PDF Summary:Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, by Joe Dispenza
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Why is it so hard to change who we are? Why do we get stuck in the same old patterns of unhappiness and lack of fulfillment? In Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, Joe Dispenza suggests that it’s our habits that keep us from growing and creating the life we want, and he offers a detailed guide on how to get rid of those habits and replace them with habits that move us toward our ideal selves. Dispenza is a best-selling writer with a Doctorate of Chiropractic degree who has extensively studied such fields as neuroscience and cellular biology.
In our guide, we’ll explore how our habits determine our lives, how we can change them, and what our new selves will be like. We’ll also examine the science underlying Dispenza’s ideas and compare them to other authors’ ideas on self-improvement and changing our habits.
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We distract ourselves from our true emotions by staying busy all the time, says Dispenza, and the external emotions from the things we do to stay busy temporarily make us feel like the mask is working. That makes our whole identity completely dependent on our external environment and out of touch with our inner selves, which leads to a feeling of emptiness.
Around our 30s or 40s though, that emptiness becomes hard to ignore, which leads to midlife crises. We seek out new external experiences to feel new emotions, but once those experiences are over we return to the same lives we had before, unchanged and still wearing the mask. Sometimes when these experiences fail to give us the new emotions we’re craving, we seek the emotions through addictions to things like substances, gambling, or shopping.
(Shortform note: The issue of seeking experiences to improve our lives and feeling empty when that doesn’t work may be exacerbated by social media and consumerism. Advertisements and posts on social media convince us that life consists of experiences, and those experiences are marketed to us as products. Unfortunately, research shows that the materialistic pursuits stoked by consumerism are associated with less happiness and life satisfaction. Understanding that life is made up of more than just experiences may help us avoid the crises Dispenza describes.)
Attempts to be more authentic will likely be met with resistance because others think of you in a certain way and don’t want you to change. We often form relationships around the emotions that comprise our masks. We bond with others over the emotions we share from similar experiences, so when one person starts shedding those emotions and embracing their true self, others in the relationship see a change in that person and think it needs to be fixed through medication or other interventions.
(Shortform note: Sometimes the people you love will resist the changes you make because they think it’s bad for you and they want what’s best for you. However, other times, a strong negative reaction from someone else to a positive change you make can be a sign of a toxic relationship. If your loved one demonstrates that they feel they should be in charge of what changes you make to your life, and they push for things like medical interventions in response to positive changes you make, consider that this person may be controlling and you may need to put some healthy distance between you and them.)
How Do You Change “You”?
To change who you are and achieve the life you want, says Dispenza, you have to break your old emotional and thought habits and form new ones that are in line with who you want to be. Again, this requires changing the way you think and feel. Through the power of neuroplasticity, these changes will become permanent in your brain.
(Shortform note: In Atomic Habits, James Clear expands on this idea and suggests that changing your habits requires not only changing your thought patterns, but your underlying beliefs about yourself. If you want to change yourself to be more assertive, for example, but deep down you still believe you are a timid person, the changes you make toward being assertive will not last.)
According to Dispenza, when an emotion lasts more than a few hours, it becomes a mood. When it lasts more than a few days, it becomes a temperament. When it lasts years, it becomes a personality trait. Replacing a negative personality trait with a positive one, then, requires changing the emotions that eventually build to that trait.
(Shortform note: In Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman suggests that temperaments are actually something we’re born with, as opposed to long-term habits like Dispenza describes, though the two authors’ descriptions of emotions and moods do match up. Goleman goes on to say that being trapped in a negative temperament is a sign of a long-term disorder that may need medical intervention, whereas Dispenza suggests that temperaments can be controlled by your actions.)
To become who you want to be, make positive changes in the way you feel and think on a moment-to-moment basis, and then make those new thoughts and feelings a habit. Through the power of neuroplasticity and epigenetics, these changes will become permanent and physically ingrained in you.
(Shortform note: Dispenza doesn’t provide a timeline for how long you should expect change to take, and the time needed will depend on you, the habit you’re building, and your life. However, research suggests that it takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit. Some habits can be formed in a few weeks, but if you feel yourself stalling out and wonder why something hasn’t become habitual yet, consider that it may take several months to fully ingrain this change in your brain.)
Quantum Entanglement: Change Your Past and Future by Changing Your Present
According to Dispenza, changing your self and manifesting what you want is a matter of quantum physics. Quantum physics is the study of physical properties of matter at the quantum—or atomic and subatomic—level.
The principles of quantum entanglement demonstrate that everything is connected. All matter is made up of atoms, which are made up of subatomic particles like nuclei and electrons. When two particles become entangled, whatever is done to one particle is done to the other no matter how far apart they are in space.
