4 Ways to Stay Calm When You’re Stressed: This Life Advice Will Change Your Future
Join speaker Mel Robbins on "The Mel Robbins Podcast" as she shares intimate experiences with supporting loved ones through their moments of self-doubt and fear. Robbins gives a personal account of how she helped her daughter Kendall navigate trepidation surrounding an unexpected invitation to perform at Carnegie Hall. This episode peels back the layers of emotional support and offers practical advice on reframing one's perception to tackle intimidating opportunities. Diving into the psychology behind fear, she unpacks the simple yet powerful tools for minimizing anxiety's emotional grip, such as adopting the mantra "It's not that deep."
In this same installment, Robbins tackles the profound effect of being fully present for significant events in our loved ones' lives—a theme that resounds through her own story of Kendall's journey to the stage. As Robbins reflects on the eagerness to capture life-changing experiences versus the impact of immersing oneself in the present, listeners will learn the value of true engagement. Robbins' narrative sheds light on the unintended consequence of attempting to record a pivotal moment, ultimately confirming that sometimes the most precious memories are those we simply inhabit, unobstructed by the lens of a camera.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Mar 18, 2024 episode of the The Mel Robbins Podcast
Sign up for Shortform to access the whole episode summary along with additional materials like counterarguments and context.
1-Page Summary
Helping loved ones overcome fear and self-doubt
Mel Robbins offers insights into how she assisted her daughter Kendall in conquering self-doubt, which culminated in a breakthrough performance at Carnegie Hall. When Kendall received an invitation to perform at the prestigious venue, Robbins was taken aback by her daughter's initial hesitance. Kendall's reservations about accepting the opportunity were influenced by fear, prompting a heartfelt discussion between mother and daughter. Robbins encouraged Kendall to shift her perspective by using the phrase "It's not that deep," a simple but effective way to minimize the emotional impact of fear. This approach allowed Kendall to view the invitation as a manageable endeavor rather than an insurmountable challenge.
Robbins also emphasizes the significance of physical actions in alleviating anxiety. When Kendall screamed in an elevator before her performance, it was an instinctive, emotional release that Robbins supports as a valuable coping mechanism. Such spontaneous acts can be crucial in overcoming fear and can be as empowering as giving someone a metaphorical pair of 'confidence pants' to wear on their journey to success.
Being present in important life moments
Mel Robbins underscores the importance of being emotionally and physically present for our loved ones during pivotal life events, like witnessing her daughter Kendall's rehearsal at Carnegie Hall. She recounts the weight of the moment, crouched quietly in a corner while Kendall and her mentor Phil rehearsed, absorbing the nuances of their performance and the historic atmosphere.
During the actual performance, Robbins intended to capture the moment on her iPhone, despite the prohibition against recording. However, once Kendall began singing, Robbins was captivated, her attention fixated completely on her daughter's talent and the magnitude of the performance. As a result, Robbins's attempt to film failed, resulting in footage of the railing instead of Kendall's performance. This incident reinforced her understanding that experiencing the moment in its entirety was far more valuable than any recording could be. Mel's immersion was so profound that she held her breath for the duration of Kendall's song, demonstrating the depth of her engagement and the significance of being completely present for those we love.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Mel Robbins is a well-known motivational speaker and author known for her work on personal development and overcoming obstacles. Her daughter, Kendall, faced self-doubt and fear when presented with the opportunity to perform at Carnegie Hall, a prestigious venue. Mel Robbins played a crucial role in supporting Kendall through her journey of overcoming self-doubt and fear, ultimately leading to a breakthrough performance. Their relationship and the strategies Mel used to help Kendall navigate her fears are central to the story shared in the text.
- Carnegie Hall is a renowned concert venue located in New York City, known for its exceptional acoustics and historic significance in the world of music. It has hosted countless iconic performances by renowned musicians and orchestras since its opening in 1891. Performing at Carnegie Hall is considered a prestigious opportunity and a significant milestone for any artist due to its rich cultural heritage and esteemed reputation in the music industry. The venue's grandeur and legacy make it a dream stage for many performers seeking to showcase their talent on a global platform.
