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Jocko Underground: How to Deal with Adult Bullies.

By Jocko DEFCOR Network

When a coworker's behavior becomes increasingly inappropriate and offensive, the Jocko Underground podcast episode "How to Deal with Adult Bullies" provides guidance on addressing workplace harassment. Jocko Willink and Echo Charles advise on appropriate steps to take when a coworker's remarks escalate from crass to offensive comments about one's family.

The podcast examines maintaining professionalism while asserting boundaries and standing up for oneself when faced with a toxic work environment. Willink and Charles discuss taking action through proper channels if management fails to provide adequate support against an abusive coworker. The episode sheds light on navigating this difficult situation and deciding when it may be necessary to leave an organization that enables such misconduct.

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Jocko Underground: How to Deal with Adult Bullies.

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Jocko Underground: How to Deal with Adult Bullies.

1-Page Summary

Dealing With a Workplace Bully/Harasser

When a coworker escalates from inappropriate comments to offensive remarks about one's family, Echo Charles and Jocko Willink advise taking action.

Coworker Escalates From Crass to Offensive Remarks About Family

A concerning situation arises when a coworker progresses from crass remarks to offensive comments about one's family, creating a toxic atmosphere. Such behavior undermines the affected employee's confidence and ability to defend themselves, especially if management fails to provide adequate support.

Maintaining Professionalism and Avoiding Escalation

While the guest's frustration is valid, Willink advises avoiding physical confrontation. Charles suggests discreetly recording the coworker's behavior as documentation. Over time, accumulated recordings could provide substantial evidence of misconduct when reporting through official channels.

Asserting Boundaries and Standing Up For Oneself

Willink urges the guest to resist the coworker's intimidation, likening it to a dog protecting its home. He advocates assertively responding to inappropriate actions like lewd jokes about one's family. Willink recommends using recordings to document incidents and calmly but firmly indicating such conduct won't be tolerated.

If harassment escalates further, Willink advises threatening to take the issue up the chain of command. He emphasizes the need to "bark back" or take assertive action to demonstrate boundaries and demand change.

Lack of Support From Management

The guest detailed the coworker's increasingly disrespectful and threatening behavior over three years, culminating in offensive sexual jokes about the guest's family. Despite feeling physically threatened, the guest avoided confrontation to maintain professionalism.

When the guest finally complained to the CFO, their trivial response indicated a lack of concern for the guest's well-being, leading the guest to feel there's no management support at the company. Willink advises the guest to consider leaving due to this toxic environment.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • You can create a personal action plan for addressing workplace harassment by identifying specific phrases and actions that you will take if a situation arises. For example, write down a script for how you'll respond to inappropriate comments, including who you'll report to and what you'll say. This preparation can make you feel more empowered and less likely to be caught off guard.
  • Develop a support network outside of your workplace by connecting with professional organizations or online communities related to your field. These networks can offer advice, share similar experiences, and provide emotional support. They can also be a resource for job opportunities if you decide to leave a toxic environment.
  • Practice assertive communication techniques through role-playing with a friend or mentor. This can help you find the right tone and words to use when setting boundaries. For instance, you could simulate a conversation where you address a coworker's inappropriate remarks, focusing on maintaining a calm but firm demeanor.

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Jocko Underground: How to Deal with Adult Bullies.

Dealing With a Workplace Bully/Harasser

Navigating a hostile work environment created by bullies or harassers can be a distressing experience for many employees, impacting their confidence and work performance.

Coworker Escalates From Crass to Offensive Comments About Family

A concerning situation arises when a coworker progresses from making crass remarks to offensive comments, particularly about one's family. Such behavior crosses the line from unprofessional to personal and abusive, creating a toxic work atmosphere.

Guest's De-escalation and Self-Defense Confidence Undermined by Coworker's Behavior and Management's Lack of Support

In these challenging scenarios, a guest might attempt to de-escalate the situation using assertive communication techniques and self-defense tactics. Still, these efforts can be severely hampered if the coworker's behavior continues unabated ...

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Dealing With a Workplace Bully/Harasser

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Assertive communication techniques involve expressing one's thoughts, feelings, and needs in a direct and respectful manner. This communication style aims to establish boundaries, stand up for oneself, and address conflicts constructively. It involves being clear, confident, and honest while considering the rights and feelings of others. Assertive communication helps individuals navigate difficult situations effectively while maintaining self-respect and promoting healthy relationships.
  • In some cases of workplace harassment or bullying, individuals may feel the need to learn self-defense tactics to protect themselves physically if the situation escalates to a point where they feel physically threatened. These tactics can include basic self-defense moves or strategies to create distance and ensure personal safety. However, it's impo ...

