Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
In this episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty, conversations explore the foundations of true self-confidence. Guests emphasize that lasting confidence stems from internal validation, not others' opinions. The discussion covers practices that nurture self-worth, such as self-care rituals and reflection.
Experiences shared by guests demonstrate how confidence grows from consistent skill-building, embracing challenges as part of the journey. The episode examines the importance of aligning actions with core identity and making long-term commitments to personal growth. Through diverse perspectives, listeners gain insights into cultivating genuine self-belief rooted in authentic expression.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Apr 9, 2025 episode of the On Purpose with Jay Shetty
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1-Page Summary
Role of Relationships and External Validation in Confidence
Self-Worth Must Come From Within, Not Others' Opinions
As Claudia Oshry explains, while her partner's support and belief in her greatly aided her self-confidence, true self-belief needs independent cultivation. Kendall Jenner underscores the importance of tuning out external pressures, connecting with one's "higher self" through activities that bring joy like hobbies, and self-affirmation to combat unfair narratives.
The Importance of Self-Care and Self-Reflection
Alicia Keys discusses how soul care practices like meditation, journaling, and crystals help manage stress, anxiety, and physical manifestations of emotions. According to Keys, these rituals foster self-dependency and grounding. Vanessa Hudgens attended a solo retreat to reconnect with her core identity, highlighting the value of stepping outside comfort zones.
Building Confidence Through Competence and Action
Lisa Bilyeu advocates taking imperfect action and persistent practice to build competence and confidence, even when feeling inadequate. Jay Shetty adds that confidence stems from action, not vice versa. Bilyeu likens confidence to a muscle requiring specific exercise. Kobe Bryant emphasizes focusing on daily growth over immediate results.
The Strategic, Long-Term Approach to Confidence
As Jay Shetty notes, Kobe Bryant's confidence originated from his commitment to consistent skill-building over time, not natural athleticism. Bryant advocates patience and resilience, embracing setbacks as part of the process. Meghan Trainor's decision to revert to her authentic voice after seeking validation exemplifies this confidence in one's long-term journey.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While self-worth should ideally come from within, social creatures like humans naturally seek external validation, and a balance between internal and external sources of confidence can be healthy.
- External pressures can sometimes provide valuable feedback and motivation for improvement, so completely tuning them out may not always be beneficial.
- Self-affirmation alone may not be sufficient to combat deeply ingrained unfair narratives without additional support or therapy.
- Soul care practices are subjective and may not be effective for everyone; some individuals may find stress relief and grounding through other means, such as physical exercise or social interaction.
- Self-care and self-reflection are important, but overemphasis on self-dependency might lead to isolation and an underestimation of the value of community and relationships in personal growth.
- Stepping outside comfort zones is generally positive, but it should be done with mindfulness to avoid unnecessary stress or harm.
- Taking imperfect action is valuable, but there should be a balance to ensure that the actions taken are not counterproductive or damaging.
- While confidence can stem from action, some individuals may require a foundational level of confidence to initiate action in the first place.
- Confidence as a muscle metaphor is useful, but it oversimplifies the complex psychological factors that contribute to confidence, such as past trauma or mental health issues.
- Focusing on daily growth is important, but it's also necessary to celebrate and acknowledge immediate results to maintain motivation.
- Consistent skill-building is key to confidence, but innate talent can also play a significant role in some areas, and its contribution should not be entirely dismissed.
- Embracing setbacks is important, but it's also crucial to recognize when a change in direction or strategy is needed to avoid repeated failures.
- Reverting to one's authentic self is commendable, but seeking validation is not inherently negative and can be part of a healthy process of growth and self-discovery.
Actionables
- Create a 'confidence playlist' with songs that make you feel empowered and play it during moments of self-doubt. Music can influence emotions and behaviors, so by curating a playlist of songs that resonate with your inner strength, you can create an auditory cue to remind yourself of your worth and abilities, especially when external validation is lacking.
