PDF Summary:The Alter Ego Effect, by Todd Herman

Do you ever wish you could deliver a speech like Martin Luther King Jr. or mow through your athletic opposition like Megan Rapinoe? Athletic performance coach and leadership advisor Todd Herman believes you can—by adopting an alter ego. In The Alter Ego Effect, Herman presents a systematic approach to performing at your best when it counts by creating, shaping, and implementing an alter ego who has all the strengths and abilities you need when the heat is on.

As we outline Herman’s vision of the alter ego, we’ll also connect his ideas to other approaches to achieving personal success, comparing and contrasting with authors like Mark Manson (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck), Tony Robbins (Awaken the Giant Within), and Ryan Holiday (Ego Is the Enemy). Finally, we’ll offer some alternative ways to tap into your potential that don’t involve the creation of an alter ego.

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Sub-Step 3: Determine Your Motivating Purpose

Finally, figure out what your purpose for achieving these goals is, advises Herman. You need a strong purpose to stay committed to your goals over the long term. Your purpose can be anything you care about deeply, whether self-focused (the desire to be wealthy and famous, for instance) or other-focused (for example, the desire to protect the oceans).

(Shortform note: While Robin Sharma, like Herman, recommends you set a purpose, his definition of it differs from Herman’s. For Sharma, a purpose is the implementation of a special ability to improve the world, while for Herman, your purpose can be self-focused. Still, you could likely find an unselfish benefit in even the most seemingly self-centered purpose: For instance, if your purpose is to make lots of money, you’d still be benefiting others by spending it.)

Ensure you have an emotional connection to your purpose, continues Herman. Emotions, not rationality, sustain a long-term commitment to your purpose. For example, if you read an article about the challenges of being a foster child, you might spend a few months volunteering for a foster organization before losing your drive. However, if you were a foster child yourself, your intense emotional desire to help other foster children will let you stick with your volunteer efforts for the rest of your life.

(Shortform note: Herman’s right to stress the importance of having an emotional connection to your purpose. Human decision-making is almost always driven by emotion, not logic. So, for you to consistently make decisions that keep you aligned with your purpose, you must want to make those decisions, not logically know that you should.)

To discover your purpose, ask yourself why you take certain actions and then keep asking “why?” in response to your answers until an answer resonates with you emotionally, counsels Herman. This emotionally resonant answer hints at your purpose and will usually be related to values like family, community, religion, country, and so on.

For instance, if you often go for walks in a forest, ask yourself “why?” Your answer might be: to connect with nature. “Why?” Because nature is soothing. “Why?” Because it makes me feel in touch with a higher power. You’ve just hit on what could be a purpose: to live more spiritually.

(Shortform note: If Herman’s recommended method for finding your purpose doesn’t work for you, consider some alternate paths to finding it: Look to others in your community to reinforce existing personal qualities that might suggest a purpose (your amazing listening skills, for instance) and to inspire you through their own purposes (you might have friends who love fitness, and this might give you the purpose of developing your physical abilities).)

Step 2: Identify Your Inner Nemesis and Its Forms

Now that you’ve set your purpose-driven goals, your next step is to identify the inner nemesis preventing you from achieving them, writes Herman. Your inner nemesis is a cluster of negative thoughts and beliefs that keep you from rising to the challenge in high-stakes moments.

(Shortform note: Both Herman and Jen Sincero, author of You Are a Badass, frequently personify mental states and processes. For Herman, your “inner nemesis” consists of negative thoughts, and for Sincero, negative thoughts are created by "the Big Snooze" (the part of you that needs validation to tame your insecurities). Both authors’ use of personification to explain otherwise complicated and unwieldy principles is effective because humans tend to naturally personify things anyway.)

Your inner nemesis can appear in a single form or in a combination of forms to prevent you from doing your best: imposter syndrome, inner wounds, and self-created stories. Let’s look at each.

Form #1: Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is the belief that your accomplishments are the result of good luck and not your talents, skill, or hard work, asserts Herman. This prevents you from taking yourself and your abilities seriously, which prevents you from trying your hardest in high-stakes moments.

(Shortform note: Imposter syndrome affects certain groups more than others. In Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg contends that women suffer from imposter syndrome more than men. What’s more, while Herman believes imposter syndrome prevents you from trying hard in high-stakes situations, other experts argue that imposter syndrome can also lead you to overachieve to make up for your perceived weaknesses—which could lead to success (though arguably not to contentment).)

Form #2: Inner Wounds

Herman writes that your inner nemesis might reopen inner wounds, which leads you to have repeated unhelpful reactions to high-stakes situations. For instance, if you had a traumatic public speaking experience as a youth, your inner nemesis might reopen that wound in adult public speaking experiences, making you nervous, fearful, and unable to do your best.