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Jocko Underground: How to Deal with Adult Bullies.

Maintaining Professionalism and Avoiding Escalation

To avoid confrontation in the workplace while still addressing harassment, Echo Charles and Jocko Willink discuss techniques that could help employees assert their boundaries without resorting to physical escalation.

Guest's Frustration Is Valid but Avoid Physical Escalation

Methods For Guests to Assert Boundaries and Address Coworker Harassment Without Physical Confrontation, Like Recording Behavior For Documentation

Echo Charles brings up the strategy of discreetly recording a coworker's inappropriate actions as potential evidence. He acknowledges that this approach, while typically against his stance on privacy, can be justified when it’s necessary to document ongoing misbehavior that must be formally addressed.

Jocko ...

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Maintaining Professionalism and Avoiding Escalation

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Counterarguments

  • Recording coworkers without consent may violate privacy laws or company policies, potentially leading to legal issues or disciplinary action against the person recording.
  • Accumulating recordings over several months might be seen as a premeditated and invasive approach, which could undermine the trust and teamwork within the workplace.
  • There is a risk that recordings could be taken out of context or manipulated, which might lead to unfair judgments or accusations.
  • Relying on recordings may not address the root cause of the harassment or lead to a resolution that involves mediation and understanding between the parties involved.
  • The act of recording could escalate tensions if discovered, possibly worsening the situation instead of preventing physical escalation.
  • There may be alternative methods to address harassment, such as mediation, counseling, or direct communication with HR, that do not involve recording and might be more effective in resolving conflicts.
  • The focus on recording and documenting could create a culture of s ...

Actionables

  • You can create a personal code of conduct to clarify your boundaries and communicate them effectively. Draft a simple document that outlines what behaviors you consider inappropriate and share it with your colleagues or HR department. This preemptive step can serve as a reference point for future conversations and can be used to reinforce your stance against harassment without confrontation.
  • Develop a peer support network within your workplace to address issues collectively. Find like-minded colleagues who are committed to maintaining a respectful work environment and meet regularly to discuss strategies for dealing with misconduct. This network can act as a witness collective, where members can corroborate each other's experiences, thus strengthening the credibility of any formal complaint.
  • Engage in ...

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Jocko Underground: How to Deal with Adult Bullies.

Asserting Boundaries and Standing Up For Oneself

During their conversation on handling a coworker's intimidation, Echo Charles and Jocko Willink delve into the importance of asserting boundaries and standing up for oneself in the face of inappropriate behavior.

Host Urges Guest to Resist Coworker's Intimidation

Jocko Willink implies that standing up against inappropriate behavior may require taking a strong stance, similar to a dog barking to protect its home from intruders.

Host Urges Guest to Respond Assertively To Coworker's Inappropriate Actions

Willink vehemently advises the guest to counter the coworker's disrespectful actions, such as making lewd jokes about one's family. He elaborates on the scenario where a coworker is not only disrespectful but also a bully, engaging in unacceptable comments about the guest's wife and son.

Asserting that one should not accept such behavior, Willink advocates the use of a recording device to document these unwelcome incidents. He emphasizes preparedness in capturing the offender's "dumb stuff" and recommends calmly but firmly responding to the coworker's verbal attacks, clearly indicating that the guest shouldn't feel intimidated or prioritize the bully's tasks over others because of his behavior.

Should the harassment escalate, Willink urges the guest to threaten taking the issue up the chain of command, thereby standing their ground and not getting pushed around. Echo and Willink emphasize that asserting boundaries is crucial when a coworker makes inappropriate remarks, making it clear that such conduct won’t be tol ...

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Asserting Boundaries and Standing Up For Oneself

