PDF Summary:King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, by Douglas Gillette and Robert L. Moore

Do modern men struggle more with their masculinity than previous generations did? Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette say yes, and in King, Warrior, Magician, Lover they explain why it’s happening. Drawing on Carl Jung’s personality archetypes, along with their own observations about modern society, they explore why men today aren’t in tune with their masculinity and how that affects their behavior.

Our guide begins by explaining why modern men grow up without being taught to connect to their masculinity in mature and healthy ways, and how that hurts society. Then, we explore the four psychological aspects listed in the title and two key requirements of healthy masculinity. Our commentary compares Moore and Gillette’s ideas to those of other psychologists, including Jung. We also provide tools and advice to help you connect with healthy masculinity, or help others to do so. Finally, we discuss how many of these issues could be signs of underlying psychiatric problems, which might need professional help to treat.

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The Warrior: Action, Discipline, and Devotion

Whereas the King is the leader of a man’s psyche, the Warrior is the part that gets things done. Phrased differently, the King gives commands and the Warrior carries them out.

However, Moore and Gillette say that the Warrior aspect is about much more than just turning decisions into actions. The Warrior—like the idealized knights in King Arthur’s legends—is a symbol of discipline, strength, skill, and loyalty.

The authors explain that, when a man has a well developed Warrior aspect, his first concerns are always self-discipline and self-control. This is because the greatest Warriors are those who master their own minds; by doing so, they develop the will, focus, and courage to accomplish incredible things. Therefore, someone with a strong Warrior aspect can act quickly and decisively, without getting distracted by stray thoughts or feelings.

Although he’s not a warrior in the usual sense, the legend of the Buddha gives an excellent example of this aspect: The Buddha achieved such perfect mastery over himself that he was able to defeat an evil god named Mara. This god had great powers of illusion and temptation, but the Buddha maintained control of his mind, and so he wasn’t affected. Mara eventually realized that he couldn't trick the Buddha, and he was forced to give up.

(Shortform note: This example is especially apt for a discussion of healthy masculinity because the Buddha defeated Mara without ever attacking him. As we’ll discuss shortly, someone who’s too quick to use force—or, worse, who enjoys doing so—is being influenced by an imbalanced Warrior aspect.)

The Warrior’s discipline also drives a man to keep honing his skills so that he’s better able to accomplish his tasks and achieve his goals, whatever those might be. For instance, a musician who practices every single day is exercising a Warrior’s discipline; so is an office worker who constantly looks for ways to boost his productivity and the quality of his work.

Recall that the Warrior is also responsible for loyalty. Moore and Gillette explain that this means loyalty to something larger and more important than any individual, such as a country, a deity, or a mission. For instance, an environmental activist and a religious leader are both people who have pledged their loyalty to a greater cause.

Crucially, a man with the Warrior’s loyalty values his cause more highly than he values any person, including himself. As a result, he’s willing to endure great hardships and countless defeats in pursuit of his goals. With that said, a mature Warrior aspect also helps him to think rationally—to accurately assess his own abilities and decide how he could do the most good, rather than uselessly throwing himself against impossible odds.

Finally, someone with a mature Warrior aspect has recognized and accepted that he’ll die someday. Rather than scaring or depressing him, this awareness of his own death drives him to make the most of whatever time he has. As such, he fully experiences and appreciates every moment that he lives, and approaches each task as if it’s the last and most important thing he’ll ever do. To sum it up with a common saying, the Warrior lives each day as though it were his last.

Stoicism and the Warrior Aspect

This description of the Warrior aspect is a near-perfect echo of Stoicism. Stoicism is an ancient school of philosophy that teaches people they can live good, fulfilling lives through the use of logic and rationality.

Discipline and self-control are central themes in Stoicism. A significant part of Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations, one of Stoicism’s fundamental books, describes gaining control over oneself by recognizing that pleasure isn’t beneficial and pain isn’t harmful. This is important because people who don't crave pleasure or fear pain can spend their lives tirelessly working to help others and ruthlessly improving themselves so they’re better able to do so. According to Aurelius, working for the common good is the only worthwhile purpose in life—it’s the ideal cause for a Warrior to pledge his loyalty to.

