Podcasts > Pursuit of Wellness > Sami Clarke & Sami Spalter on Transforming Inside & Out: Weightloss, Grief, Self Love & The Messiness Of Life

Sami Clarke & Sami Spalter on Transforming Inside & Out: Weightloss, Grief, Self Love & The Messiness Of Life

By Mari Llewellyn

In the latest episode of "Pursuit of Wellness," hosts Sami Spalter and Mari Llewellyn, along with special guest Sami Clarke, dive into the complexities of personal evolution addressing themes of self-love, self-confidence, and self-compassion. The conversation illumines the delicate processes of self-awareness, mental health, and the courage to confront life's inherent messiness. Clarke highlights the revelatory power of silence and the indispensable support of empathetic networks, while Spalter shares her journey to embracing her physical self and the solace she finds in fitness. Together with Llewellyn, they provide practical insights for building resilience, from establishing emotional toolkits to the fundamental act of choosing oneself.

Beyond the inner workings of self-acceptance, the speakers share their thoughts on the value of vulnerability in building meaningful relationships, posturing openness as a strength rather than a weakness. The trio candidly discusses discarding self-limiting beliefs, celebrating imperfections as a facet of growth, and the relief that comes with self-compassion. From entrepreneurial joys to aligning professional opportunities with personal values, they explore the pursuit of passion and the joy of discovery. Sami Clarke's path from modeling to mindful business choices and Sami Spalter's practical "hell yeah or no" philosophy underscore the importance of listening to one's inner voice and finding one's unique path to purposeful joy.

Sami Clarke & Sami Spalter on Transforming Inside & Out: Weightloss, Grief, Self Love & The Messiness Of Life

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Sami Clarke & Sami Spalter on Transforming Inside & Out: Weightloss, Grief, Self Love & The Messiness Of Life

1-Page Summary

Building Self-Love, Self-Confidence and Self-Compassion

Clarke and Spalter discuss the path to self-love, self-confidence, and self-compassion, emphasizing self-awareness and mental health's priority. Clarke details the role of silence for self-discovery and the importance of a supportive network that provides presence rather than opinions. She credits self-compassion in her re-parenting practices and personal growth. Spalter contrasts heart-led versus logic-led mindsets, and her acceptance of her physique represents a self-affirmation milestone. They agree on prioritizing mental health, with fitness as Spalter's therapeutic space while Clarke addresses her suppressed emotions. Clarke and Llewellyn share strategies for coping with life's challenges, highlighting the creation of emotional toolkits. Overall, they espouse wellness through choosing oneself, awareness, and self-love for an authentic and resilient life.

Embracing Imperfection and Being "Messy"

Clarke and Spalter reveal the transformative power of vulnerability through honest conversations, drawing from their friendship that flourished during the pandemic. They acknowledge the therapeutic value of sharing fears and "ego moments," labeling this openness as their superpower in building trusted relationships. They candidly discuss the importance of letting go of self-limiting beliefs and accepting imperfection as integral to growth. Spalter expresses gratitude for past traumas that fostered resilience, and Clarke confronts the futility of striving for perfection by nurturing her past self for self-compassion. They, including guest Llewellyn, stress the liberation found in practicing self-compassion and patience, moving beyond the constraints of perfection to embrace their true selves. The conversation underscores the significance of being vulnerable, giving others the courage to accept their messiness, and creating genuine human experiences for deep personal development.