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Echo Charles and Jocko Willink are known for their podcast "Jocko Podcast," where they discuss leadership, discipline, and personal development. Jocko Willink is a retired Navy SEAL officer and author, known for his straightforward and disciplined approach to life. Echo Charles is a co-host on the podcast and often engages in discussions with Willink on various topics related to leadership and self-improvement. Their conversations often revolve around practical advice and strategies for handling challenging situations with a focus on discipline and assertiveness.
  • The conversation revolves around addressing inappropriate behavior from a coworker, specifically focusing on scenarios where the coworker makes disrespectful and intimidating remarks about the guest's family. Jocko Willink emphasizes the importance of standing up against such behavior, advocating for assertive responses and setting clear boundaries to prevent further harassment. The hosts stress the need for documenting and addressing these incidents promptly to deter the coworker from continuing their unacceptable conduct. Willink suggests escalating the issue through the chain of command if the harassment persists, highlighting the significance of not tolerating such behavior in the workplace.
  • The metaphor of a dog barking to protect its home from intruders symbolizes the need to assert oneself when faced with inappropriate behavior, just like a dog defends its territory from threats. It suggests responding assertively to defend personal boundaries and deter unwanted actions, similar to how a dog's bark can warn off potential intruders. The comparison emphasizes the importance of standing up for oneself and not tolerating disrespectful behavior, drawing a parallel between a dog's protective instinct and the individual's need to protect their personal space and dignity. The metaphor underscores the idea of using vocal assertiveness and clear boundaries to establish control and deter further encroachment on one's rights or well-being.
  • The concept of "barking back" metaphorically in response to inappropriate behavior is akin to standing up for oneself assertively. It involves reacting firmly and decisively to unacceptable actions, similar to a dog barking ...

Counterarguments

  • While standing up for oneself is important, it's also crucial to consider the context and potential consequences of taking a strong stance, as it may not always be the safest or most effective approach in every situation.
  • Recording conversations without consent can be illegal in some jurisdictions, and it's important to understand and comply with local laws regarding privacy and recording.
  • Escalating the issue to higher-ups without first attempting to resolve it at a lower level might not always be well-received and could potentially harm workplace relationships or one's reputation.
  • Assertiveness must be balanced with professionalism; there's a risk of misinterpretation or escalation if the response is perceived as aggressive rather than assertive.
  • In some cases, a more diplomatic approach might yield better long-term results, especially in environments where direct confrontation is discouraged or could lead to negative outcomes.
  • Not all individuals may feel comfortable or safe "barking back," especially if there are power dynami ...

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Jocko Underground: How to Deal with Adult Bullies.

Lack of Support From Management

A guest on a show discussed an unsettling situation they face at work, shedding light on a serious issue of workplace harassment and a striking absence of management support.

Guest Frustrated With Management's Dismissive Stance on Harassment Issues

The guest detailed encounters with a coworker who has grown increasingly disrespectful and insulting over three years, culminating in offensive sexual jokes about the guest's family and aggressive language. The unruly coworker's behavior escalates in the absence of C-level executives, including refusing to leave the guest's office when asked and intimidatingly standing over the guest's shoulder.

Despite feeling physically threatened by the coworker's looming presence, the guest has avoided physical confrontations in order to maintain professionalism and ensure family responsibilities are not jeopardized. After trying other de-escalation tactics, the guest finally complained to the CFO, who was present during one of the incidents. Unfortunately, the CFO's response was dismissively trivial, suggesting the guest should have simply told the coworker to stop and implying that the guest was overreacting.

The guest has come to view the CFO's dismissive stance as an indicator that the company does not care for their well-being or see a future for them in the organization. This experience has solidified the guest's feeling that there is an utter lack of managerial support within the compa ...

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Lack of Support From Management

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • C-level executives typically include top-ranking positions in a company, such as the Chief Executive Officer (CEO), Chief Financial Officer (CFO), Chief Operating Officer (COO), and others with "Chief" in their title. These executives are responsible for making high-level decisions, setting strategies, and overseeing the overall operations of the organization. They are part of the senior management team and play a crucial role in shaping the company's direction and policies. Their decisions and actions can have a significant impact on the company's employees and its overall culture.
  • De-escalation tactics are methods used to calm and defuse tense situations to prevent them from escalating further. These tactics involve strategies like active listening, maintaining a calm demeanor, and using non-confrontational language to address conflicts peacefully. In the context of workplace harassment, de-escalation tactics could include setting boundaries, seeking support from higher-ups, and attempting to resolve issues before they worsen. The goal of de-escalation is to manage and resolve conflicts effectively without resorting to aggression or violence.
  • Jocko Willink is a retired United States Navy officer, author, and podcaster known for his service in the Navy SEALs. He co-authored books on leadership and co-founded a management consulting firm. Willink hosts the Jocko Podcast, where he discusses leadership, discipline, and personal development.
  • In the context of workplace issues, "lack of support from management" indicates a situation where employees feel abandoned or unsupported by their superiors in dealing with challenges like harassment or misconduct. This can lead to feelings of isolation, frustration, and a breakdown of trust between employees and their leaders. It often results in employees feeling vulnerable and without recourse when facing difficult situations at work. The absence of effective management support can exacerbate existing problems and create a toxic work environment.
  • Workplace harassment involves belittling or threat ...

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