Finally, like Moore and Gillette, Aurelius taught that mortality should be motivating rather than frightening. To help people overcome their fear of death, Aurelius adds that death is part of the natural order of things, and nature couldn’t have evolved in that way if death were harmful. He also urges people to examine exactly what they’re afraid of losing when they die; since death only takes away their sense of self, and Stoicism is an inherently selfless philosophy, a Stoic should conclude that nothing of value will be lost.

The Immature Warrior: the Hero

Moore and Gillette say that the boyhood form of the Warrior aspect is called the Hero. The main difference is that, whereas the developed Warrior has overcome his fear of hardship and defeat, the underdeveloped Hero has never been afraid in the first place. Someone who’s stuck in the Hero aspect thinks that he’s invincible and his abilities are limitless. As a result, when he does fail (as he inevitably will at some point), that failure is a crushing blow to his self-image and self-esteem.

However, the authors also say that the Hero is the most mature aspect of boyhood psychology. This is because it’s the aspect that tells a boy he’s ready and able to face life’s challenges, become independent, and achieve his goals. As such, it’s also the aspect that’s responsible for a boy breaking away from his parents and making the transition to adulthood.

(Shortform note: Moore and Gillette present the Hero as an aspect of the boyhood psyche and the Warrior as an aspect of the manhood psyche. However, in traditional Jungian psychology, Hero and Warrior are two different names for the same archetype. Also, while the Hero’s drive to overcome challenges is needed for breaking free of childhood and transitioning into adulthood, it’s not the only aspect involved in major life changes. For instance, the Explorer’s goal is to discover how to live a happier and more fulfilling life, and the Rebel seeks to destroy power structures that no longer serve him—such as the parent/child dynamic of boyhood.)

The Imbalanced Warrior: Cruelty, Obsession, and Cowardice

Moore and Gillette explain that the Warrior is inherently detached from emotions (including his own) and from interpersonal relationships—remember that this aspect’s main concern is with taking action to support a cause. Because of that detachment, it’s especially easy for the Warrior to develop improperly or become imbalanced. As with all of the aspects the authors discuss, an imbalanced Warrior can manifest in two opposing ways.

The Zealot

First, a Warrior lacking discipline and self-control can become a Zealot. Unlike the balanced Warrior aspect, which takes well-reasoned and appropriate action, the Zealot is sadistic: He loves to cause pain and destruction, and he will do so at every opportunity. Like the members of the Spanish Inquisition, the Zealot is eager to fight against anything that he sees as an enemy to his cause, and he fights using the cruelest methods he can think of.

(Shortform note: Zealots act the way they do because they see themselves as embodiments of “good” fighting against “evil.” In The Lucifer Effect, psychologist Philip Zimbardo explores why and how seemingly good people can turn cruel, like the Zealot. Zimbardo says that one key part of this shift is dehumanization, which happens when someone views others as less than human. Typically, people will dehumanize those who are different from themselves: people of a different race, or who follow a different religion, have different political beliefs, and so on. Such people also tend to dehumanize themselves, meaning they stop viewing themselves as individuals with morals and start thinking of themselves as an impersonal force.)

The Martyr

At the other end of the Warrior spectrum is the Martyr. The healthy Warrior aspect is willing to endure hardship for a cause, but the Martyr suffers for no real reason.

Moore and Gillette say that this pointless suffering happens because someone with a strong Martyr tendency sees himself as powerless; he severely underestimates what he’s capable of. As a result, he doesn’t think he can do anything except endure whatever abuse comes his way. To give some examples, this aspect is common among people who stay in toxic workplaces or abusive relationships because they don’t think it’s possible to leave.

When Leaving Doesn’t Seem Like an Option

In some cases, it truly is dangerous for people to try to leave abusive situations, especially relationships. However, there are still options and resources that can help them break free of their abuser and their internal Martyr. A few examples are:

1. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, (800) 799-7233

2. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s list of websites and hotlines, which focus on specific age or racial groups, as well as victims who are disabled or LGBT+

3. Searching “domestic violence resources” and their city or state to find accessible shelters, attorneys, counselors, and financial assistance

The Magician: Knowledge and Wisdom

The Magician aspect is, in a way, the polar opposite of the Warrior. Moore and Gillette explain that the Magician is the deeply intellectual part of the psyche: It studies, learns, and seeks to understand obscure and complex subjects. This aspect is called the Magician because it grants insights and abilities that can seem supernatural—for instance, a skilled computer programmer could design software tools that boost his productivity to levels that other people would think are impossible.