Finding Purpose, Passion, and Joy

Spalter and Llewellyn reflect on pursuing passions and joy, stressing the balance between seizing opportunities and discernment. Spalter talks about choosing work that resonates with her, and Llewellyn suggests entrepreneurship aligns more naturally with joy. Clarke focuses on creating a business from what brings her joy after understanding herself deeper in 2023. They discuss the art of discernment, with Clarke sharing her initial modeling experience and Spalter's "hell yeah or no" approach to opportunities. Clarke's careful consideration of business ventures with JT and Spalter's selective openness highlight the significance of aligning choices with personal values. Additionally, Clarke's exploration, from trying new activities to choosing a business partner, reveals the importance of discovering one's talents. Spalter's encouragement to try different roles and Clarke's evolving interests illustrate that trying new things is essential for uncovering gifts and talents, suggesting a dynamic and experiential approach to living with purpose, passion, and joy.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Clarke and Spalter's discussion on heart-led versus logic-led mindsets contrasts decision-making based on emotions and intuition (heart-led) with decision-making based on reason and analysis (logic-led). They explore how embracing vulnerability and self-compassion can align with a heart-led approach, while acknowledging the importance of logic and critical thinking in navigating life's challenges. This comparison highlights the balance between emotional intelligence and rationality in personal growth and decision-making processes. By recognizing the strengths and limitations of both mindsets, individuals can cultivate a holistic approach to self-awareness and well-being.
  • Re-parenting practices involve individuals nurturing and caring for their inner child, addressing unmet emotional needs from childhood through self-compassion and understanding. This process often includes providing oneself with the love, support, and guidance that may have been lacking during upbringing, fostering healing and personal growth. Re-parenting practices aim to create a healthier and more nurturing relationship with oneself, promoting self-awareness and emotional well-being. By acknowledging past wounds and actively working to meet their own emotional needs, individuals can develop greater self-compassion and resilience in navigating life's challenges.
  • Creating emotional toolkits involves assembling a set of strategies, techniques, and resources to help individuals cope with various challenges and stressors in life. These toolkits may include activities like journaling, mindfulness exercises, deep breathing techniques, positive affirmations, seeking social support, or engaging in hobbies that bring joy and relaxation. By proactively building and utilizing these tools, individuals can better manage their emotions, navigate difficult situations, and promote their mental well-being. Emotional toolkits serve as personalized resources that empower individuals to cultivate resilience, self-awareness, and emotional regulation in their daily lives.
  • Letting go of self-limiting beliefs is crucial for personal growth as these beliefs can hold individuals back from reaching their full potential and pursuing new opportunities. By releasing these negative beliefs, individuals can open themselves up to new possibilities, increased self-confidence, and a more positive outlook on life. It allows for personal development, resilience, and the ability to embrace imperfections as part of the journey towards self-improvement. This process involves challenging ingrained thoughts that hinder progress and replacing them with empowering beliefs that support growth and well-being.
  • Vulnerability and honesty in relationships often lead to deeper connections and trust. When individuals are open about their fears and imperfections, it creates a sense of authenticity and emotional intimacy. Sharing vulnerabilities can break down barriers and foster empathy, strengthening bonds and building trust over time. Honest conversations that embrace imperfections allow for genuine connections to form, enhancing trust and understanding between individuals.
  • Vulnerability in relationships involves being open and honest about one's feelings, fears, and imperfections, fostering deeper connections and trust. It allows individuals to show their authentic selves, leading to more meaningful and genuine interactions. Embracing vulnerability can strengthen relationships by creating space for empathy, understanding, and mutual support. By sharing vulnerabilities, individuals can break down barriers, cultivate intimacy, and build stronger emotional bonds with others.
  • Past traumas can lead to resilience by providing opportunities for growth, strength, and adaptation in the face of adversity. Overcoming challenges can build inner strength and coping mechanisms, fostering a sense of resilience over time. Gratitude for past traumas may stem from recognizing the lessons learned, personal growth achieved, and the ability to navigate future difficulties with a greater sense of strength and wisdom. Acknowledging the impact of past traumas and finding gratitude in the journey towards healing and growth can contribute to developing resilience and a deeper appreciation for one's experiences.
  • Self-compassion and patience are highlighted as liberating from the pursuit of perfection by encouraging individuals to accept their imperfections and mistakes with kindness and understanding. This approach shifts the focus from unrealistic standards to self-acceptance and growth, fostering resilience and emotional well-being. By practicing self-compassion, individuals can cultivate a more forgiving and nurturing relationship with themselves, leading to increased self-esteem and a healthier mindset. Patience plays a crucial role in this process by allowing individuals to progress at their own pace, learn from setbacks, and embrace the journey of personal development without harsh self-judgment.
  • Aligning choices with personal values for finding purpose and joy means making decisions that resonate with what you believe is important and meaningful in life. When your choices align with your values, you are more likely to feel fulfilled, satisfied, and motivated. This alignment can lead to a sense of purpose and joy as you are living authentically and in harmony with what truly matters to you. By prioritizing personal values in decision-making, you create a life that reflects who you are and what brings you happiness and fulfillment.