- The phrase "It's not that deep" is a colloquial expression used to suggest that a situation or issue is not as serious or complicated as it may seem at first. It is often employed to help someone gain perspective and reduce the emotional intensity of a particular circumstance. In this context, Mel Robbins encouraged her daughter to adopt this mindset to diminish the overwhelming nature of her fears and doubts regarding the performance opportunity at Carnegie Hall.
- Mel Robbins's deep engagement during Kendall's performance at Carnegie Hall was evident in her intense focus and emotional connection to her daughter's talent. Robbins's attempt to film the performance on her iPhone, despite the prohibition, highlights her desire to capture the moment. Her complete absorption in Kendall's singing, leading her to forget about filming, underscores the profound impact of the performance on her. Holding her breath throughout Kendall's song symbolizes the extent of Robbins's emotional investment and presence during the pivotal moment.
Counterarguments
- The phrase "It's not that deep" might not be effective for everyone, as it could potentially minimize the feelings of someone who is genuinely struggling with deep-seated fears or anxiety.
- Physical actions like screaming might not be a suitable coping mechanism in all situations or for all individuals, as it could be disruptive or inappropriate depending on the context.
- The importance of being physically present might not always be feasible or necessary, as there are circumstances where emotional support can be provided from a distance, and modern technology can help bridge the gap.
- While Robbins's decision to be fully present during her daughter's performance is commendable, it could be argued that recording the event could also have value, providing a tangible memory for both mother and daughter to revisit and cherish in the future.
- The idea that experiencing the moment is more valuable than recording it is subjective and may not hold true for everyone; some people may find that having a recording enhances their ability to remember and relive important life events.
Related Shortform Content
“I Can’t Stop Stalking My Ex Online. How Do I Stop?” How To Move On For Good | Mel Robbins Podcast
Mel Robbins, Amy McGlinn
4 Surprising Secrets of Successful Relationships (What I Learned From a Fight with My Daughter)
Mel Robbins, Kendall Robbins, Christopher Robbins, Oakley Robbins
Five Ways I’m Finding Hope and Strength Right Now | The Mel Robbins Podcast
Mel Robbins
Get access to the context and additional materials
Helping loved ones overcome fear and self-doubt
Mel Robbins shares the challenges faced by her daughter Kendall in dealing with self-doubt and the methods they used to overcome it, leading to a much-anticipated performance at Carnegie Hall.
Explaining why Kendall didn't immediately accept the Carnegie Hall invitation
Mel Robbins expresses surprise at her daughter Kendall's hesitation to accept an invitation to perform at Carnegie Hall. Although it was a significant opportunity for Kendall, a singer-songwriter, she responded with uncertainty rather than excitement. Despite the arrangements made by her friends and musicians, even a mentor named Phil Cook, Kendall paused to consider, which puzzled her mother.
Advising Kendall to overcome fear: "It's not that deep"
During a confrontation about the event, Kendall accused Mel of pressuring her, suggesting her mother’s desires for success outweighed her own. Mel reminded Kendall of her extensive efforts to become a singer-songwriter, her acceptance into a leading music program, and her growth as an artist. Mel used the phrase "It's not that deep" to help Kendall minimize her fear and to reframe the event as a manageable situation. The phrase helped Kendall diminish the emotional weight of her fear about performing. Mel advocates for the use of phrases like these to emotionally unhook from fear and seize opportunities.
Screaming to release pent-up anxiety before the performance
In a moment of stress, Kendall screamed in an elevator, prompting Mel to interpret ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Helping loved ones overcome fear and self-doubt
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Kendall faced self-doubt when presented with the opportunity to perform at Carnegie Hall, despite her talent as a singer-songwriter and her achievements in the music field. This self-doubt manifested as hesitation and uncertainty, leading her to pause and consider the significance of the invitation. The pressure to succeed and the fear of failure contributed to Kendall's internal struggle, highlighting the emotional complexities she experienced in accepting the challenge. Overcoming this self-doubt required reassurance, support, and strategies to manage her fears effectively.
- Mel Robbins confronted Kendall about her hesitation to accept the Carnegie Hall invitation, emphasizing Kendall's journey as a singer-songwriter and encouraging her to see the opportunity as manageable. The phrase "It's not that deep" was used by Mel to help Kendall reframe her fear and minimize its impact, guiding her to overcome self-doubt. Kendall expressed feeling pressured by her mother's expectations, highlighting a tension between Mel's support and Kendall's own desires for success. The confrontation showcased a push-and-pull dynamic between a parent's guidance and a child's individual aspirations.
