13 Things I Wish I Knew in My 20s
Dive into "The Mel Robbins Podcast" as Mel Robbins tackles the complexity and challenges of life in your 20s. Going against the common belief that these years are the best of your life, Robbins paints a more realistic picture characterized by uncertainty and the pursuit of self-discovery. With personal anecdotes and observations from various lives, she outlines the significance of patience in the process of growth and the acceptance of life's unpredictable nature during this defining decade.
From financial discipline to the power of a supportive circle, Robbins distills actionable insights on responsible spending and the emotional drivers behind impulsive purchases. By recommending a waiting period before completing any tempting buy, Robbins shares practical tools for prioritizing financial security over short-lived gratifications. Additionally, she illuminates the importance of curating a social environment that truly uplifts and provides space for genuine self-expression. Her encouraging stance on risk-taking offers a perspective change—seeing the 20s as a canvas for bold strokes and transformative moves, with failures as invaluable lessons rather than setbacks.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Mar 11, 2024 episode of the The Mel Robbins Podcast
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1-Page Summary
The 20s are one of the hardest decades of your life, not the best
Mel Robbins addresses the misconception that your 20s are the best years of your life, labeling them instead as some of the most difficult years filled with uncertainties and pressures. She shares from her own and others' experiences that the 20s are a complex, confusing, and overwhelming time where people often feel lost. With everyone's path diverging and no clear directions, Robbins emphasizes the importance of patience and accepting that it's okay not to have everything figured out.
Stop spending money on stupid things you don't need
Robbins argues that impulsive buying is frequently an emotional response to difficult feelings, offering practical advice to combat this tendency. She suggests waiting five days after noting a wanted purchase before deciding to buy it, allowing time to assess its necessity. Reflecting on her past financial hardships, Robbins highlights the importance of discipline in spending, advising listeners to avoid squandering money on unnecessary items and instead address root emotional issues.
Surround yourself with people who lift you up
Robbins emphasizes the significance of surrounding oneself with individuals who support and encourage personal and professional growth. She advises assessing whether the five people closest to you contribute positively to your life and foster an environment where you can be your authentic self. Robbins speaks on the changes in relationships that occur during your 20s, explaining that friend groups naturally evolve, and that dispersing can lead to the formation of more supportive, enriching connections.
Take big risks now while you have time
Finally, Robbins suggests that your 20s are the prime time for taking risks and embarking on life-changing adventures. She encourages embracing courage to make significant changes, highlighting the opportunity your 20s present to recover from and learn from any failures. If risk-taking seems daunting, Robbins advises breaking down big risks into smaller, manageable steps and even considering a move to a new place as a means to invite growth, new experiences, and opportunities.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Mel Robbins is a motivational speaker, author, and life coach known for her TEDx talk on the "5 Second Rule." She is recognized for her practical advice on personal development, productivity, and overcoming self-doubt. Robbins has authored books like "The 5 Second Rule" and "The High 5 Habit," focusing on strategies to improve mindset and behavior. Her work often centers on empowering individuals to take action, make positive changes, and achieve their goals.
- In your 20s, embracing courage and taking risks involves stepping out of your comfort zone to pursue opportunities that may lead to personal growth and new experiences. This can include making bold decisions, trying new things, and not being afraid of failure. Breaking down big risks into smaller, manageable steps can make them feel more achievable and less overwhelming. Additionally, considering a change in environment or location can open up new possibilities and help you expand your horizons.
Counterarguments
- While the 20s can be challenging, they can also be a time of great exploration, freedom, and self-discovery, which some may consider the best years of their lives.
- Impulsive buying isn't always negative; in some cases, it can lead to positive experiences or serve as a reward for hard work, provided it's done within one's financial means.
- Waiting five days to make a purchase might not be practical or necessary for all decisions, especially for time-sensitive or essential items.
- Financial discipline is important, but it's also crucial to find a balance that allows for enjoyment and quality of life, not just strict budgeting.
- The idea that you should surround yourself with people who lift you up is sound, but it's also important to have a diverse range of friends who can challenge you and offer different perspectives.
- The concept of the "top five" people in your life may oversimplify complex human relationships and the various roles people play in one's life.
- While the 20s can be a good time to take risks, it's not the only time for risk-taking, and some individuals may be in circumstances that make risk-taking in their 20s impractical or unwise.
- Significant changes and risk-taking should be balanced with thoughtful planning and consideration of long-term goals, not just the pursuit of immediate change.
- Moving to a new place can offer growth and opportunities, but it can also come with significant challenges and is not the right choice for everyone.
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The 20s are one of the hardest decades of your life, not the best
Mel Robbins dismantles the myth that the 20s are the best years of one’s life and explains why this period can be exceptionally challenging, emphasizing the importance of giving oneself grace and time.
