PDF Summary:Calm Your Thoughts, by Nick Trenton

Anxiety often stems from factors beyond our control, such as genetic predispositions, traumatic experiences, and physiological conditions. In Calm Your Thoughts, Nick Trenton explores the roots of anxiety and offers strategies for tackling it. He explains how our innate tendency to focus on negative events amplifies feelings of anxiousness and distress. The key to managing anxiety, Trenton argues, is accepting uncertainty—learn to embrace the unpredictability of life rather than trying to control it.

Rather than viewing anxiety as a personal failing, Trenton encourages readers to confront anxious feelings head-on. He emphasizes the importance of understanding the factors that contribute to your individual anxieties, so you can adopt methods to alleviate anxiety tailored to your unique circumstances.

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• Integrate micro-movements into your daily routine to improve physical well-being without overwhelming your schedule. Set reminders on your phone or computer to stand up, stretch, or walk around for a few minutes every hour. These small actions can contribute to your overall physical health and may help in reducing anxiety by breaking up long periods of sedentary behavior.
• You can track your mood and activities with a daily journal to identify patterns that may be linked to anxiety. Start by jotting down your daily routines, including diet, exercise, sleep, and any moments when you feel anxious. Over time, you'll be able to spot which habits might be contributing to increased anxiety and make targeted changes.
• Experiment with a 'tech-to-nature' switch by designating one day a week where you swap screen time for time spent outdoors. Whether it's a walk in the park, gardening, or simply sitting outside, the aim is to connect with nature, which can have a calming effect and contribute to stress management.

Acknowledge that your mind has a propensity to emphasize the negative, which can amplify your sense of anxiousness.

Trenton highlights how our minds are more attuned to details that are negative, threatening, or unpleasant compared to those that are positive. Our innate tendency for self-preservation frequently causes us to focus intently on adverse occurrences, while we often overlook the positive ones. The writer illustrates this habit by describing how one might continuously relive a mortifying incident from their history. Often, your thoughts linger on the negative aspects of past experiences, overshadowing the positive elements present in your current situation.

Even people who lead lives that are considered exemplary by every standard can still experience stress and discontent because they have a tendency to fixate on negative occurrences. The author cites research suggesting that having more positive than negative experiences is essential for effectively countering this inclination. He illustrates the concept of contentment within partnerships by pointing out research findings which indicate that when couples have at least five positive emotional encounters or interactions for every single negative one with their significant other, they tend to report greater happiness. To effectively handle anxiety, it is essential to consciously concentrate on positive aspects, serving as a counterweight to our natural inclination to highlight negative events.

Other Perspectives

• The concept of negativity bias might oversimplify complex emotional responses; not all negative thoughts lead to anxiety, and not all anxiety stems from negative thoughts.
• The assertion may not consider the role of individual differences in personality, such as optimism or resilience, which can lead some people to focus more on positive details and outcomes.
• The emphasis on negative events can sometimes be a result of learned behavior or cultural conditioning rather than an innate self-preservation mechanism.
• The concept of positive-to-negative experience ratios, such as the 5:1 ratio mentioned for couples, may not be universally applicable or indicative of happiness in every relationship, as each partnership has its unique dynamics.
• Reliving mortifying incidents can sometimes serve as a learning experience, helping individuals to avoid similar mistakes in the future.
• While it's true that thoughts can linger on negative aspects of past experiences, this is not a universal rule; some individuals may have a more optimistic outlook and tend to remember positive experiences more vividly.
• Exemplary individuals might experience stress from a sense of responsibility or a drive to improve, which is not necessarily a fixation on the negative but rather a commitment to positive change and growth.
• This concept could lead to a transactional view of relationships, where partners are counting interactions rather than fostering genuine connections.
• Some psychological theories, such as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), argue that it is more helpful to accept all thoughts and feelings rather than trying to concentrate only on the positive ones.

Embrace a new viewpoint on the unpredictability and the elements beyond your command.

Recognizing that anxiety often stems from a deep-seated desire for complete control is crucial.

Trenton explains that our efforts to exert authority over elements of life beyond our grasp often result in feelings and thoughts marked by anxiety. He illustrates the concept by considering the concern that his girlfriend might end their relationship. The ambiguity of the circumstance prompts a desire for dominance, which in turn initiates excessive contemplation and reflection, thereby increasing stress instead of alleviating it. In our pursuit of certainty, we frequently find ourselves seeking resolutions and insights that alleviate the discomfort associated with uncertainty; yet, this pursuit can trap us in a progressively intensifying cycle of worry. We are persuaded by our own consciousness that by tackling problems we can mitigate our worries, but this relentless examination in fact heightens our sense of disquiet.

