PDF Summary:That Little Voice In Your Head, by Mo Gawdat

Like many people, Mo Gawdat was trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions until, after the death of his beloved son, he devised a formula to escape. His background as a software engineer helped Gawdat realize that our brain functions like a computer—so, if we want it to produce happiness, all we need to do is program it with the right code. In That Little Voice In Your Head, Gawdat explains how to understand and program your brain so you can experience the world in ways that produce positive actions and emotions.

In this guide, we’ll start by explaining how your brain functions. Then, we’ll explore the faulty methods your brain uses to process information, causing unhappiness. Finally, we’ll discuss how to replace these methods with new ones that will ensure happiness. In our commentary, we’ll compare Gawdat’s ideas with those of other experts on happiness, psychology, and brain science.

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Instinct #2: Protect

Gawdat explains that our instinct to protect what’s ours stems from our need for security. We want to hold onto what we have because it makes us feel safe—we don’t want to let go of it because losing resources could put us at risk. For example, an ancient human might have carried a sharp rock for miles despite its weight because they needed it for protection and might not find another one.

While the average person today doesn’t experience the same level of resource insecurity that ancient humans did, our instinct causes us to hold onto things we don’t need. This produces suffering because, when these things are taken away, we feel we’re losing something vital for our well-being.

For example, you may carry your late mother’s wedding ring to feel like she’s with you. One day, someone steals the ring and you’re racked with grief and pain because you feel you’ve lost your connection to her. Gawdat would argue that in reality, you’ve lost nothing. First, the connection with your mother exists inside you, not inside a ring. Second, your happiness isn’t dependent on your mother or the ring—it’s dependent on you. When you become too attached to people and things, you give them control over your happiness and diminish your autonomy.

Prospect Theory Explains Loss Aversion

The idea that we want to protect what we have and avoid losses is the foundation of prospect theory as Daniel Kahneman explains in Thinking, Fast and Slow. Prospect theory rests on three points.

First, when you evaluate a situation, you compare it to your expectations or what's “normal” for you—for example, if getting $100 for your birthday is normal, not getting it is a loss. Second, the less of something you have, the more impactful a gain is—for example, going from having $100 to $200 feels more significant than going from $900 to $1,000. Third, losing something triggers stronger feelings than gaining something of the same value—for example, you feel the pain of losing $100 more intensely than the joy of gaining $100.

Instinct #3: Want

Gawdat explains that we're driven to want more and better things because of our instinct to plan for our long-term survival. For example, an ancient human might have enough food to last until the end of the week. However, they’d still forage daily to collect more so they wouldn’t be left with nothing when their current stock runs out come the weekend.

However, once again, the average person today doesn’t experience the same resource insecurity or potential threats that ancient humans did. Therefore, we’ve directed our sense of wanting toward unnecessary things—a bigger house, nicer car, newer phone, and so on. However, these things only satisfy us temporarily before we want something more. This cycle makes us unhappy because wanting tells our brain that what we currently have isn’t enough. This sense of lack causes us sadness.

Humans Are Driven by Mimetic Desire

In Wanting, Luke Burgis reiterates that humans are naturally driven to want more and better things; however, his explanation for this differs from Gawdat’s. Burgis supports the theory of mimetic desire—that humans are driven to want specifically what others have because of our natural urges to mimic others and fit in. While these urges may be evolutionary traits, they’re not the same evolutionary trait that Gawdat cites as the source of our wanting—the desire for long-term resource security.

Further, Burgis agrees that wanting can cause us unhappiness and specifies three negative effects of mimetic desire. First, mimetic desire can ruin relationships by causing unhealthy competition. Second, mimetic desire can cause you to pursue misleading desires (like the ones Gawdat discusses)—for example, you think getting the new iPhone will make you happy, but really it’s your relationship that needs work. Third, chasing misleading desires causes societal issues—for example, consumerism soars, and as a result, the environment suffers and industries competing for sales are motivated to lower their wages.

Processing Error #3: Using the Wrong Side of Your Brain

Gawdat explains that the third processing error occurs when we use the wrong side of our brain to process and respond to the information we’ve fed it. He says the left and right sides of our brains have different functions and ways of solving problems—the left side is critical and analytical, and the right side is intuitive and creative.

