Podcasts > On Purpose with Jay Shetty > 12 Hard Lessons I Learned In The Last 12 Months - Birthday Special

12 Hard Lessons I Learned In The Last 12 Months - Birthday Special

By iHeartPodcasts

In this episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty, Jay reflects on valuable lessons he's learned over the past year about personal growth and living with purpose. He explores how our present circumstances often stem from past actions and choices, emphasizing the importance of taking responsibility and sowing positive seeds to cultivate a fulfilling future.

Jay also discusses protecting one's purpose from external judgment, prioritizing growth over rigid goals, and expressing gratitude to often-overlooked supporters. Additionally, he shares insight on reframing obstacles as opportunities, taking action rather than waiting for perfect conditions, letting go gracefully, and cultivating qualities beyond love alone to build lasting relationships.

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12 Hard Lessons I Learned In The Last 12 Months - Birthday Special

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12 Hard Lessons I Learned In The Last 12 Months - Birthday Special

1-Page Summary

Karma and Reaping What You Sow

According to Jay Shetty, our present experiences often arise from the "seeds" we planted through our past actions and choices, whether positive or negative. He advises focusing on sowing positive seeds now to cultivate favorable outcomes, rather than dwelling on current difficulties stemming from past missteps.

Accepting Personal Responsibility

Shetty encourages taking responsibility for one's circumstances by recognizing they frequently result from past behavior and choices, not just external factors. Tracing the "roots" of today's challenges to their origins can inform better decisions going forward.

Protecting Your Purpose from Envy and Judgment

Handling Envy with Compassion

Shetty notes that uncontrolled envy can erode character, leading people to act harmfully toward others experiencing success. He advises responding to envy with compassion and love.

Safeguarding Your Purpose

Shetty emphasizes the importance of protecting your life's purpose from being derailed by others' negative judgments or expectations. One must commit to their values without seeking external validation.

Prioritizing Growth Over Goals

The Key to Achieving Dreams

While many set ambitious goals, Shetty states that those who achieve their dreams focus on consistent personal growth over just pursuing targets. Embracing challenges as growth opportunities, not obstacles, is crucial for sustained success.

Appreciating Unsung Support

Shetty highlights expressing gratitude to the often-overlooked individuals - the "in-betweeners" - who provide valuable assistance through introductions or unexpected help along one's journey. He also encourages an attitude of receptivity to guidance from unlikely sources.

Reframing Obstacles as Opportunities

According to Shetty, facing challenges should be viewed as invitations for personal growth and evolution, not just problems to overcome. He suggests reflecting on how obstacles may push the development of new skills and perspectives.

Taking Action, Not Just Waiting

Shetty cautions against passively waiting for perfect opportunities that may never arise. Instead, he advises taking incremental steps or bold risks when needed to make progress, even if conditions aren't ideal.

Letting Go Gracefully

While wishing others well, Shetty says one should avoid bitterness toward those who feel "left behind" by one's personal growth. He recommends focusing energy on those willing to evolve alongside you.

Beyond Love Alone

Shetty emphasizes that love itself is insufficient for sustaining healthy relationships and personal growth. Developing qualities like emotional intelligence and communication skills enhances one's capacity for genuine, lasting love.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • The concept of karma is not universally accepted and can be seen as oversimplifying the complexity of life's events, which are often influenced by a mix of personal choices, chance, and the actions of others.
  • Positive intentions do not always lead to favorable outcomes due to factors beyond one's control, such as socio-economic conditions, natural disasters, or the actions of others.
  • While personal responsibility is important, it can be overly simplistic to attribute all circumstances to past behavior, as this perspective may overlook systemic issues and external factors that can heavily influence an individual's situation.
  • Compassion is an ideal response to envy, but it may not always be practical or effective in addressing the root causes of envy, such as inequality or personal insecurities.
  • Protecting one's purpose from negative judgments is important, but feedback from others can sometimes be constructive and lead to personal growth and better outcomes.
  • Focusing solely on personal growth can sometimes lead to neglecting specific goals or responsibilities that require attention and action.
  • While expressing gratitude is valuable, it is also important to recognize that some individuals may contribute to one's success out of self-interest or for mutual benefit, rather than altruism.
  • Viewing obstacles as opportunities is a positive mindset, but it is also valid to acknowledge and address the real hardships and suffering that challenges can cause.
  • Taking action is generally positive, but sometimes patience and strategic waiting can yield better opportunities and outcomes than hasty actions.
  • Letting go gracefully is a noble approach, but it is also important to address and resolve conflicts or misunderstandings that may arise during personal growth to maintain healthy relationships.
  • While love alone may not sustain relationships, it is a fundamental component that, when combined with respect and mutual understanding, can be the foundation for addressing and overcoming other deficiencies in a relationship.