For the author, the only way to tackle anxiety’s hold over us is to address this need to control everything. The fundamental problem arises not from our lack of management skills or our interactions with the unexpected, but from our obsessive need to entirely avoid these feelings. Focusing on elements outside our control, such as someone else's intentions or feelings, the weather conditions, or the destiny of an aircraft, fosters a sense of powerlessness. Focusing on elements of life that you can influence nurtures optimism, confidence, and resilience in the face of adversity.

Practical Tips

• Develop a "flexibility mantra" that you repeat during times of stress, such as "I adapt and overcome." Use this as a mental cue to remind yourself that adaptability is a form of control in itself, helping you to shift focus from controlling the situation to controlling your response to it.
• Create a "decision coin" to use when faced with low-stakes ambiguous choices, like picking a restaurant or movie, to reduce the stress of decision-making. By flipping the coin, you leave some decisions to chance, which can help you become more comfortable with uncertainty in a controlled, low-risk environment.
• Develop a personal mantra that acknowledges the presence of uncertainty, such as "Uncertainty is an opportunity for growth," and repeat it during meditation or mindfulness sessions. This reinforces the idea that not knowing the future can lead to personal development and helps to reframe uncertainty as a positive rather than a source of anxiety.
• Start a "Control Detox" challenge where for one week, you consciously avoid making decisions that are not essential. This means letting others choose the movie to watch, the food to order, or the route to take on a walk. The goal is to observe how often you feel the need to take control and to learn to be at peace with others leading the way.
• Implement a "5-Minute Focus" practice before starting your workday. Spend five minutes thinking about your goals for the day and identify which elements you can directly influence. This primes your mindset to engage with tasks proactively, rather than reactively worrying about uncontrollable outcomes.
• Create a "Circle of Influence" journal where you write down daily actions that are within your control and reflect on how they impact your mood and confidence. For example, if you decide to spend 30 minutes reading to improve your knowledge, note how this choice empowers you and contributes to your optimism.

Accept that unpredictability is inherent to existence and concentrate on creating methods to cope with it rather than trying to eliminate it entirely.

Embracing uncertainty without viewing it as a problem that demands a solution can break this cycle. He advises accepting that certain mysteries will persist without resolution instead of focusing on resolving troubling matters. The writer believes that obsessing over questions regarding the future amounts to excessive contemplation. Fretting over potential catastrophes such as aircraft accidents and attempting to gauge their likelihood merely gives a false sense of influence. Recognizing the importance of accepting that complete control over the triggers of our concerns is unattainable is essential.

Embrace the unknown, as suggested by Trenton. If you find yourself feeling swamped by situations beyond your control, take a moment to fully acknowledge what you're going through. Concentrate on the rhythm of your breath, employ techniques of mindfulness, or seek out a diversion. Welcome discomfort. Pay attention to the various physical sensations and the multitude of thoughts that arise, without judging yourself for having them. As you continue to embrace acceptance, your resilience will correspondingly strengthen. Embracing the unknown enhances your resilience against life's inevitable challenges, helping you to avoid being perpetually overwhelmed by anxiety.

Context

• From an evolutionary standpoint, the ability to tolerate uncertainty may have been advantageous for survival, allowing early humans to adapt to changing environments and unpredictable threats.
• Emotionally, accepting unresolved mysteries can lead to greater peace and contentment, as it involves letting go of the anxiety associated with needing to know or control everything.
• Constantly worrying about future possibilities can lead to decision paralysis, where fear of making the wrong choice prevents any decision-making.
• Learning emotional regulation skills can help manage the intense emotions that often accompany thoughts of potential disasters, leading to a calmer mindset.
• Different cultures have varying attitudes towards control and uncertainty, with some emphasizing acceptance and others striving for mastery over circumstances.
• Mindfulness and breathing exercises can be practiced anywhere and at any time, making them accessible tools for managing stress in unpredictable situations.
• Embracing discomfort can gradually increase your tolerance for distress, making it easier to handle difficult situations in the future without becoming overwhelmed.
• The concept of resilience has been studied in psychology since the mid-20th century, focusing on how people overcome adversity.
• Techniques such as journaling, meditation, and engaging in creative activities can help individuals practice acceptance and build resilience over time.