Counterarguments

  • Self-awareness and mental health are important, but they are not the only factors in building self-love, self-confidence, and self-compassion; external circumstances and social support also play significant roles.
  • While silence can aid in self-discovery, it is not universally beneficial; some individuals may find silence uncomfortable or may benefit more from active engagement and dialogue.
  • Self-compassion is beneficial, but it should be balanced with accountability to ensure personal growth and prevent stagnation or self-indulgence.
  • A heart-led mindset can be enriching, but a balance with logic is often necessary for making well-rounded decisions, especially in complex or high-stakes situations.
  • Fitness and addressing suppressed emotions are valuable for mental health, but they may not be suitable or sufficient for everyone; other forms of therapy or support may be necessary.
  • Creating emotional toolkits is a useful coping strategy, but it may not address the root causes of one's challenges; deeper therapeutic work may be required.
  • Choosing oneself and practicing self-love are important, but they should not lead to selfishness or neglect of others' needs and the importance of community.
  • Vulnerability can be transformative, but it also requires a safe environment and may not always be appropriate or beneficial in every context or relationship.
  • Accepting imperfection is important, but striving for excellence and improvement is also valuable and can lead to personal and professional growth.
  • Past traumas can lead to resilience, but they can also result in long-term psychological harm without proper support and healing.
  • Pursuing passions and joy is important, but practical considerations such as financial stability and responsibilities cannot always be overlooked.
  • Trying new activities is beneficial for discovering talents, but it can also lead to a lack of focus or mastery in any one area if not approached with intention.
  • Aligning choices with personal values is crucial, but sometimes compromise is necessary to navigate complex social and professional environments.

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Sami Clarke & Sami Spalter on Transforming Inside & Out: Weightloss, Grief, Self Love & The Messiness Of Life

Building Self-Love, Self-Confidence and Self-Compassion

The hosts, Clarke and Spalter, along with guest Llewellyn, delve into the nuances of fostering self-love, self-confidence, and self-compassion, underscoring the importance of self-awareness and prioritizing one's mental health.

Learning to trust and choose yourself

Clarke talks about the necessity of silence and space to understand true personal desires and the inner nurturing of oneself. She reflects on a time of struggle and appreciates the importance of her support system, which helped her by providing presence without imposing opinions. Clarke stresses the importance of being brutally honest about feelings to understand oneself and realize personal desires. She emphasizes the significance of self-compassion as part of her growth in 2023, giving thanks for choosing herself and engaging in re-parenting practices.

Sami Spalter speaks about her transition from a mindset dominated by logic to one led by the heart and soul, illustrating a shift toward trusting her inner self. Spalter initially feared weightlifting would diminish her femininity, but with Clarke's guidance, she embraced her new physique and appreciated her muscular arms. This journey signifies the growth in self-affirmation.

Prioritizing mental health and emotional needs

Clarke communicates her conscious decision to instruct her support network to offer only presence and love, rather than opinions, reflecting the importance of prioritizing one's emotional needs. Sami Spalter describes fitness as a therapeutic haven in her life, suggesting it plays a significant role in her mental and emotional well-being.

Mari Llewellyn talks about the challenges in her relationship with food and the process of divorcing her value from her body image, reinforcing the priority of mental health. Meanwhile, Clarke sheds light on her journey to value her mental health as much as her physical health, learning to address suppressed negative emotions tha ...

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Building Self-Love, Self-Confidence and Self-Compassion

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Clarke and Spalter are the hosts of the discussion or podcast being referenced, while Llewellyn is a guest invited to participate in the conversation. They are individuals contributing their perspectives and insights on the topics of self-love, self-confidence, and self-compassion.
  • Self-awareness involves understanding one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, leading to a deeper insight into oneself. Prioritizing mental health means recognizing the importance of maintaining emotional well-being and seeking support when needed. It involves taking proactive steps to care for one's psychological state and acknowledging the impact of mental health on overall quality of life. By fostering self-awareness and prioritizing mental health, individuals can develop resilience, cope with challenges effectively, and lead a more fulfilling life.
  • Spalter's fear of weightlifting diminishing her femininity reflects common societal stereotypes associating muscularity with masculinity. This fear stems from traditional gender norms that suggest women should prioritize being delicate and not overly muscular. Spalter's journey highlights the personal growth and empowerment that can come from challenging and overcoming these societal expectations.
  • Re-parenting practices involve individuals nurturing their inner child by providing the care, support, and understanding that may have been lacking during their upbringing. This process often involves self-soothing techniques, setting boundaries, and addressing unmet emotional needs to promote healing and self-compassion. By engaging in re-parenting practices, individuals can develop a healthier relationship with themselves and work towards overcoming past traumas or neglect. This approach aims to foster self-love, self-confidence, and emotional well-being by offering the care and attention needed for inner growth and healing.
  • Emotional toolkits are sets of strategies and resources individuals use to manage their emotions and cope with life's challenges effectively. These toolkits can include techniques like mindfulness, journaling, deep breathing exercises, and seeking support from others. By developing and utilizing emotional toolkits, individuals can enhance their ...

