8 Things I Wish I Knew in College
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Robbins provides practical guidance for new college students navigating the disorienting transition to campus life. She underscores the physical and emotional adjustments involved, including sensory overload and disrupted routines. Robbins advises establishing a consistent morning routine with exercise to regain a sense of control.
The episode also delves into the social sphere, cautioning against clinging to initial friend groups while encouraging students to proactively seek genuine connections by exploring interests independently. Robbins emphasizes taking personal responsibility in shaping one's college experience by advocating for needs and embracing the continuous changes that each academic year brings. She reassures listeners that feeling like an outsider is normal, as finding one's social circle is a gradual process.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Aug 29, 2024 episode of the The Mel Robbins Podcast
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1-Page Summary
The physical and emotional adjustments to college life
According to Mel Robbins, new college students often feel disoriented due to sudden changes in their surroundings and sensory inputs. She emphasizes the need for patience during this transition and recommends establishing a consistent morning routine with physical activity to regain a sense of control.
Recognizing the sense of disorientation and physiological changes
The unfamiliar sights, smells, and communal living can lead to sensory overload and feelings of being out of place. Robbins advises students to give themselves grace, as structured activities will eventually lend rhythm to daily life.
The sudden shift in sensory inputs, routines, and living conditions can be overwhelming
Robbins points out that the disorientation stems from significant environmental changes, advising students to be patient as their bodies adjust to a new rhythm. The sudden free time can exacerbate feelings of the unknown.
Establishing a consistent morning routine
Robbins discourages staying in bed scrolling on phones, as this perpetuates disorientation. Instead, she recommends physical activity like walking or exercising to align the body with the new environment and establish a purposeful routine.
Starting the day with some form of physical activity can aid adjustment
Engaging in exercise helps the mind and body adapt more quickly by creating a regular rhythm that makes the new surroundings feel normal over time.
Avoiding passive activities like scrolling on phones
Robbins stresses avoiding passive behaviors like excessive phone use upon waking, as this contributes to continued disorientation and lack of motivation.
Developing healthy social connections and friendships
Robbins advises against clinging to initial acquaintances from orientation or roommates, as these convenience-based groups often become unsustainable. She encourages being proactive in meeting new people, recognizing that building a social circle takes time.
Resisting the urge to cling to initial friend groups
Robbins cautions that friend groups hastily formed in the first few weeks frequently turn toxic as students' experiences evolve.
Friendship groups formed too rigidly in the first few weeks often become toxic
Robbins provides anecdotes illustrating how holding too tightly to early friendships from freshman year can lead to unhealthy dynamics.
Being proactive about introducing yourself and inviting others
Rather than waiting to be included, Robbins suggests introducing oneself and inviting others to join activities to organically build connections.
Recognizing that the process of finding your "people" is gradual
Robbins acknowledges that feeling like an outsider is normal initially, as finding one's social circle is a gradual process.
Avoiding comparing your social life to curated online depictions
Robbins cautions against comparing personal experiences to the highlights portrayed on social media.
Embracing opportunities to explore interests independently
To build meaningful connections, Robbins highlights taking the initiative to join clubs, classes, and campus events rather than isolating oneself.
Taking an active, self-directed approach
Robbins emphasizes proactively shaping one's college experience through personal responsibility, advocating for one's needs, and embracing the continuous changes that each academic year brings.
Taking personal responsibility for shaping your experience
Robbins reflects that creating a fulfilling college experience requires being proactive, not passive. Students should actively participate to avoid missing opportunities.
Advocating for your needs
Robbins encourages students to voice dissatisfaction with living situations or class schedules and advocate for changes.
Recognizing that each year will bring new challenges
Students must stay flexible, as the college environment is ever-changing. Robbins notes this fluidity provides opportunities for personal growth.
Embracing the ups and downs of personal growth and development
Though highs and lows like homesickness are natural, Robbins advises adapting and growing from such experiences to fully appreciate this life chapter.
