Podcasts > On Purpose with Jay Shetty > Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma

Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma

By iHeartPodcasts

On this episode of the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast, Nicky Jam opens up about his difficult childhood marked by trauma from witnessing his mother's drug use and prostitution. He shares how these early experiences led him down a path of addiction, from marijuana to harder drugs like cocaine and heroin, despite his success as a musician.

Jam reflects on his evolving relationship with his mother, discussing how understanding her struggles helped him develop compassion. The episode explores Jam's music career, including his pivotal move to Colombia where he found immense fan support. Jam also touches on his ongoing journey of personal growth, offering insights into his approach to forgiveness, managing anxiety, and embracing authenticity over meeting unrealistic expectations.

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Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma

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Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma

1-Page Summary

Nicky Jam's childhood trauma and addictions

Nicky Jam's struggle with addiction stemmed from the trauma of witnessing his mother's drug use and prostitution from a young age, Nicky reveals. His drug abuse escalated from marijuana to cocaine and heroin, leading to legal issues and health problems despite his success.

The impact of his relationships with family members, especially his mother

Nicky grappled with his mother's neglect and harsh discipline, which caused long-lasting trauma, he shares. Learning about his mother's difficult past helped him develop understanding and compassion, allowing him to support her.

Nicky Jam's music career and the role of music in his life

Early beginnings

Nicky started rapping at 12 to make money and connect with people, he recounts. A local producer gave him his first record deal after seeing his talent.

Finding success in Colombia

Nicky's move to Colombia transformed his career, as he was met with immense fan support. He decided to relocate there, finding the adoration pivotal to his self-belief.

Nicky sees music as his "psychology" - a way to process emotions and share his story, highlighting its personal significance.

Nicky Jam's personal growth and his approach to forgiveness

Openness about struggles

While discussing his challenging past, Nicky acknowledges his ongoing mental health journey, opting for weed over alcohol to manage anxiety.

Forgiving others and himself

Nicky's attitude towards his mother evolved from judgment to respect, Sanger-Katz notes. He believes forgiveness fosters personal well-being.

Rejecting unrealistic expectations

Nicky resists the pressure of being a "role model", embracing imperfections. He values authenticity over meeting expectations in his creative life.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • Explore your own past to foster self-compassion by writing a personal history journal, detailing events from your childhood and reflecting on how they've shaped you. This can help you understand your behaviors and develop a kinder attitude towards yourself, similar to how understanding his mother's past helped Nicky Jam.
  • Channel your emotions into a creative hobby like drawing, writing poetry, or playing an instrument, using it as an emotional outlet. This mirrors how Nicky Jam used music as his "psychology" to process feelings and could provide you with a therapeutic way to cope with life's challenges.
  • Practice non-judgmental acknowledgment of your own struggles by keeping a daily log of your feelings without trying to change them, which can improve your mental health journey. This approach is akin to Nicky's acceptance of his ongoing mental health journey, and it can help you become more aware of your emotional state without self-criticism.

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Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma

Nicky Jam's childhood trauma and addictions

Nicky Jam's struggle with addiction and the difficulties of his early life reveal the profound impact that childhood trauma can have on personal development and well-being.

Nicky Jam's early life was marked by challenging circumstances, including his mother's drug addiction and the harsh realities of growing up in poverty.

From a young age, Nicky Jam witnessed his mother's drug use and engagement in prostitution, experiencing a reality that he, at the time, considered normal due to its prevalence in his community.

Nicky Jam witnessed his mother engaging in prostitution and drug use from a young age, which profoundly impacted his perspective on normalcy and family dynamics.

Nicky Jam reveals the impact of seeing his mother involve herself in prostitution and drug use as he grew up, leading to a skewed notion of what a normal family life should be. This experience played a substantial role in his future coping mechanisms and issues with substances.

Nicky Jam began using drugs, including marijuana and cocaine, as a coping mechanism after experiencing personal setbacks and heartbreak as a teenager.

