PDF Summary:Flourish, by Martin E. P. Seligman
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What’s the key to living well and enjoying life to the fullest—to truly flourishing? Many of us think happiness is the answer. But in Flourish, psychologist and best-selling author Martin E. P. Seligman challenges this idea and argues that other aspects of life matter just as much as, if not more, than happiness. He proposes that instead of prioritizing happiness, we—as individuals and as a society—should cultivate well-being, which is a blend of five elements: positive emotion, engagement, meaning, relationships, and achievement. We can fortify these pillars of well-being by applying the principles of positive psychology in our lives and society so that the whole world can learn to flourish.
In this guide, we’ll define the five pillars of well-being, the benefits of having high well-being, and ways we can use positive psychology to increase personal and global well-being. Along the way, we’ll compare Seligman’s insights on happiness and well-being with those of other psychologists and expand on his findings with actionable advice.
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(Shortform note: When it comes to coping with negative emotions, most experts advocate a holistic approach that includes social support and developing resilience but also the use of therapy and medications. They don’t deny the value of positive psychology, but still recognize the importance of managing symptoms and coping with difficulties.)
So, how can the principles of positive psychology help you build the five elements of well-being? There isn’t a step-by-step process to increasing well-being, but Seligman details practices you can use and reflect on for building positive traits, skills, and resources to help you enhance your well-being.
Practice Gratitude
Seligman argues that one powerful way to increase your well-being is to practice gratitude more often. He explains that humans evolved to dwell on negative things more than positive things. This was useful for our ancestors, who had to regularly navigate life-threatening dangers, but less so for us in modern-day society, where we’re more concerned with leading a satisfying life.
(Shortform note: While Seligman feels that dwelling on the negatives can be harmful for your well-being, Mark Manson argues that being unhappy and dissatisfied is a good thing. In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, he writes that dissatisfaction motivates you to improve your life and pushes you to solve problems, which gives you satisfaction.)
Seligman suggests two ways to counteract our tendency to focus on the negatives and deliberately be more grateful:
1. Write down three things that made you happy every day and include the reason for why they happened. For example, “I set a new personal record at the gym because I stuck with my training and rested well last night.” Seligman notes that regularly writing three good things a day will make you feel happier and less depressed.
(Shortform note: In The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor suggests you get other people involved in your gratitude practice. For example, you could start every gaming session with your friends by having everyone share three good things that happened in their day. Practicing gratitude with others exposes everyone to more positive feelings, which boosts well-being even more. It also holds you accountable, which ensures you stick to your practice.)
2. Write a gratitude letter. Think of someone who made your life better and write a letter thanking them. Then, arrange a meeting with that person and read the letter to them. After doing this, you’ll feel happier, and you’ll also have strengthened your relationship with that person.
(Shortform note: Research shows that expressing gratitude—like by writing a gratitude letter—is much more powerful than just feeling grateful for something someone did. When you thank someone, you not only make them feel more satisfied with the relationship, but you also change how you view the relationship. This is because, when you express gratitude, you show that you welcome the other person’s help or support. This increases a sense of dependency in the relationship and makes you view it as more mutually supportive. If you only think but don’t express your gratitude, your relationship doesn’t get the same boost.)
Discover Your Personal Strengths
Another way to increase well-being is to use your strengths and talents more frequently in your life. According to Seligman, using your strengths is crucial for achieving a state of flow, creating a sense of meaning in your life, and increasing your overall happiness. He recommends identifying your strengths by taking the VIA Signature Strengths Test.
(Shortform note: In 168 Hours, Laura Vanderkam suggests a different way to identify your natural strengths: Create a bucket list with 100 items and start doing the accessible ones first. Trying different activities can reveal to you what you enjoy and what you’re good at.)
Once you’ve identified your strengths, Seligman suggests you work them into your life more: Schedule a time in the upcoming week to exercise one or more of your strengths. Think of new ways to use your strengths and reflect on how using your strengths made you feel.
(Shortform note: You can take Seligman’s advice one step further and make using your strength a daily routine. Pick one strength and use it at a specific time every day. For example, if your strength is creativity, you can use it every evening by writing or drawing. By doing this, you can turn your strength into a habit, which means you don’t have to rely on motivation or willpower to use it. This can be a simple and effective way to increase your well-being and happiness.)
Increase Your Effort and Grit
People often think their ability to succeed is mainly determined by their natural talent or intelligence. But Seligman argues that grit and effort may be more important for success. Grit is a personality trait similar to self-discipline that was identified by psychologist Angela Duckworth. Specifically, it means having a high level of perseverance and passion for a goal. By exercising grit and spending more time practicing your skill, you can achieve more in your life, regardless of your natural abilities.
