What I Learned In My 20's: Self Love, Boundaries, Comparison & Trusting My Intuition
As Mari Andrew enters her 30s, she reflects on her personal growth journey and newfound sense of self-love in this episode of the Pursuit of Wellness podcast. She opens up about leaving behind unhealthy obsessions with appearance, strict fitness regimens, and the need for external validation that plagued her 20s.
Andrew discusses her desire to forge deeper connections through vulnerability, trust her intuition over others' advice, and embrace a more authentic, balanced lifestyle. Looking ahead, she aims to incorporate more joyful activities, self-enrichment pursuits, and self-compassion practices to further her personal growth.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Jun 6, 2024 episode of the Pursuit of Wellness
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Mari's reflections on turning 30
A newfound sense of confidence and self-acceptance
As Mari enters her 30s, she feels a profound sense of self-love and confidence, allowing her to achieve balance in her life (per Mari). She feels more present and in touch with her true self compared to her 20s. Mari aims to let go of her obsession with appearance, realizing that her skin concerns never truly mattered to others.
Desire to be more authentic and vulnerable in relationships
Mari struggles with openly expressing emotions but understands vulnerability fosters deeper connections through honest communication, a priority for her 30s (according to Mari).
Lessons learned and habits to leave behind from her 20s
Overcoming unhealthy obsessions and perfectionism
Mari discusses her past fixations on health and appearance, like her skin and strict fitness regimens, which led to stress and obsessive tendencies. She's realizing rigid control is counterproductive to wellbeing.
Prioritizing joy, freedom, and self-trust over external validation
Mari wants to listen to her intuition rather than blindly follow others' advice. She aims to reduce time spent on social media comparison and curating an online image.
Positive changes and priorities for her 30s
Incorporating more play, creativity, and personal enrichment
Mari wants to infuse her life with more joyful activities like horseback riding, caring for animals, and leisure reading. She plans to rediscover the pleasure of exploring nature during her upcoming Wyoming trip.
Deepening self-awareness and personal growth
Mari seeks to cultivate more positive self-talk and gratitude practices. She wishes to transform how she speaks to herself regarding her insecurities. Though she doesn't mention therapy, Mari expresses a commitment to self-forgiveness and a kinder internal dialogue.
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Counterarguments
- While Mari feels a newfound sense of confidence and self-acceptance, it's important to acknowledge that personal growth is ongoing, and confidence can fluctuate. It's not uncommon for people to continue facing insecurities at any age.
- Being more authentic and vulnerable in relationships is a noble goal, but it's also important to maintain boundaries. Vulnerability should be exercised with discretion, as not all environments or individuals will be receptive or respectful of openness.
- Overcoming unhealthy obsessions and perfectionism is a significant achievement, but it's worth noting that some level of focus on health and appearance can be beneficial for physical and mental well-being, as long as it's balanced and not obsessive.
- Prioritizing joy, freedom, and self-trust is valuable, but seeking external validation is a natural human behavior. The key is to find a healthy balance between internal satisfaction and external feedback.
- Incorporating more play and creativity is a positive change, but it's also important to recognize the value of structure and routine in achieving personal and professional goals.
- Deepening self-awareness and personal growth through positive self-talk and gratitude is beneficial, but it's also crucial to be realistic and acknowledge personal flaws and mistakes to foster true self-improvement.
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Mari's reflections on turning 30
As Mari enters her third decade, she shares some intimate considerations about the personal growth and shifts in perspective she's experiencing.
A newfound sense of confidence and self-acceptance
Mari expresses that with the arrival of her 30s, she feels a level of confidence and self-love that surpasses any period earlier in her life. She points out how this newfound peace has helped her achieve a much-needed balance; work is no longer the dominating aspect of her existence.
Feeling more present, balanced, and in touch with herself compared to her 20s
Mari reflects on how the journey of getting to know herself on a deeper level has led to feeling more present. She suggests that this sense of balance has allowed her to be in touch with her true self, which is a stark contrast to the constant hustle that characterized her 20s.
No longer overly concerned about skin and appearance
A specific goal for Mari as she turns 30 is to abandon her worries about skin and appearance. She shares a story from her recent birthday trip where her decision to go without makeup led her to a realization: her skin concerns never actually mattered to anyone else. Mari sees this as an opportunity to let go of the obsession over her appearance and to live more freely and authentically.
