PDF Summary:Men Explain Things to Me, by Rebecca Solnit

Many women have experienced “mansplaining”—when a man condescendingly explains something to a woman that she already knows well. But have you ever considered that this irritating experience might reflect a cultural tendency to devalue women more generally? In Men Explain Things to Me, historian, activist, and award-winning author Rebecca Solnit explains that this tendency is the result of a pervasive underlying belief: that men have the right to control women. It manifests in different ways, from irritating actions like mansplaining to violence such as rape and murder.

In this guide, we’ll explain the attitude of control that motivates the mistreatment of women. We’ll then examine the factors that contribute to this violence, as well as how men use their power to stifle women’s voices. We’ll finish by exploring the role that language plays in the advancement of women’s rights. In commentary, we’ll add research supporting and extending Solnit’s ideas, as well as social, historical, and scientific context.

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Challenging the Patriarchy: Marriage Equality

According to Solnit, traditional marriage and legal structures also help enable violence against women. Until recently, marriage was a legal contract that essentially made a woman the property of her husband. This unequal power dynamic rendered wives legally powerless against their husbands, facilitating domestic abuse, sexual abuse, and financial abuse (since husbands had control over their wives’ income and possessions). This power structure relies on the difference in status that deems women inferior to men. As such, the idea of a man marrying a man or a woman marrying a woman posed a threat to this type of legally sanctioned violence—hence the opposition from some people against marriage equality.

(Shortform note: Not only did traditional marriage historically create an unequal power dynamic, but it also trapped women in it: Until the 1960s and 1970s, women couldn’t seek a divorce unless they could prove that their husband had done something wrong (like adultery or abandonment). Women who were unable to prove fault sometimes resorted to murder or suicide as the only way to get out of bad marriages. Accordingly, suicide and homicide rates for wives decreased after states legalized no-fault divorce. However, like marriage equality, many view no-fault divorce as a threat to traditional marriage, and some groups are taking steps to try to revoke people’s right to it.)

Solnit argues that the opposition to same-sex marriage illustrates a drive to maintain the power discrepancy between a man and a woman in a traditional marriage. Opponents suggest that it’s a threat to traditional marriage’s objective of procreation. However, Solnit points out that many heterosexual couples choose not to have children or are unable to conceive, yet their marriages are still considered valid. This suggests that the argument that same-sex marriage is a threat to traditional marriage’s procreative purpose is a smokescreen—hiding same-sex marriage opponents’ real fear of the destruction of traditional power imbalances.

(Shortform note: Solnit’s description of marriage equality’s impact on the patriarchy demonstrates how sexism can harm not only women but also some men—namely, gay men. However, misogyny also fuels oppression against LGBTQ people in general. The patriarchy relies on strict gender division to oppress women, so anyone who defies these divisions—including gay, trans, intersex, and nonbinary people—threatens the patriarchy. This is why, historically, gender equality has been closely tied to LGBTQ rights. This is also why some people suggest that feminism doesn’t just encompass equality for women, but that it represents a movement for equality for all people—often referred to as intersectional feminism.)

Women’s Voices: Silence and Credibility

As we’ve explained, the authoritarian belief that men have the right to control women is what motivates misogyny and the mistreatment of women. According to Solnit, mistreatment and control include silencing women’s voices. For example, when a man talks over a woman to mansplain something to her that she already knows, he asserts that his own voice is more important and authoritative than hers—he is silencing her because he automatically assumes that she has nothing of value to say.

Violence is also a way to silence women. When someone reacts violently to a woman expressing her opinion or asserting her autonomy, it’s an attack on her right to take up space and to participate in the world—which are supposed to be basic human rights granted to everyone. Solnit suggests that denying women these rights reduces them to the status of subhuman beings.

(Shortform note: Experts suggest that speaking out against the patriarchy doesn’t only cause discomfort for men—both those who consciously believe they should have control over women and those who don’t share this belief but benefit from the privilege it affords. It also causes discomfort for anyone who has internalized sexism and misogyny. For example, a social media post from a woman calling out an instance of misogyny may receive more backlash than a selfie in a pretty dress would. This discomfort and backlash—potentially even from other women—makes it difficult for anyone to speak up about the mistreatment of women regardless of their gender.)

Silencing Victims: Three Stages

Solnit explains that women are often expected to remain silent after experiencing violence—both so the perpetrator can avoid accountability for their actions, and to reinforce the status quo of gender inequality. There are many people involved in this silencing, including the media, the perpetrators, and society in general. Solnit describes three stages of silencing that victims have to overcome in order to make their voices heard.