Actionables

  • Create a "Seed Journal" to track daily positive actions and their outcomes, helping you see the tangible effects of positive behavior over time. Start by jotting down one positive action you take each day and the immediate outcome, if any. Over weeks and months, review the journal to observe patterns and long-term results, reinforcing the idea that your current experiences are shaped by past actions.
  • Develop a "Compassion Response Plan" for when you feel envy, which includes writing a letter of admiration to the person you envy, without sending it, to transform feelings of envy into understanding and kindness. This exercise helps you articulate what you admire about the person and may reveal qualities or achievements you aspire to, turning envy into motivation for personal growth.
  • Initiate a "Gratitude Mapping" practice where you identify and write a personalized thank you note to someone who has quietly contributed to your life each month. This could be anyone from a helpful coworker to the barista who remembers your order. By expressing gratitude, you not only acknowledge their support but also strengthen your network of unsung supporters, which is crucial for achieving dreams and personal growth.

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12 Hard Lessons I Learned In The Last 12 Months - Birthday Special

Karma and the connection between past actions and present experiences

Jay Shetty discusses the concept of karma, stressing how our present experiences may be shaped by our past actions and choices.

The seeds you planted in the past, whether good or bad, will grow into the experiences you have in the present.

Shetty suggests that the seeds one has planted in the past grow into flowers or weeds in the present. He introduces karma as responsible for the results we experience today. Even when we believe we are currently doing everything right, unexpected negative events can originate from past negative actions, the weeds that were sown.

Rather than getting upset about the "weeds" in your life, focus on planting positive seeds that will blossom into favorable outcomes.

He advises focusing on positive actions now to address any negative outcomes experienced. Shetty uses the seed metaphor to encourage concentration on positive actions that will result in positive experiences. This perspective helps shift attention from negative outcomes to proactive cultivation of favorable ones.

Accept that your current circumstances are often the result of your past choices and actions, rather than blaming external factors.

Shetty talks about understanding that past behaviors or conversations may be the root of current reactions and experiences. By recognizing that today's challenges may stem from past actions, one ...

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Karma and the connection between past actions and present experiences

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Counterarguments

  • The concept of karma is not universally accepted and lacks empirical evidence, so attributing present experiences solely to past actions may be an oversimplification and not consider random chance or external factors beyond one's control.
  • The idea that all current circumstances are a result of past personal choices can be overly deterministic and ignore the complex interplay of societal, environmental, and genetic factors that also shape experiences.
  • Focusing exclusively on personal past actions as the cause of current challenges may lead to unnecessary guilt or self-blame, rather than a balanced understanding of various contributing factors.
  • The metaphor of seeds and their growth into present experiences is a simplification that may not adequately capture the unpredictability and non-linearity of life events.
  • The notion that understanding past actions leads to peace does not account for situations where individuals may not have the means or psychological capacity to process past traumas or actions c ...

Actionables

  • Create a 'seed journal' to track your daily actions and their potential future impacts. Start by jotting down the actions you take each day and consider what kind of 'seeds' they might be planting. For example, if you choose to skip a workout, note it down and reflect on how this might affect your future health. Conversely, if you help a friend in need, write that down as well and think about the positive relationships you're fostering for the future.
  • Develop a 'behavioral roadmap' to navigate from current challenges to desired outcomes. Begin by identifying a challenge you're facing and trace it back to past behaviors that may have contributed to it. Then, map out a series of small, positive behaviors that can lead you in a new direction. For instance, if you're struggling with work-life balance, look back at your past tendency to overcommit and start planning how you can set clearer boundaries moving forward.
  • Engage in 'retrospective meditation' to gain insight into how past actions ...