You have a lot of time to figure things out, no need to rush
Robbins reflects on her own experience and the experiences of her daughters and listeners like Eliza, clarifying that the 20s can be rife with uncertainty and hardships. She describes her 20s as the hardest, most confusing, and overwhelming decade and asserts that it is normal to feel lost, given the absence of a set path or playbook to follow after leaving the structure of school. This period, which she refers to as "the great scattering," reveals an environment where everyone's lives diverge in multiple directions at varying paces. Robbins underlines the idea that the hardships and unknowns of the 20s are a common experience that can result in immense frustration and personal growth, reinforcing that there's no rush to figure everything out.
There is no playbook or template to follow in your 20s
Robbins points out that everyone is figuring out their life on the fly in their 20s, and there's no consistent route to follow, unlike the structured environment one is accustomed to during the first 20 years of life. She advises listeners not to succumb to the pressures of social media, where the successes of peers can often be misleading and create unrealistic expectations.
Your life timeline is different from your parents' and friends' timelines
Acknowledging that the 20s come without a clear guide, Robbins states that you should not compare your l ...
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The 20s are one of the hardest decades of your life, not the best
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Clarifications
- Trusting the timing of your life means having faith in the natural progression of your personal journey, without feeling pressured to meet specific societal or external expectations. It involves accepting that everyone's path unfolds at its own pace and that significant life events may occur when the time is right for you. This concept encourages individuals to embrace uncertainty, be patient with themselves, and believe that things will fall into place when they are meant to. It emphasizes the importance of staying open to opportunities and changes, allowing for personal growth and development over time.
- Not being pressured by the timelines of others means not feeling compelled to achieve certain milestones or goals at the same pace as those around you. It's about understanding that everyone's journey is unique, and progress in life doesn' ...
Counterarguments
- While the 20s can be challenging, they can also be some of the most liberating and exciting years for many people, offering new freedoms and opportunities for self-discovery.
- Urgency in the 20s can be beneficial for some, as early career and personal decisions can set a foundation for future success and fulfillment.
- While there may not be a universal playbook, there are many resources, mentors, and role models that can provide ...
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Stop spending money on stupid things you don't need
Mel Robbins urges listeners to reign in their spending on unnecessary items and offers strategies to curb impulsive buying habits.
You soothe difficult emotions by spending money on things you don't need
Robbins explains that spending money on things we don't need is often an emotional response to feelings such as being overwhelmed, sad, insecure, bored, or stressed. She describes this act as a momentary relief that provides a sense of control and a dopamine rush. This can temporarily make one feel better about unrelated emotional issues but ultimately leads to feeling more powerless and generates additional negative emotions.
Write down purchases in your notes app and wait 5 days before buying
To combat impulsive buying, Robbins suggests a simple yet effective strategy. She advocates for writing down the desired item in your notes app and waiting five days. Should you still remember the item after this period and deem it necessary, only then should you consider making the purchase. This method satisfies the immediate craving and assists in prev ...
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Stop spending money on stupid things you don't need
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Clarifications
- Impulsive buying habits are unplanned decisions to purchase items, often driven by emotions like stress or boredom. These purchases can provide temporary relief but may lead to financial strain and negative emotions. Strategies like waiting before buying can help curb impulsive spending.
- A dopamine rush is a surge of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, in the brain. It can occur when engaging in activities like eating delicious food, exercising, or making purchases, leading to feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. In the context of impulsive buying, a dopamine rush can be triggered by the act of purchasing something, providing a temporary sense of gratification. This rush can reinforce impulsive buying behavior as the brain seeks to replicate the pleasurable experience associated with the dopamine release.
- Credit card debt is money owed to a credit card company for purchases made using the card. When someone has $25,000 in credit card debt, it means they owe that amount to the credit card company. This debt typically incurs interest, making it important to pay off promptly to avoid accumulating more debt. Failure to repay credit card debt can lead to f ...
Counterarguments
- While waiting 5 days before a purchase can reduce impulsivity, it may not be practical for all types of purchases, such as those that are time-sensitive or for limited-time offers.
- Emotional spending can sometimes have positive outcomes, such as boosting one's mood or self-esteem, which might be beneficial in moderation.
- The strategy of writing down purchases assumes that people will have the discipline to wait, which may not be the case for everyone, especially those with compulsive spending habits.
- Robbins's personal anecdote about debt may not resonate with everyone, as financial situations and spending habits are highly individual.
- The term "stupid shit" is subjective; what is unnecessary for one person might be of great value or importance to another.
- The advice may oversimplify complex emotional and financial issues that could require more comprehensive solutions, such as profession ...
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Surround yourself with people who lift you up
Your relationships determine your quality of life
Mel Robbins emphasizes the importance of surrounding yourself with a supportive social circle, particularly in your 20s, noting that the people you spend time with significantly impact your life quality. She suggests evaluating whether the five people you spend the most time with bring out your best self. These individuals should be healthy, driven, supportive, and they should allow you to feel comfortable being your authentic self.
