PDF Summary:Thicker than Water, by Kerry Washington

In her memoir Thicker than Water, author Kerry Washington explores the complexities of family relationships and personal identity. She grapples with the weight of long-held family secrets and deceptions that strained bonds with her parents. The book delves into Washington's journey of self-discovery—from coming to terms with the truth of her biological father to finding fulfillment in acting and championing social causes.

Washington offers raw reflection on overcoming trauma, body image struggles, and an eating disorder. Her path leads her to embrace the truths unveiled about her origins and ultimately find purpose through artistic expression and advocacy. The author's pursuit to understand her multifaceted identity unravels an honest, transformative narrative.

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Kerry Washington's engagement in advocacy and political activities fostered a deeper understanding of her purpose and reinforced her connection with the community.

The author fosters a deep bond and finds her calling by engaging in advocacy and political endeavors. Her understanding of who she is has been molded through her own life events as well as her involvement with the wider community.

In the article, the narrative delivers a complex and nuanced exploration into the writer's personal growth, highlighting her journey toward a deeper and more complex understanding of her own sense of self.

Practical Tips

• Volunteer for a cause that resonates with you for a short, fixed period, like one month. Choose a local organization or an online platform that needs help in an area you're passionate about. This will give you a hands-on experience of advocacy and may deepen your understanding of your own purpose through direct involvement.
• Start a neighborhood skill-share program to foster community engagement and support. Identify a skill you have, such as cooking, basic home repairs, or web design, and offer to teach it to others in your community for free. In turn, you can learn from others who share their skills. This exchange can create a sense of belonging and mutual support within your community.
• Create a digital suggestion box for your community or workplace to collect ideas for improvement and encourage democratic participation. Use a simple online survey tool to gather anonymous feedback and share the results with decision-makers. This can demonstrate the power of collective voice and might lead to actual changes based on community consensus.
• Create a personal growth timeline that marks significant life events and the skills or lessons learned from each. This visual representation can help you see your development trajectory and inspire future growth. For instance, if you learned time management from balancing work and school, place that on your timeline as a skill acquired.
• Start a personal 'sense of self' journal where you write daily reflections focused on your actions, thoughts, and feelings. This practice encourages introspection and can lead to a deeper understanding of your personal identity. For example, after a day at work or school, jot down moments when you felt most like yourself and times when you didn't, and explore the reasons behind these feelings.

The writer's journey is marked by overcoming hardships, mistreatment, and struggles with self-image as well as an eating disorder.

The protagonist's early years were marred by incidents of treachery and sexual abuse.

The author describes being sexually violated by a childhood friend, and the lasting impact this had on her.

The author endured traumatic experiences during her early years, including sexual abuse by an acquaintance during overnight stays. Her concealed truths, which involved profound acts of betrayal and violation, have left lasting scars. Despite not blaming her friend, who was also grappling with his own issues, the silence on these events overshadowed her emotional health.

Context

• Access to supportive friends, family, or professional counseling can be crucial for healing and recovery from such traumatic experiences.
• Experiencing betrayal by someone close can lead to difficulties in trusting others, impacting personal and professional relationships.
• The decision not to blame can be a coping mechanism, helping the victim manage feelings of betrayal and maintain a sense of control over their narrative.
• In many cultures, there is a stigma attached to discussing sexual abuse, which can discourage victims from speaking out and seeking help.

The author's battle with an unhealthy relationship to food originated from her efforts to maintain a sense of control due to her parents' reluctance to address the traumatic events, leading her to suppress her emotions.

The author came to understand over time that her emotions were hidden as she dealt with a traumatic past, which included managing the aftermath of deceit after revealing her experience with sexual abuse. The family's daily life was profoundly shaped by the unacknowledged abuse, which affected their stress management strategies and led to a pursuit of control manifesting in harmful dietary patterns.