Stage 1) Psychological and Social Barriers

According to Solnit, the first of these stages relates to existing barriers to women speaking out, and it’s largely internalized. Experiencing violence—particularly sexual violence—often results in strong feelings of shame, as well as confusing feelings like doubting oneself and repressing one’s experiences. There are also negative social consequences for speaking out, so women often fear being socially excluded for sharing what happened to them.

(Shortform note: Because sexual assault is about power, the victim of a sexual assault tends to feel powerless, which can snowball into intense feelings of hopelessness and shame. Additionally, victims may avoid speaking out because they’ve done so in the past and been punished or disbelieved (two reactions we’ll cover in the rest of this section).)

Stage 2) Punishment

The second stage, punishment, is external. Solnit explains that people often deliberately punish women who speak about their sexual assaults—shaming them, harassing them, and sometimes even assaulting or murdering them. Solnit notes that rape victims in high schools and colleges are particularly likely to be subjected to this type of silencing and that many rapists are allowed to graduate without ever being punished for their actions.

Punishment Through Negative Reactions and Lawsuits

Punishments can also reinforce the first stage of silencing: Victims of sexual assault often find that they face negative reactions from professionals, family, or other people they confide in. These reactions can be retraumatizing and result in self-blame that contributes to psychological barriers.

Punishment can also become public via defamation lawsuits—lawsuits in which one party accuses the other of damaging their reputation by spreading false information about them. In 2022, Amber Heard ended up in the public eye because of a suit brought against her by her ex-husband Johnny Depp, accusing her of defaming him in an op-ed she wrote for the Washington Post in which she described herself as a survivor of domestic abuse. Even though she didn’t name Depp as an abuser, the court found her guilty of defaming him.

Stage 3) Discrediting

According to Solnit, the third stage of silencing—discrediting the woman and her story—occurs when stages 1 and 2 have failed to prevent a woman from speaking up. People who try to silence a woman in this way suggest that her story is a lie and portray her as unreliable and deceptive. They also victim-blame by suggesting that she deserved the violence because of her behavior. Additionally, they argue that, even if her story were true, it’s in the past and there’s no need to dredge it back up now.

Gendered Disinformation as a Discrediting Tool

Even outside the context of sexual assaults, women often face attacks on their credibility, particularly women in the public eye. There’s a form of discrediting that’s frequently wielded against public figures called gendered disinformation. This refers to the deliberate spreading of false information against cis women, trans people, or nonbinary people who are public figures—such as politicians, journalists, and activists—in order to portray them as unreliable, emotional, or overly sexual. This often-effective silencing tool is considered a type of gender-based violence. It can cause women to leave or avoid entering politics or other public fields, preventing them from participating in democracy and activism.

Research also shows that labeling women as emotional causes others to view them as less credible. Labeling men as emotional, on the other hand, doesn’t appear to affect their perceived credibility: Participants in the research tended to disbelieve the “emotional” label when it was applied to men.

Wielding Social and Political Power to Silence Victims

Solnit argues that since authoritarianism (including the authoritarian belief that motivates violence against women) is rooted in a stark power imbalance, men in positions of power can be particularly adept at silencing and discrediting women. As an example of this, she explains how Clarence Thomas was appointed to the US Supreme Court despite allegations of sexual harassment directed at him by his employee, Anita Hill. Hill was harshly interrogated by a room full of men who disbelieved her, and the media publicly smeared her.

The accusations didn’t prevent Thomas from rising to one of the most powerful positions in the nation. However, Solnit suggests that it marked a milestone in the feminist movement that caused the nation to take the (then relatively new) concept of workplace sexual harassment seriously.

Prominent media figures also have a disproportionate influence over the stories of people who accuse them of sexual violence. Solnit describes how filmmaker Woody Allen attacked the credibility of his adopted daughter, Dylan Farrow, after she accused him of molesting her. Allen claimed that Farrow was lying and being coached by her mother. Many people leapt to Allen’s defense and contributed to the discrediting and silencing of Farrow. According to Solnit, Allen’s supporters and detractors were largely split by gender, as women recognized and related to what Farrow said happened to her, while many men believed it was a false accusation.

The Intersection of Racism and Sexism in Anita Hill’s Case

Anita Hill’s situation highlights the importance of intersectionality when dealing with sexism and misogyny. In his defense against Hill’s allegations, Thomas likened the situation to a lynching (a term which, despite the history of lynchings carried out against Black women, was generally thought of as a type of violence used specifically against Black men). Thus, Thomas suggested he was the target of anti-Black racist stereotypes that portrayed Black men as hypersexual. This led some to label Hill (a Black woman) a “race traitor” to discredit and silence her.

