Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
In this episode of the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast, singer Selena Gomez and music producer Benny Blanco open up about their romantic journey and creative collaboration. They reflect on their humble beginnings as friends and the growth of trust that allowed their relationship to blossom. Gomez and Blanco then delve into the healthy dynamics that sustain their long-distance partnership, including open communication, conflict resolution, and mutual understanding.
Additionally, the couple shares insights into the therapeutic process behind their album, which involved exploring vulnerabilities and personal histories through songwriting. Gomez and Blanco view the finished work as an intimate time capsule, capturing precious memories of their shared experiences.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Mar 24, 2025 episode of the On Purpose with Jay Shetty
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1-Page Summary
Selena and Benny's Journey
Beginnings as Friends, Developing into Romance
According to Selena and Benny, their mothers arranged a first meeting when Selena was 16, but there was no romantic connection initially. Years later while working on music videos together, Benny noticed Selena's warmth. Though cautious about relationships, Selena eventually reciprocated as their friendship deepened.
Self-Protection and Building Trust
Selena says self-protection delayed her openness to Benny, but his honesty helped her feel safe. Benny wasn't sure if Selena saw him as more than a friend, but intimacy and trust grew through spending time together.
Surprise Proposal
Selena describes Benny's meticulously planned proposal as one of the best days of her life, while Benny felt overwhelmed yet grateful to have recorded the moment.
Healthy Long-Distance Relationship
Open Communication
They openly discuss insecurities, with Benny encouraging Selena to express doubts. Selena supports and loves him in return. Consistent affirmations and routines help maintain connection.
Conflict Resolution
Rather than heated arguments, they have thoughtful discussions seeking mutual understanding. Selena and Benny emphasize an ego-free commitment, respecting personal space while quickly re-establishing their bond.
Creative Collaboration
Therapeutic and Insightful
The album's creation served as creative therapy, unpacking emotions by sharing vulnerabilities. Working together fostered intimacy and a deeper understanding between them.
Exploring Pasts and Making Memories
According to Benny, exploring each other's pasts through songs brought new insights. He sees the finished work as a sentimental time capsule to share with future children.
1-Page Summary
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Actionables
- You can foster deeper connections by initiating a shared creative project with a partner or friend, such as writing a story, painting a mural, or starting a garden together. This shared activity can serve as a bonding experience and a way to explore each other's thoughts and feelings, similar to how creating an album brought Selena and Benny closer. For example, if you enjoy cooking, you might start a recipe book with your partner, where each recipe is tied to a memory or story significant to your relationship.
- Encourage open communication by setting aside regular "relationship check-ins" with your significant other or close friend, where you both can discuss feelings, insecurities, and any doubts without judgment. Make it a safe space by agreeing to listen actively and speak honestly, much like Selena and Benny's practice of discussing insecurities. You might start each session by sharing one thing you appreciate about the other person, to create a positive atmosphere.
- Create a sentimental keepsake that captures your relationship's journey, such as a scrapbook, video compilation, or playlist of songs that have special meaning to both of you. This can be a way to celebrate milestones, reflect on growth, and preserve memories for the future, inspired by Benny's view of their album as a time capsule. For instance, after a significant event like an anniversary or a shared accomplishment, add a new entry to your keepsake that commemorates the occasion.
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Selena and Benny's Journey: Meeting to Engagement
Selena and Benny's journey to engagement started with a lack of romantic connection and evolved into a profound bond built on trust, honesty, and friendship.
Selena and Benny's Initial Meeting Arranged by Their Mothers Lacked a Romantic Connection
Selena and Benny recount that they initially met through their mothers' arrangement when Selena was just 16 and Benny was in his early twenties. At the time, Selena’s mom was attempting to launch her into music, and Benny remembers her as a driving force. However, both acknowledge not remembering their initial meeting and only later realizing it occurred after they had worked on songs together. They did not feel any romantic connection when they reconnected as young adults, although that would soon change.
Reconnected As Young Adults, Their Friendship Blossomed Into Romance
Benny notes that he and Selena spent years working on music, and during a certain video shoot, Benny was struck by Selena’s depth and was disarmed by her warmth. Selena, however, didn’t remember this encounter as vividly, and at that time, didn’t see Benny romantically. Benny admits to thinking that Selena disliked him due to her reserved nature around him, but this was part of her cautious approach to relationships.
Selena and Benny Hesitated to Advance Their Relationship For Self-Protection
For Selena, self-protection was key, as she mentions having a life plan that included adopting at 35 if she didn’t find someone. It wasn’t until she let go of her relationship expectations that she began to appreciate her life and develop an openness to Benny. Benny considered introducing Selena to his friends, which unknowingly helped to develop their relationship further. Despite secretive dating for months, Selena came to a point where she was tired of protecting herself and sought to show her commitment to Benny.
Selena Trusted Benny's Honesty, Helping Her Open Up
She felt nervous about visiting Benny, which was unusual, but found safety and trust in their friendship. Selena appreciated Benny for seeing her true self and for his ability to understand her emotional needs.
Benny Wondered if Selena Saw Him As More Than a Friend, but Their Intimacy and Trust Helped ...
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Selena and Benny's Journey: Meeting to Engagement
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Clarifications
- Selena's life plan of adopting at 35 if she didn't find someone reflects her desire for motherhood regardless of her relationship status. This plan shows her proactive approach to fulfilling her maternal instincts and highlights her independence and determination to create a family on her own terms. It also indicates her willingness to embrace alternative paths to parenthood if traditional romantic relationships did not lead to starting a family.
- Playing a game together that led to their first kiss was a pivotal moment in Selena and Benny's relationship as it created a playful and intimate atmosphere, breaking down barriers and allowing them to express their feelings for each other. The game served as a catalyst for them to explore their romantic connection and deepen their bond, leading to a significant milestone in their journey towards engagement.