(Shortform note: Herman contends that adopting an alter ego can help you defeat your inner nemesis and specifically prevent it from reopening inner wounds at inopportune moments. But you can also take other steps to heal the inner wounds that form part of your inner nemesis: Research shows you can reduce the negative emotional impact of an inner wound by re-remembering it as if you were a spectator of the memory, not a subject. The inner wound thus loses much of its ability to derail you at critical moments.)

Form #3: Self-Created Stories

Finally, your inner nemesis might take the form of self-created stories: narratives you’ve bought into about what you’re capable of, says Herman. Self-created stories can be narratives you’ve made up about yourself (for example, “I’m terrible at tests”) or narratives members of your family or cohort have created (“Your dad’s side of the family is bad at tests, so you are, too”). These stories usually are limiting and prevent you from achieving your highest potential.

(Shortform note: Herman believes that people create stories about themselves, but it seems that story-creating isn’t confined to the individual. According to Yuval Noah Harari in 21 Lessons for the 21st Century, groups—religious organizations, nations, and political groups—also create stories. Their purpose is to unite a large group of strangers under a shared cause. Like self-created stories, stories created by groups are often incorrect or entirely fake. Their aim is merely to spur action, whether it be to turn against a neighboring nation or, in the case of individual stories, to keep you stuck in safe yet self-defeating patterns of behavior.)

Label Your Inner Nemesis

Now that you know the form or forms your inner nemesis can take, the final step of identifying it is to give it a name and shape, asserts Herman. This is because when your inner nemesis has an identifiable form, it loses much of its potency, and you create something to mentally fight against in high-stakes moments. For instance, you could envision your nemesis as a bothersome fly named after a high school bully you knew.

(Shortform note: Meditators also harness the potency-reducing powers of identifying and labeling negative emotions. By noticing and assigning names to thoughts and feelings during meditation, they gain distance from them and can see that they aren’t inherent parts of themselves, but rather passing ideas. The same might apply when you identify your inner nemesis: When you label your inner nemesis (“impostor syndrome,” for example), you see it’s merely a false belief system and not an objective truth.)

Step 3: Build Your Alter Ego

Now that you’ve identified the inner nemesis that currently prevents you from rising to the challenge in high-stakes moments, let’s move on to constructing the alter ego that will rise to the challenge in high-stakes moments. There are four sub-steps to doing this.

Sub-Step 1: Decide on an Alter Ego

To create your alter ego, decide which traits you want to bring to bear in the high-stakes moments of your chosen realm of life, advises Herman. These can be strengths, skills, behaviors, beliefs, values, attitude, posture, style of speech, mannerisms, and so on. If you struggle to pinpoint traits, you can also ask yourself: “Who do I look up to in this realm of my life and what qualities do they possess?”

(Shortform note: At this point, you might find yourself resisting Herman’s implied idea that you can take on the desirable traits, strengths, and skills of others. However, in Awaken the Giant Within, Tony Robbins offers up the notion that your current identity isn’t fixed and that you can change it—even without adopting an alter ego. The reason you might resist changing your identity is because of societal messaging that says that changing means you’re unreliable and unsure of yourself.)

Then, ask yourself who has these traits, continues Herman. This will be your alter ego. It can be a superhero, human (alive or dead, real or fictional, stranger or familiar), animal, object, machine, or anything else you feel an emotional connection to. You can even create a composite alter ego, drawing on the qualities you admire in various people or things. For instance, if you want to display the traits of generosity, strength, and honesty in your business life, you might choose the alter ego of Eleanor Roosevelt. If you want to be a speedy, inexhaustible force in your life as a marathon runner, your alter ego might be a cheetah.

(Shortform note: If you struggle to think of people who possess the traits you want your alter ego to have, consider establishing a personal panel of imaginary mentors, as Robin Sharma recommends in Who Will Cry When You Die?. This is a group of people or characters you admire and of whom you can “ask advice” on issues in their area of expertise. If you create a panel of people you admire, chances are, one of them—or a composite of them—will be a good alter ego for you.)

Herman adds that the most important aspect of your alter ego is your emotional connection to it. If you don’t feel deeply and emotionally attached to it, it won’t have the power to propel you to the next level in high-stakes moments, warns Herman.

(Shortform note: If you struggle to find an alter ego you feel emotionally connected to, consider Elizabeth Gilbert’s advice to find inspiration by being subtly inquisitive about the world around you. When you do this, you’re more likely to encounter people and things that could serve as an alter ego. Additionally, Gilbert contends that an initially mild interest in something—a medicinal plant, for instance—can evolve into the sort of strong emotional connection you need to an alter ego (if you study up on the medicinal plant, you might discover amazing properties that connect you to it emotionally, for example).)

