Life Lessons From a Hospice Doctor: You Have It Completely Backwards
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, hospice physician Dr. Zack Bush shares profound insights from working with the dying, as he and Mel Robbins explore the transformative nature of near-death experiences and the true essence of the self. Bush recounts how his near-fatal car accident revealed a sense of deep interconnectedness, challenging conventional notions of separateness. They discuss how the dying often regret not living authentically, and how accepting one's innate wholeness frees them from fear and the need to constantly perform.
Robbins and Bush affirm that our essence is one of completeness and unity, evident in moments of awe or the departing soul. They emphasize that directly experiencing this wholeness profoundly impacts how one perceives relationships, life itself, and collective consciousness. The episode examines what it means to let go of striving and simply "be" — embracing the beauty of each present moment from a place of profound acceptance and interconnection.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Aug 1, 2024 episode of the The Mel Robbins Podcast
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1-Page Summary
Near-death experiences and their transformative effects
Zack Bush recounts how his near-death car accident provided a profound sense of wholeness and interconnectedness, challenging conventional notions of the self. Mel Robbins adds how overcoming fears reconnected her with her essence, reducing her fear of death.
Near-death experiences often reveal one's true nature as whole and complete
Bush believes these experiences highlight our inherent state of wholeness from birth to death. As Robbins notes, moments of awe and presence can induce similar transcendence. Bush says near-death sensations involve realizing life's perfection and completeness all along.
We often fixate on feelings of incompleteness
Bush suggests people develop habits to fill a perceived void, overlooking their innate wholeness. He notes society conditions the feeling of separateness from a young age.
Letting go of the need to perform unlocks our essential nature
Bush indicates the dying's biggest regret is spending life performing for others, not embracing authenticity. Reconnecting with our wholeness allows simply being, as Robbins found.
Insights from working with the dying and witnessing death
The dying often regret not living authentically
Bush observes the number one regret is realizing "I was performing the whole time. I never was actually being me." Many spend life chasing the wrong pursuits.
The dying process can reveal profound wholeness
For Bush, caring for hospice patients showed what freedom from fear, guilt, and shame feels like - a wholeness often witnessed as souls depart bodies.
Death can offer a sense of rebirth and continuity
A death doula tells Robbins the dying often feel peaceful, suggesting rebirth. For Bush, seeing souls return after death hints at consciousness's continuity beyond the body.
The True Nature of the Self as Whole and Complete
Our essence is wholeness and interconnection
Robbins and Bush affirm that regardless of life's details, we are innately whole and interconnected, as evident in a child's gaze or the soul's expression.
Feeling this wholeness firsthand is transformative
Practices like nature immersion help cultivate the direct sense of being intrinsically complete, which Bush says begins deep healing.
Letting go of performing allows true being
Robbins and Bush underscore that accepting your wholeness frees you from striving, allowing you to simply be and appreciate present moments' beauty.
Embodying wholeness impacts our entire experience
Realizing and living from this completeness, Bush believes, could shift collective consciousness in inspiring ways, transforming relationships and life itself.
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Clarifications
- Near-death experiences are profound events where individuals come close to death but are revived, often reporting transformative effects such as a sense of interconnectedness, wholeness, and a shift in perspective on life and death. These experiences can lead to a deep reevaluation of one's priorities, beliefs, and understanding of the self. People who have had near-death experiences may describe feelings of peace, clarity, and a heightened awareness of the interconnectedness of all things. Such encounters can challenge conventional views of reality and the nature of consciousness.
- Society conditioning feelings of separateness from a young age:
Children are often taught societal norms that emphasize individual achievement over collective well-being, fostering a sense of competition and comparison. This can lead to a belief in personal inadequacy and a disconnect from others, reinforcing the idea of separateness. Social structures like education and media can perpetuate this mindset, shaping how individuals perceive themselves in relation to the world around them.
- A death doula is a non-medical professional who provides physical, emotional, and spiritual support to individuals nearing the end of life and their families. They offer guidance, comfort, and companionship during the dying process, helping individuals navigate their final days with dignity and peace. Death doulas may assist with end-of-life planning, facilitate conversations about death and legacy, and provide holistic care to ensure a more comfortable transition for the dying person. Their role is to create a compassionate and supportive environment for both the dying individual and their loved ones.
- Collective consciousness is the shared beliefs, attitudes, and knowledge that exist within a society or a group of people. It suggests that individuals are connected through a collective mindset that influences behaviors and perceptions. The idea is that by embodying wholeness and interconnectedness on an individual level, it can potentially lead to a positive shift in the overall mindset and behaviors of a larger group or society. This transformation could impact how people relate to each other and experience life collectively.
Counterarguments
- Near-death experiences may not reveal one's true nature but rather be a psychological or physiological response to extreme stress.
- The feeling of incompleteness can be a motivator for personal growth and achievement, not just a negative fixation.
- The need to perform or fulfill social roles can be a part of one's authentic self and contribute to societal functioning.