- The phrase "It's not that deep" is used to help minimize fear and reframe situations as manageable. It encourages individuals to reduce the emotional weight of their concerns and approach challenges with a lighter perspective. This phrase aims to help individuals detach from overwhelming emotions and seize opportunities with a more balanced mindset. It serves as a tool to emotionally unhook from fear and self-doubt, ...
Counterarguments
- While Mel Robbins' approach of using the phrase "It's not that deep" may help some individuals minimize fear, it might not be effective for everyone, as different people have different coping mechanisms for anxiety and self-doubt.
- The suggestion that Kendall's hesitation to accept the Carnegie Hall invitation was solely due to self-doubt could overlook other legitimate concerns she might have had, such as the readiness of her material, the timing of the event, or personal reasons not mentioned in the text.
- The idea that physical releases of tension are universally important coping methods may not resonate with individuals who find other strategies, such as meditation or quiet reflection, more effective for managing stress.
- The concept of using voice commands to unburden oneself of anxiety and fear might not be suitable for people who are uncomfortable with vocal expressions of emotion or who do not find this method helpful in reducing their anxiety.
- The narrative implies that Mel's interventions were key to Kendall's success, but it's possible that Kendall had other sources of support or internal reso ...
Related Shortform Content
Get access to the context and additional materials
Being present in important life moments
In an intimate recounting of personal experience, Mel Robbins illustrates the importance of being fully present during significant life moments, particularly during her daughter Kendall's rehearsal at Carnegie Hall.
Watching Kendall rehearse with her mentor at Carnegie Hall
Robbins describes the profound experience of being crouched in the corner of a rehearsal room at Carnegie Hall, observing her daughter Kendall and her mentor Phil as they work out a piano arrangement. Having the privilege to sit on stage, Robbins witnessed the musicians warming up, the echo of Phil's piece on the piano, and the spaciousness and spirit of the environment. Leanne adds, reflecting on the joy of watching Robbins fully engaged in watching her daughter prepare to perform.
Staying focused on Kendall's performance rather than trying to film it
Robbins highlights the futility of attempting to film a performance at Carnegie Hall on your iPhone, pointing out the policies against recording. Despite initial intentions to secretly record her daughter's performance while wearing a trench coat, Robbins explains that wh ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Being present in important life moments
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Mel Robbins recounts her experience of being present during her daughter Kendall's rehearsal at Carnegie Hall, emphasizing the importance of being fully engaged in the moment. She describes the atmosphere of the rehearsal room, the interactions between Kendall and her mentor Phil, and her decision to prioritize experiencing the performance rather than filming it. Robbins' intense focus and emotional immersion during the rehearsal showcase her commitment to being present for her daughter's significant moment.
- The rehearsal room at Carnegie Hall is a space where musicians prepare for performances. It is a place where artists fine-tune their pieces and work closely with mentors. The environment is described as spacious and filled with the spirit of music. It is a setting where intense focus and dedication to the craft are paramount.
- Robbins initially planned to secretly record her daughter's performance at Carnegie Hall, possibly to capture the moment for per ...
Counterarguments
- While being fully present is valuable, it's also important to acknowledge that people have different ways of experiencing and remembering significant events, and for some, recording a performance can enhance the memory and allow them to share the experience with others who couldn't be present.
- The act of recording an event doesn't necessarily mean one isn't present; it can be a way of engaging with the moment in a manner that is meaningful to the individual.
- Policies against recording at venues like Carnegie Hall are in place for good reasons, but they can also be seen as restrictive, especially in an age where sharing experiences through digital media is a common practice.
- The intense focus described by Robbins, such as not taking a breath for five minutes, could be seen as hyperbolic and not necessarily a healthy or recommended way to engage with a performance.
- Leanne's reflection on Robbins' engagement might not fully capture the complexity of being present, as external observations can sometimes miss the internal experiences and distractions someone might be facing even when they appear to be fully engaged.
- The idea that attempting to film an event is futile may not t ...
Related Shortform Content
Get access to the context and additional materials
Create Summaries for anything on the web
Download the Shortform Chrome extension for your browser
