PDF Summary:The 5 Second Rule, by Mel Robbins

Do you feel stuck and dissatisfied with your life? Do you struggle to take steps toward self-improvement, live in the moment, or overcome procrastination? If so, life coach and motivational speaker Mel Robbins offers a solution. In The 5 Second Rule, Robbins explains how you can assert agency over your life using a single method: counting down from five to one over the course of five seconds and acting when you reach one.

In this guide, we’ll provide the background information you need to get started using the 5 Second Rule and outline the different ways you can use it to improve your life. In our commentary, we’ll offer tips to help you integrate the habit of the 5 Second Rule into your life, citing books like The Power of Habit and Atomic Habits. Additionally, we’ll use neuroscientific research to contextualize Robbins’s claims and offer more specific science-backed advice on improving your life.

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Robbins argues that challenging our patterns is necessary because most of us are habitually hesitant to act. Hesitating is problematic because it gives us time to consider how we feel about the choices we might make and actions we might take. Then, we let these feelings control our decisions. Robbins claims that even if we logically know that completing a task would benefit us in the long run, when we have time to consider how we feel about that task, we end up abandoning it if it doesn’t feel easy, pleasurable, or comfortable.

For example, if you tend to procrastinate doing your laundry, you likely know that you’ll feel better once it’s complete and you have all of your clean clothes to wear. But, if you stop to think about how you feel about doing your laundry (it’s boring, carrying the heavy hamper is a struggle, and hanging the washing out to dry is a hassle), you’re likely to avoid it.

Comparing The 5 Second Rule to The Willpower Instinct

In The Willpower Instinct, Kelly McGonigal also discusses the impact of the prefrontal cortex on willpower and impulsiveness, as well as the impact of hesitation on our choices.

McGonigal explains that some people are born with a more developed prefrontal cortex than others, making it easier for them to disrupt impulsive thought patterns. However, she notes that it’s also possible to train your prefrontal cortex. Studies show that regularly meditating for just five minutes a day results in increased blood flow and more gray matter in the prefrontal cortex, directly strengthening your willpower “muscle.” This would make the 5 Second Rule, which flexes that muscle, more effective. If you don’t want to meditate, there are plenty of other habits you can build to preserve the willpower you need to make wiser decisions. Both sufficient sleep and regular exercise help your prefrontal cortex operate at peak efficiency.

Unlike Robbins, McGonigal doesn’t see hesitating before taking action as a bad thing because hesitation can prevent the neurotransmitter dopamine from leading us astray. McGonigal explains that when we see attractive stimuli—for instance, a delicious-looking cupcake, or in the case of a smoker, a pack of cigarettes—the brain releases dopamine. This makes us desire the stimuli, as the brain tells us that obtaining it will trigger a satisfying “reward.”

However, only some of the attractive stimuli that release dopamine will truly produce the satisfaction we’re looking for—smoking a cigarette, for instance, may feel appealing beforehand but leave you with feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction afterward. Therefore, if you hesitate before acting and consider how you’ll feel after following your impulsive thought pattern, and you come to the conclusion that following that impulse will leave you unsatisfied, you may gain the motivation you need to make the healthy choice.

Creating New Patterns

The Rule not only primes your brain to change your hesitation habit but also allows you to make quick action your new habit, replacing hesitation and doubt. Robbins argues that if you want to break a bad habit, then you have to replace it with something—and acting on the Rule serves as that new, positive habit.

(Shortform note: In The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg elaborates that when you’re replacing a bad habit with a new, positive one, you need to identify the exact reward you were craving with your old habit. That way, you can make sure that your new habit satisfies this same need in a healthier way. For instance, if you realize that you always hesitate before taking action because it gives you the satisfaction of feeling like you’re making a wise choice, make sure your new habit gives you this same feeling: Repeatedly remind yourself that acting without hesitation is a wise choice.)

Part 2: Putting the Rule Into Practice

Now that we’ve explored the basics of the Rule and how to use it, we’ll discuss how to put the Rule into practice (in combination with other methods) to stop procrastinating, spend more time on your passions, and manage anxiety.

Stop Procrastinating

In this section, we’ll address how, in conjunction with other methods, the Rule can help you overcome two types of procrastination: procrastinating on daily tasks and procrastinating on life changes.