(Shortform note: Quantum entanglement can only occur between a pair of particles that interact with each other physically. Scientists can create entangled particle pairs, or they can occur randomly, but Dispenza doesn’t make clear how this principle extends beyond the quantum level to connect everything in existence.)
Dispenza suggests that the same entanglement principles apply to time, and that doing something in the present can affect our past. He describes a study in which participants were instructed to pray for a group of patients who were suffering from sepsis, alongside a control group of sepsis patients who were not prayed for. The study saw greater improvements in the outcomes for the prayed-for group, but the twist is that the patients in the study weren’t currently being treated for sepsis but instead had been treated four to ten years prior. Dispenza presents this as proof that the way we think and behave in the present can literally change our past.
(Shortform note: The study cited by Dispenza was one of the British Medical Journal’s yearly spoof articles. The information in the article was not false, but it was presented as evidence of a deliberately absurd and satirical conclusion. Dispenza is not the only one to have cited this article as genuine evidence of the effects of prayer. This is because these spoof articles are archived in online databases the same way serious articles are, with no obvious indication that they are satirical. However, that doesn’t mean there’s no basis for Dispenza’s claims: A theory called retrocausality does suggest that measuring a particle in the present could influence it in the past, but the idea is generally regarded with skepticism in the scientific community.)
So the actions you take now determine your past and future, but you must choose what past and future you want for yourself. An electron orbiting in an electron cloud represents an infinite number of possible locations and, until observed, exists only as potential. Since all physical matter is made up of these subatomic particles that make up atoms, Dispenza says all of our reality is made up of potential—of past, present, and future realities that simultaneously exist and don’t exist. It is up to us to observe and select that potential option to achieve an experience.
Quantum Superposition and the Idea of Infinite Potential Realities
The concept of the co-existence of multiple potential realities in quantum physics is called superposition. However, the idea that it can be applied to objects of a larger scale than the quantum level or to our daily lives is not supported by the scientific community, as was illustrated by the famous thought experiment by Erwin Schrödinger.
The experiment involved placing a cat in a box with a radioactive substance that, as it began to decay, would cause a poison to be released into the box. If the idea of quantum superposition were applied to the box, the principle would hold that the cat is simultaneously alive and dead until someone opens the box and checks the cat’s status. The idea that a cat could be both alive and dead at the same time was meant to point out the absurdity of trying to apply the principle of quantum superposition to non-quantum reality.
Though you can choose an experience you want you can’t control how that experience comes to be. According to Dispenza, you manifest the “what” and let quantum mechanics take care of the “how.” If your goal is to be happily married with a career you love, you can focus your intention on achieving those things, but how you achieve them will be up to the universe. Stay focused on that goal and don’t get bogged down in the details of how it will happen. If you align your thoughts, feelings, and habits to manifest what you want, it will come to you like magic, usually in a way you could have never seen coming.
(Shortform note: In You Are a Badass, Jen Sincero also suggests that you need to focus on what you want to achieve and leave the “how” up to the universe. She adds that you should make physical representations of your intentions like a vision board and surround yourself with others who will support you in your pursuit of change and growth.)
Meditation: Creating a New “You”
To break the old habits that form your current personality and form new ones that support who you want to become, Dispenza recommends a four-step meditative practice, with each step taking a week to master. However, he also emphasizes that you should go at your own pace and only move on to the next week’s steps after you’ve mastered the previous ones.
Over time, your body will memorize how to perform these steps, and they will become a part of your subconscious ability.
(Shortform note: Research definitively shows that regular meditation can lead to greater neuroplastic change, lending proof to Dispenza’s claim that his meditative practices help you break and create habits more easily on a neurological level.)
Step 1: Relax Your Brainwaves
The first step Dispenza describes is a process he calls induction. This is a process you’ll use at the beginning of each meditation session to put yourself in a state of calm, characterized by low-range brainwaves. This is the same state that hypnotists put people in when performing hypnosis. It primes you for the meditation process and builds the foundation for the steps that follow.
(Shortform note: Hypnotic inductions can be performed in a number of ways, through methods such as breathing, counting, or conversation. But in contrast with the process Dispenza describes, hypnotic induction requires someone else to put you in that state. If you struggle to reach the induction state using Dispenza’s methods, having a trained hypnosis practitioner put you in a hypnotic state might help you practice the feeling of that state and the process of getting there.)