The Magician’s drive for understanding also includes understanding people, including the person whose psyche it’s a part of. It’s the part of the mind that analyzes people’s behavior and tries to discern their real intentions and motivations. As such, the Magician is a person’s internal lie detector and moral compass.

(Shortform note: Picking up on someone’s intentions and motivations is often a matter of reading their body language and other contextual clues. Most people do this naturally to some extent, but it’s also a skill that can be learned and honed. In The Dictionary of Body Language, former FBI agent Joe Navarro describes numerous nonverbal cues that people give, and how to interpret them. For example, rubbing one’s shoulder is a self-soothing behavior and therefore might indicate nervousness. The next step is to figure out why that person is nervous—in Navarro’s case, he might use various other cues to decide whether they’re just nervous about talking to an FBI agent, or if they’re nervous because they’re lying to him.)

Finally, the authors say that the Magician empowers someone to act as a healer and problem solver, like the wise men of ancient cultures. The Magician’s knowledge makes it the aspect that’s best suited for treating illnesses and injuries, as well as giving advice in difficult situations. Again, this includes helping the one whose mind it’s a part of. For example, suppose someone hurts his ankle: His inner Warrior might encourage him to push through the pain, but his Magician aspect will wisely advise him to rest and heal.

Empower the Magician by Learning How to Learn

Since the Magician aspect’s abilities come from learning, people can empower their inner Magician by learning how to learn effectively. For instance, someone who wants to become a doctor (a “professional magician,” so to speak) needs to learn an enormous amount of information in medical school, and that would be difficult without an effective study strategy.

In Limitless, educator and “brain coach” Jim Kwik presents a learning model that he says will remove the limits on a person’s ability to learn. The Limitless model has three components:

1. Mindframe: The learner must truly believe in their own limitless potential and must be open-minded about new information. In other words, they must know that they’re able to learn, and they must be ready to learn.

2. Drive: The learner must find ways to motivate themselves to learn about whatever topic they’re studying. This is crucial because even someone who knows they can learn anything still won’t learn about subjects they’re not interested in.

3. Techniques: The learner uses specific practices and strategies to quickly absorb and retain new information. For example, Kwik suggests that people try visualizing what they’re learning about, instead of just trying to memorize the words on a page.

The Immature Magician: the Gifted Child

Before a Magician aspect is fully developed, it manifests as the Gifted Child.

Moore and Gillette say that this immature version of the Magician first appears when a child discovers the joys of learning and of sharing his knowledge. Driven by a sense of wonder, the Gifted Child is excited to see and understand everything. As such, it’s the aspect that drives people to explore and experiment in the endless search for knowledge, including knowledge about themselves.

In this case, the difference between the immature and mature aspects is experience, rather than mindset. The Gifted Child has the same urges to learn and to help others as the Magician does; he simply hasn’t gathered enough knowledge yet to become a fully realized Magician.

Recapture the Gifted Child’s Wonder

Both the Gifted Child and the fully developed Magician are motivated by curiosity, but many people lose their curiosity as they grow up. In A More Beautiful Question, journalist Warren Berger explains how to regain a childlike sense of curiosity and wonder—and, by doing so, become more knowledgeable and more successful.

Berger says people can accomplish this by regularly asking three types of questions:

1. Why? What’s the reason for something being the way that it is? Although these can seem like simplistic questions (such as “Why do things fall when we drop them?”), searching for the answers can help people to understand complicated subjects (like how gravity works). This question’s counterpart is why not?—meaning, do things have to be the way that they are? Is there any reason not to try something different?

2. What if? What would be the outcome of a certain action or situation? This question helps people to connect thoughts in ways they hadn’t considered before and come up with new ideas. For instance, the Doctor Who franchise started with the question ”What if a time traveler taught children about history and science?”