Procrastinating on Daily Tasks

To understand how the Rule will help you stop procrastinating on daily tasks, it’s useful to first explain why we procrastinate. Robbins argues that we procrastinate to temporarily relieve stress as we avoid a difficult or daunting task and replace it with things that boost our mood for the moment (like scrolling on Buzzfeed instead of washing your car).

Knowing that procrastination is a response to stress, you can stop procrastinating on daily tasks using three strategies:

1) Stop beating yourself up. Robbins points out that feeling shameful over your procrastination only leads to more stress, which will continue the cycle of procrastination because you’ll want to avoid that stress. Forgiving yourself breaks the cycle so that your tasks feel less stressful and you’re less likely to avoid them.

2) Ask what the ideal future version of yourself would do. Robbins cites research showing that you’re more likely to do something that will benefit you in the long run if you visualize yourself in your ideal future, living as the person you want to grow into.

3) Use the Rule. Robbins advises counting down from five and beginning the task you’re procrastinating on when you reach one.

Overcome Stress by Focusing on Growth

The authors of Procrastination confirm that procrastination is the impulse to seek quick relief from stress. Additionally, they dig more deeply into the source of that stress—many people procrastinate because they fear confronting the fact that they’re not as “perfect” as they want to believe. If they try to complete a task and fail, they must face the painful reality that their skills have severe limits, but if they continuously procrastinate on those tasks, they can go on believing that they’re exceptional. Additionally, people fear that failing will cause them to lose the love of those around them.

To overcome these sources of stress, the authors of Procrastination recommend that you accept the fact that you’re imperfect and focus on your potential for growth. Intentionally doing so will likely make it easier for you to implement Robbins’s three strategies to curb procrastination:

• Stop beating yourself up: You may find it easier to forgive yourself for your shortcomings by reminding yourself that they’re temporary and changeable, and that you can grow to overcome them.

• Ask what the ideal version of yourself would do: Believing that you’re capable of growth will help you create a more ambitious, motivating image of your future self.

• Use the Rule: Embracing that failure is a necessary step for growth will hopefully reduce your stress surrounding taking action, making it easier to use the Rule.

Procrastinating on Life Changes

Now that we’ve discussed how to use the Rule to stop procrastinating on daily tasks, let’s apply this approach to procrastination on major life changes: for instance, leaving a stressful housing situation, starting therapy, or switching jobs.

Robbins advises you to make big life changes before you feel prepared. Instead of waiting until you feel totally calm and in control of the outcome, it’s better to just start the process of change. However, many of us procrastinate on these changes because we worry that we’ll fail or that others will judge us for our big change.

According to Robbins, to overcome this fear-driven procrastination, you only need courage and discipline. You can build these traits by challenging the worries that are causing you to procrastinate. You must:

• Ask yourself, “What if my worries aren’t true?” What good things may happen instead?
• Consider, “Will it really matter if my worries are true?” If the worst-case scenario happens, will it really be the end of the world?
• Use the Rule to get yourself moving toward your goals.

The Other Reason Why We Procrastinate, and What to Do About It

According to Tim Ferriss in The 4-Hour Workweek, fears of failure and social rejection are only half the reason we procrastinate major life changes: We also procrastinate because we harbor the unrealistically optimistic belief that if we’re patient enough, our lives will get better without the need for us to take risky action. To motivate ourselves to change our lives, we therefore need to confront the truth that our lives are unlikely to get better unless we do something about it. To do this, think back a month or a year and consider whether your life is better than it was then. If not, that’s unlikely to change in the next month or year unless you actively change something.

Like Robbins, Ferriss argues that to make major life changes, we need to embrace our fears instead of waiting until our fears go away and we feel totally prepared. To do this, he recommends an activity called “fear-setting,” a more in-depth self-examination process than the introspection Robbins suggests.

Ferriss suggests questioning the likelihood that your worries will come to pass as well as the specific consequences of your worst-case scenario, just as Robbins does. However, he also recommends making a specific plan for recovery in case your worst-case scenario does come to pass. He argues that by clarifying the details, you’ll see that you’ll be able to bounce back from tragedy much more easily than you assumed when you were imagining the situation more vaguely.