- Start a 'bravery log' where you jot down small risks you've taken each day. This could be as simple as speaking up in a meeting or trying a new food. The act of recording these moments reinforces the idea that stepping out of your comfort zone is a regular part of life, and over time, you'll see a tangible record of your growing confidence.
- Implement a 'skill-a-month' challenge where you dedicate each month to learning something new, unrelated to your current talents. This could range from cooking a specific cuisine to learning the basics of a new language. By systematically building new skills, you're reinforcing the idea that confidence comes from consistent practice, not innate talent, and you're also diversifying your abilities, which can boost self-reliance.
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Role of Relationships and External Validation in Confidence
As Jay Shetty and others explore the interplay between relationships, external validation, and confidence, they reveal how critical it is for individuals to achieve self-worth from within and not merely rely on others’ opinions.
Self-Worth Must Come From Within, Not Others' Opinions
Claudia Oshry's Journey: Supportive Partner Aids Confidence, Self-Belief Needed Independently
Claudia Oshry discusses her personal battle with self-image, admitting that her partner's unwavering support played a significant role in building her self-confidence. Her partner's high opinion, viewing her as great, smart, and pretty, helped shape her self-perception for the better. This support from someone she highly admires contributed to her sense of self-worth. Oshry acknowledges the mutual exchange of confidence within her relationship, with each partner bolstering the other's self-esteem. Nevertheless, she emphasizes that while her partner's belief in her helped her recognize her positive attributes, true self-belief needs to be developed independently.
Confidence Stems From Self-Acceptance, Not Just Others' Views
Kendall Jenner's Experience Underscores Tuning Out Noise and Connecting With One's "Higher Self."
In her pursuit of genuine self-acceptance, Kendall Jenner speaks to the significance of tuning out the public pressures and finding what serves her best. Jenner remarks on her personal journey of self-care and acknowledges that the various recommendations like meditation and therapy can seem overwhelming. Instead, she stresses the value of taking time for simple joys, suc ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Role of Relationships and External Validation in Confidence
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While self-worth should ideally come from within, it is natural for social creatures like humans to seek and be influenced by external validation.
- Supportive partners can indeed aid in building self-confidence, but over-reliance on a partner for self-esteem can lead to dependency and vulnerability if the relationship changes.
- Mutual exchange of confidence in a relationship is beneficial, but it's important to maintain individuality and personal growth outside of the relationship.
- Developing true self-belief independently is important, but it can also be enriched and supported through healthy relationships and community.
- Self-acceptance is key to confidence, but feedback from others can sometimes provide valuable perspectives that contribute to personal growth.
- Tuning out external pressures is important, but completely ignoring external feedback can sometimes lead to missed opportunities for learning and improvement.
- Finding joy in activities is essential for self-care, but it's also important to balance pleasure with responsibility and long-term goals ...
Actionables
- Create a 'self-worth jar' where you write down one thing you like about yourself each day and drop it in the jar. This practice encourages you to reflect on your personal qualities and achievements, fostering a sense of self-worth that comes from within. Over time, you can open the jar to remind yourself of your positive attributes, especially on days when you're feeling low or when external opinions seem overwhelming.
- Start a 'joy journal' to document daily activities that make you happy, no matter how small. By actively recognizing and recording these moments, you're prioritizing your happiness and identifying what brings you joy independently of others. This can be as simple as enjoying a cup of coffee in silence or taking a walk in the park. The act of writing it down reinforces the importance of these activities in your life.
- Develop a ...
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The Importance of Self-Care and Self-Reflection
Alicia Keys and Vanessa Hudgens provide insight into the deep connection between mental wellness and self-care, emphasizing the importance of cultivating practices for well-being and finding confidence in one’s authentic self.
Alicia Keys' Skin and Anxiety Reveal Connection Between Physical and Mental Wellness
Alicia Keys, a global music icon, has candidly opened up about her struggles with anxiety and skin issues, sharing how stress impacts both mental and physical health.
