Can People Really Change? 3 Signs Someone Will Change
In this episode of the On Purpose podcast with Jay Shetty, the discussion explores whether people can truly change. Jay Shetty delves into the complex nature of personal transformation, explaining that deeply ingrained personality traits can be challenging to alter, and the process often involves oscillation before new behaviors fully integrate.
Shetty emphasizes that meaningful change requires accountability, commitment, and intrinsic motivation. He highlights the role external factors like one's community and support system play in facilitating or hindering personal growth. The episode offers insights into the journey of change, underscoring the importance of self-reflection, collaboration, and surrounding oneself with an encouraging environment.
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1-Page Summary
The nature and timeline of personal change
Personality traits exhibit complex change patterns over time
According to Jay Shetty, deeply rooted personality traits like introversion/extroversion are challenging to alter. The journey from an old self to a new self often involves oscillating back-and-forth before new behaviors fully integrate, taking significant time and effort.
Forming new habits takes around 66 days on average
Studies show forming a new habit can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days, with an average of 66 days. Adapting to broader life changes requires around 90 days, while societal changes take decades to become normalized.
The role of accountability, motivation, and commitment
True change requires accountability and commitment
Shetty highlights the difference between acknowledging the need for change and taking full accountability. Accountability involves understanding root causes and how one's actions impact others. Without genuine commitment, outward changes may be superficial.
Change is lasting when intrinsically motivated
According to Shetty, meaningful change occurs when individuals intrinsically desire it, not from external pressure. Enduring transformation happens at one's own pace when they actively want and feel the need for change.
Influence of external factors on ability to change
Community norms and support systems impact change
Shetty explains how an individual's social circle and community can facilitate or hinder change, as peer norms and expectations play a role. Deeply held cultural beliefs can resist evolution.
A supportive network encourages personal growth
Shetty emphasizes the difficulty of changing alone. Surrounding oneself with a network that encourages and reinforces positive change greatly enhances the likelihood of successful transformation.
Self-reflection enables collaborative growth
Shetty advocates reflecting on one's own need for change, in addition to supporting others. This acknowledgment can create a collaborative environment for mutual personal growth.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Societal changes take decades to become normalized because they involve shifting deeply ingrained cultural beliefs, norms, and practices across a large population. These changes require time for widespread acceptance, adaptation, and integration into the fabric of society. The process is gradual as it involves influencing collective mindsets, behaviors, and institutions over an extended period. External factors such as historical context, generational shifts, and resistance to change can also influence the pace at which societal changes are embraced and normalized.
- Intrinsic motivation is the drive that comes from within an individual, based on personal satisfaction and enjoyment of an activity. When someone is intrinsically motivated to change, it means they genuinely want to change for themselves, not due to external pressures or rewards. This type of motivation leads to lasting change as it stems from personal values and desires, making the transformation more meaningful and sustainable.
- Community norms and peer expectations can either support or hinder personal change. Social circles and communities influence individuals through shared beliefs and behaviors. Peer pressure and societal expectations can impact an individual's willingness to change. Deeply ingrained cultural norms may create resistance to personal evolution.
- Self-reflection enabling collaborative growth means that by reflecting on your own need for change and personal development, you can create an environment that encourages others to do the same. This process involves introspection to understand your own growth areas and then sharing this insight with others to foster mutual improvement. It emphasizes the idea that personal growth is not just an individual journey but can be enhanced through shared reflection and support within a community or network. This approach promotes a culture of openness, learning, and collective advancement towards common goals.
Counterarguments
- While personality traits can be stable, they are not immutable; research suggests that significant life events and intentional interventions can lead to changes in personality traits.
- The 66-day average for habit formation is a generalization; individual differences mean that some people may require more or less time to form new habits.
- Societal changes can sometimes occur rapidly due to technological advances, crises, or significant events, challenging the idea that they always take decades to normalize.
- Accountability and commitment are important, but change can also occur through spontaneous realization or epiphanies without a prolonged process of accountability.
- External factors such as laws, regulations, and incentives can also lead to lasting change, suggesting that intrinsic motivation is not the only pathway to enduring transformation.
- While community norms and support systems are influential, individuals can and do change in spite of these, sometimes acting as catalysts for change within their communities.
- The idea that a supportive network is necessary for successful transformation may overlook the capacity for self-reliance and the potential for growth in solitude or in non-supportive environments.
- Self-reflection is valuable, but it is not the only method for achieving collaborative growth; sometimes, external feedback or confrontation can also lead to mutual personal development.
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The nature and timeline of personal change
The journey of personal change is intricate and unfolds over various timelines, depending on the nature of change—one's personality traits or one's habits.
Personality traits and behaviors are deeply rooted and exhibit complex patterns of change over time.
Research indicates that personality development involves a dynamic interplay of factors, including genetics, life events, and social relationships, rather than being a simple, linear progression. Personality traits like extroversion/introversion or emotional availability are deeply embedded and can be challenging to alter.
Jay Shetty reflects on how our deeply ingrained values, shaped by upbringing, don't change straightforwardly when confronted with different perspectives. He talks about the complex journey from an old self to a new self. This transition often involves a back-and-forth oscillation before any permanent change takes hold. People may revert to former behaviors multiple times before the new behavior is fully integrated.