Then, Ferriss recommends examining the best-case scenario and the relative likelihood of positive outcomes. Comparing these situations to your fears directly will hopefully show you that you stand to gain much more than you stand to lose by making a risky life change.

Spend More Time on Your Passions

Once you stop waiting to make life changes in general, you can begin working toward one specific change: spending more time on your passions, the activities that excite you most. Robbins advises using the Rule for this because it’s often difficult to set aside time for your passions.

According to Robbins, the Rule can help you get past your overthinking and take concrete steps to follow your passions. For example, if you have dreams of working in a big art museum but you currently live in a small town with few artistic resources, you may feel unprepared to move away even though you know it’s what you need to do to follow your desired career path. In this case, you can use the Rule to get yourself to look up apartment options in bigger cities with lots of career opportunities in the arts.

(Shortform note: Perhaps the biggest reason that we neglect to spend time on our passions and fail to take the concrete steps that Robbins recommends is that we internalize values from the culture around us. This causes us to spend our time in ways that other people claim have “value” rather than in ways that give us intrinsic satisfaction. In The Way of Integrity, Martha Beck argues that such misalignment with our true desires is the number one reason we suffer from chronic psychological misery.)

How to Discover and Act on a Passion

The first step in spending more time on your passions is to figure out what your passions are. Robbins states that you should consider:

• What are you curious about? Do you find yourself wondering about a specific topic, how something works, or how to do something? This curiosity may lead you to a pursuit that excites you.
• What do you see in others’ lives that you wish you had? For example, if you find yourself wishing you could be more like your friend who sings in a choir on the weekends, your passion may be a similar kind of creative outlet.

Once you identify an interest, Robbins suggests you act on your gut feelings to learn more about it. If you feel hesitant or find it difficult to set aside time to explore this interest, use the Rule to get yourself to begin researching your potential passion.

After identifying what you’re passionate about, you can begin to pursue that passion. Robbins states that the more you practice the skills needed for your passion, the easier it’ll be to set aside time for it. This is because, as with daily tasks, starting is the most difficult part. Eventually, you might be able to turn your passion into a full-time job.

Consider a Wide Range of Passions

When identifying your passions, take care not to emotionally invest too heavily in any one pursuit. In Designing Your Life, Bill Burnett and Dave Evans argue that many people make themselves unhappy because they believe that the emotional attachment they have to a pursuit is unique to that pursuit alone—in other words, they believe it’s their sole passion and life purpose. They commit too heavily to that life path, sacrificing other things that matter to them, and end up unhappy.

In reality, we each have a multitude of potential passions that could form the basis of a fulfilling life. The specific pursuit you’re passionate about doesn’t matter as much as whether that pursuit is satisfying and aligns with your beliefs and values.

With this in mind, Burnett and Evans suggest keeping a journal to track the multitude of topics you’re curious about, which would include the passions you envy in the lives of others. If you need even more passions to consider, draw from positive experiences that stick out in your memory from your entire life. Reflect on what these motivating passions have in common, and use that information to brainstorm even more possible passions.

Explore a Wide Range of Passions

Once you’ve identified several interests, Burnett and Evans offer specific advice on how to go about exploring them. First, interview people currently living the lifestyle you’re seeking to adopt to further discover whether you’ll find that lifestyle satisfying. Second, conduct experimental trials of the passions you’re thinking about committing to—dip your toe in the lifestyle you’re considering by taking an internship, doing volunteer work, or taking a trip to a place you’re thinking about moving.

Burnett and Evans also argue that these experiments will make it easier for you to turn your passions into a full-time job, if that’s what you’re interested in. 80% of available jobs get filled entirely internally within organizations, without ever accepting formal applications. These experimental trials give you the networking connections you need for organizations to consider you for these unlisted employment opportunities.

Use the Rule to Regulate Anxiety

In addition to helping you stop procrastinating and start spending more time on your passions, Robbins explains that the Rule (when combined with other methods of coping) can help you calm yourself when you feel fearful and anxious. In the following section, we’ll explore Robbins’s strategies for managing anxiety.

Manage Mild Anxiety Using Gratitude

First, Robbins claims that when you’re feeling worried, intentionally thinking of something you’re grateful for can help you calm down. Thinking about the good things in your life causes your brain to release dopamine, naturally soothing your mood by altering your brain chemistry.