Cultivating Soul Care: Meditation, Journaling, Rituals For Well-Being
Jay Shetty discusses soul care, highlighting the importance of creating nurturing rituals for both body and mind. Alicia Keys speaks about her commitment to personal healing and how her journey has resulted in a philosophy designed to help others feel more confident. Keys stresses that it’s crucial to understand how emotions manifest physically, particularly stressing diseases often originate from stress. She developed practices for soul care, such as meditation, which led her to a more intuitive space and aided in managing stress and anxiety.
Alicia Keys found solace in ancient rituals, the power of crystals, and journaling—tools that helped her communicate truths she struggled to express as a child. These practices, she notes, foster self-dependency and grounding. These elements are woven into her Keys Soul Care brand, which promotes peace, calmness, and presence, symbolized by affirmations included with each product.
True Conf ...
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The Importance of Self-Care and Self-Reflection
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While Alicia Keys and Vanessa Hudgens advocate for self-care and mental wellness, it's important to recognize that access to self-care practices and retreats may not be equally available to everyone due to socioeconomic disparities.
- The connection between physical and mental health is complex, and while stress can exacerbate skin issues, it's not the sole cause of such conditions; genetics and other environmental factors also play significant roles.
- Soul care rituals like meditation and journaling are beneficial, but they may not be a substitute for professional mental health treatment in cases of severe anxiety or other mental health disorders.
- The use of crystals and ancient rituals for soul care is not scientifically proven to have direct health benefits and may not resonate with everyone's belief systems or experiences.
- Promoting self-dependency through soul care practices is valuable, but it's also important to acknowledge the role of community support and relationships in maintaining mental wellness.
- The narrative of self-reinvention through retreats and ste ...
Actionables
- You can create a personalized wellness map by identifying areas of your life that need attention and setting small, achievable goals for improvement. For example, if you notice your energy dips mid-afternoon, schedule a short walk or a healthy snack to combat fatigue. This approach helps you become proactive about your well-being by making you aware of patterns and empowering you to take control.
- Start a "body and emotions" diary where you track physical sensations alongside your emotional state each day. This could reveal correlations between certain physical ailments and emotional disturbances. For instance, you might find that headaches coincide with days of high stress, prompting you to explore stress-reduction techniques.
- Experiment wit ...
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Building Confidence Through Competence and Action
Lisa Bilyeu and Jay Shetty advocate for building confidence through engaging in imperfect action and persistent practice. Kobe Bryant reinforces the notion that confidence is nurtured through a consistent dedication to growth and learning.
Confidence Grows Through Imperfect Action, Practice, Competence
Lisa Bilyeu recounts her personal struggles with insecurity, noting how the negative voice in her head used to convince her that she wasn't capable of achieving her goals. However, she realized that competence is achieved through practice and that everyone must start somewhere. She advises against comparing oneself to others and underscores the importance of taking action, even when feeling inadequate, as a means to build internal confidence.
Jay Shetty adds to this perspective, suggesting that confidence is built through taking action instead of waiting to feel confident enough to start. He asserts that confidence is developed as we progress through our actions.
Perspective Challenges the Misconception That Confidence Must Precede Action
Bilyeu discusses her own journey, noting that she originally believed that confidence was necessary to begin pursuing her ambitions. Her experiences taught her that taking action, even amidst insecurities, led to competence and subsequently bolstered her confidence. This experience challenges the notion that confidence must come before ambition and action.
Confidence Is a Muscle Exercised Through Growth and Learning
Lisa Bilyeu likens confidence to a muscle that requires regular exercise to get stronger. She stresses that mastery and confidence in one field do not automatically translate to another; it requires specific practic ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Building Confidence Through Competence and Action
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- Confidence can sometimes stem from innate personality traits or psychological predispositions, not just from competence and action.
- Overemphasis on "imperfect action" might lead to a culture of mediocrity where quality and preparation are undervalued.