Changing core personality traits, such as introversion/extroversion or emotional availability, is often a prolonged and challenging process.
Shetty also denotes that behaviors can be learned and unlearned, but this takes significant time and effort. It's not easy to eschew lifetimes of established habits and beliefs, even with new insights gained during therapy. He likens such transformation to a rigorous undertaking that requires dedication and likely numerous attempts.
Forming new habits can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days, with an average of 66 days.
The process of forming a new habit varies considerably. According to studies, it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a habit, with an average of around 66 days. The adaptation period significantly ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The nature and timeline of personal change
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Personal change is a complex process that involves transforming aspects of oneself, such as personality traits and habits. These changes occur over varying timelines depending on what is being altered. Personality traits, deeply ingrained and influenced by genetics and life experiences, can take a long time to change, while forming new habits can range from a few weeks to several months. Adapting to broader life changes and societal shifts also require different durations for individuals and communities to fully integrate and normalize these changes.
- Personality development involves a complex interplay of various factors like genetics, life experiences, and social interactions. These elements interact dynamically over time, shaping an individual's personality traits and behaviors. Genetics provide a foundation, while life events and social relationships influence how these traits manifest and evolve. This interplay results in a unique and intricate development process for each person.
- Deeply ingrained values are beliefs and principles that have been internalized over time, often from childhood or through significant life experiences. These values become a core part of a person's identity and guide their thoughts, behaviors, and decision-making processes. Due to their deep-rooted nature, changing these values can be challenging and may require significant effort, introspection, and time to unlearn old beliefs and adopt new ones. This resistance to change is influenced by various factors, including emotional attachment, cognitive biases, and the reinforcement of these values through consistent thoughts and actions.
- In the process of personal change, the back-and-forth oscillation refers to the tendency for individuals to revert to their old behaviors multiple times before new behaviors become permanent. This oscillation is a common part of the transition from an old self to a new self, involving a series of shifts and adjustments. It signifies the challenges and complexities involved in changing deeply ingrained habits or traits. This pattern highlights that change is often not a linear progression but a dynamic journey with ups and downs.
- Changing core personality traits, such as introversion/extroversion or emotional availability, is challenging due to their deep-rooted nature and complex interplay of factors like genetics, life events, and social influences. These traits are ingrained over time and can be resistant to change, often requiring a prolonged and dedicated effort to modify. Transformation involves a back-and-forth process with potential relapses before new behaviors become permanent. It's a complex journey that demands patience, self-awareness, and persistence to navigate successfully.
- Learning and unlearning behaviors is a complex process that involves changing established habits and beliefs. It requires significant time and effort due to the deep-rooted nature of these behaviors. Transforming behaviors often involves multiple attempts and a dedicated commitment to chan ...
Counterarguments
- The timeline for changing personality traits and habits is highly variable and can be influenced by numerous factors, so the ranges provided (e.g., 18 to 254 days for habits) may not be applicable to everyone.
- Some research suggests that under certain circumstances, personality traits can change more rapidly and profoundly than previously thought, especially in response to life-altering events or interventions.
- The idea that forming new habits takes an average of 66 days is based on one study and may not reflect the full spectrum of habit formation research; other studies have found different averages.
- The assertion that adapting to broader life changes takes around 90 days is a generalization and may not account for the diversity of individual experiences and the complexity of life changes.
- Societal-level changes can sometimes occur more rapidly than decades, especially in the context of technological advancements, policy changes, or significant events that catalyze social transformation.
- The process of change can so ...
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The role of accountability, motivation, and commitment in the change process
Jay Shetty provides insight into the differences between simply recognizing the need for change and fully embracing the accountability, motivation, and commitment required for meaningful transformation.
Acknowledging the need for change is distinct from taking full accountability for one's actions and their impact on others.
Shetty emphasizes that while acknowledging the need for change is a start, it's the willingness to do the work that truly counts. He expands on accountability, stating that it involves a deeper understanding of both the issue at hand and its root causes. Moreover, accountable individuals can articulate how their actions affect others, which behaviors require modification, and explain why the change is necessary.
Without a genuine personal commitment to change, any outward changes may be superficial and short-lived.
Shetty implies that without genuine motivation, there is no real commitment to the process of changing. He remarks that simply stating an intention to change, without a real dedication or the necessary actions to follow, is ineffective. Real change requires consistency in correcting one's behavior along with self-awareness in recognizing which old traits need transformation.
Shetty also underscores that it's easier to point out where others should improve rather than focusing on oneself. He challenges individuals to put as much effort into their own change as they expect from others, noting that without a sincere personal commitment to change, any progress may only be superficial or ephemeral.
Meaningful change is more likely to occur when an individual intrinsically desires and feels the need for change, rather ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The role of accountability, motivation, and commitment in the change process
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Intrinsic motivation for change is the internal drive and desire within an individual to transform or improve without external pressure or rewards. It stems from personal beliefs, values, and a genuine need for change, rather than being influenced by outside factors. When someone is intrinsically motivated to change, they are self-driven and committed to the process because they genuinely want to evolve for their own reasons, not due to external demands or incentives. This type of motivation is often more sustainable and leads to lasting transformation as it comes from within the individual's own convictions and aspirations.