Practical Tips

• Engage in a creative outlet like painting, writing, or music whenever you feel the urge to control your food intake. Channeling your emotions into a creative activity can provide a sense of control and accomplishment that doesn't involve food, helping to break the cycle of emotional eating.
• Develop a practice of mindful acknowledgment when you feel the urge to suppress emotions. Each time you catch yourself about to push an emotion aside, pause and take a few deep breaths, acknowledging the feeling internally. You could say to yourself, "I feel anxious right now, and that's okay," which can help in gradually reducing the automatic response of suppression and encourage a healthier emotional processing.
• Develop a personal ritual to mark milestones in your recovery process. This could be as simple as lighting a candle on certain anniversaries, planting a tree, or writing a letter to yourself. Rituals can provide a sense of control and order, helping you acknowledge your progress and the challenges you've overcome.
• Organize a monthly family meeting dedicated to discussing stress and emotions openly, without judgment. During these meetings, encourage each family member to share their feelings and stressors, and together, brainstorm solutions or coping mechanisms. This regular check-in fosters a supportive environment where unspoken issues, including past abuse, can be brought to light and dealt with constructively.
• You can track your eating habits without focusing on control by keeping a photo food diary. Instead of writing down every calorie, simply take a picture of everything you eat. This visual record can help you reflect on your dietary patterns without the pressure of calorie counting, potentially revealing unconscious habits or triggers for unhealthy eating.

Struggling with self-perception and unhealthy eating patterns.

Her acting career and public persona not only escalated her struggles with maintaining a diet and a consistent exercise routine but also distorted her perception of herself.

The writer initially sought comfort in consuming food, a habit that diminished during her college years. Nourishment, previously associated with affection, now turned into a tool for self-harm. The author's odyssey transformed into a grueling pursuit characterized by an intense obsession with and detestation of her own being; alone, she confronted the trials brought on by her corporeal nature, while the sincere yet futile attempts at comfort from her family and friends failed to grasp the extent of her turmoil.

Practical Tips

• Set up a support system with friends or online communities who share similar lifestyle goals. Schedule regular check-ins to share successes, challenges, and tips. This creates a sense of accountability and provides a network of encouragement, which can be crucial when facing struggles similar to those mentioned.
• Create a visual self-perception board by collecting images and words that represent how you see yourself and how you wish to be seen. This activity helps you identify discrepancies between your self-image and aspirations. For example, if you see yourself as timid but want to be confident, place images of both traits side by side and list actions that can bridge the gap.
• Create a visual reminder of alternative comfort sources by making a collage. Gather images that represent activities or things that bring you joy and comfort other than food, such as reading, music, nature, or exercise. Place the collage somewhere you'll see it daily, like on your fridge or pantry door, to remind you of the different ways you can seek comfort.
• Create a "detestation-detox" challenge with a friend where you both commit to a week of eliminating negative self-talk. Whenever you catch yourself engaging in self-criticism, you replace it with a constructive or neutral thought. This can help rewire habitual thought patterns that contribute to self-obsession and detestation.
• You can reflect on your physical challenges by keeping a "Body Journal" where you document daily how your body feels and any physical obstacles you encounter. This practice can increase self-awareness and help you identify patterns or triggers that exacerbate physical trials. For example, you might notice that sitting for long periods worsens back pain, prompting you to take regular breaks to stretch or walk.
• Develop a communication toolkit for expressing your emotional needs to others. This could include creating a list of specific phrases or keywords that accurately describe your feelings, which you can share with friends and family. Practice using these phrases in low-stress situations so you'll be prepared to communicate clearly when you're experiencing turmoil.

The author's journey to overcome her eating disorder and attain self-acceptance required continuous and persistent effort.

The author developed a detrimental routine of poor dietary choices and a distorted body image, further intensified by the demands to maintain an impeccable appearance in the entertainment industry. The author undertook a path of self-discovery, seeking support and counseling along the way, and learned to embrace her individual imperfections.

