Julia Fox EXCLUSIVE: ‘I Still Hear a Voice That Says I’m Nothing’ (The Real Story Behind Surviving Addiction, Life as a Sex Worker, and How Motherhood Saved Her)
In this episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty, Julia Fox discusses the impact of her early family dynamics, particularly her relationship with her mother, and how these experiences shaped her path through adolescence and early adulthood. She shares her experiences with sex work, addiction, and the ongoing effects of childhood trauma on her sense of self-worth.
The conversation explores Fox's journey toward healing and personal growth, including her use of various coping mechanisms and therapeutic practices. Fox describes how becoming a mother transformed her perspective and motivated her to break generational patterns of trauma, while also detailing how writing her memoir "Down the Drain" helped her process her past experiences and move forward.
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1-Page Summary
Julia's Traumatic Childhood and Adolescence
Julia Fox's early life was marked by severe family conflicts and maternal neglect. She would often seek refuge in the bathroom, running a hairdryer to drown out her parents' fighting. Julia reveals that her mother, who lived in Italy and visited only twice a year, showed clear favoritism toward her brothers and dismissed Julia's dreams and achievements. While her grandparents provided emotional support, the lack of maternal connection led to deep-seated feelings of unworthiness that persisted into her adult life.
Julia's Unconventional Coping Mechanisms and Survival Strategies
Faced with financial necessity as a teenager, Julia turned to sex work, specifically becoming a dominatrix. She attributes her success in this field to her ability to compartmentalize and dissociate, which she considers her "superpower." Later, Julia developed a heroin addiction, describing the drug as a "replacement mommy" that provided the warmth and safety absent from her relationship with her mother.
Julia's Spiritual and Emotional Transformation
Following her best friend's tragic overdose in 2019, Julia committed to rebuilding her life, especially after becoming pregnant with her son. Writing her memoir "Down the Drain" served as a therapeutic process, allowing her to confront her painful past. Julia also explored various healing methods, including manifestation through prayer and transcendental meditation, which she started practicing in third grade.
Julia's Perspective on Self-Worth, Relationships, and Success
Despite her achievements, Julia continues to struggle with self-doubt and the need to prove herself. She acknowledges her past tendency to hide behind different roles and use humor as a defense mechanism. Today, Julia focuses on maintaining healthy boundaries, particularly with her mother, and prioritizes creating a stable, loving environment for her son. She views motherhood as an opportunity to break the cycle of trauma, dedicating herself to providing the nurturing upbringing she never experienced.
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Actionables
- You can use journaling to process past traumas and envision a positive future by writing two entries each day: one that reflects on a challenging past experience and another that describes a hopeful future scenario. This practice can help you acknowledge difficult emotions while actively shaping a more optimistic outlook, similar to how writing a memoir served as a therapeutic process for Julia.
- Develop a daily meditation practice to foster inner peace and resilience, starting with just five minutes a day and gradually increasing the time as you become more comfortable. Meditation can serve as a tool for healing and self-discovery, much like Julia found solace in transcendental meditation.
- Create a "boundary blueprint" for your relationships by listing the people in your life and defining what healthy interactions with each person look like for you. This can help you establish and maintain healthy boundaries, ensuring that you prioritize your well-being in all your relationships, reflecting Julia's focus on boundary-setting, especially with her mother.
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Julia's Traumatic Childhood and Adolescence
Julia's upbringing was marked by feelings of isolation, neglect, and disconnection from her family, leading to a lingering sense of unworthiness in her adult life.
Chaotic and Unstable Home Life: Julia's Experience
Julia Often Hid In the Bathroom, Running the Hair Dryer and Lying On the Floor Until the Fighting Stopped, Feeling Unimportant and Disconnected From Her Family
Julia’s home life was characterized by severe family conflicts where she often felt sidelined. The intense arguments between her parents were so distressing that she would retreat to the bathroom, seeking refuge by lying on the floor and drowning out the noise with a hairdryer, sometimes for six hours. This behavior suggests not only an oppressive home environment but also her attempts to create a physical and emotional barrier from her family's turmoil.
