Chris Voss: #1 Secret Formula FBI Negotiators Use To Always Get What They Want & 4 Ways to Apply These Tactics to Your Life

Negotiators like Chris Voss and Oprah Winfrey illustrate the centrality of empathy and emotional intelligence in reaching collaborative outcomes and navigating difficult situations.

Negotiators must strive to understand the other party's perspective and emotions to reach a collaborative outcome

Demonstrating empathy and emotional awareness helps deescalate tensions and open up constructive dialogue

Chris Voss highlights the importance of empathy and emotional intelligence in negotiation, having honed these skills at a suicide hotline. By summarizing the other person's opinion and empathizing with their emotions, negotiators like Voss can deescalate tense situations. Voss also emphasizes the importance of maintaining long-term relationships, even with those one operationally disagrees with, and suggests using a calming "late night FM DJ voice" as a tool during crisis negotiations.

Labeling the other party's emotions and reflecting back their point of view builds trust and rapport

Voss discusses the tactic of labeling emotions as a means to deactivate negative feelings and promote constructive dialogue. Acknowledging what someone feels and reflecting it back builds trust and helps individuals feel understood. Voss explains that summarizing the other side’s perspective to the point they agree reinforces this idea, fostering understanding rather than argument. Jay Shetty asks about keeping personal emotions out of negotiation to avoid sounding accusatory, highlighting the need for negotiators to detach their own feelings from the process.

The most skilled negotiators, like Oprah Winfrey, use empathy and emotional intelligence to navigate difficult situations

Effective negotiation is often invisible because it looks like skillful collaboration, not conflict

Voss mentions that negotiation often goes unnoticed because it looks like successful collaboration rather than open conflict. He shares that Winfrey exemplifies this approach, managing confrontations in a way that reassures the other party of her support and goodwill, even in difficult circumstances. This method of negotiation is about fostering enduring, mutually beneficial connections.

Emotional intelligence allows negotiators to bring parties together rather than create adversarial confrontations

The use of emotional intelligence in negotiation, which Voss refers to as "tactical empathy," is suggested to be key, even though it's not a guarantee of success. He ...

Chris Voss guides listeners through successful negotiation strategies, highlighting the importance of preparing by anticipating the other party's perspective, the need to be willing to walk away when necessary, and how to negotiate with difficult counterparts such as narcissists.

Negotiators should prepare by anticipating the other party's likely perspective and goals

Chris Voss stresses the importance of understanding the opponent’s viewpoint and goals in preparation for negotiations. He suggests reframing questions to elicit "no" responses to make the other party feel safer and more protected, unlike the potential trap of "yes" questions. Voss recommends summarizing the other party’s position to build mutual understanding before moving negotiations forward.

Reframing questions to elicit "no" responses can be more effective than leading with "yes" questions

Voss describes a Pavlovian reaction to saying no as a safety mechanism and argues that starting with "Do you disagree?" instead of "Do you agree?" can be more effective in negotiations.

Starting by listening to the other party's concerns and goals, rather than immediately making a pitch, builds understanding

Voss emphasizes listening to understand perspectives and what the other party finds important. Recognizing and articulating the other side’s goals builds a crucial foundation for collaboration.

Negotiators must be willing to walk away from counterparts who are not genuinely interested in a collaborative outcome

Chris Voss dives into the concept of "proof of life" in negotiations, identifying genuine engagements and stressing the importance of recognizing when the other party is not sincerely interested in making a deal.

Identifying "half clients" who are only looking for deep discounts and are unlikely to lead to a profitable, long-term relationship

"Half clients," as Voss labels them, are characterized as hard, annoying, lame, and frustrating (H.A.L.F.), and are not considered good for long-term business relationships. Voss advises negotiators to walk away from such counterparts and focus on "elf clients" who are a better fit and value the services offered.

Focusing energy on "elf clients" who are a good fit and value the negotiator's services is more productive

Voss suggests shifting attention to "elf clients," described as easy, lucrative, and fun (E.L.F.). He notes that his sales team was instructed to collect data on the effort required by half clients, which proved they consume significantly more resources compared to more beneficial clients like the elf clients.

Negotiating with diff ...

Experts in the field, including Jay Shetty and Chris Voss, emphasize that negotiation is not just a skill but a mindset. They provide insights into how fear of conflict and confrontation can hinder the negotiation process and offer strategies for reframing negotiation as a collaborative pursuit, developing empathy, and aligning negotiations with core values.

Negotiators must overcome the fear and discomfort many people associate with conflict and confrontation

Negotiation is often viewed negatively, as it is associated with conflict or an argument. Shetty and Voss suggest that this fear and discomfort are common barriers that can be overcome by reframing negotiation as a collaborative process of finding mutually beneficial solutions, rather than a win-lose battle.

Reframing negotiation as a collaborative process of finding mutually beneficial solutions, rather than a win-lose battle

Chris Voss advocates for a shift in approach towards negotiations, suggesting a collaborative effort rather than a confrontational one. By focusing on taking oneself and others to a higher level of existence, negotiation is reframed away from being adversarial to collaborative.

Developing empathy and emotional intelligence to navigate difficult conversations skillfully

Voss emphasizes the power of empathy as a negotiation tool and the importance of being a good sounding board, guiding someone to their conclusions. Developing empathy and emotional intelligence can de-escalate negative emotions and help articulate the other party's perspective. A positive mindset increases one's intellectual ability by 31%, enabling a more empathetic approach to understanding the other party’s priorities.

In personal relationships, negotiators must be willing to honestly assess whether the relationship is truly aligned with their core values

Negotiators must be mindful of aligning relationships with their core values, recognizing inconsistent behaviors, and being willing to establish boundaries.

Recognizing when a partner's behavior is inconsistent with shared values and being willing to set boundaries or end the relationship

Chris Voss suggests assessing whether the behavior change sought from another person is consistent with core values shared within a relationship. If the behavior change implies a shift in values, it may result in misery for both parties involved. Acknowledging when a partner's behavior is inconsistent with shared values can help determine if a relationship is worth pursuing or if it’s time to move on.

Using open-ended "how" and "what" questions to better understand the other party's perspective and find common ground

Voss explains that open-ended "how" and "what" questions encourage the other person to engage in problem-solving and assess the negotiation from their point of view. These calibrated questions create sp ...