The left side helps us solve problems, set goals, plan, and so on. The right side helps us build and maintain relationships, feel emotions, appreciate art, play, and be curious. Put simply, the left brain deals with the tangible while the right brain deals with the intangible. Gawdat explains that both sides are important, but unhappiness occurs when we overuse the left side of our brain and underuse the right side of our brain.

(Shortform note: While Gawdat explains that being left-brain-dominant—more critical and analytical than intuitive and creative—can cause unhappiness, research suggests that things aren’t so straightforward. It’s true that the left brain houses critical and analytical abilities and that the right houses creative and intuitive abilities, but studies show that there’s no such thing as being left-brain- or right-brain dominant—brain scans show nearly equal activity on both sides regardless of whether a person is stereotypically left- or right-brained. So rather than interpreting Gawdat’s discussion scientifically, it may be more accurate to consider it as a metaphor—balance your analytical abilities with your intuitive abilities.)

There are a few reasons why over-relying on one side of the brain causes unhappiness.

First, overusing the left side of your brain causes you to overanalyze things—this leads you to ruminate and create problems that aren't there. For example, if your boss had an exasperated tone, you might overuse the left side of your brain and spend the day wondering why and if you did something wrong. This approach causes unnecessary stress and anxiety, which leads to unhappiness. Instead, you could use the right side of your brain to empathize—realize that your boss probably just had a stressful day. Instead of catastrophizing with your left side, you could use your right side rationale to extend kindness and ask if there’s anything you can do to help.

(Shortform note: Gawdat argues that left-brain-dominant people tend to overanalyze things and make themselves unhappy. However, research shows that this trait may be more common in creatives—those who would be considered right-brain-dominant. This is because highly creative people tend to have a big imagination, which enhances their ability to detect areas of concern that may or may not become an actual threat.)

Second, says Gawdat, overusing the left side of your brain blocks your intuition and emotions. This can cause you to make poor decisions that undermine your happiness. For example, overusing your left brain might cause you to leave a job where you’re fulfilled and financially stable for a job you hate but that pays more—a decision that ultimately makes you unhappy in life. Or, you may distance yourself from a person you love because you feel your emotions will hinder your progress at work—which leaves you unhappy and always wondering “what if.”

(Shortform note: While Gawdat argues that overusing your left brain makes you unhappy because it blocks your emotions, Shawn Achor explains that doing the opposite—overusing your right brain and making emotional decisions—can make you just as unhappy. In The Happiness Advantage, Achor explains that when you face stress, it’s easy to allow your emotions to take control of your mind. When this happens, your decision-making, problem-solving, and communication skills are hindered and you lose control over things like your relationships, motivation, and health.)

Ultimately, Gawdat says that to be successful and happy, you must use the right side of your brain before solely acting on what your logical left side tells you.

Processing Error #4: Undirected Thinking

The final processing error that Gawdat says leads to unhappiness is undirected thinking—letting our mind wander. Research shows that when we allow our mind to wander, part of our brain almost always begins to focus on negative thoughts—this is human nature. And when you start to ruminate on negativity—what you should have done, what you’d rather be doing, why you’re not good enough, and so on—you start to feel emotions like regret, self-pity, and boredom that make you unhappy.

Instead, Gawdat says you must learn how to focus because when your attention is focused, rumination can’t take over. Further, when a ruminative thought crops up, Gawdat recommends acknowledging the thought by saying it out loud—sometimes your mind just wants you to acknowledge something and, once you do, you’ll be able to move on because you convince your brain that the “problem” will be handled.

(Shortform note: In The Confidence Code, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman add that women are especially prone to rumination due to their brain function. The white matter in the corpus callosum of a woman’s brain (which connects the left and right brain) is more active than a man’s, meaning women are better at multitasking but are also more inclined to think about many things at once. Further, their brains are more active than men’s, meaning they notice more and have more to worry about. While these traits have benefits, they make it harder for women to focus on one thing at a time, making them prone to rumination.)

Part 3: Programming for Happiness

In this section, we’ll discuss the four tips Gawdat recommends to help your brain process and respond to information in ways that lead to happiness.

