PDF Summary:The Definitive Book of Body Language, by Allan Pease and Barbara Pease

In The Definitive Book of Body Language, communication experts and best-selling authors Allan and Barbara Pease argue that body language plays a key role in shaping interactions between people. The authors explain that during verbal interactions, people pay more attention to the facial expressions, gestures, and postures they see than the words they hear. Therefore, knowing how to interpret body language—and show the right body language—can help you communicate more effectively.

You’ll come away from this guide understanding:

• How your body language reflects and influences your emotions
• Why other people respond to you the way that they do
• How to adapt your body language to garner positive responses from others

We’ll also expand on the authors’ thoughts with psychological research, additional insights, and practical methods from other communication specialists and self-help practitioners.

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(Shortform note: Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves (Emotional Intelligence 2.0) refer to the ability to read and respond to other people’s emotions as “social awareness.” In addition to understanding body language, the authors suggest that you can develop social awareness by listening attentively, learning the rules of your environment, practicing empathy, and focusing on the present moment.)

Example: You want your date to think that you’re interesting. However, you notice that she starts people-watching and tapping her foot every time you talk about your job. Because you know that these two cues indicate boredom, you switch topics until you find something that causes her to focus her attention back on you.

(Shortform note: The authors imply that you should attempt to influence others by adapting how you present yourself, based on your observations of their body language. Psychologists call this tactic of adapting your outward presentation impression management—and they’ve found that attempting to control interactions in this way often increases feelings of self-consciousness and social anxiety. This is because it forces you to pretend to be something you’re not—for example, by suppressing your emotions or feigning interest in things that bore you. So, while adapting the way you present yourself might improve the way others perceive you, there’s a chance it won’t make you feel good about yourself.)

Part 2: How to Decode Body Language

Now that we’ve explained how paying attention to body language helps you both control your emotions and the way others perceive you, let’s explore how to decode common body language cues.

The authors suggest that you can use this information in various ways, including:

• Observing how people really feel during social and professional interactions
• Understanding why people respond to you the way that they do
• Adapting your mannerisms to garner more positive responses during your interactions

Advice on Interpreting Body Language

Before we identify individual body language cues and how to interpret them, it’s important to recognize that nonverbal cues can be subject to misinterpretation. The authors say that this is due to three reasons:

1) A single nonverbal cue can have multiple meanings depending on what other cues accompany it (much like a single word can mean different things depending on what other words are used in a sentence). For example, leaning forward can mean interest when accompanied by a smile, or it can mean aggression when accompanied by clenched fists.

2) A single nonverbal cue can have multiple meanings depending on the context in which it occurs. For example, folded arms can mean defensiveness. However, if the room is chilly, it could also mean that someone’s trying to warm themself up.

3) A single nonverbal cue can mean different things in different cultures. While most nonverbal cues are universally understood—for example, most cultures agree that smiles express positive emotions and frowns express negative ones—cultural differences remain.

(Shortform note: This guide focuses solely on how Western society interprets body language. However, as the authors state, nonverbal signals vary greatly across countries so it’s worth researching them before engaging with other cultures. For example, in America, the thumbs-up sign is an indicator of agreement or a job well done. However, in Greece or the Middle East, it’s akin to using the middle finger.)

11 Types of Body Language

Vanessa Van Edwards (Cues) also argues that nonverbal cues can be highly context-specific and she offers additional advice to help you correctly interpret them. She suggests that you observe 11 distinct categories of body language to accurately assess how people feel.

• Facial expressions: There are seven universal microexpressions that reveal our hidden emotions.

• Body proxemics: Our general movements reveal a lot about our preferences and how nervous we feel.

• Hand gestures: We read into the way people use their hands to express their emotions, tell stories, or comfort themselves.

• Ornaments: Our clothes and accessories—and the way we interact with them—are extensions of our body language.

• Interest: We express our interest in others by using subtle signals, such as flicking our hair, and obvious signals, such as winking or smiling.

• Eye gaze: Our eye movements reveal our intentions and can indicate emotions such as attraction, skepticism, and stress.

• Pacifying: These are self-soothing repetitive behaviors that serve to calm us down after experiencing something unpleasant—for example, arm rubbing or bouncing feet.

• Haptics: The way we express ourselves through touch reveals our preferences. For example, whether we choose to give someone a pat on the shoulder or a hug.

• Blocking: These cues create barriers against others. For example, touching our mouths or folding our arms.

• Paralanguage: The pitch and tone of our voice reveal how confident or anxious we are even when people aren’t paying attention to our words.

• Emblems: There are over 800 cues that we use instead of words, such as a thumbs-up to express agreement. The cues we use depend on our culture and geographic location.

Five Categories of Body Language Cues

Body language cues tend to fall into one of five categories, each displaying a person's level of friendliness, confidence, dominance, interest and agreement, and honesty.

(Shortform note: The authors organize body language cues according to specific body parts. We’ve chosen to organize them into these five categories to demonstrate how they relate to specific emotions or intentions.)

Let’s explore each of these categories in detail.

Category #1: Friendliness

Understanding the body language cues that express friendliness can be helpful in new social situations. You can use this information to make yourself appear more approachable, or you can use it to gauge whether other people are open to conversing with you before approaching them.

According to the authors, people who are friendly and approachable tend to hold a relaxed and open posture (for instance, standing tall with their arms held loosely by their sides), raise their eyebrows to signal that they’re happy to engage in conversation, make eye contact, and smile. On the other hand, people who don’t want to be approached tend to hold a stiff or guarded posture (for example slouching with their arms folded), avoid eye contact, and frown.