Sub-Step 2: Name Your Alter Ego

Your next job is to name your alter ego, writes Herman. Again, the most important thing is that the name has emotional resonance for you and reflects the qualities in your alter ego. Consider incorporating a descriptor into your name (for instance, “Sharon Lightning”) or a reference to the real person, animal, or object your alter ego is based on (“Daenerys,” “The Red Panda,” or “Lucy ‘Fighter Jet’ Smith”).

(Shortform note: Herman doesn’t recommend naming your alter ego just for the fun of it: Naming people and things displays affection and helps you bond with the other entity. Assigning nicknames and pet names is a sign of a particularly strong relationship. This supports Herman’s recommendation to create a unique name using descriptors or references. Doing so will likely strengthen the bond between you and the alter ego.)

Sub-Step 3: Give Your Alter Ego an Origin Story

Now, give your alter ego an origin story that explains how they acquired their exceptional traits and the purpose and values that motivate them, writes Herman. You must give your alter ego a story, values, and purpose that drives them forward because knowing this strengthens your emotional investment in them.

(Shortform note: Herman recommends creating an origin story for your alter ego to solidify your emotional connection to them, and indeed, stories not only draw us closer to characters but also to products. In Building a StoryBrand, Donald Miller argues that strong marketing tells a story about how a product can help the customer achieve their goal and prosper. Creating a narrative greatly increases the chances of the customer buying, claims Miller.)

You can create an origin story from scratch or you can draw on existing stories of real or fictional people which are emotionally resonant to you, says Herman. For instance, if you’ve always found Vito Corleone’s (of The Godfather trilogy) origin story compelling, adapt that to your own alter ego. When creating the origin story, be sure it explains how the alter ego came to have its purpose and values. For instance, Vito Corleone developed the purpose of becoming powerful and wealthy and the values of honor and family because as a youth, he was often the victim of others’ illegal or extortionary behavior.)

(Shortform note: If you’re struggling to come up with your origin story, consider turning to books for inspiration. When reading, pay attention to how the author reveals the protagonist’s purpose and values through their origin story, so you can do the same in your own story. Additionally, you’ll find excellent origin stories in movies and especially in superhero franchises. Many of these dedicate entire feature films to developing a character’s origin story.)

Sub-Step 4: Attach an Object to Trigger Your Alter Ego

The final sub-step of building your alter ego is to find a physical object that triggers it, writes Herman. You need this because an object focuses your attention on who the alter ego is and what traits they possess, so you can take them on as an identity. A physical object also forces you to become intentional about when you bring the alter ego to the fore because you must have the object on hand and can’t simply slip into your alter ego without forethought.

(Shortform note: If you dislike the idea of having a physical object that turns on your alter ego, you might be able to enhance your focus enough to not require one. One way to do this is through meditation: While meditating, maintain focus on the breath for as long as you can. When you notice your mind’s wandered, simply return your focus to the breath. This practice can strengthen your ability to intentionally concentrate on adopting the qualities of your alter ego, possibly rendering a trigger object unnecessary.)

Herman adds that humans naturally attach meaning to objects, which is what makes them great triggers for slipping into your alter ego. For instance, because many adults feel teddy bears signify childishness, when you hold a teddy bear, you likely feel childish.

(Shortform note: Part of why humans attach meaning to certain objects might be those objects’ smells. Smell is strongly linked to memory, so when you smell something with an attached memory (a perfume might remind you of your grandmother, for instance), you can be flooded by emotions associated with that memory. If you find an object that has a smell associated with a memory (a scarf scented with your grandmother’s perfume, for example), that object might be an even more potent alter ego trigger.)

The right trigger object is something that represents your alter ego and what they stand for, advises Herman. There are three types of objects for you to consider: objects that have historical significance (an inherited trophy, for example), objects that you either wear or carry with you (a special t-shirt or a photo, for instance), or something that exists in your chosen realm of life (for instance, your standing desk or a car steering wheel).

(Shortform note: Herman recommends finding an object—heirloom, wearable, or site-specific—that carries special meaning to you. If you struggle to locate such an object, you might consider picking an object that already carries significance—like a gemstone. Cultures in Egypt, Greece, and China have historically assigned specific traits and qualities to gemstones. For instance, sapphires signify prosperity while turquoise promotes good luck. However, Herman might argue that without a unique connection to the rock, it won’t be as potent an alter ego trigger as a personal object.)

Step 4: Turn on Your Alter Ego

Now that you’ve created your alter ego and attached a trigger object to it, you can use the alter ego, asserts Herman. Do this by determining how specifically you’ll wield your object to turn on your alter ego. You must have a simple, repeatable action that officially signals the assumption of your alternate identity.