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Handling envy and protecting one's purpose from others' judgment

For some people, feelings of envy towards others' success or good fortune are uncontrollable and erode their character.

Jay Shetty remarks that envy can be a powerful and uncontrollable force that leads individuals to act in harmful ways towards others. Shetty advises that when faced with jealousy from others, one should respond with compassion and love. He understands that envy primarily erodes the character of the person who harbors it, and so cautions against allowing one's ego or resentment to grow in response to others' envy.

Protect your purpose and path in life from being derailed by the negative judgments or expectations of those around you.

Shetty emphasizes the importance of protecting your purpose in life from the expectations, judgments, criticism, and negativity of others which might lead you away from your true path. He remarks that purpose is inherent and needs safeguarding, as unshielded purpose becomes vulnerable, leading to deviation from one’s true self. He encourages listeners to reflect on which aspects of their identity or purpose they have left unprotected and to realize that by safeguarding one's aim, it in turn shields them.

Don't seek validation from others for doing the right thing - stay true to your values and purpose, even if others don't fully understand o ...

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Handling envy and protecting one's purpose from others' judgment

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Jay Shetty is a former monk turned motivational speaker and author known for blending ancient wisdom with modern insights. He often discusses topics like mindfulness, purpose, and personal development in his work. Shetty's teachings emphasize the importance of self-awareness, compassion, and living a purpose-driven life. His messages often revolve around finding inner peace, overcoming challenges, and cultivating positive relationships.
  • Protecting one's purpose from external judgments involves safeguarding one's core values and life goals from being influenced or derailed by the opinions, criticisms, or expectations of others. It entails staying true to one's authentic self and not allowing external factors to sway or diminish one's sense of direction and purpose. By maintaining a strong sense of self-awareness and resilience, individuals can shield their aspirations and stay focused on their personal journey despite external pressures. This concept emphasizes the importance of self-validation and inner strength in pursuing one's true calling without being swayed by external validation or criticism.
  • Purpose needing safeguarding to prevent deviation implies that individuals must actively protect and nurture their core values, goals, and aspirations from external influences that may lead them astray. By safeguarding one's purpose, individuals ensure that they stay true to their authentic selves and remain focused on their intended path despite external pressures or distractions. This concept emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, resilience, and determination in maintaining alignment with one's true purpose and identity. It underscores the idea that without conscious ...

Actionables

  • Create a personal mantra that affirms your self-worth independent of others' opinions to reinforce your commitment to personal values. Write down a phrase that resonates with your core beliefs and repeat it to yourself during moments of doubt or when you feel swayed by external judgments. For example, if you value creativity, your mantra could be "My creativity is my guide, not the crowd's applause."
  • Start a 'Purpose Protection' journal where you document daily actions aligned with your true self, not influenced by external validation. At the end of each day, jot down at least one decision you made that felt authentic to you, regardless of its popularity or recognition. This could be as simple as choosing to read a book you love instead of one that's trending, or spending time on a hobby that brings you joy even if it's not considered 'productive' by societal standards.
  • Develop a 'Compassion Re ...

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12 Hard Lessons I Learned In The Last 12 Months - Birthday Special

The difference between setting goals and choosing growth

Shetty explains that while many people set ambitious goals, the path to real success is not simply about reaching those targets, but rather about the choice to grow and develop personally.

While many people set ambitious goals, those who consistently achieve their dreams are the ones who prioritize personal growth and development over just reaching targets.

Shetty notes that identifying specific skills, habits, and mindsets to cultivate is instrumental in making progress toward your goals, rather than just focusing on the end result. He suggests that the people who achieve their goals do so because they’re committed to personal growth that helps make those goals feel within reach.

Embracing challenges and discomfort as opportunities for growth, rather than obstacles to overcome, is key to sustained success.

Furthermore, Shetty observes that the successful individuals a ...