Context

• Social media and paparazzi can amplify this pressure by constantly showcasing celebrities' appearances, often highlighting any perceived flaws or changes.
• Counseling can provide a safe space for individuals to explore underlying emotional issues, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and build self-esteem.
• Practices like mindfulness and self-compassion can aid in recognizing and accepting one's flaws without judgment, fostering a more positive relationship with oneself.

The author's journey through pregnancy and the transition into motherhood heightened her appreciation for her body.

The advent of becoming a mother marked a profound shift in the author's perception of her physical self and opened the door to personal transformation. Embracing a chance to foster a positive relationship with nutrition and encourage a more compassionate view of one's body represented a significant shift away from a past characterized by self-restriction, stringent self-control, and severe self-criticism.

Context

• Pregnancy often involves significant physical changes, which can lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of the body's capabilities and resilience.
• Motherhood can shift priorities, leading individuals to focus more on health and well-being rather than appearance alone.
• Personal transformation may involve adopting practices of mindfulness and being present, which can improve overall life satisfaction and reduce anxiety.
• Media often perpetuates unrealistic body standards, and moving towards self-compassion can involve critically assessing and rejecting these portrayals.

Kerry Washington's commitment to social and political issues, coupled with her journey in the performing arts

The author shares insights and experiences from a multifaceted life that includes navigating fame, maintaining a public persona, and engaging in social/political advocacy.

Navigating the obstacles and attention inherent in a life lived in the public eye.

The character Olivia Pope from the popular television series had a profound influence on the author's life. The transition from anonymity to celebrity brought new challenges, including maintaining her individuality and confidentiality amidst alterations in her creative work and the public's perception of her.

The author found solace and a sanctuary in acting, transforming personal challenges into the energy for her performances. As her career advanced, she encountered heightened pressures alongside her growing success. Her mother viewed her as a crucial contributor to the family's finances, thereby increasing the pressure to obtain acting jobs. The anxiety leading up to the auditions frequently led to self-doubt, undermining the likelihood of obtaining roles and creating a resentful attitude toward the audition process.

The author encountered intense rivalry during auditions, contending with the slim chances of success in the acting industry. Her maternal figure's acknowledgment of this reality placed a strong focus on professional achievement, which subsequently molded her ambition to pursue financial prosperity.

Her participation was pivotal in linking artistic expression with transformative societal change. Kerry Washington's early role as Chenille in "Save the Last Dance," which broke down stereotypes, became iconic yet did not alleviate her financial worries, leading her to supplement her income by working as a substitute teacher and a yoga instructor while steadfastly chasing her dreams in the realm of acting and stage performance.

Portraying Niecy in "Lift" broadened her range of abilities, and embracing the part of Cheney prepared her for the intricate challenges associated with projects that have a political theme. Kerry Washington's ascent to stardom via her portrayal in "Scandal" prompted a reassessment of her self-perception as she navigated the expected traits of her television persona alongside the actualities of her private existence, which was under the constant gaze of the public.

The author explores the complex emotions tied to progressing beyond her renowned role as Olivia Pope and her involvement in "Scandal," reflecting on her identity beyond this specific character. She recognizes the significant impact her achievements have had on cultural change, even though it has come at the expense of her own well-being and privacy.