Hill later suggested that the all-white committee members had never considered that Black women had their own voices, instead assuming that Black men spoke for Black women. An intersectional approach to this situation would have recognized the unique way that racism compounded with sexism to silence Hill on two fronts (a concept now known as misogynoir).

Cancel Culture and the Impact of Sexual Violence Allegations on Powerful Men

People sometimes try to counteract the culture of silencing women by “canceling” media and political figures who engage in sexual violence. This is when people generally agree to boycott or demand punishment for a celebrity or other famous person, in an attempt to remove their platform and end their career.

Some suggest that canceling is often an out-of-proportion reaction that unnecessarily harms perpetrators—particularly those who have accepted responsibility for their actions and made changes to avoid repeating their offense. On the other hand, some experts note that cancel culture in response to sexual violence rarely has the intended effect of ruining someone’s career—people like Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, and Louis C.K. have continued their lucrative careers in entertainment despite allegations of sexual violence and calls to cancel them.

This also holds true in the political sphere: As Solnit noted, Clarence Thomas was appointed to the Supreme Court in the early 1990s despite Anita Hill’s testimony. In the late 1990s, President Bill Clinton was accused of rape by Juanita Broaddrick and admitted to having a sexual relationship with then-22-year-old intern Monica Lewinsky (Clinton was 49 at the time). Though he was impeached by the House of Representatives, the Senate acquitted him, and he served out the remainder of his term as president.

In 2016, Donald Trump was elected to the presidency amidst allegations of sexual misconduct from 24 different women. Four years later, Joe Biden was elected president despite being accused of sexual assault by his former employee, Tara Reade. These cases suggest that men can maintain highly successful careers even after being accused of sexual violence.

Meanwhile, research indicates that victims of sexual assault face massive expenses over their lifetime, totaling up to over $122,000 for lost work productivity, treatment, and pursuing criminal justice.

False Rape Accusations

People who defend those accused of rape or sexual assault also silence women by frequently claiming that the accusations are false. Solnit explains that false accusations of rape do happen, and that they’re serious, but they’re a tiny fraction of total rape accusations. Furthermore, a report in 2000 from the US Department of Justice found that only 12% of reported rapes resulted in jail time for the offenders, making the likelihood of serving time for a false accusation extremely small.

(Shortform note: Research suggests that most people believe false rape accusations are much more common than they actually are. One poll found that almost half of women and more than half of men think false accusations are very common. Another study found that more than half of police officers surveyed said that between 10% and 50% of all people who report sexual assault are lying—and 10% of officers surveyed said 50% to 100% of such people are lying. While it’s difficult to determine the exact number of false accusations, research suggests that it’s between 2% and 8% of total rape accusations.)

The Importance of Language

As we’ve seen, a major aspect of mistreatment and control of women is silencing them. According to Solnit, silencing women is effective because language has a major impact on people’s beliefs and perceptions. In this section, we’ll explore how the weight of language lends itself to silencing women, and then we’ll examine the positive effects it can have.

Weaponizing Language

Solnit explains that, while language can be empowering for women who use it to describe their experiences, it can also be used destructively against them. This is well illustrated not only by the phenomenon of mansplaining—which involves a man supplanting the language of a woman with his own language—but also by the way sexism and misogyny manifest in online communities and on social media.

Women in online communities—such as gaming communities—frequently face threats and harassment from men. According to Solnit, this is particularly common when they share opinions that men disagree with. The threats these women receive are a message that their voices are unwelcome, that there’s no space for them, and that their role is subordinate to men.

(Shortform note: Online communities can be hostile to men as well, as people of all genders report experiencing online harassment. Research shows that more men report harassment in the form of physical threats, while more women report sexual harassment. Additionally, trans people and gender-nonconforming people are more likely than their cis peers to be harassed online.)

For example, when feminist media critic Anita Sarkeesian called out such behavior in these communities, people bombarded her with threats and hacking attempts. One man even made a video game that allowed players to punch an image of Sarkeesian’s face until it became bruised and bloodied.

Online threats are frightening and genuinely dangerous, explains Solnit, because threats are often the precursor to physical acts of violence. Still, law enforcement and social media sites tend to ignore these threats—which are often made under the guise of “free speech,” though they’re really thinly veiled instances of hate speech.