Counterarguments

  • While silence and space can be beneficial for self-reflection, some individuals may find that they need more structured guidance or interaction with others to truly understand their personal desires and nurture themselves.
  • Being brutally honest about feelings is important, but it should be balanced with tact and consideration for the feelings of others, as well as the context in which one is expressing those feelings.
  • Self-compassion is crucial, but it should not lead to complacency or avoidance of personal responsibility and growth.
  • A transition from a logic-dominated mindset to one led by the heart and soul may not be suitable for everyone, as some individuals may thrive in environments that require logical thinking and may find emotional decision-making challenging or less effective.
  • Embracing physical changes and self-affirmation is positive, but it's also important to acknowledge that self-worth should not be solely based on physical appearance or strength.
  • Prioritizing emotional needs is important, but there should also be room for constructive feedback and diverse perspectives from one's support network, as they can contribute to personal development.
  • While fitness can be a therapeutic haven, it's important to recognize that it may not be a universal solution for everyone's mental and emotional well-being, and other forms of therapy or support may be necessary.
  • Divorcing one's value from body image is a healthy approach, but it's also important to maintain a balanced perspective that includes the recognition of the importance of physical health alongside mental health.
  • Valuing mental health is essential, but it should be done in conjunction with seeking professional help when necessary, rather than solely through s ...

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Sami Clarke & Sami Spalter on Transforming Inside & Out: Weightloss, Grief, Self Love & The Messiness Of Life

Embracing Imperfection and Being "Messy"

Allowing vulnerability and having courageous conversations

Sami Spalter and Sami Clarke reveal their transformative experiences, highlighting the importance of embracing vulnerability and engaging in challenging yet healthy conversations. They recall beginning their friendship during the pandemic with walks where they would share deep personal aspects, laying their hearts on the table. This level of openness has allowed them to engage in potentially life-changing dialogues, which Clarke illustrates by recalling when she decided to lean in and listen to what her relationship with Sammy B. could be, despite her fears.

Mari Llewellyn applauds the vulnerability both Clark and Spalter demonstrated in discussing a range of topics, from weight loss and grief to personal transformation. They mention having "ego moments" and facing fears of regression, yet choose to open up about their personal stories, knowing the therapeutic impact this could have on others and themselves. Clarke and Spalter discuss how honest communication and expressing insecurities and emotions are their superpowers, crucial for maintaining trust and respect in their relationships.

Letting go of limiting beliefs

Spalter and Clarke speak candidly about overcoming self-limiting beliefs and notions of perfection. They embrace the messiness and confusion as parts of themselves, acknowledging that growth stems from accepting imperfection. Spalter shares her gratitude for the trauma which built resilience in her life and declares a moment of checking in with herself to reassess and transcend previous constraining beliefs.

Clarke battles with her own pressure to be perfect, realizing it's draining and unsustainable. By identifying and nurturing the "little Sammy" within, she practices self-compassion, acknowledging the need to care for her past selves.

Practicing self-compassion and patience

Llewellyn expresses appreciation for her peers' wil ...

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Embracing Imperfection and Being "Messy"

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • "Ego moments" typically refer to instances where a person's ego, or sense of self-importance, takes over, leading to behaviors or reactions that may not align with their true values or intentions. These moments can involve defensiveness, pride, or a need to protect one's self-image. Fears of regression relate to the anxiety or worry about reverting to past negative behaviors, mindsets, or ...

