PDF Summary:The Master Guides: Understanding and Using Body Language, by Shortform

Do you wish you could better understand the ways people communicate with their body language? Nonverbal communication plays a huge role in how people express emotions and interact with each other. With an understanding of how to use and interpret body language, you can more easily form connections with others, adapt your nonverbal signals to suit different situations, and even alter your emotional state.

In Shortform’s Master Guide to Understanding and Using Body Language, we’ve collected insights from nine experts in nonverbal communication, including self-help authors, former FBI agents, behavioral experts, and leadership specialists. We’ll discuss how body language impacts our communication, as well as some of the most important contextual factors that should influence how we interpret nonverbal signals. Finally, we’ll look at a selection of nonverbal cues you can use to show others you’re open to friendship—and that may indicate whether or not others feel the same way.

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Culture: Some cultures might display more intimacy than others, such as through hugs and physical touch. If you aren’t aware of this context and come from a culture where this isn’t the case, you might interpret this tendency as overly familiar or indicative of a lack of personal boundaries.

Differences in Nonverbal Communication Across Cultures

Several categories of body language often differ between cultures. Understanding these differences can help you avoid offending people from cultures different from your own. It may also help you understand why someone is displaying body language contrary to what you expect. Here are a couple of the most prominent cultural variations:

1. Level of eye contact. Conventions around eye contact differ widely between parts of the world. In Western countries, maintaining eye contact typically indicates confidence, respect, and interest—it’s viewed positively. However, in many Asian, Latin American, African, and North American Indigenous cultures, holding eye contact may be seen as adversarial or hostile. Additionally, people from those cultures may consider holding eye contact with elders and superiors rude.

2. Variation in hand gestures. The meaning of some communicative hand gestures also varies widely. Some gestures express a benign message in one culture but are highly offensive in another. For example, people use the thumbs-up sign in most of Europe and North America as an affirmative or an indicator that someone’s doing a good job. However, in the Middle East and Greece, it’s an insulting gesture of rejection or contempt.

In The Laws of Human Nature, Greene also warns not to universally assign cues to certain emotions: Different people may use the same nonverbal cue to express different emotions. For example, one person may speak louder when they’re excited; another may do so when they’re upset.

Get a Baseline Understanding of People’s Body Language

To understand when body language indicates a certain emotion for a certain person, it’s important to establish their baseline of “normal” body language: a set of nonverbal cues that signal they’re in a neutral emotional state. Once you have this knowledge of their “normal” body language, you can more easily notice and interpret cues that represent strong emotions for them—the cues will differ from the baseline.

For example, after establishing a baseline for one person, you may find that they habitually tap their foot and it doesn’t indicate anything specific about how they’re feeling. However, they don’t typically tap their fingers—if they’re doing so, this may suggest they’re experiencing a stronger emotion such as anxiety or impatience.

In What Every Body Is Saying, Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlins further explain how to determine and use this baseline. First, make a mental record of a person’s behaviors at the start of your interaction. This allows you to get a baseline to measure your future observations against.

Second, when analyzing someone’s baseline behavior, assess it in the context of the situation they’re in. Consider things such as their surroundings and what they’re doing there so you can know what behaviors to expect and what behaviors are abnormal. For example, you should expect someone at a job interview to show more nervous behavior than someone shopping at a grocery store.

Greene (The Laws of Human Nature) also offers advice for establishing someone’s baseline body language. He advises that when you’re studying a certain person, watch her interact with a variety of people to figure out her default emotion. Then, pay attention to changes from this baseline. For instance, if a normally cheerful person is smiling, that doesn’t tell you much. However, if a normally neutral person is smiling, that probably indicates emotion.

Contextual Factor #2: Consider All Nonverbal Cues Together

In The Dictionary of Body Language, Navarro suggests also taking a person’s whole body language into account before deciding what a particular cue means. This can prevent you from misinterpreting their nonverbal communication—the combination of cues will typically paint a clearer picture of their emotional state than an isolated one.

For example, when someone smiles at another person, we typically perceive it as a cue of affection, kindness, or joy. However, a smile on its own doesn’t present the whole picture. If the person is displaying signs of tension or discomfort as well—if the muscles around their eyes are tense, their feet are pointed away from the person they’re talking to, and so on—then their smile may not represent true affection or friendliness, but forced friendliness that hides discomfort.

Reading and Crafting Body Language to Make Friends

Once you understand the importance and context of body language cues, you can begin to reliably interpret other people’s nonverbal communication. Likewise, you can craft effective body language to put forth the signals you want other people to see. This will help you to more easily form connections and make friends.

In this final section, we’ll discuss cues that demonstrate openness, friendliness, and confidence. We’ll also discuss cues that suggest someone isn’t interested in a connection.

Understand Open and Friendly Body Language

Friendly body language tends to be open and relaxed. These cues communicate interest, trust, and willingness to engage. If you’re approaching or trying to get to know someone, look for these cues to determine whether they’re open to it. Additionally, amend your body language so other people know you’re friendly, too.

Smiling

Schafer and Karlins state in The Like Switch that smiling is one of the most powerful ways to signal affection and openness. Furthermore, smiling people are seen as more attractive and more confident.

However, in How to Talk to Anyone, Lowndes warns not to flash a smile at a stranger too quickly. People don’t respond warmly to quick, instinctive smiles because they interpret them as impersonal—they assume that you’re flashing that smile at anyone you come across. They’ll then respond in kind by acting detached or distant.