(Shortform note: In Grit, Angela Duckworth explains the two elements of grit—perseverance and passion—in more detail. Perseverance means you don’t give up when you face setbacks, but rather keep trying until you succeed. Passion means you stay interested in a goal for a long time, and don’t get distracted by other things. She also writes that there are two reasons we focus on talent more than effort: First, we usually only see the final results of someone’s work, not the effort they put in to achieve it, which makes us think they’re naturally gifted. Second, we might use a lack of innate talent as an excuse to avoid feeling bad about ourselves if we haven’t achieved the same level of success as someone else.)
While you can’t change your innate talent, you can control how much effort you put into your work. According to Seligman, grit is a better predictor of success than IQ. In light of this, he writes that schools must recognize that a lack of self-discipline may be a major factor for why some students struggle to reach their academic potential, and he suggests they adopt programs that build self-discipline and grit.
Opportunities Also Affect Your Level of Success
In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell argues that success—in academics and outside of them—is not only determined by skill and effort, but also by opportunities. Opportunity is a factor that’s beyond your control, but it influences whether you reach your goals and potential or whether you face more obstacles. For instance, a student may have self-discipline and grit but no access to challenging school programs and could languish academically for that reason. Gladwell identifies three types of opportunity that increase your chances of success:
1. Having time. He argues that the amount of time and effort you can devote to your craft depends on your financial privilege. He says that if you have to work more to make a living, you’ll have less spare time to practice your skill, regardless of how much perseverance and passion you have. On the other hand, people with more financial resources can afford to spend more time working on their skills.
2. Gaining practical intelligence. Gladwell argues that success depends more on practical intelligence than innate intelligence. Unlike innate intelligence (which is the type measured by IQ tests), practical intelligence refers to how well you deal with people. It allows you to navigate social situations and communicate, negotiate, and persuade others to get what you want. Gladwell argues that practical intelligence is developed through effective parenting.
3. Enduring hardship. According to Gladwell, experiencing and overcoming difficulties can often give you unexpected advantages in the future by teaching you valuable lessons.
Foster Positive Relationships
As we’ve discussed, humans are naturally social creatures, and connecting with others makes our lives better. You can improve your well-being by learning to build stronger, more positive relationships in your life. Seligman recommends three ways to do this:
1. Learn to celebrate others better. Strengthen your relationship by improving how you respond to someone’s good fortune or news. He cites the research of Shelly Gable, who explains four main ways people respond to other people’s good news:
- Active and constructive: You engage with and build upon their joy—for example, “I’m so happy for you! How did it make you feel? How do you plan to celebrate?”
- Passive and constructive: You give positive feedback but without engaging—for example, “That’s good to hear.”
- Active and destructive: You engage but focus on the negatives—for example, “But doesn’t that mean you’ll have even more work to do?”
- Passive and destructive: You don’t acknowledge their news at all—for example, “I had a pretty tiring day at work.”
To build flourishing relationships, use the active and constructive communication style: When someone shares something positive that happened to them, validate their joy and ask questions that encourage them to talk more about the situation. By responding this way, you maximize the happiness they feel and learn more about them, which makes you feel more connected.
Why Celebrating Better Improves Relationships
Researchers explain that celebrating others well amplifies the happiness they feel about the good things in their lives and thus leads to higher-quality relationships with them. People like to share their good events with others so they can feel even happier and more satisfied with the event—a process known as capitalization. When you respond enthusiastically when others share good news, you foster a closer and more trusting relationship.
But capitalization doesn’t work well if the person we share our good news with doesn’t respond positively. A passive or destructive response might signal to the other person that you’re envious of them, which puts distance in your relationship. An active constructive response, on the other hand, signals a lack of jealousy and has many benefits for both the person who shares their good news and the person who responds: It can strengthen the relationship, increase trust and intimacy, and reduce conflict.
2. Use more positive statements. Seligman suggests you pay attention to how often you use positive and negative statements in your relationships, as this predicts the strength of our relationships. He cites research showing that a good relationship requires a 3:1 ratio of positive to negative statements—that is, at least three compliments, encouragements, or appreciations for every criticism or complaint. To improve your relationships, focus on saying more positive than negative things to others.
(Shortform note: We need a higher ratio of positive to negative statements to have good relationships because of the negativity bias. Psychologists explain that humans have evolved to be more sensitive to negative things—you pay attention to them and remember them more than positive things. Because of this, we need more positivity to offset the negativity. If you struggle with remembering to be more positive, in The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin suggests creating a visual reminder, such as wearing a piece of jewelry or putting up a sticky note.)
3. Perform random acts of kindness. Seligman writes that doing something kind for others can significantly improve your mood and well-being. It can also help you feel connected with others, which researchers argue can actually make you live longer.
