PDF Summary:Good Vibes, Good Life, by Vex King

In Good Vibes, Good Life, Vex King argues that the key to living your dream life is to have good vibrations or “good vibes.” When you put out good vibes like gratitude and joy, you attract good vibes back; however, when you put out bad vibes like resentment, regret, or impatience, you’ll attract bad vibes and consequently experience more hardships. The key to minimizing bad vibes and maximizing good ones, King argues, is self-love and acceptance.

This guide will discuss King’s Law of Vibration, how you can raise your vibrations, the things that negatively impact your vibes, and how to use your good vibes to achieve your ideal life. Throughout the guide, we’ll also relate King's concepts to recent scientific research and the opinions and recommendations of psychologists, other spiritual guides, and life coaches such as Eckhart Tolle and Rhonda Byrne.

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Be Grateful

When bad things happen, it can be difficult to think of the positive things in life, but King argues that always being grateful for where you are and what you have is a sure-fire way to emit good vibes.

If you have trouble finding things to be grateful for, King recommends thinking about the things you use on a daily basis (like your car, kitchen appliances, or phone) and imagining what life would be like without them. What would happen if you didn’t have that thing? For example, if you didn’t have an oven or stove, you would spend hours gathering wood, building a fire, and waiting for your food to slowly cook. Consider these things and be grateful for what you have.

Gratefulness Should Extend to People and the Future

In You Are a Badass, Jen Sincero elaborates on the impact that gratitude can have on your life. She explains that not only should we be grateful for where we are and what we have, but we should be grateful for who we have and what we don’t yet have as well.

When you show gratitude to the people you appreciate in your life, you feel great for giving thanks, they feel great for being appreciated, and then you feel great again for making them feel great—it’s an endless cycle of good feelings. Sincero says that this will also heighten feelings of self-love, which King says is the foundation of maintaining good vibes.

Further, Sincero explains that when you have gratitude for the things you don’t yet have, you’re creating good faith—trust that the universe has good things in store for you. She elaborates that when you show this gratitude to the universe, it will reward you with more positivity. For example, if you are thankful for the job you have, you’re more likely to get an even better job.

Turn Your Bad Emotions Into Good Ones

By paying attention to how you feel, you can recognize your own negativity and reverse it, turning your bad vibes into good ones.

King recommends doing this by first identifying the emotion you feel—is it anger, jealousy, sadness, regret? Then, consider whether these feelings are appropriate based on the situation—have you made false assumptions, exaggerated the situation, or had a misunderstanding?

Next, think about the underlying reason you had the feelings—does it stem from insecurity, fear of abandonment, or lack of trust? Now replace the negative emotion by thinking of something positive—remember a time you felt the opposite emotion. Finally, think of how you can rewire your response to avoid the negative reaction next time a similar situation occurs.

How to Benefit From Negative Emotions

In Awaken the Giant Within, Tony Robbins agrees with King that we can reach a more positive state of mind by redirecting our negative emotions into positive ones, and adds that these negative emotions can even be a blessing in disguise. He explains that emotions are internal feedback of external stimuli—when we do or experience something that feels right, we feel positive emotions, and when we do or experience something that feels wrong, we experience negative emotions. So, negative emotions are invaluable because they guide us toward the life we want and away from the life we don’t. However, while negative emotions can guide us in the right direction, we also can’t let them control our state of mind.

To process your emotions in a healthy way, Robbins recommends six steps:

• Identify and rationalize the emotion: When we experience negative emotions we can easily become so overwhelmed that we’re unable to pinpoint exactly what we’re feeling. So, take a moment to identify the feeling—jealousy, anger, sadness, disappointment—and then consider whether the circumstances of the situation warrant this response. For example, maybe your friend couldn’t meet because she’s busy studying for a big exam. Robbins says this will immediately take the sting away. Robbins’ first step is a combination of King’s first two recommendations—identify the emotions and consider whether or not they’re appropriate.

• Embrace the emotion: Resist the urge to label the emotion as bad or wrong and simply embrace it as feedback that will help you learn.

• Decode your emotion: Now that you know the emotion is feedback, consider what the feedback is telling you—maybe you should be more considerate about what your friends are going through before getting upset that they can’t meet your requests. Maybe you need to change your beliefs or actions to prevent the negative feelings from happening again.

• Remember that emotions are temporary: Negative feelings always pass. To help you get over it, think of times you’ve felt this way in the past and consider what helped you get over it. This is similar to King’s recommendation to consider a past experience where you’ve felt the opposite emotion—both techniques use past experiences to create a path to positivity in the present.