3. How? What course of action would turn an idea into reality? For example, the childlike question “How can people fly like birds do?” was eventually answered with the invention of the airplane.

The Imbalanced Magician: Scheming and Inaction

Moore and Gillette say that, like the Warrior, the Magician is disconnected from human emotions—it’s concerned with knowledge, not with feelings. Therefore, it’s unfortunately common for a Magician to develop without the crucial drive to help others, which can lead to two different imbalanced aspects.

The Puppet Master

A Magician who uses knowledge selfishly becomes the Puppet Master. Instead of helping others, the Puppet Master manipulates them—for example, a politician who turns his constituents against each other so they don’t realize that he’s the one causing their problems. In other cases, a Puppet Master will help others, but he’ll charge extortionate fees for his services; this might manifest in doctors who refuse to treat uninsured patients, or a master craftsman who jealously guards his trade secrets until someone pays to become his apprentice.

Moore and Gillette warn that the Puppet Master might seem useful from a purely selfish point of view, but a man under the influence of this aspect lives a fruitless and unsatisfying life. He manipulates others because he’s afraid to take action himself; instead of taking risks and experiencing life, he stays trapped in his own mind. The Puppet Master is so scared of making the wrong decision that he never makes any decisions. Then, as the end of his life draws near, he regrets all the things he never did.

(Shortform note: Fear is only one possible explanation for why people become abusive and manipulative. In Why Does He Do That?, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—says that people like the Puppet Master behave the way they do simply because it benefits them. Bancroft argues that most abusers know what they’re doing, and they do it intentionally. Therefore, their behavior is the result of moral problems, rather than mental or emotional ones; in simple terms, they’re extremely selfish. That being the case, one effective way to fight back against people like the Puppet Master is to enforce consequences for their behavior. This works because a self-centered person won’t change their behavior until they realize it’s also hurting them.)

The Saboteur

At the other end of the spectrum is the Saboteur. While the Puppet Master tries to get others to do what he wants, the Saboteur tries to stop others from accomplishing anything at all.

Moore and Gillette explain that the Saboteur wants the recognition and respect that a great Magician earns, but he doesn’t want to do the Magician’s work of helping others. Like the Puppet Master, the Saboteur is driven by the fear of taking action (and, therefore, having to take responsibility for his actions). However, instead of using the Puppet Master’s underhanded tactics, someone under the Saboteur’s influence comes up with endless excuses about why he can’t or shouldn’t handle things himself. At the same time, he undermines other people’s work to make himself look better by comparison.

A common example of someone under the Saboteur’s influence is a teammate or board member who disparages everyone else’s suggestions, yet offers none of his own. This person is trying to raise his own status by lowering everyone else’s. He can’t earn respect by making real contributions, because he’s too afraid of people scorning his ideas like he scorns all of theirs.

A Tip to Overcome Fear: Start With Something Small

In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson offers one way to start overcoming the fear of taking action: Just do something, no matter what it is. He suggests that people who are paralyzed by fear, like the Puppet Master and the Saboteur, should pick some extremely small goal and then accomplish it. For instance, the board member from the previous example might set a goal to make just one suggestion of his own, even if it’s about something unimportant like which restaurant should cater their next meeting.

Manson says that setting such a low bar will help in two ways:

First, the task is so trivial—and the consequences for failing are so minimal—that the person will be less afraid of making a mistake. To continue the earlier example, that board member should ask himself whether it really matters if the board decides not to go with the restaurant he suggested. After realizing that it doesn’t matter, he’ll feel free to make that suggestion.

Second, accomplishing even a tiny goal will prove to the fearful person that they’re making progress, and it will motivate them to keep making progress. To continue the earlier example, perhaps that board member’s next goal could be to make just one suggestion about something business-related. Once he realizes that he can do that, he’ll start being able to function as a contributing member of the board instead of a Saboteur.

The Lover: Desire, Passion, and Joy

All of the previous aspects were concerned with various kinds of control: control over oneself, control over one’s surroundings, or both. The Lover is the opposite—it’s the part of the psyche that wants to unrestrainedly enjoy all the pleasures that life has to offer.

