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How To Master Your Emotions in 90 Seconds & Save Yourself From Regret

By iHeartPodcasts

In this episode of the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast, Shetty explains the powerful technique of the 90-second rule. He highlights the importance of pausing for 90 seconds before responding in stressful situations, allowing our physiological stress response to subside. This enables us to respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting impulsively and regretting our words or actions.

Shetty provides practical strategies for implementing the 90-second rule, such as setting a timer, breathing deeply, and simply observing our emotions without acting on them. He also sheds light on the psychological and neurological basis behind this technique, grounded in scientific research on how our emotions operate.

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How To Master Your Emotions in 90 Seconds & Save Yourself From Regret

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How To Master Your Emotions in 90 Seconds & Save Yourself From Regret

1-Page Summary

The 90-second rule and why it's important for responding thoughtfully

Jay Shetty highlights the significance of the 90-second rule, a technique for fostering "response ability" in stressful situations by pausing before reacting. This allows emotions triggered by stimuli like emails or surprises to subside, enabling more intentional responses.

Mastering the rule can improve handling challenges

Failing to pause often leads to regrettable actions driven by impulse. Shetty explains that pausing for 90 seconds prevents escalating the situation and saying things we don't mean. The 90 seconds allow us to take an "internal weather report"—feeling emotions without immediately acting on them.

Implementing the rule practically

Shetty recommends setting a 90-second timer during stressful moments to commit to the pause. Counting to 27 while taking deep breaths helps fill the time and calm the body and mind. Checking in on thoughts and feelings without acting lets us simply observe our emotional state.

Labeling specific emotions aids clarity

Labeling the specific emotion we feel, rather than generalizing it, prevents personalizing feelings and can offer better understanding, Shetty suggests.

The psychological and neurological basis

Studies show emotions like sadness last far longer than joy or anger. However, the physiological stress response naturally subsides within 90 seconds if we don't feed it. Observing emotions instead of reacting prevents them from taking hold in our bodies, Shetty explains.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Labeling specific emotions aids clarity by identifying and naming the exact emotion being experienced, rather than using broad terms. This practice helps individuals understand their feelings more precisely and can lead to better self-awareness and emotional regulation. By pinpointing specific emotions, individuals can address them more effectively and communicate their emotional state more clearly to others. This approach can enhance emotional intelligence and promote healthier responses to challenging situations.
  • The physiological stress response, triggered by the body's fight-or-flight mechanism, typically peaks within the first 90 seconds of a stressful event. If not prolonged by continued rumination or stress-inducing thoughts, the body's stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline start to decrease naturally after this initial peak. This decrease in stress hormones helps the body return to a more balanced state, reducing the intensity of the stress response over time. By not engaging in behaviors that sustain or exacerbate stress, the body can regulate itself back to a calmer state within a relatively short period.

Counterarguments

  • The 90-second rule may not be universally applicable, as different individuals may require more or less time to process their emotions effectively.
  • Some situations may demand immediate responses, and taking a 90-second pause could be impractical or even detrimental.
  • The effectiveness of the 90-second rule might vary depending on the context and severity of the stressor.
  • The rule assumes that individuals have the self-awareness and self-control to implement it consistently, which may not always be the case.
  • Labeling emotions could potentially lead to over-analysis or excessive self-focus, which might not be helpful for everyone.
  • The physiological basis of the 90-second rule may oversimplify the complexity of emotional responses and how they are influenced by personal history, temperament, and other factors.
  • Relying solely on the 90-second rule could prevent individuals from seeking more comprehensive strategies or professional help when dealing with chronic or intense emotional responses.

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How To Master Your Emotions in 90 Seconds & Save Yourself From Regret

The 90-second rule and why it's important for responding thoughtfully instead of reactively

Jay Shetty highlights the significance of the 90-second rule as a technique for fostering "response ability" in stressful situations, emphasizing the power we have in choosing our actions thoughtfully.

The 90-second window provides a crucial pause between stimulus and response, allowing us to choose our actions instead of impulsively reacting

Shetty discusses Jill Bolte Taylor's concept of "response ability," which focuses on our capacity to choose our responses to external events, leading us to act more in alignment with our true selves. He explains that the 90-second timeframe corresponds to the physiological process in our body, where stress-induced chemical reactions dissipate naturally without influencing our behavior, preventing us from escalating the situation. Reacting immediately to stimuli like emails or surprises often leads to regret. In contrast, pausing for 90 seconds allows emotions to subside, thus enabling a response that is more intentional and constructive.