(Shortform note: Leil Lowndes (How to Talk to Anyone) adds insight into how appearing approachable makes it easier to navigate social situations. She says the need to be liked governs all social interactions and people gravitate toward those who appear to like them. This is because everyone wants to feel adored, appreciated, and good about themselves. She explains that holding a guarded posture makes people unsure about whether you like them, and this makes them feel self-conscious around you. On the other hand, holding a relaxed posture assures them that you do like them, and this encourages them to feel at ease around you and enjoy your company—because you make it easy for them to feel good about themselves.)

Category #2: Confidence

Understanding the body language cues that express confidence can serve a variety of purposes. For instance, you can use this information during professional situations to appear more self-assured and competent. During social interactions, you can use it to figure out how comfortable and at ease others feel around you.

According to Allan and Barbara Pease, confident people tend to stand or sit up straight with their feet apart and their heads held high and make regular eye contact. On the other hand, unconfident people tend to slouch, guard themselves (for example, by folding their arms, crossing their legs, or holding something in front of their bodies), fidget (they might bite their nails, tap their feet, or play with jewelry), and avoid eye contact.

(Shortform note: An advantage of adopting confident body language is that it can help advance your career. Research suggests that there’s a strong correlation between appearing confident and being perceived as competent, irrespective of your actual work performance. This is due to confirmation bias: When you project confidence, people tend to assume that you’re confident and interpret everything they observe about you to align with this assumption, often disregarding your shortcomings. In contrast, when you project insecurities, people may question your abilities and interpret minor mistakes as “evidence” of your incompetence, making it difficult to earn respect and advance your career.)

Category #3: Dominance

Understanding the body language cues that express dominance can be helpful in various contexts. For instance, you can use this information to make yourself appear more authoritative when giving a speech or to navigate the power dynamics in social and professional groups.

The authors suggest that dominant people tend to hold an expansive posture (for example, standing with their legs spread and hands on hips, or sitting upright with elbows pointed out), lower their eyebrows, maintain eye contact on the area between the other person’s eyes, place their palms on top and face down when shaking hands, and keep their palms face down while they talk.

On the other hand, submissive people tend to hold a reserved posture (for example, sitting with their shoulders hunched, their head tilted, and their elbows tucked inside the chair), raise their eyebrows, break eye contact first, keep their palms beneath and face up when shaking hands, and keep their palms face up when they talk.

Personality Types and Power Dynamics

Thomas Erikson (Surrounded by Idiots) expands on what the authors say about dominant body language by explaining that certain types of personalities are more likely to display dominant or submissive behaviors. He says people fall into one of four personality types. Each of these types has different motivations that drive their behaviors, determining how dominant or submissive they appear:

Red personality: Driven by the desire to dominate or lead others, these people often display direct and aggressive body language, such as shaking hands firmly or using sharp hand gestures.

Yellow personality: Driven by the desire to inspire or influence others, these people often display intimate body language, such as sitting close to or touching people frequently.

Green personality: Driven by the desire for routine and security, these people often display relaxed body language, such as maintaining friendly eye contact and smiles.

Blue personality: Driven by the desire to comply, or to do things as they’re meant to be done, these people often display reserved body language, such as sitting perfectly still or crossing their arms or legs.

Category #4: Interest and Agreement

Understanding the body language cues that express interest and agreement can help you navigate various situations. For instance, you can use this information to express enthusiasm and build rapport when on a date, gauge the level of curiosity potential customers have about what you’re selling, or assess whether your manager supports your ideas and proposals.

According to the Peases, when people are interested in and agree with what’s being said, they plant both feet firmly on the ground while pointing them toward the person talking, maintain eye contact for more than two-thirds of the time, slowly nod their heads, and mirror the gestures of the person speaking.

On the other hand, when people aren’t interested or don’t agree with what’s being said, they point their feet away from the person speaking and either shift their weight from foot to foot or stand on the balls of their feet as if ready to move, lower their eyebrows and look everywhere but at the person talking, conceal their hands in their pockets or use them to support their heads, and nod their heads quickly or shake their heads from side-to-side. They may also fidget a lot—for example, putting something in their mouths, picking imaginary lint off their clothes, or scratching their necks.

(Shortform note: Dale Carnegie (How to Win Friends and Influence People) expands on this subject by suggesting that, to receive interest and agreement from others, you must first demonstrate it. Demonstrating that you value their perspectives makes people feel understood and appreciated, which makes them more receptive to your ideas. Carnegie’s strategies for expressing interest and agreement with someone include appealing to their self-interest, actively listening to what they say, and asking open-ended questions. Additionally, he emphasizes the importance of being authentic in these interactions as people often sense when someone is insincere. This can undermine the trust and respect necessary for building positive relationships.)

Category #5: Honesty

Understanding the body language cues that express honesty can help you build strong relationships and protect you from being taken advantage of. For instance, you can use this information to build trust with others or to assess whether others are lying to you about their intentions or actions.

According to the authors, when people are honest about their intentions, they tend to display the signs of friendliness and confidence that we’ve already discussed. For instance, they hold a relaxed posture, keep their palms face up while talking, and maintain eye contact. On the other hand, when people are dishonest about their intentions, they tend to make gestures that cover their mouths, eyes, or ears; blink their eyes faster than normal; and avoid eye contact.

(Shortform note: The fact that many police departments and federal agencies use body language analysis during interrogations implies that it’s a reliable method for detecting deception. However, many researchers warn that the interpretation of body language cues can be highly subjective, leading to false accusations or wrongful convictions. They explain that there’s no scientific evidence supporting the idea that a person's body language can accurately determine if they’re telling the truth, and there’s no consensus on what specific nonverbal cues indicate deception. Therefore, they suggest that police interrogations should rely more on objective evidence, such as eyewitness testimonies and forensic evidence.)