Moore and Gillette say this aspect is also unique because it’s motivated by emotions, rather than by intellect. The Lover fuels a person’s feelings of vigor, passion, and joy. It also drives him to fulfill his various needs and desires; this includes biological urges like food and sex, but also less tangible cravings such as joy, love, and a sense of purpose. Therefore, someone under the Lover’s influence wants to explore and experience as much as he can because he’s looking for ways to satisfy those desires.

(Shortform note: In neurological terms, many of the Lover’s functions are explained by the chemical dopamine. In The Molecule of More, the authors explain that dopamine motivates people to seek out new experiences and to pursue the things they want. A person’s brain releases dopamine when they encounter something new or unexpected, or when they make progress toward a goal. That dopamine release is pleasurable, so people naturally want to do things that cause it. A few examples are eating a good meal, pursuing a new relationship, and working toward a promotion.)

The Lover is also highly empathetic, meaning that someone with a strong Lover aspect instinctively understands other people’s feelings and shares them. This can be very painful, but he finds joy even in the pain; to the Lover, all experiences are things to enjoy and celebrate.

(Shortform note: It’s a common misconception that people can spur their empathy by imagining themselves in someone else’s position. However, that tactic engages the intellect (the Magician) rather than the emotions (the Lover) and may cause people to bring their own assumptions and biases into the situation. In Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown explains that empathy simply means understanding another person’s feelings and accepting those feelings for what they are.)

The Immature Lover: the Oedipal Child

Moore and Gillette say that a boy who didn’t have a nurturing masculine presence in his life, such as a loving father, is likely to get stuck in a boyhood version of the Lover aspect called the Oedipal Child. This happens when the boy grows up believing that all forms of love and care must come from women, since he never experienced them from a man.

The authors say that someone under the influence of the Oedipal Child longs for an ideal version of the feminine: a woman who’s impossibly loving, caring, and beautiful. This nonexistent woman is how he saw his mother when he was very young.

(Shortform note: The Oedipal Child archetype derives its name from the play Oedipus Rex. The play is about a tragic character named Oedipus who (unknowingly) kills his father and marries his mother. This is where Sigmund Freud got the name for the Oedipus Complex—however, unlike Freud’s Oedipus Complex, Jung’s Oedipal Child doesn’t feel sexual attraction toward his mother.)

As an adult, say the authors, the man hasn’t realized that he’s still searching for his childhood experience of femininity and motherhood rather than for an actual person. He therefore struggles in his relationships with women, because none of them—including his mother—live up to his childish idea of what a woman should be. Until the Oedipal Child brings his concept of femininity into line with reality, he can never be fully satisfied with his life. Therefore, until that happens, the Lover aspect can’t fulfill its purpose.

(Shortform note: The Oedipal Child aspect’s overdependence is harmful to both the man and the woman or women he's closest to. It’s not reasonable to expect someone else to meet all of his emotional needs all of the time, so his expectations often put a lot of strain on his relationships (both romantic and familial). This might happen because women exhaust themselves trying to meet his demands, he obsesses over their “failure” to do so, or both. Also, because the man is so reliant on others for emotional support, he never learns how to emotionally support himself using tools like self-care, self-compassion, or rest and recreation.)

The Imbalanced Lover: Hedonism and Depression

The last psychological aspects we’ll discuss are the two versions of the imbalanced Lover.

The Hedonist

The first of these is the Hedonist. Recall that the Lover’s purpose is to help the man satisfy his wants and needs; Moore and Gillette explain that, for someone under the Hedonist’s influence, there’s no such thing as satisfaction. Instead, he becomes obsessed with his own pleasure and spends his life chasing one whim after another.

The Hedonist usually arises because the Lover isn’t properly balanced by the psyche’s other aspects. As stated earlier, the Lover hates boundaries. That’s why it needs the King’s judgment, the Warrior’s discipline, and the Magician’s wisdom to keep it in check.

The Hedonic Treadmill

The authors are describing a pattern of behavior commonly called the hedonic treadmill: People chase after something they think will make them happy, enjoy a moment of pleasure when they get it, then start chasing the next thing in order to recapture that feeling. It’s referred to as a treadmill because people constantly “run” after happiness but always end up in the same place emotionally.