• Use this experience as a reference for the future: Reflect on what you’ve learned and come up with a few additional strategies that will help you handle the emotion if it happens again in the future.

• Reinforce what you’ve learned: Take action to show that you’ve overcome the emotions—for example, take your friend out to lunch after her exam to congratulate her on her hard work and dedication.

Live in the Present Moment by Meditating

When you live in the present moment, you’re immune to the negative feelings you have when lamenting about the past or worrying about the future. King explains that the key to living in the present moment is through meditation, which decreases negative emotions that cause us distress while increasing our ability to stay calm and feel joy in the moment.

Ultimately, meditation gives you a break from constant thinking and a chance to be your authentic self. He says that you’ll see and feel a difference after meditating only 15 minutes a day for 30 days.

(Shortform note: In 10% Happier, Dan Harris elaborates on King’s point by explaining why meditation helps us stay present—because it helps us separate our “self” from the thinking voice in our head that belongs to our ego. This thinking voice is what causes negative thoughts—lamenting about the past and worrying about the future. He adds that the key takeaways from mediation that will help us resist negativity and remain present are learning to respond rather than react, how to be compassionate, and how to worry less and only worry when it’s helpful.)

How to Avoid Bad Vibrations

King explains that there are a number of factors, both internal and external, that can lower your vibrational frequency. When you’re aware of these factors, you can remove them from your life. Ultimately, anything that causes suffering will lower your vibration. The sections below will guide you on what to avoid to make positivity more achievable.

Avoid Toxic People

One of the fastest ways to lower your vibration is by being around negative people. King explains that vibes are contagious—if the people you’re with are thinking negatively and behaving in a toxic manner, their negativity will rub off on you.

For example, if the person you’re with is constantly complaining, criticizing, gossiping, moping, and so on, you’ll probably end up in a bad mood, even if you are a positive person. These people can be anyone from friends and coworkers to family and partners. So if you continue to be around these people, you’ll be unable to maintain good vibes.

(Shortform note: In Primal Leadership, the authors second King’s argument that emotions are highly contagious and explain that this is because of our brain function. The emotional center of our brain, called the limbic system, is an open-loop system, meaning that internal factors are shaped by external stimuli. This means that our own emotions are highly impacted by the emotions of other people. So if we’re around positive people, we’re likely to end up in a good mood, whereas if we’re around negative people, our good moods can be tarnished quickly.)

However, distancing yourself isn’t the only option. If you’re honest with the other person and explain the toxic behaviors and their effect on you, they may be understanding and willing to change. Ultimately, you should aim to form relationships with positive people who are open to this kind of feedback and who’ll help you see the best side of things and raise your own vibrations.

How to Confront a Toxic Person

Experts second King’s assertion, explaining that the best way to save your relationship with a toxic person is to make them aware of their toxic behavior. They make a number of suggestions on how and how not to address the situation:

• Do use “I” statements to explain their behavior and how it makes you feel. For example “When you criticize my appearance, it makes me feel self-conscious about myself.”

• Do walk away if they refuse to address your concerns.

• Do offer compassion, but don’t try to fix them. It’s not your job to be their psychologist.

• Don’t let them convince you that they’re the victim. This is a manipulation tactic to make you stay without them having to change their behavior.

Don’t Give Yourself to Energy Vampires

King explains that your energy and good vibes can be drained by people who rely on you as a support system. When we have a person in our life who’s struggling—whether it be with a breakup, financial issues, or depression—we often feel obliged to support them emotionally. However, this can be extremely draining when we’re pouring our energy and good vibes into them.

If you feel you’re in a good place where you’re strong enough to support them without being negatively affected, then go for it; however, if you leave the interaction feeling drained or depressed, you have an obligation to yourself to take a break and regain your energy.

How to Stop Emotional Dependency

Experts explain that the phenomenon discussed by King—one person being dependent on another person for emotional support—is called emotional dependency. While King explains that being in a relationship with an emotionally dependent person can be detrimental to our health, experts add that being the emotionally dependent person can be even more detrimental. So, what do you do if you’re the one who’s emotionally dependent on someone else?

Experts explain that emotionally dependent people often don’t realize they’re emotionally dependent, and that can be an invisible barrier that’s preventing you from reaching a state of positivity, or good vibes. They list a few signs that may indicate emotional dependency: You have an idealized image of your partner, life is meaningless without your partner, you fear rejection and need constant reassurance to maintain your self-esteem, you feel empty or anxious when you’re alone, and you feel jealous or possessive of your friends and partners.