His exposure to drugs began at home, with his family members, including his dad, mom, and uncle, engaging in drug use, which contributed to a normalization of drugs in his eyes. By 11 years old, after moving to Puerto Rico, he found drug use among kids in his neighborhood to be a common sight. This environment facilitated his descent into drug use, starting with marijuana and escalating to cocaine, and was further intensified by personal setbacks, such as heartbreak at the tender age of 14 or 15.

Nicky Jam's substance abuse widened to include heroin, ecstasy, and a devastating addiction to [restricted term], with a consumpt ...

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Nicky Jam's childhood trauma and addictions

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • You can create a personal reflection journal to explore your own family dynamics and how they've shaped your views on normalcy. Start by writing down your earliest memories of family and note any patterns or behaviors that you've carried into adulthood. Reflect on how these have influenced your relationships and coping mechanisms, and consider ways to address any negative impacts constructively.
  • Develop a self-care routine that focuses on healthy coping strategies for dealing with personal setbacks. This could include activities like mindfulness meditation, regular exercise, or engaging in a hobby that brings you joy. By establishing a routine, you create a safety net for times of stress, reducing the likelihood of turning to harmful substances or behaviors.
  • Engage in community serv ...

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Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma

The impact of his relationships with family members, especially his mother

Nicky Jam’s complicated relationship with his mother significantly impacted his emotional well-being and his journey towards healing and understanding.

Nicky Jam's relationship with his mother was complicated, as he grappled with her absence and her struggles with addiction.

Nicky Jam acknowledges the emotional effects of his mother's abandonment, linking it to his own substance abuse issues. He reveals that her absence made him not care about his own life, showing a deep-seated trauma that still affects his ability to express love, even to his children. This indicates a strained relationship marked by neglect.

Nicky Jam's mother's neglect and abusive behavior towards him as a child led to long-lasting trauma and a strained relationship.

Nicky Jam recalls the fear and punishment he experienced as a child, particularly when he wet the bed—a problem beyond his control. His mother's harsh discipline for this involuntary act caused lasting trauma. When he had a similar accident at a friend's house, the kindness shown by Billy's mother highlighted the stark contrast between his own mother's treatment and what parental care could be.

Nicky Jam's understanding and forgiveness of his mother's past has helped him navigate their relationship and find a path towards healing.

Despite the complex relationship with his mother, a turning point came when Nicky Jam learned about her difficult past. He moved from judgment to a position of respect and understanding, seeing his mother as a product of her challenging upbringing and recognizin ...

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The impact of his relationships with family members, especially his mother

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • You can start a personal journal to explore your feelings about past relationships, focusing on understanding and forgiveness. Write down your thoughts about people who have impacted your life, both positively and negatively. Reflect on these relationships and consider writing letters of forgiveness, even if you never send them. This can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions and work towards healing.
  • Create a "reconnection plan" to reach out to someone from your past who symbolized stability or positive memories. List out the steps you'll take to find them, such as searching on social media, contacting mutual friends, or visiting old neighborhoods. Set goals for what you hope to achieve through this reconnection, whether it's simply catching up or building a renewed friendship.
  • Engage in a creat ...

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Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma

Nicky Jam's music career and the role of music in his life

Nicky Jam candidly shares about his early beginnings in music and how it has transformed his life, with pivotal moments in Colombia that helped shape his career and personal growth.

Early experiences and beginnings of his music career

Nicky Jam's music career started with humble beginnings. As a 12-year-old, he would freestyle while packing groceries at a supermarket not just to earn money to support his family but also to indulge his passion for music and making people happy. He became known as the kid who rapped while packing groceries, turning him into a local celebrity at the supermarket. This early interaction with music laid the foundation for his eventual success.

A lady at the supermarket was impressed with his rapping and connected him to her husband, a producer, which led to Nicky's first record deal. Although the album from this deal did not sell well, it allowed DJs in Puerto Rico to recognize him. Nicky became one of the biggest artists in the mixtape space, recording alongside prominent figures like Daddy Yankee. He felt content just to have an album, undeterred by commercial success or the need for hits, and simply embraced being part of the urban music scene in Puerto Rico.