Programming Tip #1: Observe the World Around You

Gawdat recommends you actively observe the world around you and intentionally spend your time and attention on positive things. The purpose of this is two-pronged: First, focusing your mind on the details of the world around you will help direct your thinking to positivity rather than rumination (avoiding Error #4). Second, focusing on the world around you can lead to happiness because you’ll notice more things to be grateful for.

For example, be aware of beauty as you walk to work and snap a picture when you find it. Intentionally looking for beauty accomplishes three things: 1) It keeps your mind busy so you can’t ruminate, 2) it allows you to focus on positive things that make you happy rather than sights that annoy you (like litter), and 3) it helps you appreciate small details about your neighborhood that you wouldn’t have noticed before—even more to be happy about!

(Shortform note: Along the same lines as Gawdat’s idea to notice and photograph beauty, Cesar Kuriyama created the app 1 Second Everyday (1SE), which encourages you to record one second of your life every day and compiles the clips into a video recap at the end of the year. Like Gawdat, Kuriyama’s goal is to help people take control of their happiness by training them to focus on and celebrate the small details of daily life. Further, the app functions as a journal, so if you’re ever feeling down, you can revisit your captured moments to remind yourself of what you should focus on and what you can be grateful for.)

Gawdat explains that choosing to direct your mind is intentional—you must actively set out to do this every day for it to become a habit that can replace the errors discussed in the previous section. He explains that focusing your attention makes you happier because it functions as a form of meditation—and it makes you more compassionate and empathetic.

(Shortform note: One reason empathy and compassion lead to happiness is because they increase social connectedness. Those who feel connected to others are less likely to experience anxiety and depression, and they have higher self-esteem. They’re more likely to trust and cooperate with others, and therefore receive more trust and cooperation in return. Further, those who practice compassion may live longer because compassion combats toxic stress.)

Programming Tip #2: Check Yourself

Gawdat’s second tip to program your brain for happiness is to check how you’re perceiving and reacting to the world around you. This will ensure that you’re only allowing accurate information (inputs) into your brain, that you’re solving problems effectively, and that you’re handling ruminative thoughts before they take control of your mind. (This addresses Error #1: inaccurate thoughts and Error #4: undirected thinking.)

(Shortform note: In The Happiness Trap, Harris agrees that mistaking your thoughts and perceptions for reality (or being in a state of “fusion”) causes unhappiness. To avoid this, you must undergo the four-stage process of “defusion” to separate your thoughts from reality. First, recognize that your thoughts are merely words and images your brain uses to tell a story about what happened—not facts. Second, acknowledge that your thoughts only matter if you judge them as useful—you have the choice. Third, acknowledge that you don’t have to do what your thoughts tell you. Finally, don’t view your thoughts as threats because they’re only words and images—they can’t hurt you.)

Gawdat provides a few methods to check yourself.

Method #1: Monitor the Information You Feed Your Brain

First, says Gawdat, ensure that sensory information is the only type of information you’re feeding your brain so you can form an accurate and true perception of reality. Remember that if it can’t be proven by your senses, it’s not fact. Second, test the sensory information. Let’s test the following statement: My child is a poor musician because I heard them play poorly at practice yesterday. Does hearing them play poorly yesterday prove they’re a bad musician? No—it simply proves that they played poorly yesterday.

Further, acknowledge when you’re using sensory information to fabricate a story based on assumptions and past experiences. For example, your partner said they had to work late but arrives home with a take-home box from a restaurant. Your mind puts these ideas together and assumes your partner lied to you and met someone for dinner—they’re cheating on you! Is this information true? No—the elements you can observe don’t prove that they lied, and definitely don’t prove that they’re cheating on you. Recognize how your past experiences can influence your present thoughts: You may jump to this conclusion because a similar situation happened in your last relationship when you were cheated on.

Acknowledge and Debunk the Story You’re Telling Yourself

In Rising Strong, Brené Brown explains, like Gawdat, that allowing yourself to believe inaccurate information can lead to unhappiness by causing you to foster negative feelings about yourself and others. To overcome your assumptions and recognize when you’re feeding yourself inaccurate stories, Brown recommends following a three-step process to record and analyze the narrative you’re telling yourself about what happened.