Desire to be more authentic and vulnerable in relationships
Mari's contemplation of the past decade brings her to an understanding of the shortcomings in expressing her emotions to others and the impact this can have on her relationships.
Struggle to openly expres ...
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Mari's reflections on turning 30
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Turning 30 is often seen as a significant milestone in many cultures and individuals' lives. It marks the transition from young adulthood to a more mature phase, where individuals may reflect on their past experiences and contemplate their future goals and aspirations. This age is commonly associated with increased self-awareness, personal growth, and a shift in priorities as people navigate the complexities of adulthood. The age of 30 can symbolize a period of increased confidence, self-acceptance, and a deeper understanding of oneself and one's place in the world.
- Vulnerability in relationships involves being open and honest about your emotions, fears, and strug ...
Counterarguments
- While Mari feels more confident and self-accepting, it's possible that this may not be a universal experience for everyone turning 30, as personal growth can vary widely among individuals.
- Being more present and balanced is a positive change, but some might argue that the energy and ambition of one's 20s also have their own value and can lead to significant life achievements.
- The decision to focus less on skin and appearance is personal and liberating for Mari, but others may find that taking pride in their appearance and self-care routines contributes positively to their self-esteem and mental health.
- The desire to be more authentic and vulnerable in relationships is commendable, but it's important to recognize that different levels of openness are suitable for different types of relationships, and not everyone may be comfortable with or require the same level of vulnerability.
- While Mari struggles to express emotions, it's worth noting that emotiona ...
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Lessons learned and habits to leave behind from her 20s
Mari Llewellyn reflects on her journey through her 20s, sharing the lessons she has learned and the habits she intends to leave behind as she moves forward.
Overcoming unhealthy obsessions and perfectionism
Tendency to become fixated and compulsive about aspects of health and appearance
Mari discusses her past fixations, such as her skin and fitness, which often led her down spirals of research or brought her to a robotic living filled with stress. She mentions her struggle with obsessiveness and how it negatively impacted her life. This path of fixation was, at one point, a way to distract herself from underlying issues she wasn't ready to face. With the help of a therapist, she is working to overcome her OCD-like tendencies that contribute to these obsessions.
She also admits to trying a plethora of skincare products, indicating a past preoccupation with her appearance, particularly her acne-prone and sensitive skin. Now, Mari is determined to not let these concerns rule her life and realizes that the excessive stress and monitoring are counterproductive to her genuine wellbeing.
Realization that rigid control and constant monitoring are counterproductive to wellbeing
Mari acknowledges that her adherence to a regimented health routine and the compulsion to meet daily checklists have sometimes resulted in the opposite of wellness, increasing stress and cortisol levels. Instead, she is learning to embrace moments of joy and freedom, like the simple pleasure of feeding her chickens, without rigidly fitting into traditional health advice. This represents a shift toward a softer approach to self-care based on genuine happiness rather than strict protocols.
Prioritizing joy, freedom, and self-trust over external validation
Aiming to listen to her own intuition rather than blindly following others' advice
In her pursuit of growth and change, Mari emphasizes the importance of authenticity and making choices based on her intuition. She has expressed a desire to stand up for herself more, be vocal about her feelings, and con ...
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Lessons learned and habits to leave behind from her 20s
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- OCD-like tendencies are behaviors or thought patterns that resemble those seen in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), a mental health condition characterized by obsessions (unwanted, intrusive thoughts) and compulsions (repetitive behaviors performed to alleviate anxiety). These tendencies may include excessive checking, cleaning, or organizing due to a need for control or to reduce anxiety. While not a diagnosis of OCD itself, these tendencies can still significantly impact a person's daily life and well-being.
- Cortisol is a hormone produced in the body, often referred to as a stress hormone. It plays a role in various bodily functions, including regulating blood sugar levels, suppressing the immune system, and aiding in metabolism. Increased cortisol levels can be a response to stress and low blood sugar, impacting how the body handles energy and stress. Cortisol can have effects on metabolism, immune response, and other physiological processes in the body.