Lowndes suggests that to get a warm response, you should instead look the recipient in the eyes, pause briefly, and then let out a big, warm smile while maintaining eye contact. The delay will convince recipients that you’re smiling just for them, and they’ll instantly feel like you’re happy to meet them.

Flashing the Eyebrows

According to Schafer and Karlins, another cue that signals friendliness when greeting others is lifting your eyebrows and returning them to their resting position in a single, rapid movement. In The Like Switch, they argue that if someone doesn’t flash their eyebrows in greeting, we subconsciously perceive that person as someone to avoid.

Navarro (The Dictionary of Body Language) adds that we often flash our eyebrows when greeting friends and family. The movement happens in less than a second, signifying that we’re happy and excited to see the people we’re greeting.

Giving the Person Your Full Attention

In The Fine Art of Small Talk, motivational speaker Debra Fine recommends acting as if there are no distractions in the room when you’re conversing with someone. Face them openly and directly, and smile. Nod, make eye contact, and stay focused on the speaker. If you have trouble maintaining eye contact, Fine suggests you look at the space between their eyes instead of directly at them; they won’t be able to tell the difference.

Schafer and Karlins (The Like Switch) emphasize that torso position says a lot about two people’s interest (or lack thereof) in each other. Generally, people with good rapport orient their torsos toward each other during a conversation. Additionally, the more people lean forward, the more interested they are. Therefore, if you wish to communicate your interest, make sure you’re positioning your body accordingly.

Matching Body Language

In How to Talk to Anyone, Lowndes suggests imitating the other person’s gestures. This gives the impression that you’re similar in nature and instantly puts them at ease. For example, if they use their hands to make a point, use yours in the same way.

Schafer and Karlins affirm in The Like Switch that when you have a strong connection with someone, you naturally match their body language during your interactions. For example, if a friend leans against a wall or takes a sip of their drink, you’ll repeat those actions unconsciously.

Embrace Confident Body Language

As we touched on earlier, Schafer and Karlins argue that confidence is a great way to draw in potential friends. The best way to project confidence is to embrace confident body language. In Presence, Cuddy agrees: She states that showing people the truest, most confident version of yourself enables you to gain their trust quickly. This ability to connect with people is beneficial in countless scenarios, including meeting new friends.

Here are some body language cues you can use to communicate confidence and recognize confidence in others:

Moving Deliberately

In The Charisma Myth, leadership expert Olivia Fox Cabane recommends moving slowly and deliberately. The fewer movements you make, the more confident, in control, and authoritative you’ll seem. Restless fidgeting makes you seem distracted and agitated.

Standing Tall

Cabane also states that standing tall will make you look and feel more confident. Additionally, Lowndes argues in How to Talk to Anyone that people interpret good posture as a welcoming signal because it implies that you’re proud, you’re confident, and you have nothing to hide. They assume that you’re an accomplished person who deserves their attention.

In contrast, people interpret poor posture as unwelcoming. Trying to minimize your physical presence by slumping implies that you’re insecure or ashamed and don’t want to be approached.

Opening Up the Shoulders

According to Navarro in The Dictionary of Body Language, a strong signal of confidence is extending the shoulders to be wide and open. You might observe this in people with authority and power, such as business executives. This pose contrasts with the looser, more inward posture of someone less confident.

Cues That Signal “Stay Away”

Some body language cues signal that other people should stay away. They may register as unfriendliness, discomfort, or lack of confidence. Take note if you display any of these cues unconsciously—this could create barriers between you and potential friends. Likewise, if you notice these cues in other people, it may be time to back off. They might not be open to forming a relationship with you.

Tension in Your Face

Schafer and Karlins (The Like Switch) assert that if you display a tight jaw, a furrowed brow, and narrowed eyes, you’re communicating threatening messages. Often, we’re just tense about the stressors of our daily lives, but potential friends can easily misinterpret that as unfriendliness. Navarro (The Dictionary of Body Language) also notes that tension in the jaw and narrowed eyes typically signal anger and irritation—something most people won’t want to deal with.

Crossing Your Arms

Schafer and Karlins state that this is a protective gesture that places a barrier between you and the other person. It signals anxiety and discomfort. Navarro states that people do this when they feel unsure or unsafe because folded arms cover the soft front torso, which contains many of the most important and vulnerable internal organs. Therefore, we instinctively protect this area.

Angling the Feet Away From Someone

Navarro (The Dictionary of Body Language) states that people often angle their feet away from someone they don’t like. In social situations, this is a reliable indicator of people’s true feelings, even if they’re smiling and being polite.

Shortform Resources

For more information on using and interpreting body language, see the following Shortform guides:

• The Definitive Book of Body Language, Allan Pease and Barbara Pease
• What Every Body Is Saying, Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlins
• The Dictionary of Body Language, Joe Navarro
• The Like Switch, Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins
• How to Talk to Anyone, Leil Lowndes
• Presence, Amy Cuddy
• The Laws of Human Nature, Robert Greene
• The Charisma Myth, Olivia Fox Cabane
• The Fine Art of Small Talk, Debra Fine
• Surrounded by Idiots, Thomas Erikson

For more information on communicating effectively, see:

• Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman
• Fierce Conversations, Susan Scott
• You’re Not Listening, Kate Murphy
• Words That Change Minds, Shelle Rose Charvet
• Communication Skills Training, James Williams
• Better Small Talk, Patrick King
• Just Listen, Mark Goulston