There are many tools that people under the Hedonist’s influence can use to help themselves get off the treadmill. A few examples are:

Ask “Do I need this?” When he’s considering buying something, the Hedonist should pause for a moment and ask if it’s something he needs or just something he wants. Another way to approach this is to consider whether it’s going to help him in some way; if so, then it may be a need, but if not, then it’s only a want.

Practice gratitude. Instead of thinking about what he wants to buy or experience next, he can remember and appreciate what he already has. Examples might include his health, his family and friends, his job, his home, and his accomplishments.

Find pleasure in simple things. The Hedonist forgets that happiness doesn’t always require money or a lot of effort. Instead of chasing after expensive items and intense experiences, he could indulge in the simple pleasure of taking a walk or watching his favorite TV show.

The Unfeeling Man

At the opposite end of this spectrum is the Unfeeling Man: Whereas the Hedonist is lost in his desires, the Unfeeling Man doesn’t even know what his desires are.

Moore and Gillette say that someone under the influence of this aspect has lost touch with his emotions. Without desire or pleasure to motivate him, the man soon becomes lethargic and bored. In short, he’s depressed—nothing excites him, nothing motivates him, and he doesn’t enjoy anything anymore.

(Shortform note: People under the influence of the Unfeeling Man aspect should consider how severe their depression is and how long it’s been happening because they may be suffering from clinical depression. Short periods of sadness and fatigue are normal, especially when there’s a clear reason for them like a death in the family or a stressful job. However, when those feelings—or lack of feelings—last for a long time and start having serious impacts on the person’s life and well-being, they should consider seeing a professional to determine if it’s a clinical issue.)

Healthy Masculinity Requires Balance and Humility

Now that we’ve discussed the four masculine ideals, along with their underdeveloped and imbalanced forms, we’ll end by briefly discussing how men can reconnect with their masculinity in mature and healthy ways.

Moore and Gillette say, first of all, that the King, the Warrior, the Magician, and the Lover help to balance each other. This means that, when one aspect of a man’s psyche has become imbalanced, the solution is often to engage other aspects to bring it back into alignment. For example, we’ve already discussed how the Hedonist can emerge when the other three aspects don’t set strong boundaries for the Lover. The reverse is also true: the Lover’s empathy prevents aspects like the Oppressor and the Zealot from taking control.

The authors also say that one of the keys to healthy masculinity is being humble: A mature man admits when something’s wrong with him and takes action to fix the problem. This is crucial because nobody has a perfectly healthy psyche, and everyone’s aspects become imbalanced at times. Therefore, the sooner the man realizes it’s happening, the better things will be for him and for the people he loves. For example, horror author Stephen King has spoken about the years he spent under the Zealot’s influence (though he didn’t use that term). King’s obsession with his work nearly cost him his family, and he’s said one of his biggest regrets is that he didn’t recognize that problem sooner.

Tip: Get Ego Out of the Way

It’s important for people to recognize when their psyche is badly imbalanced, but how do they do that?

In Ego Is the Enemy, self-help author Ryan Holiday gives one suggestion: Use failure as a chance to learn. When someone fails at something, whether it’s a professional goal or a personal task, it’s a sign that something is wrong. Therefore, the person should carefully consider what happened and how their own shortcomings contributed to the failure.

However, Holiday also warns that too much pride—in his terms, too much ego—will make that impossible. A person’s ego will only consider what they did well, and it will blame anything that went wrong on other people.

For instance, if a man gets into a shouting match with his wife, that’s a failure of communication. Perhaps it happened, at least in part, because the man was drifting too close to the Oppressor or Zealot aspect; he may have been trying to overpower his wife instead of really talking to her. In that case, the best solution would be to use the Lover’s empathy to better understand his wife’s point of view, and thereby bring that imbalanced aspect back into alignment.

However, if the man is caught up in his own ego, he’s likely to move even further toward the Oppressor or the Zealot instead. He’ll see the fight as only his wife’s failure, not his own, and his only concern will be with “winning” their next fight.