Robbins stresses that building meaningful connections can influence not just personal happiness but also professional success. She advises defining success by the quality of your relationships rather than the quantity in your paycheck, underlining the value of each conversation as a potential win that may help further your career.
Evaluate if the 5 people you spend the most time with bring out your best self
Robbins advises to take a serious look at who you're hanging out with and consider if those five people are conducive to your personal and professional growth. She mentions that it's critical to have friends who make you feel comfortable being yourself, as this will directly correlate to your overall well-being and success.
It's normal for friend groups to change in your 20s during the "great scattering"
Robbins touches on the concept of the "great scattering," a period typical in one's 20s, where friend groups change, and people scatter in different directions due t ...
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Surround yourself with people who lift you up
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Clarifications
- Friend breakups are a common occurrence in life stages, especially during transitional periods like one's 20s. As individuals grow and change, their values, interests, and priorities may shift, leading to the natural drifting apart of friendships. Friend breakups can create space for new relationships that align better with one's current goals and values. It's a normal part of personal growth and self-discovery.
- In this context, the emphasis on evaluating the quality of relationships over the quantity in your paycheck highlights the idea that meaningful connections and supportive social circles can have a significant impact on personal happiness and professional success. It suggests that the value of enriching relationships and positive interactions can contribute more to your overall well-being and advancement than simply focusing on financial gains. Prioritizi ...
Counterarguments
- While supportive social circles are important, it's also valuable to have relationships that challenge you and push you out of your comfort zone, as this can lead to personal growth and resilience.
- The idea that you should evaluate the five people you spend the most time with might oversimplify complex human relationships and doesn't account for the diverse roles different people can play in one's life.
- Personal happiness and professional success can also be influenced by individual efforts and internal factors, not just by building meaningful connections.
- Defining success by the quality of relationships can be subjective and may not resonate with everyone, as some individuals may prioritize personal achievements or self-fulfillment.
- While conversations can be opportunities for career advancement, not all interactions need to be viewed through the lens of professional gain; some may be valuable for their own sake or for personal enrichment.
- The "great scattering" may not be a universal experience in one's 20s, as cultural, ...
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Take big risks now while you have time
Mel Robbins suggests that your 20s are ideal for embracing significant changes and embarking on new adventures. Emphasizing that there's no rush to figure everything out during this decade, Robbins encourages taking big risks and seizing the opportunity to shape an amazing life.
Your 20s are the best decade for major life changes and new adventures
Robbins urges that if the prospect of taking major risks seems overwhelming, consider starting with smaller steps as a way to gradually achieve your goal. She asserts that there is no better time than your 20s to dream big and act on those dreams, as this is the time when you have the luxury of time to recover from setbacks and pivot as needed.
If big risks seem too difficult, break them into smaller, achievable steps
Robbins advises young people to break down larger risks into smaller, more manageable actions. By attempting a "mini version" of the desired change, individuals can make progress without being paralyzed by the magnitu ...
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Take big risks now while you have time
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Mel Robbins is a motivational speaker and author known for her self-help books and TED Talks. She often emphasizes the importance of taking action to change one's life. In this context, she encourages young people in their 20s to embrace risks and new experiences as a way to shape a fulfilling life. Robbins suggests breaking down big risks into smaller steps to make them more manageable and achievable.
- Taking big risks in your 20s involves embracing significant changes and new adventures during this period of life. It's about being open to stepping out of your comfort zone to pursue opportunities that may lead to personal growth and fulfillment. This approach encourages individuals to dream big, act on those dreams, and learn from any setbacks they may encounter. By taking calculated risks and being willing to explore the unknown, individuals in their 20s can potentially set the stage for a more fulfilling and exciting future.
- Breaking down risks into smaller steps involves dividing a daunting or significant risk into smaller, more manageable actions or tasks. By breaking the risk into smaller parts, individuals can approach the challenge incrementally, making it less overwhelming and easier to tackle. This approach allows for gradual progress towards the ultimate goal, reducing the fear or hesitation associated with taking a big leap all at once. It enables individuals to build confidence, learn from each step, and adjust their course as needed along t ...
Counterarguments
- While the 20s can be a great time for risk-taking, it's not the only time for growth and change; every decade of life can offer new opportunities and the potential for significant life changes.
- Some individuals may have responsibilities in their 20s, such as caring for family members or working to support themselves, which can limit their ability to take big risks.
- Risk-taking is highly personal and subjective; what constitutes a "big risk" varies from person to person, and not everyone may feel comfortable or be in a position to take such risks at any point in their lives.
- Breaking risks into smaller steps is a useful strategy, but it may not always capture the full scope of the challenge or opportunity that comes with taking a big risk.
- Moving to a new place can indeed create opportunities for growth, but it can also come with significant challenges, such as financial strain, cultural adjustment, and social is ...
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