- Authenticity in decision-making involves making choices that align with your ...
Counterarguments
- While overcoming unhealthy obsessions is beneficial, some level of focus on health and appearance can be positive, promoting self-care and healthy living.
- A certain degree of control and monitoring in life can be constructive, helping to maintain discipline and achieve goals.
- Prioritizing joy and freedom is important, but sometimes external validation can provide useful feedback and motivation for personal and professional growth.
- Listening to one's intuition is valuable, yet occasionally external advice can offer ne ...
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Positive changes and priorities she wants to focus on in her 30s
As she enters her 30s, Mari emphasizes the importance of incorporating more joy into her life, while also seeking to deepen her self-awareness and personal growth.
Incorporating more play, creativity, and personal enrichment
Mari states that in her 30s, she wants to infuse her life with more play and fun—experiences that bring her true enjoyment. She mentions several activities she's come to love, including horseback riding, taking care of chickens, and spending quality time with friends. Enjoying walks around the lake and dining out are also now prioritized fun activities.
Mari has discovered that she no longer needs to be as tied to her desk as she was in the past, allowing her the freedom to engage in these delightful pursuits. She has been enjoying leisure reading, citing "Demon Copperhead" as a book she finds very intriguing and from which she's learning a lot, as it deviates from the typical self-help genre.
Rediscovering the pleasure of reading, cooking, and exploring nature
While Mari Llewellyn doesn’t specify cooking as an activity, she does convey the importance of stepping away from strict routines for the sake of joy and personal enrichment. She expresses a newfound appreciation for the serenity of nature and her love for animals. Excited about her upcoming plans to visit a ranch in Wyoming, Mari believes that this will be a healing experience. She and her husband Greg plan to spend the entire month of August in Jackson Hole, seeing this time as a chance for rejuvenation and connection with the environment.
Scheduling more quality time with loved ones and chosen family
Mari does not explicitly mention scheduling more time with family, but her planned trip to Wyoming and enjoyment of camaraderie with friends reflect her commitment to sharing her life with loved ones and those who matter most to her.
Deepening self-awareness and personal growth through therapy
Mari seeks to improve her mental health by focusing on personal growth. Although she does not talk directly about therapy, Mari is intent on cultivating more positive self-talk a ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Positive changes and priorities she wants to focus on in her 30s
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Mari's mention of stepping away from "strict routines" implies that she is intentionally breaking away from structured and repetitive daily schedules that may have limited her flexibility and spontaneity. This could involve activities like setting rigid work hours, following a strict diet, or adhering to a specific exercise regimen. By embracing a more fluid approach to her daily life, Mari is opening herself up to new experiences and opportunities for joy and personal growth.
- Mari sees her upcoming trip to a ranch in Wyoming as a healing experience due to her appreciation for nature and animals. She believes that spending time in a serene environment like a ranch can provide rejuvenation and a deeper connection with the natural world. This break from her usual routine is seen as an opportunity for emotional and mental restoration. The change of scenery and immersion in nature are expected to bring a sense of peace and well-being to Mari.
- Mari's commitment to consistency over perfection suggests that she values maintaining steady progress and effort rather than striving for flawless outcomes. This approach focuses on the importance of continuous improvement and growth through regular and sustainable actions, rather than fixating on achieving flawless results every time. It reflects a mindset that priorit ...
Counterarguments
- While incorporating joy and play is beneficial, it's important to maintain a balance with responsibilities; too much focus on leisure could potentially lead to neglecting important duties or goals.
- Engaging in activities like horseback riding and taking care of chickens can be enriching, but they also require time, resources, and commitment, which might not be feasible for everyone.
- Prioritizing leisure reading and dining out is a privilege that assumes one has the financial stability and free time to do so, which might not be the case for all individuals.
- Stepping away from routines can be refreshing, but routines also provide structure and can contribute to productivity and stability; finding a balance is key.
- Appreciating nature and animals is positive, but it's also important to recognize and mitigate the environmental impact of travel and tourism activities.
- Planning to spend quality time with loved ones is important, but it's also necessary to ensure that personal growth and self-care do not become so self-focused that they impede on the needs and care of those close to you.
- Focusing on positive self-talk and gratitude is beneficial for ment ...
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