First, Brown says to record your story of what happened in detail—what happened, why you think it happened, and what the situation made you think and feel. It’s OK if your story seems unreasonable and you feel crazy—just be honest about all the initial thoughts and emotions you had. For example, “I heard my child play the wrong notes during his practice. He must play like this all the time. I know that he’s a poor musician because I’m a poor musician too, and he’s making the same mistakes I did.”

Once you’ve recorded your initial story, think of other external factors you may need to consider to get a more accurate perspective. To do this, first acknowledge which parts of the story are facts and which are assumptions. For example, the fact is that you heard your child play the wrong notes, and the assumptions are that he does it all the time, he’s a bad musician, and he’s poor because you’re poor. Then, consider how your assumptions may be inaccurate and what you can do to clarify them—for example, maybe you should speak to the instructor and learn how often your child actually makes these mistakes.

Finally, Brown says to look inward and question why you made the assumptions you did. What unhealthy thoughts and beliefs led to your assumptions? For example, maybe you regret not working harder at music as a child so you feel the need to push your children so they don't feel the same regret. Once you know why you made your assumptions, you can work on overcoming the underlying beliefs that fueled them.

Method #2: Acknowledge and Solve Problems

Gawdat’s second method to check yourself is to acknowledge negative thoughts and emotions, and determine how to address them to avoid rumination. He says you should set time aside to undergo this process often. To do this, first identify the emotion you feel. Then, identify the thought that triggered the emotion. Next, use the previous method to determine whether the thought is accurate. If it’s not accurate, acknowledge its falsehood and let it go. If it’s true, consider what you can do about it, and take whatever action you can.

(Shortform note: Gawdat recommends setting time aside to acknowledge your ruminations and determine what actions you can take to fix them. However, once you start ruminating, it can be easy to get lost in your thoughts. To avoid getting trapped in a negative feedback loop, experts recommend setting a timer for 10-30 minutes and only ruminating during this period—the alarm at the end of the time will remind you to stop ruminating so you don’t get carried away. If you have trouble getting back to normal afterward, they note that listening to a song and intensely focusing on the lyrics or melody can help you redirect your attention.)

If the thought is true and you can’t do anything about it, Gawdat says you must learn to accept it. Resisting something you can’t change gives that thing power over you and prevents you from moving forward. Embracing that bad things happen in life and accepting your fate instead gives you the power to take control of your future. Try to see the good in any event—for example, maybe you lost your job, but you didn’t like it anyway. Now you have the time and freedom to find something you’re passionate about.

(Shortform note: This concept is a core component of the Stoic philosophy that Marcus Aurelius describes in Meditations. Aurelius refers to this principle as embracing logos. Logos is a force that ensures that everything happens to serve the greater good. Therefore, embracing logos requires acceptance of all events, even if they cause immediate suffering, because they’re destined to happen. Logos also promotes the pursuit of happiness and acting in ways that benefit the greater good. So if you lose your job for example, rather than lamenting over it, use your time to volunteer and start looking for jobs that make you happy.)

Programming Tip #3: Get Into Flow

Gawdat’s third tip to program your brain for happiness is to get into a state of “flow.” Flow is a state of intense, uninterrupted focus where your environment fades into the background, time flies, and your productivity, creativity, and overall performance soar. Gawdat says that reaching flow makes us happier not only because it allows us to direct our mind (avoiding Error #4), but also because of the chemicals our brain releases in this state.

(Shortform note: The concept of flow states was introduced by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in the 1970s and popularized by his 1990 book Flow. Csikszentmihalyi, like Gawdat, believes that getting into a state of flow is the key to achieving happiness in life. However, whereas Gawdat says flow leads to happiness because of the chemicals our brain releases, Csikszentmihalyi believes that flow leads to happiness because it gives us maximum control over our thoughts, feelings, and life path.)

In flow, writes Gawdat, our brain releases norepinephrine, serotonin, dopamine, and anandamide. Norepinephrine triggers flight-or-fight mode and gives us the focus needed to escape danger. Serotonin is the chemical of calmness and happiness and subdues the effects of norepinephrine so that we can get the high focus it provides without the stress and fear we would normally experience. This combination then causes our brains to release dopamine—the happiness chemical. Anandamide is also released, which boosts memory and creativity.