Mastering the 90-second rule can significantly improve our ability to handle challenges and emotional triggers in a healthier way

Pausing for 90 seconds prevents us from making rash decisions that can harm relationships or result in long-term consequences. Shetty illustrates this concept with the example of nearly having a car accident, where immediate anger might lead to regrettable actions if not checked by a conscious pause. He encourages listeners to take a moment for an internal weather report—feeling an emotion without acting on it right away. Deep breaths during these 90 seconds help the chemicals and feelings pass and can be the difference between saying something mean or saying what you truly mean.

Shetty suggests that failing to wait for this window can lead to damaging relationships or regrettable actions. Applying the 90-seco ...

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The 90-second rule and why it's important for responding thoughtfully instead of reactively

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Jill Bolte Taylor's concept of "response ability" emphasizes our capacity to choose how we respond to external events, highlighting the power we have in shaping our reactions consciously. It focuses on the idea that we can cultivate the ability to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively in various situations. Taylor's concept underscores the importance of taking control of our responses, enabling us to act in alignment with our values and true selves. By practicing "response ability," individuals can navigate challenges more effectively and maintain healthier relationships through intentional and constructive actions.
  • When we experience stress, our body releases chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline. The 90-second rule suggests that if we pause for 90 seconds, these stress-induced chemicals naturally dissipate. This pause allows our body to return to a calmer state before we respond to a situation, helping us avoid impulsive reactions driven by heightened emotions. This process ...

Counterarguments

  • The 90-second rule assumes a one-size-fits-all timeframe for emotional processing, which may not be accurate for everyone.
  • Some situations may require immediate action or response, where a 90-second delay could be impractical or even harmful.
  • The effectiveness of the 90-second rule may vary depending on the individual's emotional regulation skills and the context of the situation.
  • Relying solely on a timed pause may not address underlying issues that cause reactive behavior, such as stress, anxiety, or trauma.
  • The rule could potentially be misused as a form of avoidance, where an individual delays response indefinitely rather than dealing with the issue at hand.
  • In some interpersonal situations, taking a 90-second pause might be misinterpreted as disinterest or avoidance, po ...

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How To Master Your Emotions in 90 Seconds & Save Yourself From Regret

Practical implementation of the 90-second rule, such as using a timer and deep breathing

The 90-second rule is a powerful technique to manage stress and emotional reactions. Implementing this rule effectively can assist individuals in avoiding an immediate escalation of stress and instead, provide a space to understand and regulate their emotions.

Using a timer to visually track the 90-second countdown can help us commit to the pause and not get drawn into further emotional escalation

Shetty emphasizes the value of setting a timer for 90 seconds during stressful moments. The act of watching the countdown serves a similar purpose as maintaining a plank position during a workout—it commits us to a pause and helps to avoid extending our overwhelm, anxiety, or stress by taking impulsive actions such as making a call or sending a text.

Counting to 27 while taking deep breaths is an effective way to fill the 90-second interval and physiologically calm the body and mind

To occupy these crucial seconds, Shetty recommends taking deep breaths and counting to 27. This not only helps in filling the time but also serves to calm both the body and mind physiologically. By gaining greater awareness of our true emotional state through this practice, we can develop a stronger ability to cope with unexpected situations and emotional triggers.

Checking in with our internal "weather report" - noticing thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations - allows us to observe our emotional state without immediately acting on it

Shetty proposes the use of an "internal weather report" to further this self-awareness. This means checking in with what we're thinking and feeling while re ...

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Practical implementation of the 90-second rule, such as using a timer and deep breathing

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • The 90-second rule is a concept that suggests emotions typically last for about 90 seconds in the body. By being aware of this, individuals can choose how to respond to their emotions rather than reacting impulsively. Implementing techniques like deep breathing and mindfulness during this brief window can help regulate emotional responses effectively. This rule encourages individuals to pause, observe their emotions without judgment, and consciously decide how to act in response to them.
  • Counting to 27 while taking deep breaths is a technique that helps individuals focus on their breath and create a pause in stressful situations. This practice allows for a deliberate and controlled breathing pattern, which can help calm the mind and body. By combining deep breathing with a specific count, individuals can effectively manage their emotions and reactions within the 90-second timeframe. This method aims to promote mindfulness and self-awareness during moments of stress or emotional intensity.
  • The internal "weather report" technique involves checking in with your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without immediate reaction. It's akin to observing your emotional state like a weather forecast, allowing you to understand and acknowledge your internal landscape. This practice promotes self-awareness by encouraging mindfulness of your current emotional and mental state, helping you avoid impulsive reactions. By metaphorically comparing your internal state to weather patterns, you c ...