Your brain’s electrical activity can occur at different wave frequencies, and these frequencies reflect your state of mind and how attuned you are to the outside world. High wave frequencies mean you’re alert and thinking, and low wave frequencies mean you’re calm and not as cognitively active. Let’s look at each wave frequency.
- Beta: As adults, we spend most of our time in the high-frequency beta state, consciously thinking and processing the stimuli around us using our neocortex.
- Alpha: When we slow our thinking and start to tune out sensory stimuli, we slip into lower-frequency alpha waves where we're in an imaginative state that helps us learn and retain new information.
- Theta: In theta, our brainwave frequency slows until we're practically half-asleep, with the conscious mind being awake while the body is in a close-to-sleep state. The conscious and subconscious minds are no longer separated.
- Delta: Delta is the lowest wave frequency and occurs when we're deeply asleep.
The Functions of Different Brainwaves
These four brainwave frequencies provide us with different benefits, which Dispenza doesn’t discuss. Let’s look at those benefits:
Beta brainwaves help us with energy and motivation and keep us clear-headed and able to perform more difficult cognitive tasks like analysis. However, excessive beta activity can impair our focus and make us tense and anxious.
Alpha brainwaves are important for emotional regulation, as they can reduce anxiety and depression. They also promote creativity and focus. However, if alpha waves occur during a specific stage of sleep it can cause sleep disruptions and disorders.
Theta brainwaves provide deep relaxation and calm and can help with the formation of memories and other subconscious activities. Excessive theta wave activity seems to be associated with ADHD and certain mental illnesses.
Delta brainwaves during sleep are what provide deep rejuvenation and restoration of the brain and improve your immune system and sleep patterns. Too much delta activity when awake can cause poor concentration and is associated with brain injuries and conditions like ADHD.
How to Change Your Brainwaves
Dispenza describes two methods for lowering the frequency of your brainwaves. These techniques will shift your state of being from one of thinking to one of feeling and put you in touch with your subconscious mind. You’ll perform this and all subsequent steps while seated upright with your eyes closed.
To enter these lower frequency states, focus your attention on the space you're occupying—both the physical space your body takes up and the space of the room you’re in. You may do this in a top-down technique, where you begin by focusing first on your head and then moving your attention down your body, part by part, until you reach your feet. Then, sense the space your body takes up as a whole, and finally, the space of the room you’re in.
Alternatively, you can use a bottom-up approach, where you begin by sensing the space of the whole room and then sensing the space from your feet up to the top of your head. Dispenza suggests imagining that water is filling the room for this approach.
Other Methods of Changing Your Brainwaves
In addition to Dispenza’s induction method, there are a number of ways you can manipulate your brainwave frequencies.
Brainwave entrainment is a phenomenon by which brainwaves become synchronized in response to stimuli like sounds. This method has been used by different cultures for centuries through practices like drumming and chanting. Types of brainwave entrainment include binaural and monaural beats, both of which involve playing two notes of different frequencies—or pitch—which prompts the brain to create a tone in between the two frequencies. The brain will then adjust its waves to synchronize with this perceived third frequency.
Another method of controlling your brainwaves is neurofeedback, which allows you to view your own brainwave activity on a screen so you can learn to consciously move in and out of different brainwave frequencies. This method is often used to treat ADHD and mental illness, and you can also use it to maximize your mental performance.
Step 2: Break Emotional Habits
Once you’ve gained mastery over your brainwave frequencies, you’ll move on to the practice of chipping away at the “self” you’ve constructed for the world. Continue to start each session with the process described in step 1, then add on these steps as well.
To break down the self, first notice and identify the aspects of your self that you want to change. Identify a memorized emotion—or habit—that you want to un-memorize to get closer to the self you envision. Notice and acknowledge how the emotion makes you feel and let yourself feel it deeply rather than suppressing it. Notice how it makes you think and what state of mind it puts you in.
(Shortform note: This kind of self-reflection can be difficult and even painful. As you work to identify the emotions you don’t want to see in yourself, remember that this exercise is not meant to shame or judge you and avoid dwelling unnecessarily on any thoughts that make you uncomfortable.)
Once you’ve identified the habit you want to change, says Dispenza, confess this habit to the universe, or the higher power that encompasses all the energy in and around you, and then say it out loud. By doing so, you’re releasing the energy it takes to hide this emotion from the world. This helps you break your attachment to this habit and close the gap between who you are and who you pretend to be.
(Shortform note: Saying your goals out loud puts you more in touch with them and makes them easier to achieve. Also, using positive grammatical structures (avoiding “not”) helps you direct your subconscious to what you want to do, whereas framing it in the negative will lead you to subconsciously do what you are trying to avoid.)