Other Perspectives

• Relying heavily on a fictional character for guidance in a public life might not always provide practical solutions to real-world problems, as the scenarios presented in TV shows often simplify complex issues and resolve them in ways that are not always applicable outside of a fictional context.
• Some individuals may thrive under the spotlight and find that the attention actually enhances their creativity and drive, rather than presenting a challenge.
• The challenge of maintaining confidentiality might be mitigated by the support of a professional team that helps manage public relations and media interactions.
• The energy required for performances can be draining, leaving actors with less energy for their personal lives.
• Career advancement can also bring increased support and resources, which may alleviate some pressures.
• It may not be fair or healthy for one family member to bear the primary financial burden, as this could lead to an overdependence on the author's success.
• Some actors may experience audition anxiety without it leading to self-doubt, instead finding ways to manage their nerves and maintain confidence in their abilities.
• The focus on rivalry and slim chances may overlook the collaborative nature of the acting community, where actors often support and help each other find opportunities.
• A mother's acknowledgment of industry reality might not necessarily shape ambition for financial prosperity; instead, it could instill a sense of realism and caution in approaching the industry.
• While Washington's roles may have aimed to break down stereotypes, it's possible that they also inadvertently reinforced other stereotypes or norms, which is a common critique of media representation.
• The additional jobs might have offered a sense of stability and normalcy that is often absent in the unpredictable world of acting.
• Depending on the complexity of the character Niecy and the demands of the role in "Lift," the impact on the actress's abilities could vary; some roles may offer more growth opportunities than others.
• The role in "Scandal" might have reinforced existing aspects of self-perception rather than prompting a complete reassessment.
• While exploring emotions beyond the role of Olivia Pope is valuable, it may be difficult for audiences to disassociate the actor from such an iconic character, potentially overshadowing the actor's other work.
• The focus on the impact of achievements on cultural change can overshadow other important contributions and forms of activism that may be more directly influential.
• Achievements in the public eye can sometimes enhance well-being by providing a sense of accomplishment and validation.

Leveraging her platform for social and political change

In parallel to her acting career, the author was deeply involved in advocacy work. Her commitment to championing important causes was strengthened through her active participation in Obama's campaign. After the campaign, the author founded Simpson Street, a production company committed to elevating often ignored perspectives and telling captivating stories, as evidenced by "Confirmation," a project centered on the personal story of Anita Hill.

The author's vocal support for equality among genders and races raised her to a position of significant influence. She continued her commitment to initiatives that resonated with her social and political beliefs, maintaining a balance between prominent acting roles and respected roles on presidential advisory committees. She contributed to the advancement of arts education by being involved in the Turnaround Arts program, offering guidance to the President's committee on cultural and humanistic disciplines.

The author utilized her high-profile status, gained from her leading part in "Scandal," to influence societal transformation. She harnessed her unique position as both a creator and a champion for change to influence policy and public discourse, promoting fairness and inclusion, which imbued her work and life pursuits with deep significance.

Practical Tips

• Volunteer for virtual text-banking to support an advocacy group from the comfort of your home. Many organizations look for volunteers to send out pre-written messages or have conversations with people about important issues, which can be done through a simple web interface.
• Engage with your community by starting a discussion group focused on political topics or current events. Find a public space like a library or a coffee shop that would host the group, then advertise on community boards or social media to gather participants. This encourages civic engagement and provides a platform for sharing ideas and learning from others' perspectives.
• Create a visual art piece that captures the essence of a personal narrative that has influenced you, such as a painting or digital collage. This form of expression can help you process your own experiences and communicate them to others in a non-verbal way. For instance, if a particular testimony has resonated with you, use colors, shapes, and textures to represent the emotions and themes of that story, and then display your artwork in local community centers or online galleries to inspire conversations.
• Create a habit of consuming media and content created by a diverse range of voices, especially those from genders and races different from your own. This can broaden your perspective and challenge any preconceived notions. For instance, if you typically read books by authors of a certain race or gender, make a conscious effort to seek out works by those from underrepresented groups.

Other Perspectives

• There is a possibility that the production company's projects could be perceived as niche or advocacy-driven, which might limit their appeal to broader audiences who are looking for entertainment rather than political or social messaging.
• Being on a presidential advisory committee often requires navigating complex political landscapes, which can limit the extent to which one can openly advocate for change.
• The scope of the author's contribution to the advancement of arts education might be limited if the Turnaround Arts program only reaches a small number of schools or communities.
• The impact of the author's guidance on actual policy outcomes and implementations is unclear, as advisory roles can often be more ceremonial than influential in the decision-making process.
• High-profile status does not necessarily equate to effective influence; celebrity activism can sometimes be perceived as out of touch with the general public.
• Promoting fairness and inclusion is a complex task, and the impact of the author's efforts on actual societal transformation can be difficult to measure or quantify.