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The difference between setting goals and choosing growth

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Prioritizing personal growth over reaching targets means focusing on continuous self-improvement and development rather than solely fixating on achieving specific outcomes. It involves embracing challenges as opportunities for learning and growth, viewing setbacks as chances to enhance skills and mindset. By emphasizing personal growth, individuals aim to build a strong foundation that not only helps them reach their goals but also ensures long-term success and fulfillment. This approach shifts the focus from just meeting goals to becoming a better version of oneself throughout the journey.
  • Embracing challenges and discomfort as opportunities for growth means viewing difficult situations as chances to learn, improve, and develop resilience. Instead of avoiding discomfort, individuals actively seek out challenges to push their boundaries and expand their capabilities. By reframing obstacles as stepping stones for personal growth, individuals can transform setbacks into valuable learning experiences. This mindset shift fosters continuous improvement and a proactive approach to self ...

Actionables

  • Create a "Growth Opportunities Log" to actively seek and document challenges that can spur personal development. Start by keeping a small notebook or digital document where you jot down daily or weekly challenges that make you uncomfortable. For each challenge, write down what skill or mindset you could improve by tackling it. For example, if public speaking makes you nervous, commit to speaking up at least once in every meeting to build confidence.
  • Develop a "Skill Swap" with friends or colleagues to work on specific skills and habits. Pair up with someone who excels in an area you wish to improve, and offer to help them with a skill you're proficient in. This could be as simple as exchanging cooking lessons for help with learning a new language, or swapping budgeting tips for public speaking advice. The key is to make it a regular, structured exchange that holds both parties accountable for growth.
  • Implement a "Barrier Breakthrough Plan" where you reflect on ...

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Recognizing and appreciating unexpected sources of help and support

In our journey to success and fulfillment, we often overlook the contributions of those outside our immediate circle. Jay Shetty sheds light on these crucial yet underappreciated figures who provide support in unexpected ways.

The people who introduce you to important connections or provide unexpected assistance

Shetty introduces the concept of "in-betweeners" – the acquaintances we might have forgotten or lost touch with over time who have nonetheless played pivotal roles in our lives. These in-betweeners may have facilitated connections to influential individuals, assisted in landing a job, or even paved the way to meeting a life partner.

Express sincere gratitude to those who have played a meaningful, if unsung, role

It’s crucial to express genuine thankfulness towards these individuals. Acknowledging the in-betweeners for their role in our achievements helps us realize their importance in forming the tapestry of our lives, even when they're no longer a direct part of it. Gratitude can come in many forms, but the act of reaching out to recognize their help can be profoundly meaningful.

Be open to receiving help and guidance from unlikely sources

Besides expressing gratitude, Shetty emphasizes the importance of maintaining an open mind and an attitude of receptivity towards receiving help. Valuable insights and aid often arise from the mo ...

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Recognizing and appreciating unexpected sources of help and support

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • "In-betweeners" are individuals who may not be part of our closest circle but have played significant roles in our lives. They are often acquaintances we may have lost touch with over time. These individuals can unexpectedly introduce us to important connections, help us in crucial moments, or influence our paths in ways we may not immediately recognize. Recognizing and appreciating the contributions of these "in-betweeners" can help us understand the diverse sources of support and guidance that shape our journey.
  • To effectively express gratitude towards individuals who have provided unexpected support, it is important to acknowledge their contributions sincerely and specifically. This can be done through personalized messages, gestures of appreciation, or acts of kindness. Showing genuine gratitude by highlighting the impact of their support on your life can make the expression more meaningful and heartfelt. Additionally, maintaining open communication and staying connected with these individuals can help nurture the relationship and continue to show your appreciation over time.
  • Being receptive to help and guidance from unlikely sources means being open-minded to receiving support from individuals who may not be part of your immediate circle. It involves acknowledging that valuable insights and assistance can come from unexpected places. By cultivating an attitude of receptivity, you allow yourself to benefit from a diverse range of experiences and knowledge that you might otherwise miss out on. This openness not only enriches yo ...

Actionables

  • Create a 'gratitude map' on your wall with photos and notes pinpointing how each person has helped you, to visually acknowledge their contributions and remind you to express thanks.
    • By placing a visual representation in a space you frequently see, you're more likely to remember to reach out and show appreciation. For example, if a colleague introduced you to a valuable contact, place their photo on the map with a note about the introduction, and next time you see them, mention the positive impact it had.
  • Start a 'random acts of thanks' routine where once a week, you send a personalized message or small gift to someone who has helped you, even in a small way.
    • This practice ensures you don't overlook the less obvious contributors to your success. For instance, if a neighbor once picked up your mail while you were away, sending a thank-you card or a batch of homemade cookies can show your appreciation for their kindness.
  • Keep an 'opportunity journal' where you jot down ...