- Regrets of the dying may not universally be about authenticity; they can also be about unfulfilled dreams, relationships, or other life aspects.
- The dying process may not always reveal profound wholeness; some individuals may experience fear, regret, or unresolved issues.
- Death as a sense of rebirth and continuity is a belief that may not be shared by all cultures or individuals, and it lacks empirical evidence.
- The concept of an essential wholeness and interconnection is a philosophical or spiritual view that may not resonate with everyone or be supported by scientific evidence.
- Transformative feelings of wholeness may not be accessible to everyone and can be influenced by one's mental health, life circumstances, or socio-economic status.
- Letting go of performing does not guarantee a true sense of being; some individuals may find authenticity in their roles and actions within society.
- The impact of embodying wholeness on one's entire experience is subjective and may not lead to the positive outcomes suggested for everyone.
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Near-death experiences and their transformative effects
Zack Bush's recount of his near-death experience following a car accident leads to a broader discussion about the profound effects such events can have on a person's understanding of self and interconnectedness.
Near-death experiences can provide a profound sense of wholeness and connection that challenges our conventional understanding of the self
Bush's incident, which began with him passing out at the wheel and waking up in an unfamiliar, snow-covered ecosystem, culminated in wholeness and transcendent bliss. He humorously questioned the presence of snow in heaven, signalling a deep, puzzling connection with his environment during this moment outside his physical plane. Beyond logic, Bush felt an overwhelming need for surrender to his path, characterizing near-death experiences as escapes from the mind into deep connection and wholeness. These episodes can occur in everyday moments, such as when the wisdom of a child or elder induces goosebumps, or when observing awe-inspiring natural phenomena, signaling profound soulful communication.
Moments of awe, presence, and connection with nature or other people can induce a similar experience of wholeness and transcendence
Mel Robbins spoke on how working through fears and reconnecting with herself reduced her fear of dying, empowered her, and connected her to the essence of her being. Similarly, Bush described his incident of passing out for seven minutes, during which he found himself in a universe where fear, guilt, and shame were absent. He felt at one with nature, experiencing a profound transformation in his perspective on life and purpose.
Near-death experiences often involve a profound realization that one's true nature is whole, complete, and not defined by the physical body or mind
Bush believes these experiences highlight a sense of wholeness and interconnectedness that is not to be aspired to but is an inherent state from birth to death. He describes observing souls showing up as they exit the human mind’s frailties, suggesting that the soul maintains its wholeness and brings back new knowledge to the mind. The sensation of life being perfect and complete all along is a revelation that often comes from near-death experiences, which debunk the misconception of a person's incompleteness, highlighting our yearning to explore the breadth of human emotions and sensations.
The capacity to access this sense of whol ...
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Near-death experiences and their transformative effects
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Counterarguments
- Near-death experiences are subjective and may not provide a universal understanding of self and interconnectedness.
- Moments of awe and connection might be powerful but do not necessarily equate to the profound transformation reported in near-death experiences.
- The interpretation of near-death experiences as revealing one's true nature is based on personal anecdotes and lacks empirical evidence.
- The idea that accessing wholeness and interconnectedness is inherent could be challenged by psychological or neurological perspectives that emphasize the complexity of consciousness.
- Seeking external solutions to fill perceived ...
Actionables
- Create a personal "wholeness journal" to document moments of awe and interconnectedness. Start by setting aside a few minutes each day to write about any moment that made you feel connected to something larger than yourself, such as a sunset, a kind gesture from a stranger, or a piece of music that moved you. This practice can help you become more aware of these experiences in your daily life and appreciate the sense of wholeness they bring.
- Develop a "habitual thinking detox" routine by dedicating one day a week to mindfulness and presence. On this day, actively avoid planning, overthinking, or engaging in your usual routines. Instead, focus on being present with your surroundings, whether that's through a walk in nature, meditating, or simply sitting quietly without distractions. This can help you break the cycle of habitual thinking and tap into a sense of interconnectedness.
- Engage in a "letting go" challenge where for one month, you consciou ...
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Insights from working with the dying and witnessing death
Experiences with the dying have offered profound lessons about the nature of existence, the regrets often carried at life’s end, and the mysterious passage from life to what lies beyond. Mel Robbins and Zach Bush share intimate insights from their own encounters with death.
The biggest regret of the dying is often that they never fully embraced and expressed their authentic selves
Zach Bush observes a common regret he’s seen among the dying: the realization that they spent too much of their lives performing for others rather than being true to themselves. Bush powerfully articulates this sentiment: "The number one regret is I was performing the whole time. I never was actually being me and I was afraid to be me. I didn't even know what it would feel like to be me. But right now, as I'm dying, as that veil thins and I feel myself, and I'm a beautiful being and I am home.”
Many people spend their lives performing for others rather than living true to their own inner experience and values
Bush indicates that in the face of death, many realize that their pursuits were misplaced, and life was not about the chase.