To implement this method, Robbins suggests counting backward from five to one, then thinking of something you’re grateful for. For example, if you’re worried about losing touch with a friend who’s moving away and you find yourself imagining the end of your friendship, count down from five to one and, when you get to one, think of how grateful you are to have spent so much time with this friend.

(Shortform note: Studies show that gratitude has a greater effect on the brain than just releasing dopamine. Research shows that practicing gratitude rewires the brain’s neural pathways, altering the way we see the world in the long term: We’re more likely to focus on the positive aspects of life. Using the Rule to practice gratitude is a great way to work this practice into your life; alternatively, you could keep a daily gratitude journal, express gratitude in conversations with others, and use more grateful language from day to day.)

Reframe Intense Anxiety as Excitement

Robbins explains that sometimes, when anxiety is particularly intense, you won’t be able to simply redirect your thoughts toward something you’re thankful for. When you’re feeling so anxious that your body engages its fight-or-flight response, trying to suppress worrying thoughts will only make the anxiety worse. In these cases, you need a different method to handle anxiety: reframing it as excitement.

According to Robbins, when you have intense anxiety, your brain seeks to identify a specific threat around you as an explanation for why your body feels this way. If your brain can’t identify a threat, it’ll see this as a sign of more danger, causing you to spiral into more intense anxiety or even a panic attack.

However, because anxiety and excitement cause the same physical responses in the body (such as increased heart rate and sweaty palms), telling yourself that you’re excited rather than anxious can convince your brain that there’s no threat to worry about, halting the cycle of escalating anxiety. To implement this strategy, count down from five to interrupt your anxious thoughts, then start telling yourself out loud how excited you are, over and over, until your brain believes it.

Reframe More Than Anxiety

Robbins’s process of “anxiety reappraisal” is just one form of the broader skill of “cognitive reappraisal.” In The Charisma Myth, Olivia Fox Cabane argues that this strategy is effective at regulating any emotion in any situation: Just as you can soothe anxiety by teaching your brain to believe “I’m excited,” you can nudge yourself toward any emotional state you want by inventing new interpretations of the world around you.

Cabane explains how to practice cognitive reappraisal: When a situation pushes you into an unpleasant or unproductive emotional state, first, identify what emotional state you’d like to feel instead. Then, ask yourself, “What would have to be true for me to feel that way?” and imagine that reality in as much sensory detail as possible. Although you may feel foolish imagining a version of the world that’s almost certainly inaccurate, you’ll feel your mood shift because the brain interprets imagined details as if it really perceived them. According to Cabane, since you’re not trying to suppress whatever emotions you’re feeling, this strategy can defuse a wide range of intense negative emotions, even ones that are deeply rooted in the body.

For example, imagine you just finished a meeting at work. Throughout the meeting, whenever you made a suggestion, your coworkers ignored or casually dismissed it without due consideration, and you’re furious at them for acting so condescendingly.

You know this boiling anger will make working together with your coworkers more difficult, so you use cognitive reappraisal to cool your rage: You ask yourself, “What if my coworkers weren’t acting condescendingly? What if they were so nervous that no one would like their ideas that they weren’t even thinking about me?” By imagining this alternate reality, you feel yourself becoming calm enough to work productively with your coworkers (or to constructively confront them about their behavior).

Visualize the Future to Avoid Anxiety

Alternatively, count down from five then visualize a specific image of something in the near future that you’re excited about. Robbins asserts that this latter strategy is particularly effective in conquering specific recurring fears, when you can see the anxious situation coming and decide on an exciting scene to imagine before you start feeling anxious.

For example, if you know you’re afraid of parties with a lot of people, and you’ve been invited to a big party, you can make a plan: If you start feeling anxious before the party, you’ll visualize talking to your best friend at the party. Then, when you do start feeling anxious, you can imagine chatting pleasantly with your friend, convincing your brain that the physical sensations you feel are just excitement to see them.

(Shortform note: To permanently conquer fears that are too intense for you to defuse with anxiety reappraisal, you may want to try exposure therapy. In exposure therapy, you interact with your fears in a safe environment with the help of a trained professional. This repeated exposure will ideally get you used to confronting your fears, weaken your learned fearful associations with your fears, and show you that you have the strength to conquer your fears.)