Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?

The public often assumes that men are less attracted to women who are successful and ambitious, but recent discussions and studies offer a more complex picture.

Some men may feel threatened or insecure when dating a successful, ambitious woman

Traditional gender roles have conditioned some men to feel they need to be the primary breadwinner and more successful than their partner

Traditional gender roles have conditioned some men to strive to be the primary breadwinners of the family, as noted by Jay Shetty. This social expectation has historically put pressure on men to surpass their partners in success and earnings, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy when faced with successful women.

A successful woman can serve as a reminder of a man's own perceived inadequacies, leading to feelings of insecurity

Moreover, feelings of insecurity may arise in men who view a woman's success as a reminder of their own perceived shortcomings. Shetty shares an anecdote of a friend who experienced a man feeling intimidated by her ambition, despite her never expecting him to match it. The man admitted to feeling threatened and lacking in drive in comparison to her. Shetty acknowledges that for some men, encountering women who exhibit qualities such as motivation, discipline, drive, and enthusiasm they themselves lack can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy.

In fact, a study of 105 men revealed that although the participants expressed attraction to a woman who outperformed them on an intelligence test, they hesitated to meet her in person, indicating a disconnect between attraction and action. Shetty suggests that jealousy, envy, and competition can emerge when there is a disparity in success between partners, which can lead to feelings of insecurity.

The "Clooney effect" suggests many men are attracted to smart, confident, and successful women

Studies show that the majority of men desire intelligent, accomplished, and self-assured partners

Conversely, Jay Shetty discusses the "Clooney effect" – based on George Clooney marrying the highly intelligent and successful human rights lawyer Amal Clooney – which challenges the notion that men are deterred by su ...

Jay Shetty and others raise an important conversation about how societal expectations and male insecurities can influence the dynamics of relationships, particularly when it involves successful women.

Traditional gender roles have conditioned many men to feel pressure to be the primary provider and more successful than their partner

Societal norms have long expected men to be the primary breadwinners in a relationship, leading to pressures that make some men feel uneasy about dating women who are more ambitious or professionally accomplished. Shetty shares an anecdote about a young man who felt intimidated by a woman’s drive, highlighting how these traditional roles can impact modern relationships.

This can lead some men to feel threatened by a more ambitious or accomplished female partner

The male ego, shaped by societal benchmarks, can be delicate in the face of successful women. The young man mentioned in Shetty's story not only felt intimidated but was constantly reminded by his partner of her greater achievements, exacerbating his insecurities.

Male insecurities and a need to maintain a sense of superiority may cause some men to be less attracted to successful women

Shetty elaborates on the internal conflicts some men face when confronted with a partner's success. Their need to maintain a sense of superiority can affect their attraction to successful women. This fear of being outshined or the potential to feel inadequate in comparison can be significant factors in how men perceive ambitious women in the dating world.

Fears of being outshined or overshadowed by a partner's achievements can fuel this dynamic

Further discussing these insecurities, Shetty reveals a scenario where a successful founder openly preferred the idea of an ambitious homemaker rather than a woman with her own considerable drive. This perspective such showcases how fears of being eclipsed by a partner’s achievements reinforce these dynamics.

The pace of societal change has not always matched the shifting realities of women's edu ...

Shetty underscores the critical role that mutual support and respect for individual growth play in successful, healthy relationships.

Successful relationships require mutual respect, support, and a willingness to see each other grow

In his discussions, Shetty criticizes the notion of someone diminishing their ambition to be more appealing to a partner. He points out that trying to change or lessen one's drive to meet someone else's expectations is unlikely to lead to a healthy, fulfilling partnership. Maintaining balance is key, where neither partner feels threatened by the other’s success, nor do they wish simply to "bask in their glory." Partners should be enthusiastic about each other’s successes and willingly adapt to support one another's growth.

Shetty's conversation touches upon the idea of both partners understanding and pursuing their goals, drawing from his book "Eight Rules of Love," which emphasizes finding purpose and helping one's partner do the same.

The ideal partner is someone who allows you to be your best self, not someone who is threatened by your success or wants to "bask in your glory"

Shetty suggests that the narrative implying women should be less driven to attract a partner is fundamentally unhealthy. He emphasizes that a successful relationship is not about feeling insecure but about celebrating each other's success. A truly supportive partner is one who cheers on your achievements and encourages you to pursue your goals.

He also explains that it's vital to find a partner who is supportive but not overshadowed by one’s ...