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12 Hard Lessons I Learned In The Last 12 Months - Birthday Special

Reframing challenges as invitations for growth

When facing impediments or obstacles, view them as invitations to grow and evolve, rather than just problems to overcome.

Jay Shetty encourages a mindset that doesn't merely view obstacles as barriers but as catalysts for personal and professional development.

Reflect on how the challenges you're facing might be pushing you to develop new skills, expand your perspective, or confront limiting beliefs.

Sharing a personal narrative, Shetty relays his own experience with rejection in Los Angeles where a TV show pitch was turned down. This setback led him to creating meaningful industry connections. He suggests considering how each impediment might be nudging you to acquire new abilities or question preconceived notions.

Adopt a mindset that sees setbacks as opportunities rather than just disappointments.

Shetty emphasizes that oftentimes, life’s grand accomplishments stem from navigating around hurdles rather than taking an unhindered route.

Recognize that many of life's greatest achievements arise from having to navigate around obstacles, rather than taking a straight, uninterrupted path.

He urges people to change their perspective, acknowledging that setbacks can lead to independence, innovation, and new creations. Shetty contends that what doesn't work out may actually be the seed for new ventures that align more authentically with one’s goals and value ...

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Reframing challenges as invitations for growth

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Counterarguments

  • While reframing challenges as opportunities can be beneficial, it's important to acknowledge that some obstacles may be insurmountable or require resources and support that are not readily available to everyone.
  • The idea that every challenge leads to growth can be overly simplistic and may not account for situations where challenges lead to significant setbacks or trauma.
  • Not all setbacks can be constructively viewed as opportunities, especially in cases of systemic issues such as poverty, discrimination, or other forms of injustice.
  • The narrative that life's greatest achievements arise from navigating obstacles can inadvertently romanticize struggle and overlook the value of stability and ease.
  • The suggestion to focus on immediate needs over personal desires may not always be feasible or healthy, as personal desires can be deeply connected to one's well-being and long-term satisfaction.
  • The concept of embracing personal transformation can be difficult to apply in situations where individuals are struggling with mental health i ...

Actionables

  • Start a "Challenge Journal" to document and reflect on daily setbacks, noting how you can use them as growth opportunities. Each day, write down a challenge you faced, how it made you feel, and brainstorm ways to turn it into a positive learning experience. For example, if you received critical feedback at work, write about how it can help you improve specific skills or knowledge.
  • Create a "Skill-Building Bucket List" where you list new skills to learn from challenges you encounter. When faced with a setback, identify a skill that could help you overcome similar obstacles in the future and add it to your list. For instance, if you struggle with public speaking and it hinders your work, add 'Take an improvisation class' to your list to build confidence and communication skills.
  • Develop a "Setback Simulation" exercise where yo ...

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Taking action and not just waiting for the perfect opportunity

Shetty delves into the significance of seizing the moment and not falling into the trap of endlessly waiting for the perfect chance to come along.

Avoid getting stuck in a passive, waiting mindset

Shetty advises his listeners against adopting a passive mindset, where one is constantly on the lookout for the "elevator" – an ideal opportunity that may never arrive. He highlights the importance of being willing to take the "stairs" by making steady, incremental progress. Additionally, he suggests that sometimes it's necessary to take a bold risk, which he metaphorically describes as going through the "roof."

Evaluate whether you've been resisting necessary action out of fear or a desire for perfection

Shetty encourages his audience to introspect and evaluate whet ...

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Taking action and not just waiting for the perfect opportunity

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • While seizing the moment is important, sometimes patience and timing are equally crucial to success, and what may seem like inaction could be strategic waiting.
  • A passive mindset might sometimes be a period of necessary reflection and planning, which can be critical for making informed decisions.
  • Steady progress is valuable, but there are situations where waiting for a more suitable opportunity could yield better results than immediate action.
  • Taking bold risks isn't always the best approach; calculated risks based on thorough analysis often lead to more consistent success.
  • Fear and a desire for perfection can sometimes serve as protective mechanisms that prevent hasty decisions and encourage due diligence.
  • Committing to move forward on a le ...