(Shortform note: In America, the First Amendment to the Constitution guarantees the right to freedom of speech, an integral part of basic rights. Hate speech is generally protected under the First Amendment, but there are exceptions to this, such as obscenity, defamation, and threats. However, the First Amendment only prohibits the government from regulating speech, whereas social media sites are private companies that can implement their own rules restricting hate speech if they choose to do so. Some argue that social media sites should do this not only for the common good, but also because it’s a practical business decision—by regulating their content, sites can enhance user trust and avoid the need for government regulation.)

Gamergate: A Misogynist Movement in the Gaming Community

Anita Sarkeesian’s harassment was not a one-off event, but rather part of a larger misogynist movement in the gaming community. This movement, known as Gamergate, was supposedly a response to unethical practices in gaming journalism: Independent game designer Zoe Quinn released a free game in 2013 called Depression Quest that defied many traditional gaming norms. The following year, Quinn’s ex-boyfriend published a blog post in which he alleged that Quinn cheated on him with some professionals in the gaming industry. This led many gamers to argue that Quinn had used sex to further her career and make her game more popular. This incident sparked the larger Gamergate movement.

The Gamergate attacks carried out included harassment, explicit threats of violence, and doxxing (the practice of seeking out and revealing someone’s personal information online) so severe that both Quinn and Sarkeesian were forced out of their homes. Further, many attacks were directed at women who weren’t journalists. Rather, they seemed to be a backlash against threats to the traditional gaming media, one in which the typical white male demographic was angry at the increasing inclusion of women and minorities in games and game development.

Using Language to Raise Awareness

On the other hand, language can be used to advance women’s rights: People can use the power of language to spread awareness of and change perceptions and beliefs around gender-based violence. When certain words and terms become part of the common vernacular, it can elucidate new concepts and ideas for the general public.

The coining of the term “rape culture,” for example, has helped spread awareness of how everyday behavior and subconscious biases perpetuate the mistreatment of women. Rape culture refers to an environment that normalizes rape and sexual violence through the media, objectification of women, and sexist language. This term helps describe how women have to shape their behavior around the fear of being sexually assaulted—something most men don’t have to do. Solnit explains that the adoption of this term into the general lexicon has helped many men better understand women’s experiences.

The Limits of Language to Describe Sexual Violence

Not only does language impact our beliefs; it also enables us to write legislation that prohibits mistreatment, because you have to be able to name an act in order to criminalize it. While terms like “rape culture” have helped bring women’s issues into the public eye, some suggest that the language that we have to describe sexual violence is still lacking. They argue that we primarily have two options when discussing sexual violence: to use language that’s vague and impersonal, like “misconduct,” or to use language that’s specific and vivid to the point of being upsetting. They suggest that we need better ways to accurately describe sexual violence in order to understand and punish it.

However, they also argue that after a word that describes sexual violence is established, society tends to either water it down until it loses its meaning (as with the term sexual harassment, which no longer connotes violence as it did when it was coined in the 1970s) or turn it into a pornographic term intended to evoke erotic pleasure. This latter change reinforces our society’s tendency to equate sex and violence (like how our slang terms for “to have sex” are often violent: “to bang,” or “to smash,” for example).

Ongoing Progress for the Movement

Despite the widespread violence against women, there’s progress being made. Solnit explains that, while domestic violence is still a widespread problem, it occurs at lower rates than it did in previous decades. Additionally, laws against domestic violence now give women some legal recourse against their abusers, as do laws against sexual harassment in the workplace and previously unrecognized abuses like marital rape and date rape. Just half a century ago, most of these terms didn’t exist.

Solnit argues that the more we confront ongoing patterns of misogyny and violence against women, and the more we normalize women’s equality and call out the authoritarian belief that men should control women, the closer we’ll get to a truly equal society.

Confronting Emotional Abuse, and the Speed of Progress

An example of progress against women’s mistreatment is the greater recognition of nonphysical forms of abuse like emotional abuse. While the laws against emotional abuse vary from state to state, it’s now considered a form of domestic violence—thus enabling victims to seek support, protection, and sometimes legal recourse against such abusers.

However, there’s still much work to be done: Gender equality progressed rapidly during the 1960s and 1970s as a result of the second-wave feminist movement, which brought public attention to issues like gender roles, unequal pay, and abortion. But some experts suggest that the progress toward gender equality in the US has slowed to a stop in the past few decades. In 2023, the UN called for a renewed commitment to gender equality, highlighting issues like poverty, health care, and legal discrimination. Bringing these issues into the public eye could spur further progress in the gender equality movement.