Book SummaryWords That Change Minds, by Shelle Rose Charvet

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Words That Change Minds

Are there people in your life you just can’t understand? Talking to them sometimes feels like they’re speaking a different language—and according to author Shelle Rose Charvet, in many ways, they are. In Words That Change Minds, Charvet contends that each individual makes sense of the world in a unique way. When two people approach the same situation with completely different frames of mind, it can cause miscommunications, conflict, and animosity.

However, Charvet argues that if you learn how another person thinks, you can consciously match their frame of reference and speak in a language they understand. This is a powerful professional skill—with it, you can build cooperative relationships with coworkers, clients, and management, as well as influence them to help you achieve your goals.

Charvet is a professional speaker and founder of the Institute for Influence, an educational organization offering online training programs in communication and persuasion. Through this organization, she has trained...

Words That Change Minds Summary The Mental Habits That Shape Communication

Charvet explains that her system of analyzing the way different people think and communicate is based on a field of psychological study called neuro-linguistic programming, or NLP. According to NLP, as people learn and grow, they “program” themselves with specific mental habits that determine how they judge situations and make decisions.

These relatively fixed mental habits cause people to consistently repeat the same behavioral patterns, so if you understand someone’s mental habits, you can predict how they’ll act. For example, if someone habitually focuses on the details of a task rather than the big picture of what they’re trying to accomplish, they may fixate on a to-do list item at work that doesn’t really matter.

(Shortform note: Motivational speaker Tony Robbins also bases his philosophy on neuro-linguistic programming. In his book Unlimited Power, Robbins emphasizes that you have the power to “reprogram” your mental habits by adopting a new set of beliefs, intentions, and values. Robbins asserts that because mental habits determine how you act, changing them gives you the power to change your habitual behaviors and...

Words That Change Minds Summary The Six “Why” Mental Habits

The first six of the 14 mental habits reveal the reasons why an individual chooses to solve a problem (or not). For this reason, we’ll call these six the “Why” mental habits (Charvet refers to them as the six “Motivation Patterns.”)

The majority of these mental habits are based on a dichotomy between two opposites. According to Charvet, this doesn’t mean that people are either one or the other—rather, the habits form a spectrum, and individuals often fall somewhere in between. For example, while some people prefer to work with a team and others prefer to work alone, there are also those who equally enjoy working with others and by themselves.

Virtues of the Middle Ground

The middle of the mental habit spectrum may be the most desirable, especially if you’re in a leadership role. In The Dichotomy of Leadership, Jocko Willink and Leif Babin assert that every characteristic of a good leader becomes counterproductive when taken to the extreme. Thus, as a leader, you should attempt to strike a healthy balance between ideals in everything you do.

This may also apply to mental habits. For...

Words That Change Minds Summary The Eight “How” Mental Habits

The final eight mental habits explain how an individual does their best work after they’ve decided to solve a problem. We’ll call these the eight “How” mental habits (“Productivity Patterns,” in Charvet’s words).

According to Charvet, understanding How habits is particularly important for managers who need to assign tasks to team members, as these mental habits reveal individuals’ strengths and weaknesses in the workplace. To maximize productivity, assign team members tasks that require them to think as they’re naturally inclined to think.

(Shortform note: In First, Break All the Rules, Curt Coffman and Marcus Buckingham recommend strategically building teams in which each member’s strengths compensate for the others' weaknesses. This way, teams can collectively accomplish tasks that a single employee can’t do on their own.)

As with Why habits, most How habits lie on a spectrum between two opposites, and verbally mirroring someone’s habit-driven language is one of the best ways to communicate...

Shortform Exercise: Practice Influential Communication

According to Charvet, knowing someone’s mental habits empowers you to influence their behavior. Practice this skill by preparing to influence someone you work with.

Think of someone from work who’s frustrating you with something they do on a regular basis. Describe what they’re doing and what you’d like them to do instead. For example, perhaps your boss requires you to attend ineffective daily meetings. You’d rather they give you more time to work independently instead.