Counterarguments

  • While embracing vulnerability can be beneficial, it's important to recognize that not all environments or relationships are safe for such openness, and individuals should assess the risks before sharing deeply personal information.
  • Honest communication is important, but it must be balanced with tact and consideration for others' feelings to avoid unnecessary hurt or conflict.
  • Overcoming self-limiting beliefs is a positive step, but it's also important to set realistic goals and expectations to avoid setting oneself up for failure or disappointment.
  • Self-compassion and patience are valuable, but they should not lead to complacency or a lack of accountability for one's actions.
  • Sharing personal struggles can be empowering, but it can also inadvertently pressure others to share before they are ready or create an environment where vulnerability is expected rather than voluntary.
  • Embracing imperfection is a healthy mindset, but it should not be used as an e ...

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Sami Clarke & Sami Spalter on Transforming Inside & Out: Weightloss, Grief, Self Love & The Messiness Of Life

Finding Purpose, Passion, and Joy

Sami Spalter and Mari Llewellyn share experiences and advice on following personal passions and joy, emphasizing the importance of saying yes to open doors, discerning when to say no, and the significance of trying new things.

Following what lights you up

Sami Spalter reflects on the decision to engage in work that resonates deeply with her and has the potential to help others, adhering to what's meaningful to her life. Mari Llewellyn mentions that entrepreneurship comes more easily when it’s something that brings you joy. Similarly, Sami Clarke endorses the idea of creating a business out of what brings the most joy, highlighting that in 2023, she focused on understanding herself and what fulfills her.

Saying yes to open doors but also discerning when to say no

Clarke describes her journey to Los Angeles, where she said yes to modeling. This shows her openness to opportunities, though she didn’t feel a passion for the work. Sami Spalter speaks to the philosophy of choosing opportunities with a "hell yeah or hell no" attitude, emphasizing the need for strong personal discernment. This illustrates the importance of being selective about opportunities, ensuring alignment with personal values and readiness.

Clarke and her partner JT were presented with a business opportunity which required careful consideration of risks and rewards. Similarly, Spalter mentions the necessity of being open to opportunities while knowing oneself well enough to discriminate and say no to opportunities that are not suitable. Sami Clarke’s search for a business partner that brought her to partner with Spalter also reflects discernment in finding the right collaboration that complements her talents and goals.

Trying new things to discover your gifts and talents

Clarke’s willingness to try new things, such as cooking at home and Pilates, led her to discover her passion. Spalter discusses the importance of explor ...

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Finding Purpose, Passion, and Joy

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Sami Spalter, Mari Llewellyn, and Sami Clarke share insights on pursuing personal passions and joy, emphasizing the importance of aligning work with personal values and finding joy in entrepreneurial endeavors. They discuss the significance of being open to new opportunities while also being discerning in choosing which paths to pursue, based on a "hell yeah or hell no" attitude. Additionally, they highlight the value of trying new experiences to discover one's talents and passions, showcasing a willingness to explore different roles and activities to find fulfillment.
  • The text discusses the journeys and decisions of individuals like Sami Spalter, Mari Llewellyn, and Sami Clarke in pursuing their passions and joy. These individuals emphasize the importance of aligning work with personal values, being selective about opportunities, and exploring new experiences to discover talents and passions. Their stories highlight the significance of self-awareness, discernment in decision-making, and the willingness to try new things in the pursuit of fulfillment and success.
  • The "hell yeah or hell no" attitude towards opportunities emphasizes making decisions based on a strong, immediate gut feeling of either enthusiastic approval ("hell yeah") or clear rejection ("hell no"). It encourages individuals to prioritize opportunities that truly excite them and align with their values, rather than settling for lukewarm options. This mindset helps in maintaining focus on what truly matters and avoiding distractions that may not contribute significantly to personal growth or ...

Counterarguments

  • While following personal passions is important, it's also necessary to consider practical aspects such as financial stability and job security, which might sometimes require compromising on one's ideal work.
  • Saying yes to every open door can lead to overcommitment and burnout; it's important to evaluate opportunities critically and manage one's time and energy effectively.
  • The advice to create a business out of what brings joy might not be feasible for everyone, as not all passions can be easily monetized or might not lead to a sustainable business model.
  • Trying new things is beneficial, but it can also be valuable to deepen expertise in a chosen field rather than constantly switching to new activities, which might lead to a lack of focus.
  • Being open to new experiences is generally positive, but it's also important to maintain a sense of personal boundaries and comfort levels to avoid undue stress or anxiety.
  • Personal discernment in choosing opportunities is crucial, but sometimes taking calculated risks on less-than-perfect opportunities can lead to unexpected growth and learning.
  • Collaboration can complement ...

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