PDF Summary:The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, by Laura Schlessinger

Establishing a harmonious and fulfilling marriage requires intentional effort from both partners. In The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Laura Schlessinger emphasizes the crucial role a wife plays in nourishing her husband's emotional well-being and cultivating an environment of trust, respect, and intimacy.

She underscores the importance of appreciating a husband's unique characteristics, nurturing his emotional needs, and fostering a supportive atmosphere. By acknowledging his efforts, engaging in open communication, and allowing him space for personal growth, a wife can strengthen the marital bond and promote mutual understanding.

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Men require not only physical closeness but also a deep emotional connection.

Schlessinger suggests that the psychological well-being of men is greatly affected by intimate emotional connections and their tangible proximity. Sex within marriage, while undeniably significant, often acts as a physical manifestation of a more profound emotional bond experienced by men. Husbands crave a connection that goes beyond just physical closeness, encompassing emotional openness and shared experiences with their partners. Dr. Laura Schlessinger emphasizes that often, wives misconstrue their husbands' sexual overtures, failing to see beyond the physical desire to the underlying longing for emotional intimacy. A spouse strengthens the vital emotional connection by starting meaningful conversations, showing excitement about his hobbies and activities, and allocating moments for mutual enjoyment.

Neglecting the intimate desires of their partners may lead to significant emotional distress.

Schlessinger highlights the profound emotional turmoil that can afflict husbands when their sexual desires are neglected or minimized, often unintentionally, by their spouses. Men view the act of making love as more than just a path to physical pleasure; it is also a deep expression of love, desire, and confirmation. A partner's consistent disregard for his romantic efforts or viewing intimacy as a chore can significantly impact his self-worth, conveying the impression that he is unwelcome and inadequate. Schlessinger posits that neglecting a partner's needs might result in a sense of alienation, potentially giving rise to bitterness and skepticism, and may eventually lead to a rift between partners.

It is the responsibility of the wife to foster a deeply intimate physical connection.

Dr. Schlessinger encourages women to take the initiative in fostering and sometimes initiating intimacy within the marriage. By actively demonstrating and conveying their love, wives can greatly improve the intimate aspect of their marriage. Schlessinger posits that a relationship can lose its excitement and fulfillment when the initiation of interactions is consistently the responsibility of the husband alone. By actively engaging, voicing your desires, and embracing novel adventures, you preserve the vibrancy and communicate confidence, attraction, and shared excitement, all essential elements in making a husband sense that he is valued and satisfied within the marriage.

A husband's needs can be fulfilled when his spouse is receptive, cooperative, and willing to explore new experiences.

To strengthen your bond and attend to your spouse's intimate needs, Schlessinger recommends maintaining an open and curious attitude about the physical aspects of your partnership. To foster a secure environment where both partners can freely explore their sexual identities, it's essential to share your own desires and fantasies and to be receptive to his, thereby encouraging transparent and open dialogue. Responding to his advances with enthusiasm and genuine happiness conveys to him that he is cherished and appealing. Schlessinger encourages a method of lighthearted discovery that eschews trepidation or negative judgment when trying new things.

A man's confidence and the strength of the marriage bond are bolstered when he receives expressions of love from his spouse.

By demonstrating her affection for her spouse both verbally and behaviorally, she can enhance his self-assurance and fortify the connection between them. Laura Schlessinger suggests that men's confidence is enhanced in multiple areas when they feel wanted by their significant others. This self-assuredness subsequently strengthens the bond between spouses, nurturing increased love and benevolence, as well as a heightened willingness to exchange feelings. Expressing love and intentionally fostering intimacy can powerfully convey your commitment and love, thus cultivating a deep sense of togetherness and shared pleasure that fortifies the bond between you.

Other Perspectives

• The text may overgeneralize the emotional and intimate needs of men, as these needs can vary greatly from individual to individual.
• It could be argued that the responsibility for fostering intimacy in a marriage should not be placed solely on wives; it is a mutual effort that requires both partners to communicate and work together.
• The emphasis on wives initiating intimacy might overlook the importance of mutual consent and the idea that both partners should feel comfortable with the pace and nature of their physical relationship.
• The idea that men primarily need respect, acceptance, and desire might be seen as reinforcing traditional gender roles that do not apply to all men or all relationships.
• The text might not adequately address the emotional and intimate needs of women, which are equally important in a balanced and healthy marriage.
• The focus on physical attractiveness and strength as sources of validation for men could perpetuate stereotypes that do not resonate with all individuals or couples.
• The suggestion that a lack of intimacy leads to emotional distress and self-worth issues in men could imply that their emotional well-being is solely dependent on their spouse's actions, which might not be a fair or complete representation of men's emotional resilience.
• The recommendation for wives to respond with enthusiasm to their husbands' advances might not take into account the complexities of sexual desire and the importance of genuine mutual interest rather than performative enthusiasm.