Finding success and transformation in Colombia

Nicky Jam's move to Colombia was a turning point in his career. Initially acting as his own manager with low expectations, he was taken aback by the warm reception in Colombia—a place where he hadn't performed during the peak of his earlier career. To his surprise, he received a standing ovation and within two weeks performed enough shows to support himself substantially.

Realizing the tremendous support in Colombia, Nicky decided to move there. The adoration from Colombian fans helped him see himself as an icon, boosting his self-belief and encouraging him to aim for the best. Colombia became a powerful place where the ...

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Nicky Jam's music career and the role of music in his life

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • Turn everyday environments into opportunities for growth by identifying and utilizing the resources and connections available in your daily life, much like Nicky Jam did in the supermarket. For example, if you work in a coffee shop, strike up conversations with regular customers who may have insights into your field of interest. You might discover a mentor or a chance to collaborate on a project that aligns with your passions.
  • Embrace relocation as a chance for reinvention by moving to a new city or country for a set period, even if it's just for a month. This can be a transformative experience similar to Nicky Jam's move to Colombia. Use this time to immerse yourself in the local culture, network with new people, and explore how a different environment can positively impact your personal and professional life.
  • Use your personal story as a tool for connection by creating a blog, vlog, or soci ...

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Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma

Nicky Jam's personal growth and his approach to forgiveness

Reggaeton star Nicky Jam openly shares his life story, including his personal struggles, as he demonstrates a profound commitment to personal growth, self-acceptance, and the art of forgiveness.

Nicky Jam's openness and vulnerability in sharing his life story

Nicky Jam reveals his vulnerability by disclosing that he, like anyone else, experiences days filled with depression and insecurity. He emphasizes that material possessions pale in comparison to the value of family. Whilst discussing his challenging past, he acknowledges that sharing his story doesn't mean his traumas are resolved, indicating an ongoing journey with his past. Nicky opts for smoking weed over drinking to help with his anxiety—a condition exacerbated by past drug use and lead poisoning as a child—showing a candidness about managing his mental health.

Nicky Jam's ability to forgive those who have wronged him

His change in attitude towards his mother, noticing how judgement evolved into understanding and respect, alongside stories of reconciliation with past friends after years of silence, illustrates his capacity for forgiveness. Nicky maintains that forgiveness isn't essentially about others but for one's own peace of mind, as it fosters personal happiness and well-being.

Nicky Jam's belief in the power of forgiveness, even towards himself

He acknowledges the judgment he faces for past and current actions, suggesting an understanding that may hint at self-forgiveness. Nicky mentions that he's able to forgive people and rekindle old connections, which may not only make him happier but also portrays him as a forgiving individual. Although he states that he never forgets, it underlines a level of self-care and awareness in his approach to forgiveness.

Nicky Jam's refusal to be defined by others' expectations or the ideal of being a "role model"

Nicky Jam addresses the unease he feel ...

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Nicky Jam's personal growth and his approach to forgiveness

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • While Nicky Jam values family over material possessions, it's important to recognize that financial stability can also significantly contribute to a family's well-being and security.
  • Managing mental health with marijuana may not be a universally advisable strategy, as it can lead to dependency and may not address underlying issues.
  • Forgiveness is a complex process, and while it can lead to personal peace of mind, it may not always be possible or appropriate, depending on the circumstances of the wrongdoing.
  • The belief in the power of forgiveness, including self-forgiveness, is valuable, but it should not excuse accountability or the need to make amends.
  • Refusing to be defined by others' expectations is empowering, but as a public figure, there is a level of responsibility that comes with the influence one has over fans and ...

Actionables

  • You can create a "Family First" jar where you deposit notes about moments or things that made you appreciate your family over material possessions. Each week, take time to read a few notes to remind yourself of what truly matters, reinforcing the value of family connections over material wealth.
  • Start a personal "Forgiveness Journal" where you write letters of forgiveness to people who have wronged you, including yourself. This doesn't mean you have to send them, but the act of writing can be a cathartic process that helps you let go of grudges and focus on personal peace.
  • Develop a "Growth and Imperfections" boar ...

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