Actionables

  • You can start a "5-Minute Action" routine where each day, you dedicate five minutes to an action that contributes to your goals, regardless of how small it seems. This could be sending an email to a potential mentor, writing a paragraph for your blog, or sketching a design idea. The key is to make consistent progress without waiting for the perfect time or conditions.
  • Create a "Risk Ledger" where you log one small risk you take each week that pushes you out of your comfort zone. This might involve initiating a conversation with someone you admire, applying for a job you feel slightly underqualified for, or sharing your work publicly. The ledger serves as a record of your courage and a reminder that progress often requires a leap of faith.
  • Develop a "Perfectionism Scale" to gauge the necessity and impact of perfect ...

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Letting go of those who feel "left behind" as you progress

As you navigate your path of personal and professional growth, not everyone will feel included in your successes and progress. Shetty addresses this reality and offers insights on how to handle such situations gracefully.

Accept that no matter how much you try to include or support those you've "left behind" in your personal or professional growth, some will still feel excluded.

Understanding that you can't make everyone feel included is crucial as you move forward in life. Shetty stresses the importance of acceptance when people feel left behind despite your best efforts to include them. It's essential to move on without experiencing guilt or being held back by their feelings of exclusion.

Don't let the feelings of those unwilling to move forward with you hold you back from continuing on your path of personal development.

Shetty advises not allowing the reluctance of others to progress with you to impede your personal development. While it is natural to want to help others move forward, their unwillingness to do so should not hinder your own growth.

Avoid bitterness or resentment towards those who disengage, as that will only hinder your own progress.

Shetty suggests that harboring negative feelings such as bitterness or resentment towards those who disengage from your journey only serves t ...

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Letting go of those who feel "left behind" as you progress

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Actionables

  • Create a personal mantra that reinforces your commitment to growth, such as "I progress with grace and respect for all paths." Repeat this mantra during your morning routine or when you feel weighed down by others' feelings of exclusion. This practice can help solidify your resolve to move forward while maintaining a positive attitude towards those who may not join you on your journey.
  • Start a journal where you dedicate a section to acknowledging the feelings of those who seem disengaged from your success. Write down your well-wishes for them and how you plan to focus on those who share your growth mindset. This can serve as a therapeutic exercise to release any guilt and to consciously shift your attention to supportive relat ...

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Developing skills, qualities, and characteristics beyond just relying on love

Shetty emphasizes the importance of personal growth and the development of specific skills to sustain healthy relationships and enhance one’s capacity for love.

Recognize that love alone is not enough to sustain healthy relationships and personal growth.

Shetty articulates that love by itself will not ensure the lasting health and vitality of a relationship. He highlights the necessity to build up one's emotional intelligence, communication skills, and other qualities that enhance the ability to connect with and support others.

Avoid over-relying on love to compensate for deficiencies in your own personal development.

Shetty indicates that relying solely on love can't compensate for underdeveloped personal skills and attr ...

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Developing skills, qualities, and characteristics beyond just relying on love

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Counterarguments

  • While personal growth is important, emphasizing it too much might lead to overvaluing self-reliance and undervaluing the transformative power of love in personal development.
  • Emotional intelligence and communication skills are crucial, but focusing solely on these aspects may overlook the importance of other forms of intelligence and ways of connecting that are also vital in relationships.
  • The idea that love is not enough could be seen as a somewhat cynical view that underestimates the complexity and resilience of love in overcoming personal and relational challenges.
  • Suggesting that one should not over-rely on love might inadvertently downplay the significance of unconditional love and acceptance as a foundation for growth and healing in relationships.
  • The notion of cultivating positive habits and mindsets is beneficial, but it could im ...

Actionables

  • Start a 'relationship journal' to track emotional growth and communication improvements. Use this journal to reflect on daily interactions, noting moments where you successfully applied emotional intelligence or could have communicated better. This practice will help you become more aware of your emotional responses and communication patterns, fostering personal development that benefits your relationships.
  • Create a 'habit pairing' routine by linking new positive habits with established ones. For example, if you already have a habit of drinking coffee every morning, pair it with five minutes of gratitude meditation. This can help cultivate a positive mindset, making it easier to approach relationships with genuine love and understa ...

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