(Shortform note: Herman discusses how to use your trigger object to “turn on” your alter ego but doesn’t talk about what you can expect once your alter ego has taken over. It’s unlikely that you’ll experience the complete dissociation from your usual self that magician Anton Mesmer supposedly brought on in subjects through hypnosis. It’s more likely that you’ll need to “act as if” you have the skills and abilities of your alter ego until you become comfortable naturally displaying those skills and abilities.)

You’re best served by finding an action that, for you, “releases” your alter ego, proposes Herman. This might be donning the object if it’s wearable, touching or opening the object, or a more elaborate action (many athletes have multi-step routines that enable them to trigger their alter ego).

(Shortform note: The idea of using an object to release your alter ego may feel somewhat silly. However, others agree with Herman that engaging in such imaginative exercises can help you achieve goals. In Girl, Wash Your Face, Rachel Hollis contends that you can use fantasies to power yourself through tough situations, like difficult meetings and dull classes, to attain your aim.)

Step 5: Give Your Alter Ego a Hidden Weapon

You’ve just learned how to turn on your alter ego. Now, let’s discuss what to do when even your alter ego faces unforeseen challenges: Give your alter ego a hidden weapon. According to Herman, your inner nemesis may even attack your alter ego, leading to doubt and the resurfacing of negative self-created stories. For example, if, when you’re giving a speech, your audience protests what you’re saying, even your alter ego Michelle Obama might allow the inner nemesis to sow seeds of doubt in her abilities.

(Shortform note: Herman advises you to give your alter ego a hidden weapon to counter doubts and negative self-created stories. An alternative to this “spot treatment” approach is to cultivate general emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to be in tune with your emotions and control them. If you’re generally able to regulate your emotional response to difficulty and avoid downward emotional spirals, you might never need to rely on a hidden weapon to tune out negative self-created stories and self-doubts.)

When this happens, use your hidden weapon: Reaffirm your alter ego’s strengths, values, and abilities, insists Herman. Do this as yourself or as your alter ego, either by 1) talking back to your inner nemesis, which allows you to dismiss the critical self-talk and return to the activity, or 2) by saying a self-affirming phrase that reinforces that you deserve to be doing what you’re doing.

In the case of your speech, you might tell your inner nemesis: “You don’t get to tell me I’m not good at this. Go bother someone else (talking back). I’m a competent orator, and I can hold an audience’s attention (self-affirming phrase).”

(Shortform note: Herman proposes you battle your inner nemesis by talking back to them or saying a positive affirmation. It may be equally important to later celebrate your victory over your inner nemesis by saying another positive affirmation. In Tiny Habits, BJ Fogg contends that celebrating personal successes is critical because it lets you feel good about yourself, thereby creating emotional resilience and making it easier to achieve success the next time. Celebrating the defeat of your inner nemesis could make it easier to defeat it again in the future.)

Step 6: Practice Using Your Alter Ego

Now, put all the pieces of alter-ego creation together and practice using your alter ego in low-stakes situations, recommends Herman. Do this in familiar public settings (a restaurant, the grocery store, or the library, for example), when meditating, or when playing a game.

(Shortform note: Herman recommends you practice applying your alter ego in low-stakes situations. Indeed, practicing a new skill or communication technique in a controlled setting is commonly done in the business world to increase the chances of having a successful interaction with a client. You might even adopt an aspect of business role-playing and ask a friend to help you simulate the specific high-stakes situation you plan to use your alter ego in. For instance, if you’re going to use your alter ego during an important negotiation, ask your friend to play the other party.)

No matter what you do, consider how your alter ego would behave, respond, and think. For instance, if your alter ego is Eleanor Roosevelt, when playing a card game with your friend, you might behave with greater equanimity than you would as yourself.

(Shortform note: If you struggle to imagine how your alter ego would react in a given situation, consider borrowing an acting technique from renowned acting teacher Uta Hagen. Hagen proposes that as an actor, you ask yourself nine questions to better understand your character. These include “Who am I?” and “What do I want?” Asking yourself these questions may help you better understand how your alter ego would respond in a situation.)

Bonus Step: Experience the Merging of You With Your Alter Ego

The final, bonus step of bringing out your alter ego is to notice and appreciate when you and your alter ego merge, writes Herman. Once you’ve been using your alter ego for a while, you adopt their traits and qualities and no longer need to intentionally activate your alter ego using your trigger object.

(Shortform note: While the merging of yourself with your alter ego is usually good, Ego Is the Enemy author Ryan Holiday might also caution you to avoid giving a highly confident alter ego too much influence over your actions. He believes that an enlarged ego can lead to a sense of entitlement, paranoia, and craving for control—all of which can strip you of your hard-won success.)