- Benny's pr ...
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Approaches to a Healthy, Communicative, and Supportive Partnership
Selena and Benny draw from their own experiences to outline strategies for building and maintaining a long-distance relationship that is healthy, communicative, and supportive.
Selena and Benny's Long-Distance Relationship Strategies
The conversation highlights the importance of honest communication and maintaining a connection despite physical distance.
Openly Communicate Needs and Insecurities
Both Selena and Benny understand the significance of transparency in their relationship, as they willingly discuss their feelings, insecurities, and intentions. Benny builds trust with Selena by encouraging her to express even the smallest doubts, while Selena reciprocates by supporting and loving him in return.
Maintain Connection With Boundaries and Routines During Separation
They acknowledge the necessity of establishing certain rituals and routines to stay connected. Benny, who knows that Selena appreciates affirmations and communications before bed, makes it a point to ensure these small but significant routines happen consistently. Moreover, they value independence, but also understand the importance of regular, loving interactions even if it's just a brief text or a call.
Selena and Benny Resolve Conflicts By Understanding Each Other's Perspectives
They emphasize understanding, seeking common ground in conflicts, and holding an ego-free commitment to the relationship.
Seeking Constructive Dialogue and Compromise
Selena and Benny have a unique approach to conflicts. They engage in discussions thoughtfully, ensuring that arguments lead to productive dialogue rather than heated exchanges. They lean into each other's strengths and converse in a way t ...
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Approaches to a Healthy, Communicative, and Supportive Partnership
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Counterarguments
- While honest communication is important, it can sometimes be difficult to achieve full transparency without causing unintended hurt or misunderstandings, especially in a long-distance relationship where tone and context can be lost in text-based communication.
- Openly communicating needs and insecurities is valuable, but it's also important to have the ability to self-soothe and manage one's own emotions without relying solely on a partner, as constant reassurance can become burdensome.
- Rituals and routines can help maintain a connection, but they can also become monotonous or feel like an obligation over time, potentially leading to a decrease in spontaneity and excitement in the relationship.
- Valuing independence is crucial, but too much emphasis on independence might lead to a lack of interdependence, which is also a key component of a strong partnership.
- Seeking common ground is a good strategy for resolving conflicts, but it's also important to recognize that some issues may not have a middle ground and may require more significant compromises or changes.
- Constructive dialogue and compromise are important, but there can be situations where compromise isn't possible or one partner's needs might be more pressing, requiring a different approach to conflict resolution.
- An ego-free commitment is ideal, but it's natural for individuals to have moments of pride or defensiveness, and expecting a completely ego-free relationship might be unrealistic.
- Prioritizing understa ...
Actionables
- You can create a "relationship roadmap" with your partner to outline your communication goals and methods, ensuring you're both on the same page. Start by sitting down together, either in person or via a video call, and draft a document that details how you'll approach communication. Include sections on frequency of check-ins, preferred platforms for different types of conversations (e.g., text for quick updates, video calls for deeper discussions), and strategies for expressing needs and resolving conflicts. This roadmap can serve as a living document that you both refer to and update as your relationship evolves.
- Develop a "rituals jar" where you and your partner each write down rituals or routines you'd like to share, fold them, and place them in a jar. Whenever you feel the need to strengthen your connection, pick a ritual from the jar and commit to practicing it together for a set period. These could range from watching the same movie simultaneously while on a call, to reading a book aloud to each other, or even cooking the same meal in your respective kitchens. This practice helps maintain a sense of shared experience and routine, despite the dista ...
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Collaboration and Personal Insights Through Creativity
Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's collaborative album process reveals a deep exploration of their relationship and personal experiences. Through the act of creation, they unpacked emotions and strengthened their bond, ultimately creating a time capsule of their lives intended to be shared with future generations.
Selena and Benny's Album Explored Their Relationship and Experiences
Therapeutic Creativity: Sharing Vulnerabilities and Unpacking Emotions
The creative process for Benny and Selena serves as a form of therapeutic creativity. By sharing vulnerabilities and unpacking emotions, they fortify their emotional connection. Benny Blanco describes it akin to therapy, as they transform personal dreams and conversations into songs. This reciprocity appears to be a profound and therapeutic interaction that strengthens their bond.
Working Together Strengthened Their Bond and Understanding
The partnership in creation allowed them to spend more time together and get to know each other on a much deeper level. Unlike Selena Gomez's usual solo recording sessions, her collaboration with Benny Blanco in their home provided a safe space which fostered openness and intimacy. This unique interaction via their shared creative pursuits led to a deeper understanding and appreciation between the two artists.
Album Explores Benny's Past Relationships and Selena's Journey
Collaborative Album-Making Enabled Selena and Benny to Gain New Insights About Each Other
The album features songs about Benny's past relationships and Selena's personal journey. The collaborative nature of the album-making process has allowed them to discuss and express these emotions, bringing them c ...
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Collaboration and Personal Insights Through Creativity
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Actionables
- Start a collaborative journal with a friend to explore your relationship and personal experiences. Choose a friend with whom you'd like to deepen your connection and propose a shared journal where you both write entries about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This can be a physical notebook that you pass back and forth or a digital document that you both contribute to regularly. The act of writing and sharing will help you unpack emotions and strengthen your bond, similar to how songwriting did for the artists.
- Create a personal soundtrack that reflects your current life chapter. Think about the events, emotions, and experiences that define your life right now. Select or create songs that resonate with these elements and compile them into a playlist. This personal soundtrack can serve as an auditory snapshot of your life, capturing the essence of your current experiences and emotions, much like the album did for the artis ...
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