Julia's Early Life Lacked Parental Support, Causing Deep Feelings of Unworthiness Into Adulthood
Julia's Mother Dismissed Her Dreams Of Becoming a Rock Star and Actress
The lack of maternal support and the disconnect with Julia’s mother were profound. Her mother's rare presence in her life, with only biannual visits since she lived in Italy, contributed to Julia's feelings of unimportance. Julia perceived a clear favoritism toward her brothers, with her mother manifesting more interest and effort in them.
Reflecting on her past, Julia acknowledges a deep-seated belief of unworthiness, which challenges her daily life despite her achievements. This personal evaluation is further exacerbated by her mother's dismissive reactions to her dreams and successes. As a child, Julia's aspiration to become a rock star was met with laughter from her mother, which was a pattern that conti ...
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Julia's Traumatic Childhood and Adolescence
Additional Materials
Actionables
- Create a personal affirmation playlist to reinforce self-worth by selecting songs and audio clips that emphasize empowerment and achievement. As you listen, visualize past successes and moments of support from loved ones, which can help counteract feelings of unworthiness. For example, include tracks with lyrics that resonate with your personal victories or spoken word pieces that remind you of encouragement you've received.
- Start a 'Gratitude and Achievement' journal where you write down daily instances of support and personal successes, no matter how small. This practice can help you recognize and internalize the positive aspects of your life, countering the impact of past neglect. You might jot down a kind word from a colleague, a personal goal you reached, or even a self-care activity you allowed yourself to enjoy.
- Develop a 'Support Circle' by ...
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Julia's Unconventional Coping Mechanisms and Survival Strategies
Julia Fox shares her journey through challenging circumstances, turning to unconventional coping mechanisms and survival strategies to confront trauma and find empowerment.
Teenager Julia Turned To Sex Work for Financial Survival and Self-Worth Empowerment
Once a teenager, Julia Fox found herself in difficult situations that led her to consider and eventually enter the sex industry, which she saw as both a necessity and a source of empowerment.
Julia's Compartmentalization and Dissociation Fueled Her Success in the Sex Industry
Julia Fox attributes her success in the sex industry to her ability to compartmentalize and to dissociate, which she calls her "superpower." Introduced to sex work in seventh grade by a friend's older sister, the profession remained in the back of her mind as a potential path. Later, faced with financial necessity after moving out with nothing more than her clothes, she turned to sex work, staying with friends and needing to contribute financially.
She entered the dominatrix field, which she found empowering as it allowed her to deal with aggression and anger. This endeavor provided her with self-worth and she is grateful for the insights it gave her into the male psyche. Julia advises those considering sex work to maintain firm boundaries to protect their self-esteem and describes her time in the S&M world as an overall empowering experience.
Julia's Heroin Addiction Numbed Her Traumatic Pain
Julia's later life led to an addiction to heroin, which served as a coping mechanism for her traumatic experiences and provided her with a sense of numbness. ...
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Julia's Unconventional Coping Mechanisms and Survival Strategies
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Actionables
- Explore creative writing as a form of self-empowerment by penning a fictional story where you navigate and overcome challenges similar to those faced by Julia Fox. Writing can be therapeutic and allows you to process emotions in a safe, controlled environment. Start with short stories or journal entries and gradually build a narrative that reflects your journey towards empowerment.
- Develop a personal budget that includes a "self-worth" fund for activities that make you feel valued and empowered. Allocate a portion of your income to this fund and use it for things like education, fitness, or hobbies that boost your confidence and sense of self-worth. This financial strategy reinforces the importance of investing in yourself.
- Practice mindfulness techniques to ...
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Julia's Spiritual and Emotional Transformation
Julia Fox has undergone a profound personal change, catalyzed by a series of life-altering events and experiences that have reshaped her approach to life, particularly as it pertains to her son's future and her emotional health.
Friend's Death Motivates Julia to Rebuild Life For Son
The tragic overdose of Julia's best friend in 2019 served as a staggering wake-up call that prompted her to abandon drug use in honor of her late friend. This profound loss came with pivotal changes for Julia; she became pregnant six months later and gave birth to her son. The birth sparked a determination to break the cycle of trauma and dysfunction from her own upbringing to ensure she did not pass it on to her son. "If there's one thing I'm determined to do is to not give him a sh childhood," Julia stated, expressing her resolve to provide a better life for her child.