Robbins encourages exploring campus, voicing needs, and seeking help from resources like RAs or advisors to create a fulfilling college experience.
1-Page Summary
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Counterarguments
- While establishing a morning routine with physical activity can be beneficial, some students may find that other routines or activities, such as meditation or reading, better suit their personal adjustment process.
- The advice to avoid passive activities like phone scrolling may not acknowledge the potential benefits of digital connectivity, such as staying in touch with family and friends from home, which can provide emotional support during the transition.
- The notion that early-formed friend groups often become toxic may be an overgeneralization; some students may find lasting friendships in the people they meet during orientation or in their initial living situations.
- Being proactive in social situations is generally good advice, but it's important to recognize that introverted or socially anxious students may require different strategies that respect their comfort levels and natural social pacing.
- The encouragement to avoid comparing one's social life to online depictions doesn't consider that some students may find motivation or inspiration from social media to enhance their social interactions and experiences.
- The emphasis on personal responsibility in shaping one's college experience might overlook systemic issues that can limit a student's ability to fully participate in college life, such as financial constraints, work commitments, or lack of support services.
- Advocating for one's needs is important, but it may not always be feasible for students who face bureaucratic hurdles or who are not well-versed in self-advocacy due to cultural, language, or educational barriers.
- The idea that each year will bring new challenges is true, but it's also important to acknowledge that some students may experience stability and continuity in their college years, which can be equally beneficial for their development.
Actionables
- Create a sensory map of your new environment to familiarize yourself with different locations and what they offer. Start by drawing a simple map of your college campus and mark places with specific sensory experiences, like the smell of coffee near the cafe or the sound of the gym's basketball court. This can help you feel more grounded and connected to your new surroundings.
- Develop a 'connection goal' for each week where you aim to meet someone new or attend a different social event. Instead of sticking to the first group of friends you make, set a goal to have lunch with someone from a different class or join a club meeting that interests you. This encourages a more diverse social circle and prevents the formation of insular friend groups.
- Start a personal growth journal where you document the challenges and successes of each week. Reflect on the ups and downs, what you've learned, and how you've advocated for yourself. This practice can help you see your development over time and remind you that growth is a process with natural ebbs and flows.
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The physical and emotional adjustments to college life
New college students often face a range of physical and emotional adjustments as they transition into their higher education journey. Mel Robbins speaks about the common experiences and sensations that accompany the move to college life, emphasizing the need for patience and adaptability.
Recognizing the sense of disorientation and physiological changes new college students experience as they adapt to a dramatically different environment
New college students typically encounter a sudden shift in sensory inputs, routines, and living conditions that can be overwhelming—a phenomenon that Mel Robbins highlights. She describes the unfamiliar smells, lighting, textures, and communal living as factors that contribute to the feeling of being out of sync with the new environment. Robbins recalls her own anxiety-filled college start, arguing that it's normal for everything to feel out of place at first due to sensory overload. She emphasizes that, while it might convince you that you're in the wrong place, this weird feeling is just a sign you're going through major change.
This period of adjustment is a normal part of transitioning to college life, and students should give themselves the grace and time needed to acclimate. Robbins reassures students that everyone feels disoriented initially and that it's okay to feel weird or lost in the new settings. She suggests that structured activities, such as classes, clubs, or sports, will eventually fill in the gaps and lend a sense of rhythm to daily life.
The sudden shift in sensory inputs, routines, and living conditions can be overwhelming and make students feel "out of sync" with their new surroundings
Robbins points out that the disorientation students feel is due to the significant changes in environment and sensory experiences. She advises students to be patient as their bodies regulate into a new rhythm. Robbins also discusses the onslaught of free time, particularly on weekends, that can exacerbate feelings of boredom and the unknown, driving home the fact that a major life change is underway.