Witnessing the dying process can reveal the profound wholeness and completion that underlies our existence
Bush shares that during his time in hospice care, admitting 80 patients a week, alongside his own near-death experience, he gained an understanding of what it feels like to be free from fear, guilt, and shame. The dying process itself can offer a look into the profound sense of wholeness and completion that exists within the human experience.
Caring for the dying can be a powerful teacher of the continuity of consciousness beyond the physical body
Bush speaks of moments where he witnessed the soul making itself known as it departs the frailty of the human body and then ret ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Insights from working with the dying and witnessing death
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Counterarguments
- The regret of not living authentically may not be universal; some may find comfort in the roles they played and the relationships they built, even if it meant compromising on certain aspects of their authenticity.
- The idea of performing for others can be reframed as a form of social cooperation and adaptation, which are essential skills for community and relationship building.
- The profound wholeness and completion witnessed in the dying process may not be a universal experience; some may experience fear, unresolved issues, or discomfort.
- The concept of the continuity of consciousness beyond the physical body is a spiritual or metaphysical belief that may not align with all worldviews, particularly those that are materialistic or secular.
- The sense of peace and rebirth at death could be a ...
Actionables
- Start a daily authenticity journal where you write about moments you felt true to yourself and times you felt you were performing for others. Reflect on these entries weekly to identify patterns and set goals for more authentic living. For example, if you notice you're often inauthentic at work, set a goal to express one genuine opinion or decline a task that doesn't align with your values each week.
- Create a "Life Reflection" scrapbook that captures your values, dreams, and experiences, using it as a visual reminder of who you are and what you want to embody. Include photos, quotes, and mementos that resonate with your true self. This can serve as a motivational tool to make choices aligned with your authentic self.
- Volunteer with hospice care to gai ...
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The True Nature of the Self as Whole and Complete
In a world that often emphasizes performance and achievement as a means to fulfillment, individuals like Mel Robbins and Zach Bush shed light on the essential nature of self as inherently whole and complete.
Our Essential Nature is One of Wholeness and Interconnectedness, not Separation and Incompleteness
Mel Robbins reflects on her relationship with death, stating she no longer fears it due to her sense of wholeness from her life’s accomplishments and the person she has become. Dr. Zach Bush, having experienced the revelation of wholeness during transformative moments and his hospice work, affirms that from birth to death, every person is entirely intact and whole.
We Are Intrinsically Whole, Regardless of Our Life Circumstances or Accomplishments
Robbins and Bush both acknowledge that regardless of life's appearances, wholeness is intrinsic to our being. While Robbins draws parallels between the wholeness observed in a child's gaze and that at life's end, Bush underscores the divine expression of the soul, which remains whole throughout life.
Cultivating a Direct Felt Sense of this Wholeness, Through Practices like Nature Immersion and Breathwork, can be Deeply Transformative
Both speakers advocate for practices that help cultivate a direct feeling of wholeness. Bush highlights the healing that begins when one allows nature to 'see' them as whole, and he discusses the significance of meeting oneself and falling in love with oneself as a complete being.
Letting Go of the Need to Perform or Achieve in Order to Feel Whole is a Key Step in Reconnecting with Our Essential Nature
Robbins and Bush explore the idea that life is not about performing or achieving, and they offer insights into the profound shift that happens when one stops trying to satisfy external expectations and starts simply being.
This Shift Allows us to Simply Be, Without Grasping or Striving, and to Fully Appreciate the Beauty and Sacredness of the Present Moment
Bush shares his realization of bei ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The True Nature of the Self as Whole and Complete
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Counterarguments
- The concept of intrinsic wholeness may not resonate with everyone's personal or cultural beliefs, which might emphasize growth, development, or the pursuit of improvement as central to human experience.
- The idea that we are complete regardless of our accomplishments could potentially undermine motivation for personal achievement and societal progress.
- Practices like nature immersion and breathwork, while beneficial for some, may not be universally accessible or effective for everyone, depending on individual circumstances or preferences.
- The notion of letting go of performance or achievement might conflict with the values of societies that prioritize productivity and success, potentially leading to a disconnect between personal beliefs and societal expectations.
- The emphasis on being present and appreciating the moment, though valuable, might overlook the importance of planning for the future and learning from the past, both of which are important aspects of a balanced life.
- The idea of a collective consciousness shif ...
Actionables
- Create a daily "wholeness journal" where you write down moments when you felt complete without external achievements. This practice helps you recognize and affirm your inherent wholeness in everyday life. For example, you might note feeling whole while sipping your morning coffee in silence or when you smiled at a stranger and they smiled back.
- Develop a "no goals" day once a week where you intentionally plan nothing and allow yourself to simply exist without an agenda. This can help you experience the present moment more fully and appreciate life as it unfolds. During this day, you might find yourself observing the world around you, engaging in spontaneous activities, or resting without the pressure to be productive.
- Start a "connectio ...
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