- Some individuals may require a foundational level of confidence to initiate action, suggesting that confidence and action have a bidirectional relationship.
- The concept of "confidence as a muscle" might oversimplify the complex psychological nature of confidence, which can be influenced by a variety of factors beyond practice and competence.
- The idea that one should not seek confidence from external sources could be challenged by the importance of social support, recognition, and feedback in building self-esteem.
- Focusing solely on personal action and self-validation might overlook the role of community, mentorship, and collaboration in personal growth and confidence-building.
- The critique of immediate outcomes may not acknowledge the importance of short-term goals and quick wins for maintaining motivation and momentum in the pursuit of long-term growth.
- The notion that mastery in ...
Actionables
- Start a "confidence journal" where you document one small, new action you take each day. This could be as simple as striking up a conversation with a stranger or trying a new recipe. The key is to focus on the action taken, not the outcome, to reinforce the habit of taking initiative.
- Create a "skill swap" with friends or colleagues to teach each other something new. This could be a weekly or monthly event where each person shares a skill they're confident in, while others share theirs. It's a way to recognize your own competence in one area and learn to build it in another.
- Develop a personal "confidence playlist" of activities tha ...
Related Shortform Content
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The Strategic, Long-Term Approach to Confidence
Jay Shetty and other figures discuss the essence of confidence as a long-term commitment to growth and the resilience to weather setbacks and failures.
Confidence Is Trusting the Growth Process Over Time
Jay Shetty highlights Kobe Bryant's attitude toward long-term growth as a foundational element of confidence. In acknowledging Bryant's legacy, Shetty notes that Bryant's confidence stemmed from not being the strongest or fastest but from a commitment to consistent improvement. Bryant reflected this by emphasizing that self-worth is not about current status but about the continuous process of skill-building towards greatness.
Kobe Bryant's Youth: Patience in Skill-Building Leads To Greatness
Bryant looked back to his youth when he wasn’t the most athletic. He had to adopt a long-term view because he couldn't immediately compete with his peers. Instead of despairing, he set goals to refine specific skills over time. This patient approach paid off, enabling him to catch up and eventually outpace his fellow athletes.
Bryant highlighted the necessity for long-term devotion to skill-building, which could take years of sustained effort to accomplish set goals.
Confidence: Embracing Setbacks and Failures As Part of the Journey
Meghan Trainor's Transition From Seeking Validation To Trusting Her Voice Shows the Value of Resilience
Trainor's rise to fame started with "All About That Bass," a song she wrote as somewhat of a playful experiment. While the track soared to number one, creating a personal anthem for many, Trainor found herself grappling with the need for external validation. Despite achieving tremendous success, ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The Strategic, Long-Term Approach to Confidence
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While consistent improvement is important, some argue that innate talent also plays a significant role in achieving greatness, and not everyone can reach the same level of success through skill-building alone.
- Confidence can sometimes stem from natural ability or early success, not just long-term growth and resilience.
- The idea that embracing setbacks and failures is part of the journey may not resonate with everyone, as some people may find that certain failures are too discouraging or difficult to overcome.
- Meghan Trainor's shift from seeking validation to trusting her voice is a personal journey that may not be applicable to all artists or individuals, who might find success in different ways or through different forms of validation.
- The notion that returning to one's authentic self is the key to success could be challenged by the fact that adaptation and change are also important for growth and relevance in a rapidly evolving wor ...
Actionables
- Start a "Confidence Journal" where you document daily actions that contribute to your growth and resilience. Each day, write down what you did to improve a skill, how you handled a setback, and what you learned from it. This practice will help you see your progress over time and reinforce your trust in the growth process.
- Create a "Skill Progression Plan" for a specific ability you want to develop. Break down the skill into smaller, manageable components and set weekly targets for improvement. For example, if you want to become a better public speaker, your plan might include practicing a new speaking technique each week and recording yourself to monitor progress.
- Develop a "Setback Simulation" exercise where you intentionally put ...
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