Establishing a consistent morning routine as a way to provide stability and regain a sense of control
Robbins advises against staying in bed and passively scrolling through the phone after waking up, as this can perpetuate feelings of disorientation. Instead, she recommends a consistent morning routine that includes physical activity to help students adjust more swiftly and regain a sense of control. She suggests walking out of the dorm and exploring as a proactive way to combat the inclination to remain static. Getting out and moving the body first ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The physical and emotional adjustments to college life
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While structured activities can be beneficial, some students may find that overcommitting to clubs and sports can lead to burnout and stress, suggesting a balance is necessary.
- The advice to avoid passive activities in the morning may not consider individual differences in relaxation and coping strategies; for some, a brief period of phone use might be a calming way to start the day.
- The emphasis on physical activity as a universal tool for adjustment may not account for students with physical disabilities or those who find mental and emotional solace in less active pursuits.
- The concept of giving oneself grace and time to acclimate might inadvertently lead some students to avoid seeking help when it's needed, under the guise of "adjustment."
- The idea that everyone feels disoriented initially may not be true for all students; some may adapt more quickly or have prior experiences that make the transition smoother.
- The suggestion to establish a consistent mor ...
Actionables
- Create a sensory adjustment kit with items like stress balls, scented oils, and noise-canceling headphones to help manage new environmental stimuli. Carrying a small bag with these items can provide immediate relief from sensory overload, allowing you to engage your senses in a familiar and comforting way, which can ease the transition into new surroundings.
- Develop a 'buddy system' with a fellow student to check in daily for the first month of college. This can be as simple as sending a morning text or having a quick chat over coffee. The accountability and shared experience can help both of you stay grounded and provide mutual support as you navigate the new college environment together.
- Use meal prepping as a tool to establish routi ...
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Developing healthy social connections and friendships
In today’s fast-paced social dynamic, especially in the transition to college life, learning how to develop healthy social connections and friendships is critical. Mel Robbins offers insights and advice on resisting the urge to cling to familiar individuals from our past and embracing the gradual journey of building new and meaningful relationships.
Resisting the urge to cling to pre-existing friendships or roommates, and instead adopting a flexible, open-minded approach to making new connections
Mel Robbins advises against the common instinct of new college students to hold onto their first few acquaintances such as roommates or orientation friends. She states that quickly formed groups based on proximity may become unsustainable and even toxic as students' experiences broaden over time.
Friendship groups formed too rigidly in the first few weeks often become toxic and unsustainable as the college experience evolves
Robbins underscores the point that friendships formed out of convenience in the initial weeks of college often don’t last. She recounts anecdotes from her daughters and their friends to illustrate how holding too tight to friendships from freshman year can lead to toxic outcomes.
Being proactive about introducing yourself and inviting others to join in activities, rather than waiting to be included
Being flexible with friendships and allowing them to naturally ebb and flow is another key point Robbins makes. She suggests letting go of ownership attitudes toward friendships, proactively introducing oneself, and inviting others to join in activities instead of passively waiting to be included.
Recognizing that the process of finding your "people" is gradual, and that it's normal to feel like an outsider at first
Robbins acknowledges that the process of finding one's group is gradual and often accompanied by feelings of being an outsider.
Avoiding the tendency to compare your social experience to the curated social media highlights of others
Robbins also advises against comparing one's own college experience to the curated social media highlights of peers. She encourages students to live their own college life and build their own experiences and memories.
Embracing opportunities to explore clubs, classes, and campus resources on your own, as a way to organically build meaningful connections
To build worthwhile connec ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Developing healthy social connections and friendships
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While flexibility is important, maintaining pre-existing friendships can provide a stable support system during the transition to college, which can be beneficial for mental health.
- Some friendships formed early in college can endure and become lifelong bonds if they are based on shared values and mutual growth, rather than mere convenience.
- Proactivity in social situations is not a one-size-fits-all solution; for some individuals, especially introverts, it may be more natural and effective to form connections through shared activities or interests rather than direct introductions.