If you recognize any of these symptoms in yourself, you can stop your emotional dependency by acknowledging your emotions (as King recommends in the section “Turn Your Bad Emotions Into Good Ones”). You can also find ways to fulfill your emotional needs separately from other people or explore the things that trigger you and why.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

King explains that comparing ourselves to others is pointless and often makes us feel that we’re lacking in some way—in reality, everyone’s at a different point in life at different times based on our priorities, values, and other external factors that are out of our control.

Consequently, another person’s life position is irrelevant to you because you’re a different person—you have different values, a different family and upbringing, and different life circumstances. While they might be in their prime now, you might be on the rise and reaching your prime while they’re on their decline.

King notes that many aspects of our society thrive by making us compare ourselves to others like social media and marketing campaigns for clothes, makeup, and other material goods—if we don't have this thing, this life, or look this way, then we aren’t good enough. Consequently, you should distance yourself from social media and other pressures if you feel yourself falling victim to the comparison complex.

(Shortform note: King doesn’t recommend how we can stop comparing ourselves to others, but experts make a few suggestions: (1) Identify specific people or things that trigger you and come up with a list of why they don’t matter; (2) start a gratitude journal where you list all the things that you’re grateful for and remember them when you start comparing yourself; (3) document your achievements so you can remember the big and little things you’ve accomplished; (4) view other people as allies who push you to do better rather than threats; and (5) treat yourself like your own best friend—encourage yourself and don’t talk down to yourself.)

Avoid Negative Activities

When you do things like gossip, argue, judge others, or complain, you emit negative energy that will bring negativity back to you. King explains that these behaviors are impulses of our ego, and our ego’s ultimate goal is to feel superior to others. Whenever you’re operating with your ego, you’re emitting negative vibrations.

So when you feel the need to argue with someone or complain about something, for example, recognize that this is your ego, not you. This will allow you to overcome the negative thought or emotion.

(Shortform note: In A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle echoes this concept explaining that the ego has two primary goals: to gain an identity and make that identity superior to others’ identities. One of the primary ways the ego accomplishes this goal, Tolle explains, is by complaining. When we complain about others, this is an egoic tactic to express superiority over them. And when we do this, we strengthen our ego, which makes us exhibit more negative behavior. So, when we allow ourselves to do things like gossip, we dig ourselves further into negativity, making it more difficult to emit positive vibes.)

Don’t Focus on the Bad Things

When you think about hardships you’ve experienced in the past or bad things that could happen in the future, you’re focused on negative things and therefore emit negative energy. This goes back to the Law of Attraction—when you’re visualizing the bad things that have happened or could happen, you are essentially manifesting them back into your life.

Further, when you do this, you’re either living in the past or the future rather than the present moment. As we discussed, King explains that living in the present moment is one of the keys to achieving a state of perpetual positivity.

So, rather than regretting past mistakes or being angry about hardships you’ve experienced, King recommends that you have faith—remember that everything happens for a reason. Your hardships have taught you valuable lessons in life, and everything that has happened has led you to the exact moment you’re in right now. If even the smallest thing from your past was different, you might have never gotten your dream job, met the love of your life, or found your dream home.

Object Consciousness Prevents Humans From Living in the Present

In A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle agrees with King that humans emit negative energy because rather than living in the present, we’re constantly focused on the past or future. He adds that humans are unable to live in the present moment because the ego traps us in a state called “object consciousness” where we’re only able to experience the present moment in one of three ways:

• As a bridge to a future moment: This is when the only value of the present moment is to reach something better in the future. This makes us feel bored and discontent.

• As a barrier or obligation: This is when we actively dislike what we’re doing but feel we have to do it to get what we want in the future. This makes us feel impatient, frustrated, and stressed.

• As an antagonist: This is when we see the present moment as an enemy and is characterized by the thought that “Nothing good ever happens to me” or “I’m perpetually unlucky.” This makes us constantly feel angry, resentful, and grouchy.

And like King, Tolle suggests that we overcome object consciousness by living in a state of non-attachment, nonjudgment, and nonresistance—when we simply accept that everything happens for a reason and that nothing is good or bad or permanent. When we do this, we will be able to live in the present moment without feeling negative emotions and emitting bad vibes.

How to Achieve Your Ideal Life

King explains that once you’ve reached a high vibrational state, you can attain your ideal life by visualizing your desires and taking steps to achieve them. In the sections below, we’ll discuss King’s recommendations on how to successfully manifest your dream life.