Recognizing the distinct personality of a husband, his inherently masculine traits, and his inclination to cherish independence.

Schlessinger emphasizes the importance of respecting a husband's unique character, innate masculinity, and his need for independence within the confines of marriage. She argues that maintaining personal identity, pursuing personal interests, and self-growth are crucial for a flourishing relationship, as is the unwavering commitment to familial responsibilities.

Wives should acknowledge and support their husbands' unique characteristics and interests.

Schlessinger contends that trying to transform your spouse into someone else is a surefire way to court catastrophe. Acknowledging the distinct traits and preferences of a partner is crucial for fostering a relationship grounded in mutual respect and esteem. Schlessinger recommends that spouses should not be coerced into engaging in activities they find unpleasant, conforming to specific social expectations, or abandoning hobbies that bring them joy. Embracing all facets of who he is sends a powerful signal of love and acceptance, thereby making him feel valued and truly loved for his unique self.

Allowing him to pursue hobbies and activities without guilt or resentment is important

Laura Schlessinger emphasizes the importance of a husband pursuing his own pastimes and areas of interest freely, without feeling guilty or facing bitterness, as a means to nurture his contentment and strengthen the marital bond. Like you, he deserves chances to engage in activities that bring him joy, peace, and a sense of personal achievement, separate from his duties to family and spouse. Schlessinger posits that if a wife tries to control or restrict her husband's independence in these areas, it could result in feelings of entrapment, stress, and resentment within the relationship.

Granting your husband the freedom to occasionally enjoy the company of his friends demonstrates your trust in him.

Schlessinger emphasizes the importance of husbands spending time with peers, which nurtures fellowship and bolsters their mental well-being. During this time, he can engage in pastimes that embody his manliness, pause his household responsibilities, and partake in interests that may differ from those of his partner. Schlessinger suggests that by being reluctant or obstructive towards these social events, one might inadvertently foster feelings of mistrust and bitterness. She emphasizes the significance of valuing his social engagements, not as an indication of a lack of emotional connection, but as an acknowledgment of his individual needs and a validation of his distinct personality.

Couples should embrace each other's true selves instead of trying to change them.

Schlessinger contends that trying to change or control your husband can be detrimental, not just to his self-esteem but also to the health of your marriage. Trying to shape your spouse into an idealized version of what you want may lead to deep-seated bitterness, since he has his own feelings and the ability to make autonomous decisions. Schlessinger encourages embracing his unique traits while concentrating on personal development and conduct.

Constant criticism and picking apart his choices can undermine his sense of manhood.

Schlessinger argues that women often engage in detrimental actions like demeaning, grumbling, or criticizing their partners' decisions in their efforts to sway the men they are married to. These actions gradually undermine his self-perception of masculinity, resulting in a reduced feeling of competence and strength. Schlessinger suggests that men naturally associate their sense of self-worth with their ability to make decisions and take action confidently, without ongoing uncertainty. Constantly bombarding him with criticism, complaints, and demands undermines his confidence and makes him less inclined to share his most profound thoughts and feelings.

Demonstrating trust in his decisions and providing support, particularly when they differ from her preferences, fosters mutual respect.

Schlessinger emphasizes the significance of fostering a partnership in matrimony that is based on mutual respect and support, and involves endorsing and having faith in his decisions, even when they are not aligned with your own. Engaging in open dialogue and exhibiting a readiness to find middle ground during disagreements not only conveys esteem for his discernment but also trust in his decision-making capabilities. Laura Schlessinger recognizes that numerous women hold the conviction that their approaches are exclusively valid and often exert control over every facet of domestic life. She advises wives to trust in their spouses' competencies, especially in traditionally masculine tasks like financial management, home repairs, or vehicle upkeep, and to rely less on external assistance.

Other Perspectives

• While recognizing a husband's unique personality and traits is important, it's also essential to acknowledge that not all men will identify with traditionally masculine traits, and such generalizations may not apply to every individual.
• Acknowledging and supporting a husband's interests should be reciprocal; husbands should also support and acknowledge their wives' unique characteristics and interests.
• Pursuing hobbies and activities is important for both partners, but it should be balanced with shared activities and responsibilities to maintain a healthy relationship.
• While granting freedom to enjoy the company of friends is a sign of trust, it's also important for both partners to ensure that their social activities do not neglect or disrespect the relationship.
• Embracing each other's true selves should not preclude personal growth or compromise; sometimes change is necessary for the health and evolution of the relationship.
• Constructive criticism can be a healthy part of a relationship when done respectfully and can contribute to personal growth and better decision-making for both partners.
• Trust in a partner's decisions is important, but it should not exclude the other partner from having a say in important matters, especially when those decisions impact both individuals or the family.