aiming for "good enough" could potentially foster complacency in some individuals, preventing them from achieving excellence in their field.
- The journey to discovering one's passion and purpose can indeed take time, but for some ...
Actionables
- You can track your daily efforts in a journal to visualize progress and maintain a growth mindset. Start by jotting down at least one action you took each day towards personal improvement, no matter how small. This could be as simple as reading an article related to a new interest or practicing a skill for 10 minutes. Over time, this record will highlight your consistent efforts and growth, encouraging you to keep pushing forward.
- Create a "good enough" goal board to help set realistic aspirations. Use a corkboard or digital app to pin or note down goals that challenge you but are attainable. For example, if you're learning to play the guitar, instead of aiming to master a complex song right away, your goal could be to learn the basic chords within a month. This approach helps to prevent burnout by providing a visual reminder to balance ambition with achievable milestones.
- Schedule a monthly "exploration day" to discover new interests and potentially find your passion. Dedica ...
Related Shortform Content
Get access to the context and additional materials
Relationships and interpersonal dynamics
Elton explores various aspects of interpersonal dynamics and relationships, focusing on the power of kindness, the importance of tactful communication, and the significance of parental empowerment.
Practicing kindness and consideration for others is fundamental to creating a better world
Elton strongly believes in the impact of kindness on relationships and social inclusion. He emphasizes that genuinely feeling and acting with kindness, such as helping someone in a small but meaningful way, can lead to making friends and being included in social activities. Conversely, not being kind might result in loneliness and social exclusion. Elton highlights the significance of actual acts of kindness, recounting an occasion where he helped a grandmother cross a puddle by creating a makeshift bridge out of sand. Such acts are the cornerstone of his vision for a better world.
Additionally, Elton advocates for an empathetic approach to treating others, suggesting that we should "treat others how they want to be treated," which takes into consideration the preferences and emotions of the other person.
Navigating social challenges, like gossiping, requires tactful communication strategies
Elton addresses the common social challenge of gossiping and the need for tactful strategies to navigate it successfully. He describes the "pizza strategy" as a tool to diplomatically shift a conversation away from negative gossip. This technique helps individuals stand up for the person being talked about without creating confrontation, ensuring that conversations remain positive and constructive.
Parents should empower their children to make their own choices and find their own paths to happin ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Relationships and interpersonal dynamics
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While kindness is important, it is not the only factor in fostering relationships and social inclusion; other factors such as shared interests, mutual respect, and trust also play significant roles.
- Acts of kindness can sometimes be misinterpreted or may not always lead to the expected positive outcomes; there are complex social dynamics at play that can influence the impact of these actions.
- The concept of treating others how they want to be treated, while empathetic, may not always be practical or appropriate, especially in situations where individuals' desires conflict with ethical or professional standards.
- Tactful communication strategies like the "pizza strategy" may not address the root causes of gossip and could potentially allow harmful behaviors to continue unchecked.
- Empowering children to make their own choices is important, but it must be balanced with guidance and support to help them make informed decisions, especially in areas where they lack experience or knowledge.
- The idea that parents should not correct trivial mistakes c ...
Actionables
- Start a "Kindness Journal" where you jot down one act of kindness you've observed or done each day, and reflect on how it impacted the people involved. This practice can help you become more aware of the opportunities for kindness around you and encourage you to act on them, fostering stronger relationships and a sense of community.
- Create a "Choice Board" for your children with various activities and decisions they can make, ranging from simple daily choices to more significant ones. This empowers them to make decisions, fostering their independence and self-discovery, while you provide guidance and support as needed.
- Develop a personal "Empathy Map" wher ...
Related Shortform Content
Get access to the context and additional materials
Coping with life's challenges and unfairness
Elton provides personal insight on the universally acknowledged truth that life can be inherently unfair and emphasizes the importance of perseverance and a positive outlook to navigate life's challenges.
Accepting that life is inherently unfair, but focusing on what you can control, is a healthy mindset
Elton reflects on the hard but clear fact that some people have advantages that others don't, which is simply a part of life. Understanding that you cannot change every aspect of your situation, Elton believes that the best way forward is to apply yourself fully to the things that matter most to you and to keep trying your hardest, regardless of the hand you've been dealt.
Maintaining a positive, solution-focused attitude in the face of adversity can lead to growth and resilience
Elton shares his personal struggles with a learning disability, acknowledging that while certain challenges like dysgraphia cannot be "practiced away" or simply dismissed, it is crucial to "deal with it" by ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Coping with life's challenges and unfairness
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Dysgraphia is a learning disability that affects writing abilities. It can lead to challenges with spelling, handwriting, and organizing thoughts on paper. Individuals with dysgraphia may struggle with expressing themselves in writing despite having normal intelligence. Strategies like consistent practice and accommodations can help manage its impact on daily tasks.
- Elton's personal struggles with a learning disability, specifically dysgraphia, involve challenges with writing and fine motor skills. Dysgraphia is a neurological condition that can affect a person's ability to write coherently. Despit ...
Counterarguments
- While perseverance and a positive outlook are valuable, they may not be sufficient for navigating all of life's challenges, as some situations may require structural change or external assistance.
- The concept of focusing only on what one can control might lead to complacency in the face of systemic issues that require collective action for change.
- Acknowledging that life is unfair does not address the need for efforts to create a more equitable society where such disparities are minimized.
- The idea that applying oneself fully is crucial may not account for the fact that some individuals may not have the same capacity or resources to apply themselves due to various constraints.
- A positive, solution-focused attitude is beneficial, but it is also important to recognize and validate the emotional pain and struggle that come with adversity, rather than potentially dismissing these feelings in the pursuit of positivity.
- The emphasis on not giving in to defeat may inadvertently stigmatize those ...
Get access to the context and additional materials
Create Summaries for anything on the web
Download the Shortform Chrome extension for your browser