Visualize What You Want

King explains that you can attract what you want by visualizing it in your mind—if you want a new car, close your eyes and imagine yourself driving that exact car, feeling the leather steering wheel, smelling the new car smell, adjusting your mirror, rolling the window down, listening to the radio, and so on.

Similarly, if you want to learn a new skill, imagine yourself practicing that skill and go through the motions in your head. Studies show that this fires the same parts of your brain that you use when actually doing the action.

(Shortform note: In The Secret, Rhonda Byrne explains that making a vision board can help you visualize what you want. To do this, get a blank poster and attach multiple images that represent how you want your life to be—for example, your dream house, car, job, or vacation. As you post each image on the board, take a moment to feel the experience of already possessing those things—if you posted a picture of the beach, imagine feeling the sun on your shoulders and sand under your toes. Put the vision board somewhere where you see it regularly and take time every day to look at the vision board and visualize your ideal life.)

Consider Your Underlying Beliefs About Reality

King explains that everyone has different underlying beliefs about how and why the world functions and that your reality is shaped by these beliefs. So, if you have negative underlying beliefs, you’ll create a negative reality.

(Shortform note: In Awaken the Giant Within, Tony Robbins makes a similar claim, arguing that your beliefs dictate how you interpret and react to your life experiences. For example, if you believe that only people with a 4.0 GPA can get the job you want, you probably won’t apply if you have a lower GPA. Because you didn’t bother to apply, you won’t get the job and your original belief will be confirmed. This is likely to shape your perception of reality—only people who excelled in school can be successful in their careers.)

For example, if you believe that people are inherently untrustworthy or that wealth only comes to people who are born into it, this will become your reality. On the other hand, if you believe that most people are good people and that wealth comes to those who work hard, then this will become your reality.

If you find that you have negative assumptions about people and the world, it’ll be difficult to manifest a positive life. To change these negative beliefs, identify the opposing beliefs and seek out information to prove them. For example, if you believe that wealth is only attainable for those born into it, look up success stories about wealthy people who started with nothing to counter your previous assumption.

(Shortform note: In Awaken the Giant Within Tony Robbins adds an additional recommendation to help you change your beliefs: Differentiate between specific and global beliefs. For example, a specific belief would be that you’re not good at tennis. A global belief would be that you’re bad at all sports. It’s ok to have some negative specific beliefs—if you’re bad at tennis and that’s the reality, then you can admit it—but don’t let specific beliefs translate to global beliefs. Just because you’re bad at tennis doesn’t mean you’re bad at sports in general.)

Recite Positive Affirmations

King explains that when you recite affirmations, you can alter your subconscious through repetition.

To make these affirmations most effective, create honest and achievable affirmations, write them down in the present tense using language that feels natural, make them as detailed as possible, and recite them out loud daily. For example: I am a confident, smart person who can handle any challenge that I face. Nothing can bring me down and make me feel negative because I have an impenetrable bubble of positivity surrounding me all the time.

(Shortform note: In Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill seconds King’s argument, explaining that one of the keys to achieving any goal in life is through visualization and reciting affirmations—Hill calls this process “autosuggestion.” Like King, Hill says that in order for these affirmations to be successful, you need to recite them as if you’ve already achieved them—for example, “My new Porsche is shiny silver and smells like a brand new car.” Hill adds that you also need to “emotionalize” your words—say them with conviction like you truly believe and are excited about what you’re saying.)

The Final Step to Success: Take Action

King explains that while a positive mindset and manifestation are the keys to achieving your dream life, the final step is to take action to achieve these goals. We can’t just stay positive and hope that everything we’ve ever wanted will fall into our lap—we actually have to take steps to move ourselves in this direction.

King elaborates that this doesn’t have to be your only focus in life, though—you can break a big goal into small steps and do something little every day to work towards the goal.

Last but not least, avoid procrastination at all costs. The most important part of taking action is being consistent. Even if you can’t put 100% in every day, intentionally doing something small will keep you motivated and produce results because every time you complete something you’ll get a boost of dopamine, the reward chemical.

(Shortform note: In Ultralearning, Scott Young explains that procrastination is one of the biggest obstacles to accomplishing your goals, and like King, he adds that consistent action is the key to success. When you feel the urge to procrastinate by doing other tasks or avoiding the original task, Young recommends using mental strategies to help you fight that urge. For example, if you feel the urge to procrastinate, set a timer for five minutes and make yourself work for at least that time—often, the desire to procrastinate will wear off and you’ll end up working past the timer. If you find yourself not wanting to work more than five minutes, increase the time to 25 minutes.)