PDF Summary:What He Must Be, by Voddie Baucham Jr.

In the modern world, navigating the path to marriage can be challenging. In What He Must Be, Voddie Baucham Jr. offers biblical guidance for fathers on their pivotal roles throughout the courtship process. He explores a father's duties in protecting his daughter's purity, evaluating potential suitors, and formally presenting her to her future husband. The book also delves into how fathers should raise sons to embody the characteristics of devoted husbands—displaying spiritual leadership, commitment, and care for their families.

Baucham underscores the importance of focusing on a man's ability to fulfill the biblical roles of husband and father, rather than superficial qualities. With insight into essential qualities for lifelong partners, this book aims to steer families toward God-honoring marriages that exemplify Christ's love for the church.

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He should have a kind heart, ready to offer unwavering care and protection to his loved ones.

Baucham emphasizes that it is crucial for a man to have a disposition geared towards service as a core prerequisite for leading his family. His foremost responsibility is to place the well-being of his wife and children ahead of his own interests. He is expected to take on the responsibility of providing for and protecting his family. He must ensure the protection of not only his family's physical health but also create a secure and intimate environment by promoting the sanctity of the marital union, thus defending his home from detrimental impacts. Voddie Baucham Jr. firmly believes in the principle that a young man should commit to hard work and secure sufficient income to support his family, allowing the mother of his children to stay at home if she chooses, without being compelled by financial constraints.

He must have a biblical vision for marriage as a picture of Christ and the church

It is imperative for fathers to ensure that any prospective suitor holds the view of marriage in accordance with divine intention. Baucham underscores that marriage is intended to represent the sacred bond that mirrors the relationship of Christ with the church. This concept mirrors the fundamental tenets outlined in Ephesians chapter five. Therefore, misunderstanding or distorting this crucial idea constitutes a fundamental challenge to the divine nature, design, and intentions regarding the marital union. It is imperative for fathers to confirm that any young man seeking to court their daughters comprehends the substantial responsibility bestowed upon him by God, because neglecting this can result in a marriage that deviates from the sacred design and purpose intended.

Other Perspectives

• The criteria for a devoted partner are heavily rooted in Christian doctrine, which may not be applicable or desirable for individuals of other faiths or those who are non-religious.
• The emphasis on a profound spiritual transformation may not account for individuals who are morally upright and devoted partners but do not have a religious background or experience.
• The requirement for a thorough understanding of the gospel could be seen as exclusionary to those who may have different interpretations of religious texts or who value moral principles that are not explicitly religious.
• The idea that a man should always be prepared to stand for his family might overlook the importance of partnership and shared responsibility in a relationship.
• The concept of leading a partner with love and biblical wisdom may not resonate with those who believe in an egalitarian approach to marriage where both partners share equal leadership.
• The expectation for a man to have a kind heart and offer unwavering care and protection could perpetuate traditional gender roles that some may find outdated or oppressive.
• The vision of marriage as a picture of Christ and the church may not align with the diverse understandings of marriage in different cultures or among individuals who prioritize a secular view of marriage.

Ensuring the purity, focus, and future spouse for a young woman.

It is the duty of fathers to protect the innocence of their daughters by steering clear of premature emotional and physical intimacy.

Voddie Baucham Jr. underscores the crucial role a father plays in protecting his daughter's purity and assisting her in steering clear of the dangers that contemporary dating practices pose to her physical and emotional well-being. He argues that allowing our daughters to go on unsupervised dates with young men is tantamount to handing over a woman's responsibilities to a man. He views it as his duty to safeguard his daughter from the dangers present in today's society by fostering her appreciation for her purity, steering her spiritual development and comprehension of marriage, ensuring her commitment to serving God in this period, and shielding her emotions from premature experiences.

Teaching our daughters to maintain biblical purity is of utmost importance.

Every girl will eventually encounter challenges related to sexual matters. Baucham is of the opinion that such an encounter should commence in accordance with biblical principles. A daughter learns the importance of preserving her purity through the unwavering conviction of her father. This means teaching her the difference between technical virginity and true biblical purity, both physical and emotional. In essence, daughters must be taught that a genuine walk with God will lead to sexual purity that goes beyond the pragmatic concerns of contemporary culture.

Fathers have the responsibility to vigilantly supervise their daughters' interactions.

The likelihood of a daughter facing such dangers can be substantially diminished under the vigilant care of a devoted father. Fathers must remain vigilant and proactively engage when their daughters reach the point in life where contemplating marriage becomes relevant. A father who effectively guides his family will maintain a comprehensive awareness of his daughter's activities and provide her with appropriate guidance. This entails diligently observing her engagements with prospective partners and offering guidance and advice when necessary.