Counterarguments

  • The 90-second rule may not be sufficient for everyone, as individuals have different emotional processing times and some situations may require more time to calm down.
  • Using a timer might increase anxiety for some individuals, as it can add pressure to the situation and make them feel rushed to calm down.
  • Counting to 27 while taking deep breaths may not be practical in all environments or situations, such as in a public or professional setting where deep breathing might draw unwanted attention.
  • The effectiveness of deep breathing is subjective and may not work for everyone; some people might find other techniques like mindfulness or distraction more effective.
  • The concept of an internal "weather report" requires a level of self-awareness that not everyone may possess, and it may be challenging for individuals to accurately assess their emotional state without guidance.
  • Labeling emotions could potentially lead to over-analysis or excessive introspection, which might not be helpful for everyone and could even exacerbate stress for some.
  • The advice assumes that i ...

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How To Master Your Emotions in 90 Seconds & Save Yourself From Regret

The psychological and neurological basis for the 90-second rule and how emotions dissipate over time

Emotional research has revealed that different emotions have varying durations, with sadness lasting notably longer than other feelings such as joy or anger. This discrepancy has led to the suggestion that we may have a predilection for dwelling on and amplifying negative experiences, rather than maintaining a balanced focus on our positive and negative emotions.

Research shows that different emotions vary widely in their typical duration, with sadness lasting significantly longer than other feelings

Studies have found that sadness can outlast other emotions by a staggering 240 times. This elongation is thought to be due to the significance of events that trigger sadness, combined with an individual’s tendency to ruminate on the feelings and the consequences associated with the triggering event.

When we experience a stressful event, our body releases adrenaline and other chemicals to prepare for action, but these physiological changes naturally subside within about 90 seconds if we don't continue to feed the emotion

Shetty explains that when faced with a stressful circumstance, our bodies respond by releasing adrenaline and other chemicals, preparing us for action. However, these physiological changes have a natural lifespan of about 90 seconds, after which they begin to fade, assuming they're not reignited by ongoing emotional responses. This emphasizes the importance of not overreacting within ...

Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary

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The psychological and neurological basis for the 90-second rule and how emotions dissipate over time

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • The "90-second rule" for emotions suggests that when we experience a strong emotion triggered by a stressful event, our body's physiological response peaks within 90 seconds and then naturally starts to subside. By not feeding into the emotion further through continued thoughts or actions, we allow the emotion to dissipate on its own. This concept emphasizes the importance of observing our emotions without immediate reaction, giving our bodies the chance to process and release the emotional response within this brief timeframe. Following this rule can help prevent prolonged emotional distress and promote a more balanced emotional state.
  • When we encounter a stressful situation, our body releases adrenaline and other chemicals as part of the fight-or-flight response. These chemicals prepare us for action by increasing heart rate, boosting energy levels, and sharpening focus. The physiological changes triggered by these stress hormones typically last around 90 seconds before naturally subsiding, unless perpetuated by continued emotional responses. This automatic response is a survival mechanism designed to help us react qu ...

Counterarguments

  • The duration of emotions is highly subjective and can vary greatly among individuals, so the assertion that sadness lasts 240 times longer than other emotions may not be universally applicable.
  • The 90-second rule may oversimplify the complexity of human emotional processing and not account for the depth and persistence of emotions in response to trauma or deep-seated issues.
  • The idea that physiological changes subside within 90 seconds does not consider the possibility of prolonged physiological responses due to chronic stress or anxiety disorders.
  • The suggestion to observe emotions rather than act on them might not be suitable for all situations, especially those requiring immediate action or where emotional responses are appropriate and necessary.
  • The concept of preventing emotions from taking hold in the body seems to imply a level of control that may not be possible or healthy for everyone, as experiencing and expressing emotions is a nat ...

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