Through Writing "Down the Drain," Julia Confronted Her Painful Past, Leading To Catharsis and Healing
Crafting her memoir "Down the Drain" was, for Julia, akin to therapy. The process was a deeply emotional challenge, during which she confronted and sat with her pain. At times, Julia questioned whether she should continue delving into her tormented past yet she persevered, driven by a need to expunge her pent-up emotions. The act of writing became a release for her, allowing her to offload some of the burdens she’d been carrying. Since the release of her book, Julia has felt a sense of relief, and the positive feedback from young girls who found inspiration in her story has been tremendously rewarding for her.
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Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Julia's Spiritual and Emotional Transformation
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Actionables
- Turn personal challenges into creative projects by writing a short story, poem, or song that reflects your own experiences, using it as a therapeutic tool to process emotions and gain insight into your life.
- Writing can be a powerful way to confront and understand your past. For instance, if you've experienced a difficult breakup, you could write a narrative from the perspective of an object that symbolizes your relationship, like a shared coffee mug, to explore your feelings from a new angle.
- Establish a nightly routine that includes a few minutes of reflection or meditation to foster emotional balance and manifest personal goals.
- Consistency is key in building a habit that sticks. Start with just five minutes before bed to sit quietly, breathe deeply, and visualize a goal you have, like improving a relationship or achieving a fitness milestone. Over time, this practice can help you maintain a clear focus on your objectives and the steps needed to achieve them.
- Create a simple accountability system with fr ...
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Julia's Perspective on Self-Worth, Relationships, and Success
Julia Fox candidly discusses her ongoing battles with self-doubt, her strategies for self-discovery and healing, and her deep commitment to being a nurturing parent.
Despite Achievements, Julia Struggles With Self-Doubt and Needing to Prove Herself
Fox delves into her challenges with self-worth, opening up about her past struggles and her current efforts to project a strong sense of self. She talks about her history of acting both in life and professionally, utilizing roles to cope with feelings of unworthiness. She candidly shares the pretense of being okay and the defense mechanism of playing the class clown because internally, she felt like a "piece of shit."
Her struggles extend to her relationships, as she reveals she is tired of seeking approval from her mother, only to face disappointment. Fox underlines that she is working on protecting her peace and setting boundaries to prevent her mother from impacting her negatively.
Fox also speaks on the disproportionate burden placed on women to continually prove their value—unlike men who are often afforded the benefit of the doubt. She also touches upon the extra challenges faced by those who deviate from societal norms. Despite feeling the anxiety of judgment, Fox has developed coping strategies that include not taking things so seriously and understanding that if someone dislikes her, it's a reflection of their preferences. She believes earnestness will attract like-minded individuals, thus creating a robust support network.
Julia's Three-Year Celibacy Prioritizes Self-Discovery and Healing Over Unhealthy Romantic Patterns
Note: There is no information provided on Julia Fox's three-year celibacy or its role in her growth.
Julia Values Balance: Healthy Habits, Loved Ones, and Joy
Having learned from her experiences in sex work, Julia Fox recognizes the importance of balance in life. She finds it crucial to apply the balance of power she observed in her work to her personal life, fostering healthy habits.
Julia's Commitment To Nurturing Her Son Fuels Her ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Julia's Perspective on Self-Worth, Relationships, and Success
Additional Materials
Actionables
- You can create a personal affirmation playlist to reinforce self-worth by selecting songs and audio clips that emphasize your value and strengths, playing it during moments of self-doubt or when preparing for challenging situations.
- This strategy uses the power of music and spoken word to boost confidence and counteract feelings of unworthiness. For example, include tracks with lyrics that resonate with your personal victories or spoken affirmations from figures you admire, creating a soundtrack that empowers you to overcome self-doubt.
- Develop a "Boundary Blueprint" to establish and maintain personal boundaries by writing down the areas in your life where you need stronger limits, such as work, family, or social interactions, and outline specific actions to uphold these boundaries.
- This could involve setting clear communication guidelines, like not responding to work emails after hours, or creating rituals that signal the end of family obligations for the day, such as a walk alone after dinner. The blueprint serves as a personal guide to ensure you're respecting your own limits and not seeking external approval at the expense of your well-being.
- Initiate a "Purposeful Parenting Journal" where you reflect da ...
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