(Shortform note: Experts reiterate Gawdat’s argument that the combination of chemicals released during flow is what makes us happy. However, in addition to the four Gawdat discusses, they note that endorphins are the fifth key ingredient to the flow formula. They add that the biggest reason these five ingredients are so effective is because they're the most rewarding chemicals the brain can produce, and flow is the only time when all five are released simultaneously.)

Gawdat says two factors are required to reach a state of flow.

First, to reach flow you must dedicate a block of uninterrupted time to the task. This is because it takes time to reach flow—unless you’re an expert, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to sit down and immediately reach this state. Rather, as you work, the task will seem harder and harder until your focus peaks and you enter flow—at this point, the task will seem a bit easier, and you’ll get a better grasp of how to accomplish your goal. Further, every time you’re interrupted, you’ll break flow and have to take time to get back into it—avoid this by making sure in advance that you won't be interrupted.

(Shortform note: In Flow, Csikszentmihalyi also emphasizes the importance of dedicating uninterrupted time to reach flow; however, he also recognizes that barriers may make this more difficult for certain people. For example, people may face mental obstacles like Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), which makes it hard to direct their attention, or schizophrenia, which makes it hard to filter out information, leaving people susceptible to overwhelm.)

Second, a task must be difficult but doable in order for you to reach a state of flow. Gawdat says easy tasks don’t require your full attention, and therefore your brain has room to wander. To reach flow, the task you’re performing must command your full attention and abilities. However, if the task is too hard, you’ll be unable to progress and therefore unable to reach flow.

(Shortform note: Csikszentmihalyi lists four categories of games and activities that are challenging enough to lead to flow. First are aleatory activities—those in which the outcome depends on chance but you still must use strategy to participate—for example, roulette. Second is mimicry—activities in which you create an alternate reality using disguise or fantasy—for example, acting. Third is vertigo—activities that cause you to rearrange your perspective—for example, spinning. Fourth is competition—activities where you’re matched against someone at a similar skill level and have to push yourself past your typical ability level to win.)

Programming Tip #4: Give to Others

Gawdat’s final tip for programming your brain for happiness is giving to others. He says that of all the tips he offers, giving and making others happy has brought him the most happiness. There’s no concrete explanation for why giving makes us happy, but our evolutionary instinct may play a part. Gawdat suggests that we take pleasure from giving to others because humans must support each other to survive—if we feel good when giving, it ensures we’ll help those who need it and the species will continue.

(Shortform note: Another reason helping others may bring us happiness is that it instills us with purpose. In Grit, Angela Duckworth argues that there are only two ways people find happiness—through pleasure or purpose. Pleasure is happiness derived from benefiting yourself, while purpose is happiness derived from benefiting the greater good. Giving to others would arguably produce the most intense happiness from purpose because it's one of the most direct ways to benefit the greater good—when you do something for someone, you see the impact of your action immediately.)

Gawdat makes a few recommendations to practice giving to others.

First, give away the things you don’t need—clothes, items, money, and so on. As we discussed in Error #2, the more things that you have, the more power that those things have over your happiness. So, figure out what you can spare, and give it to others who need it more. For example, if you never wear your mother’s old ring, and it sits inside a box in your closet, you could give it to a friend who wants to propose to their partner but can’t afford a ring. If you never look at the ring, you won't miss it, but for your friend, it will mean the world.

(Shortform note: Going through your things to determine what you can get rid of can be difficult and time-consuming. Other experts offer a few tips to make the process easier. For example, first start with things that bother or distract you—for example, the drawer full of free t-shirts you’ve collected from events but never wear. Further, set a timer for when you’re clearing your space to help prevent you from taking too many trips down memory lane that draw out or make the process more difficult.)

Second, says Gawdat, practice the art of giving to others what you give to yourself. For example, if you buy yourself a strawberry donut, buy an extra one and give it to your coworker. You don’t have to do this all the time, but try to do it once or twice a week.

(Shortform note: One easy and popular way to follow this recommendation is to pay for the order of the person behind you in the drive-through lane. This phenomenon has been known to cause a chain reaction—in one instance, a chain of 900 people paid for the order of the next person at a Dairy Queen drive-through.)