- When someone acknowledges the need for change, they recognize that a change is necessary. However, taking full accountability goes beyond acknowledgment; it involves understanding the impact of one's actions, accepting responsibility for them, and being willing to make the necessary changes. Acknowledgment is the first step, while accountability requires a deeper level of introspection and commitment to address the root causes of the issue.
- Self-awareness in the change process is crucial as it involves understanding one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It enables individuals to recognize their strengths, weaknesses, and areas for improvement. By being self-aware, individuals can identify patterns that hinder their progress and make conscious efforts to change them. Ultimately, self-awareness empowers individuals to make meaningful and lasting ch ...
Counterarguments
- While intrinsic motivation is crucial, external factors such as supportive environments, mentors, and societal structures can significantly facilitate the change process.
- Accountability might sometimes be hindered by psychological factors or a lack of resources, suggesting that individuals may need external support to fully comprehend and address their behaviors.
- The concept of genuine commitment could be seen as overly idealistic, as people often engage in a process of trial and error, with varying levels of commitment over time.
- Change can sometimes be initiated by external pressures or obligations, such as legal requirements or professional standards, which can lead to genuine internal transformation over time.
- Focusing on others' improvements isn't always negative; it can provide valuable insights and benchmarks for one's own growth.
- The idea that you can't force someone to change overlooks the complexity of human behavior and the fact that people often change due ...
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The influence of external factors (relationships, community, environment) on an individual's ability to change
External factors like relationships, community, and environment are pivotal in shaping an individual's capacity for change. Shetty elaborates on how one's social circle and the wider community have profound influence on personal growth and transformation.
An individual's social circle and community can either facilitate or hinder their ability to change, as peer norms and expectations play a significant role.
Shetty talks about the restrictive impact of a community clinging to outdated beliefs and the ways in which such an environment can impede an individual's efforts to evolve. In his example about his Indian community, certain societal perceptions and expectations create barriers to personal development, particularly when those perceptions revolve around relationships and the benchmark of what constitutes a successful marriage.
Deeply held community values and cultural beliefs can be resistant to change, even when an individual recognizes the need for personal growth.
The example of spouses being expected to attend events together highlights how ingrained cultural beliefs can resist evolution, demonstrating that deeply held community values are not easily shifted.
Surrounding oneself with a supportive network that encourages and reinforces positive changes can greatly enhance the likelihood of successful transformation.
Shetty underscores the difficulty an individual may encounter when trying to change if only one person around them recognizes the benefits of that change. This indicates the significant impact of having a supportive network that encourages and positively reinforces personal growth efforts.
Acknowledging and addressing one's own need for change, in addition to supporting others, can create a more collaborative and mutually beneficial environment for personal growth.
Shetty pushes for self-reflection and awareness within relationships. By suggesting that people shou ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The influence of external factors (relationships, community, environment) on an individual's ability to change
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- In the context of Indian community perceptions and expectations, the example highlights how societal views on relationships and marriage can create barriers to personal growth. The text suggests that certain cultural beliefs within the Indian community can resist change, particularly in areas like the expectations around spousal attendance at events. This resistance to change can make personal development challenging within such cultural contexts.
- Peer norms are the unwritten rules and expectations within a social group that influence individual behavior and choices. These norms can either support or hinder personal growth depending on whether they align with positive change or maintain the status quo. Peer norms shape how individuals perceive change, affecting their willingness to evolve based on the acceptance or rejection of new ideas within their social circles. Understanding and navigating peer norms is crucial for individuals seeking personal growth as they can either provide a supportive environment for change or create barriers to transformation.
- Deeply held community values often stem from long-standing traditions, cultural norms, and shared beliefs within a society. These values can act as a form of social glue, providing stability and identity to a community. When faced with the prospect of change, these values may be resistant due to their ingrained nature and the fear of losing cultural identity or cohesion. This resistance can manifest in various ways, such as reluctance to adopt new practices or skepticism towards ideas that challenge established beliefs.
- Self-reflection and mutual growth in relationships are essential for personal development. Self-reflection involves introspection and understanding one's own strengths and weaknesses. Mutual ...
Counterarguments
- While external factors are influential, the role of individual agency and intrinsic motivation in personal change should not be underestimated.
- Some individuals may thrive on autonomy and may find that too much reliance on social circles or community can actually stifle their personal growth.
- The idea that peer norms and expectations significantly influence personal growth can be challenged by the notion that individuals can critically evaluate and choose which influences to accept or reject.
- It's possible to argue that deeply held community values and cultural beliefs are not inherently resistant to change but may evolve in subtle and complex ways that are not immediately apparent.
- The emphasis on surrounding oneself with a supportive network might overlook the potential benefits of encountering and overcoming resistance or adversity in fostering resilience and personal growth.
- The concept of a collaborative environment for personal growth may not always be feasible or effective, as some individuals may require more independent or self-directed approaches to change.
- Self-reflection and awareness are important, but overemphasis on these aspects can lead to excessive int ...
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