Fathers are tasked with steering their daughters towards maintaining a focus on the kingdom's values.

Corinthians 7 underscores the importance of a young woman focusing her energies on spiritual devotion. Society today, especially within Christian circles, often faces criticism for its focus on love and courtship, which preoccupies the minds of numerous young women. We must nurture our daughters with the awareness that they possess intentionally bestowed talents and strengths, which should be dedicated to serving the Lord, dedicating their efforts to glorify Him, and deepening their connection with Him as they ready themselves for marriage or a life devoted wholly to His work.

Daughters should be encouraged to develop their talents to honor God, rather than solely to attract a future husband.

Baucham believes that one of the best ways to help our daughters keep their focus is to encourage them to develop and use their gifts for God's glory. Therefore, we should encourage them to pursue paths that foster their spiritual development, solidify their bond with the faith community, and bring them joy regardless of whether they are married in the future.

It is the duty of fathers to protect their daughters from the potential setbacks or diversions that may come from relationships that do not succeed.

We cannot guarantee that our daughters will be completely protected from all forms of emotional distress. However, we have the ability to protect them from the dangers of multiple short-term relationships, premature emotional connections, and damaging associations that can leave lasting scars on the delicate spirits of young women, which may lead to feelings of resentment and despair. By encouraging our daughters to adhere to biblical purity, advising them to refrain from dating until they are ready for marriage, and steering them towards a life focused on Christ and active participation in the church, we can shield them from emotional distress and the possibility of settling for less than God's perfect plan for them.

Fathers must consider the selection of their daughters' prospective spouses as crucial to the lasting legacy of their family line.

Fathers, as underscored by Baucham, should view their role as crucial in the continuous endeavor to advance God's kingdom through successive generations. He views the individual who will wed his daughter as an extension of his own guidance and spiritual mentorship. This involves assessing potential mates on their capacity to lead the family in a manner that aligns with biblical teachings, instead of focusing on trivial aspects like ethnic heritage. The author stresses the importance of racial matters but maintains that they must not take precedence over the guidance provided by Scripture. We should acknowledge the existence of different races without allowing it to affect our decision-making.

When evaluating a potential life partner, the focus should be on their ability to demonstrate the qualities of a committed spouse and parent, instead of their ethnicity or social rank.

Baucham argues that dismissing potential mates on the basis of their race is a clear-cut case of racial discrimination. Drawing from his personal experiences, he faced and eventually conquered the racial biases that he needed to shed in order to embrace a perspective truly centered on the fundamental teachings of Christianity. Voddie Baucham Jr. uses the story of Ezra from the Bible to show that the Old Testament's cautions about marriages with "foreign women" are not based on race but on religious differences. Our shared heritage, tracing back to Adam, forms the foundation of our unity, which is realized through Christ. We must set standards for potential life partners grounded in biblical teachings, rather than on concepts absent from the Bible.

Fathers bear the duty to meticulously steer and mold individuals who may eventually be deemed appropriate partners for their offspring.

Baucham underscores the significance of raising sons to embody sacred principles and stresses the necessity of surrounding them with individuals who personify these moral benchmarks. There are occasions when guidance and direction must be given to young men who struggle to meet the biblical standards for marriage. Caleb, in his quest to find an appropriate spouse for his daughter, surrounded himself with men of honor, sought guidance from a higher power in making his declarations, and had such confidence in the integrity of his companions that he was prepared to offer his daughter's hand in marriage to any one of them.

Other Perspectives

• Personal autonomy and agency of young women should be respected, allowing them to make informed decisions about their relationships and intimacy.
• Emphasizing purity can sometimes lead to shame and guilt surrounding natural sexual feelings and desires.
• Over-supervision can hinder the development of trust and independence in young women.
• Spiritual devotion and personal development should not be mutually exclusive with experiencing romantic relationships.
• Encouraging talents solely for the purpose of honoring God might overlook the intrinsic value of personal fulfillment and societal contribution.
• Protecting daughters from setbacks may prevent them from learning valuable life lessons through personal experience.
• The emphasis on the father's role in selecting a spouse could undermine the daughter's preferences and choices in a life partner.
• Focusing on qualities over ethnicity is important, but it's also essential to acknowledge and respect cultural differences and their impact on a person's identity.
• The idea of molding suitable partners may not take into account the individual paths and autonomy of young men, who also have the right to shape their own identities and beliefs.

A father has the responsibility to guide and shape young men to be ready for marriage, ensuring they embody a profound dedication to their spiritual beliefs.

It is imperative for fathers to deliberately nurture their sons in a manner that equips them to meet the qualifications for husbands as outlined in the Bible.