The final step Dispenza describes in breaking down the self is to let that habit and its emotion go into the universe and understand that you can’t control the outcome. This step requires you to have faith in the higher power that organizes the universe and to release your desire to control the future. Trust that the universe will provide you with the best solution—probably in a way you could never have seen coming.
(Shortform note: In The Power of Positive Thinking, Norman Vincent Peale also suggests that appealing to a higher power or god will help you achieve your goals. He emphasizes that doubt of any kind will hinder this process and recommends that you avoid saying or even thinking doubtful thoughts.)
Step 3: Break Behavioral Habits
Once all the steps above have become second nature to you, you can move on to the process of breaking your old habits. To do this, notice the behaviors that accompany the emotions you've memorized and look for these behaviors any time they happen. List the behaviors that you see in response to the emotion you're un-memorizing and memorize this list so that you can always see them when they come up.
Now, says Dispenza, anytime you notice these behaviors, say “Change!” out loud to train yourself out of those behaviors. Eventually, you'll break these habitual behaviors and move closer to the self you want to be.
(Shortform note: In The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg offers some additional tips for breaking bad habits: He suggests identifying the different triggers that cause you to engage in your bad habit and rearranging your life to avoid these triggers. He also suggests identifying what reward you are getting from that bad habit and substituting a different reward to try to circumvent the bad habit. For example, if you feel the need to smoke a cigarette because it will make you feel less stressed, but you decide to take a walk instead, you may feel afterward like you don’t need the cigarette because the walk already provided the reward of reduced stress.)
Step 4: Form New Habits
Now that you’ve unlearned the habits of your old self, Dispenza explains, you’ll work on forming new habits that you want to see in yourself. First, identify these new habits you want by asking yourself what your ideal self is and how you want to think, act, and feel. As you meditate, practice this new self on a daily basis so that you build the neural pathways that make up that self.
(Shortform note: Dispenza’s other work expands on the possibilities to change by using his meditation system. In his workshops, Dispenza has suggested that participants can change not only their habits and personal attributes, but also things such as their ability to get pregnant when having fertility issues.)
After you finish each meditation session, you should feel like a different person. The meditation isn’t effective if you find yourself in the same state you were in before you meditated. If you're doing it correctly, you'll see results: You'll see changes in your life that match up with your thoughts and intentions as you send out signals into the universe and manifest the potential future you want.
(Shortform note: The idea that if you don’t see results, you’re doing it incorrectly is a type of circular reasoning. Dispenza suggests that this system will work for everyone as long as they do it correctly, but if the only way to know you’re doing it correctly is if you see results, then that suggestion is impossible to disprove.)
What Is the New “You” Like?
Once you’ve broken the old habits that used to make up your personality and adopted new ones that reflect who you truly are and want to be, Dispenza says that the new “you” will be fully in control of your self.
At this point, your external environment no longer controls how you feel and live. You notice bad habits as they emerge and are able to break them easily, using your mind to overpower the effects of your body, your environment, and time.
(Shortform note: Dispenza doesn’t directly address the effects of trauma in the formation or re-formation of bad habits. Someone who achieves the mastery Dispenza describes but then experiences a major trauma might find his system insufficient for overcoming the negative habits that naturally develop as part of a trauma response, especially since some of these habits are survival mechanisms that may mitigate the effects of further trauma.)
You've closed the gap between who you are and who you present to the world and you're no longer attached to the identity you built for the world.
Your state of being is one of awareness, says Dispenza. You're in touch with your inner self and engage in self-reflection constantly, allowing you to identify thoughts or feelings you don’t want so you can consciously keep yourself out of those states and stop reinforcing the neural networks that formed the old you.
Finally, you're free of wants and needs. You've moved from a state of selfishness—accompanied by emotions like shame, guilt, fear, and anger—into a state of selflessness, characterized by emotions like gratitude and joy. You've created the habit of being a new self.
Are “You” a Goal or a Journey?
Dispenza’s picture of the new “you” is appealing, but it suggests that once you’ve achieved this new self, your work is over. Some writers agree with this, arguing that your ultimate goal in self-improvement is to get to where you don’t feel like you need to improve yourself any more. Others say that self-improvement is never-ending and that even in a perfect utopia we would feel the urge to improve ourselves and our skills.
Dispenza’s description of being in control of yourself and your habits suggests the former, that once you achieve mastery over your self you will have achieved, and will be able to maintain, your ideal self. This idea of permanent mastery, as well as its traits, resemble the idea of spiritual enlightenment, but in contrast with what Dispenza claims about his system, achieving true, permanent spiritual enlightenment is considered very rare.
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