(Shortform note: Researchers have found many health benefits to thinking about, doing, or even witnessing kind acts. Performing a kind act triggers your brain to release different neurochemicals, including oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins. Oxytocin promotes a sense of connection and helps you live longer by reducing your blood pressure and inflammation, which reduces your risk for diseases like diabetes and cancer. Serotonin and dopamine activate the pleasure centers in your brain and make you feel satisfied. Your brain might also release endorphins, which serve as painkillers.)
Strengthen Your Resilience
Positive psychology helps you build the good qualities and emotions of life. But you’ll still face challenging situations from time to time that will trigger negative emotions. Rather than minimize those negative emotions, Seligman argues that you should instead increase your resilience—your ability to bounce back from hardship. When you’re more resilient to setbacks, you can cope more easily with the negative emotions that inevitably arise. Many methods for building resilience are the same as those for building well-being, such as developing strengths, cultivating positive relationships, and practicing gratitude.
(Shortform note: People often assume that becoming more resilient means brushing off their negative emotions. But in The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown says that resilience comes from letting yourself feel your negative emotions—allow yourself to cry when you’re sad and try to understand the source of your sadness. She explains that when you try to numb your pain, you also numb your joy. Letting yourself feel negative emotions allows you to fully appreciate the positive ones, and having positive memories can help you cope with future challenges.)
Resilience can improve everyone’s well-being, but it’s especially important for people who face more severe stressors than others, like members of the armed forces, to learn ways to become more resilient. When tasked with improving the psychological fitness of Army soldiers, Seligman uncovered one important avenue for strengthening resilience: post-traumatic growth. Post-traumatic growth occurs when someone becomes stronger, wiser, and more capable of overcoming difficulties after experiencing a difficult event.
(Shortform note: Resilience isn’t the only benefit of post-traumatic growth (PTG). According to studies on military personnel, soldiers who experience PTG also see improvements in other aspects of their lives, such as their mental health, self-esteem, life satisfaction, and relationships. Research suggests that certain personal factors can increase a soldier’s likelihood of experiencing PTG, such as being hardy (physically and psychologically tough) and responsible. Soldiers who have stronger social support systems—which include good team relations and healthier relationships with their partner or family members—tend to also experience more PTG.)
Seligman argues that raising awareness of the potential for post-traumatic growth can boost resilience among soldiers. When soldiers know about post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but not post-traumatic growth, they may be more prone to developing PTSD. Further, teaching soldiers ways to achieve post-traumatic growth can help them become more resilient to the hardships of their profession.
(Shortform note: You might be skeptical about Seligman’s claim that simply knowing about post-traumatic growth increases a person’s likelihood of experiencing it. But studies support this, showing that the more you think about the traumatic event, the more likely you are to grow from it. This is because growth happens when you’re able to make sense of the trauma and create a new worldview. However, some experts caution against encouraging people to see their trauma as a platform for growth. This can cause people to feel pressured to claim that they’ve grown from their trauma and hide their suffering when they’re still struggling with it. This can lead to a worse decline in mental health.)
The Future of Well-Being and Positive Psychology
Now that we’ve explored various ways to increase well-being, let’s discuss Seligman’s hopes for the future of positive psychology and how he believes teaching well-being can improve quality of life across the globe. Seligman argues that we should teach positive psychology and promote well-being not only on an individual level but also on an institutional and national level.
Seligman discusses ways positive psychology programs have already benefited various institutions, like by improving learning in schools and enhancing psychological wellness in the military. To increase well-being for more people, he advocates that workplaces and institutions (educational, governmental, and so on) adopt the principles of positive psychology. Teaching people the pillars of well-being and arming them with tools to achieve them will enable more people to lead healthier, satisfying, and more productive lives.
(Shortorm note: Some experts argue that, for positive psychology to successfully raise well-being in various domains, the exercises for promoting well-being (such as expressing gratitude or using strengths) should be customized to fit different personal and situational contexts. They claim that the effectiveness of these exercises often depends on variable factors, such as an individual’s motivation, personality, or culture, which may make some interventions more effective or suitable for some people and contexts than others.)
On a national level, Seligman writes that countries should consider well-being as a measurement of their growth and success—in addition to GDP (gross domestic product). He points out that despite human progress, technological advancements, and countries getting wealthier, people aren’t getting happier. The United States has tripled its GDP, but life satisfaction has remained the same, and depression and anxiety have increased. This is because wealth doesn’t lead to flourishing: well-being does. When nations have reached a stable level of prosperity, they should turn their attention toward increasing the well-being of their citizens rather than further expanding wealth.
(Shortform note: While Seligman doesn’t have a specific proposal for how nations can measure well-being in addition to GDP, other researchers have offered recommendations. Some suggest that nations open a democratic dialogue so their citizens can express what issues they care about most. Others propose new indexes that might better indicate a nation’s well-being: For instance, the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) proposes 11 indicators for quality of life with its Better Life Index.)
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