- The feeling of being an outsider may persist for some individuals beyond the initial stages of college, and it's important to acknowledge that finding one's community can take different lengths of time for different people.
- Comparing social experiences can sometimes provide motivation or insight into how to engage with others and may not always have a negative imp ...
Actionables
- Create a "New Connections" challenge for yourself where you aim to meet one new person each day for a month, whether it's through a simple hello to a classmate or a chat with someone at the gym. This encourages you to step out of your comfort zone and increases the likelihood of finding compatible friends over time. For example, keep a small journal or use a note-taking app to jot down the name of the new person you met and something interesting about them.
- Host a rotating "interest dinner" where you invite a small group of people from different social circles to share a meal and discuss a specific topic or interest. This can be done once a month and each time, encourage attendees to bring someone new. This not only diversifies your social group but also allows for deeper conversations beyond surface-level interactions. You might start with a theme like "favorite books" or "travel dreams" to spark engaging discussions.
- Volunteer for a campus event or organization that aligns ...
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Taking an active, self-directed approach to one's college experience
Mel Robbins emphasizes the importance of taking personal responsibility for shaping one's college experience. She promotes an active role in personal development, advocating for one's needs, and embracing the continuous changes that come with each academic year.
Understanding that no one is going to create your college experience for you - you must take personal responsibility for shaping it
Robbins reflects that creating your college experience relies on being proactive rather than passive. Students should actively participate in campus life to avoid missing out on valuable opportunities. Robbins states that if there are aspects of college life that aren't working for you, it is your responsibility to seek help and make changes.
Advocating for your needs, whether that's changing a roommate situation or adjusting your class schedule
Robbins strongly encourages students to take control of their college experience, including living arrangements and academic pursuits. She advises against transferring because of an undesirable roommate and encourages students to advocate for themselves, whether by speaking with the resident assistant (RA) or the dean. Robbins further emphasizes that students should feel empowered to change their class schedules or major if they're dissatisfied.
Recognizing that each year of college will bring new challenges and changes, requiring continued flexibility and self-exploration
Robbins advises students to stay flexible and open to self-exploration as the college environment and the people within it change yearly. She notes that life's constant changes are a normal part of the journey and that college is a microcosm of this experience. By navigating this fluidity, students can learn about themselves and find their community while unlocking new possibilities.
Embracing the ups and downs of per ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Taking an active, self-directed approach to one's college experience
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While personal responsibility is important, not all students have equal access to opportunities or support systems, which can affect their ability to shape their college experience.
- Being proactive is beneficial, but some students may face systemic barriers that make it difficult to participate fully in campus life.
- The assumption that students can always make changes if something isn't working overlooks the complexities of certain situations, such as financial constraints or institutional policies.
- Advocating for oneself assumes a level of confidence and knowledge of the system that not all students may possess, especially those from underrepresented backgrounds.
- The idea that students should not transfer because of an undesirable roommate situation simplifies a potentially complex decision that could involve other significant factors.
- Flexibility and self-exploration are valuable, but some students may require more structure and support to succeed in college.
- The concept of embracing ups and downs may not fully ...
Actionables
- Create a "College Experience Action Plan" by listing specific goals for each semester, such as joining a new club, attending a workshop, or initiating a study group, to ensure active participation in campus life.
- This plan acts as a roadmap to keep you engaged and accountable. For example, if you're interested in photography, your goal might be to join the photography club and submit a piece to the campus exhibition. This targeted approach ensures you're not just attending events but actively contributing and growing your interests.
- Set up monthly "Campus Resource Check-ins" where you research and meet with different campus services, like career counseling or mental health support, to familiarize yourself with the help available.
- By doing this, you're proactively creating a support network. For instance, even if you don't need career advice immediately, knowing the counselor and understanding the services offered can make it easier to seek help when you're ready to look for internships.
- Initiate a "Roommate Agr ...
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