Baucham asserts that fathers bear the responsibility of steering their sons toward a virtuous life. It is crucial to be discerning in our relationships to safeguard our children's innocence, emotional well-being, and concentration, and to shield them from influences that might steer them from ethical principles. We should take an active role in selecting prospective partners for our daughters, welcome them into the safety of our household, and assist in their growth by offering guidance and equipping them to be the companions worthy of our daughters.

Teaching sons the responsibilities associated with leadership and living according to biblical principles is essential.

Fathers must proactively nurture moral excellence in their sons. It is incumbent upon parents to actively cultivate in their sons an understanding of spiritual masculinity and the duties associated with leadership. The method includes teaching them to recognize the importance of hard work, the dangers of idleness, and how to differentiate between daydreamers and individuals who establish concrete goals. A father has the crucial responsibility of teaching his sons the importance of adequately supporting their families. Sons must learn from their fathers that being a husband involves more than just providing for physical necessities.

Fathers must take the initiative to develop and demonstrate moral qualities within their male children.

It is primarily the father's responsibility to mold their sons into men who demonstrate virtuous qualities in accordance with godliness. The influence of a father is of unmatched importance, exceeding the roles of the local church, the mother, and peers. He underscores to fathers the critical duty of significantly shaping their sons' growth. He uses A.W. Tozer's experiences to underscore the significance of placing family responsibilities before ministry duties. Tozer, despite his profound dedication to God, regrettably failed to provide his family with the necessary attention. Baucham sees this as a tragedy and reminds us that raising godly sons is a key part of the great commission.

Fathers are responsible for mentoring and providing assistance to young men who demonstrate traits indicative of a devout life.

The writer underscores the pivotal responsibility that fathers hold in providing unwavering encouragement to young men, particularly when they fail to meet elevated standards. We should nurture the qualities in them that we hope to find in our daughters' future partners. While this is especially important for those raising sons, fathers with daughters should also seek out young men in need of investment since statistically it is very unlikely that we can count on our sons being suitable matches for our daughters.

Fathers have the responsibility of nurturing and building relationships with the young men in their church and community.

It is essential for our sons to consistently be in the company of virtuous peers, and we should deliberately seek out and present to our daughters individuals who embody unwavering ethical integrity. While it may appear difficult, the truth is that it was not. Fathers who actively engage with their local congregations often find themselves presented with numerous opportunities. He might engage in gatherings for men, start conversations rooted in biblical teachings, contribute to Sunday School instruction, and help with events for the youth, among various other church-related activities. These ministries offer chances to observe young men participating in devotional activities, which grants a deeper understanding of their personal qualities. Baucham underscores the importance of deliberate and strategic mentoring for boys, pointing out that in numerous households, the lack of such guidance may lead to situations where males, poised for substantial duties like matrimony, require more than a rudimentary grasp of these positions.

Homes should be environments where fathers exemplify and nurture true masculine qualities based on biblical principles.

Voddie Baucham Jr. firmly believes that the family setting is ideally suited for acquainting young men with the scriptural foundations that define authentic masculinity. Fathers should make a concerted effort to regularly welcome young men into their homes. This experience provides the young man with a biblical example to follow and gives the father an opportunity to watch how the young man behaves with his daughter in a supervised environment.

Men play a crucial part in offering guidance and spiritual leadership to young men, irrespective of familial ties.

Baucham believes that it is likely, even within a multigenerational church filled with godly young men, that fathers may have to take a more active role in their daughters’ relationships than merely overseeing and guiding them from a distance in the background. He emphasizes the solemn duty of fathers to prepare and mentor their daughters' prospective partners for the obligations associated with marriage. Baucham emphasizes the importance of dedicating time and effort to prepare those who may seek to marry.

Other Perspectives

• The responsibility of guiding young men to be ready for marriage should not rest solely on fathers; mothers and other family members can also provide valuable perspectives and guidance.
• The qualifications for husbands as outlined in the Bible may not be applicable or desirable to all individuals or cultures, and alternative moral frameworks can also lead to successful marriages.
• Leadership responsibilities and living according to biblical principles might not align with every individual's beliefs or values, and it is important to respect and nurture different worldviews.
• Moral qualities are subjective and can be developed through various means, not exclusively through paternal influence or biblical teachings.
• It is important for young men to learn from a variety of role models and experiences, not just from mentoring by fathers or father figures.
• Building relationships with young men in the church and community should be inclusive of diverse perspectives and not limited to those who share the same spiritual beliefs.
• Homes can be nurturing environments for a variety of masculine qualities, not just those based on biblical principles, and should be welcoming to all expressions of gender identity.
• Spiritual leadership and guidance can come from many sources, including women and non-familial mentors, and should not be seen as the exclusive domain of men.